Chapter 33
It’s Complicated
“Tarrin,” I croaked when I saw him, his name getting partially caught in my throat.
“Ny,” he whispered.
I stood in the doorway, frozen, one hand on my chest, the other now covering my mouth.
He was sitting up, which was good, but I hadn’t been prepared for how frail his animated body would look.
Although I’d come to terms with what he looked like lying there, a part of me had envisioned him when he woke up—not the hollow version of him that stared back at me.
“It’s really you,” he said, the baritone in his voice coming through, and something about it finally let me understand that he was alive. Here. Okay.
A half-sob escaped me. “It’s really you,” I echoed, finally stepping into the room. I took the seat next to him, the one I’d spent countless hours in.
Looking down at me with a soft expression, he said, “It’s good to see you.”
“Gods, Tarrin, it’s so good to see you. But, do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in for scaring me like that?”
He laughed, wincing a little.
Myron took a small step forward and addressed Tarrin. “It’ll take another day or so for you to be up and about pain-free.”
Tarrin nodded, then turned his attention back to me. “How did I end up in the Summer Court?”
“Luca and I found you half-dead in the Autumn Court. I pulled you over the border and we brought you here to mend. Myron is responsible for your care, but Tarrin, you…” My voice began to shake. “You almost died on me.”
A tear ran down my cheek and Tarrin reached to wipe it away.
I jolted back so fast that when I stood up the chair toppled over.
Hurt and confusion flashed across Tarrin’s wan features.
He flinched as he sat up straighter, finally taking all of me in for the first time.
I braced myself as his gaze roamed over me, and I could almost hear him cataloging the differences he saw as he processed it.
When his focus landed on my fae ears, he blinked several times as if he didn’t trust his sight.
I stood there in silence and held my breath as he put the pieces together.
There was nothing veiled in his expression as it shifted from confusion, to disbelief, to horror—finally settling on anger.
Slowly, he turned his focus toward the door, and it wasn’t until then that I noted Caius, Sidrick, and Kaelun had joined Artton, Myron, and myself.
“What did you do to her?” Tarrin’s words were a cold accusation that held a deadly promise—one of a commander who would claim retribution.
I stepped forward. “Tarrin,” I said, trying to soothe his ire. I continued speaking even though he remained focused on the summer fae. “It wasn’t them. They didn’t do anything to me, I promise. They’ve done nothing but keep me safe. Please, Tarrin, they saved your life.”
Slowly, like a reluctant predator not wanting to take his eyes off another, he returned his focus to me. “Is that why you flinch from me, because they’ve done nothing?”
I cringed at the cold venom in his words.
Artton bristled, and our focus shifted to him. “No, you can thank your precious king for her aversion to touch. Or maybe you can thank your perverse connection.”
Tarrin narrowed his eyes at Artton but spoke to me without looking my way. “You told them?” Something like hurt and anger in his words.
“She didn’t have to,” Artton spat.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” Tarrin said, finally turning his focus back to me. “You seriously told them?”
I shook my head. “Not intentionally. We were looking for a way to protect the spark by stepping into a memory, but it went horribly wrong. I’m so sorry, Tarrin.”
Artton scoffed. “Don’t you dare apologize to him.”
Tarrin clenched his jaw against the pain as he threw off the sheets and made to get up. Artton stepped forward, but Caius gave him a warning look. I pressed a hand on Tarrin’s shoulder. “Please Tarrin.”
Jaw still clenched, he took in my pleading eyes before finally letting out a sigh, crossing his arms, and sitting back.
Taking my hand off him, I gave everyone a moment to collect themselves as I righted the chair and sat back down. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Tarrin, what happened?”
His expression darkened, but at least he was only focused on me now.
“I don’t know.” He sighed, uncrossing his arms and making a helpless motion with his hands.
“All I remember is that we were frantically looking for you, terrified that Wymond—or worse, Amos—had taken you.” His eyes searched mine.
“Why are you here, Ny? Who took you away from us?”
Heart kicking up, I closed my eyes and worried my bottom lip. Stars, I’d completely forgotten that they didn’t know I’d left on my own volition. Bracing myself, I said, “I know Tarrin.”
“Know what?” he asked, utterly lost.
“I know…” I managed with as much calm as I could muster, “that Thaddeus was responsible for my parents’ deaths and that the twins were taken to control me. No one made me leave. I packed a bag, had Luca saddled, and rode as far away from that gods-forsaken palace as I could.”
The look of wounded shock on his face stirred something in me, and my magic began to pool.
How dare he. How fucken dare he look at me like that.
No. That hurt and anger belonged to me, not him.
He had no right to be upset that I left.
The only emotion that should be looking down at me right now is contrition.
He moved to reach for me. “Don’t,” I said, putting up a hand.
He had the audacity to look like I wounded him before he reached out again. “Ny. It’s me,” his voice shifting into a hurt plea, like I was withholding something he was entitled to.
I stood up, and it wasn’t until I looked down at him that I realized just how angry I was with him. I was grateful he was alive—I was—but that did not wipe away his betrayal. It did not erase my hurt. Tarrin was alive, but we were far from okay.
“Ny, please.”
“Stop calling me that,” I snapped. “You don’t get to come back into my life, call me by my nickname, and pretend like nothing happened.”
“Ny—”
“How exactly did you think this would go, Tarrin?” I said throwing my hands up.
“Did you all think that I was so young and naive that… what, I’d be like, ‘Oh, it’s totally okay that Thaddeus tried to kill me.
No big deal. What? You knew the man that you’ve been mentally fucking me with—without my knowledge or consent—was responsible for my parents’ deaths and lied about my siblings.
Sweet, love me a good plot twist.’ Do you seriously think that little of me? ”
“I didn’t have your parents killed,” he snapped back.
A humorless chuckle escaped me. “No. You’re right, Tarrin. Only being complicit should absolutely absolve you of any responsibility. My bad.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“Save it, Tarrin.”
I turned to leave and heard him struggling to get up, no doubt to follow me. Well, good luck with that.
Ignoring the pained sounds coming from him, I walked forward, the others parting for me as I exited.
“Ny, please,” Tarrin cried out before the door closed behind me.
Kaelun followed me as I made my way out of the suite. My anger shifted to silent tears, and I turned to my shadow. “Can you please valen us down to the lake?”
“The one you can see from the residence?”
I nodded.
“Of course,” he said, offering me a hand.
I’d only walked about ten paces from where Kaelun valenned us in before I kicked my boots off and sat on the sandy shoreline.
I’m not sure how long I got lost in my thoughts, but my hands weren’t interested in being idle after a while, so I did what any fae in my position would do—I played with magic.
Playing with air, I made waterspouts dance across the water. The sound from the micro tornadoes filled with water was oddly comforting, though there was nothing peaceful about the raging fury within me. So, I continued to make funnel after funnel.
Logically, I knew it wasn’t Tarrin’s fault that he was beholden Thaddeus’ will.
But I could no longer condone the role Tarrin played.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to let go of this anger.
This hurt. Hadn’t I told him I’d forgiven him for this twisted connection to Thaddeus?
Hadn’t I held grace for him, told him it wasn’t his fault?
Wasn’t I the one that insisted we save Tarrin? Where did that version of me go?
The air shifted, and I knew someone was about to valen in.
Letting the waterspouts drop unceremoniously, the entire lake rippled with the chaotic aftershock from the sudden emergence of water, and I couldn’t help but smile as the birds on the other side squawked as the temporary shoreline they’d been hunting disappeared.
“I’m not in the mood, Artton,” I said, without turning around.
Quiet footsteps continued toward me, and I whipped my head up.
“Are you dea—” The words died on my tongue when I saw Sidrick, and for some reason the sight of him was comforting.
Maybe it was because we had no history, no nuance I had to navigate.
Or perhaps it was simply that Sidrick had never done wrong by me.
Without saying a word, he sat down on my left, creating a waterspout of his own.
A few seconds later, his brother sat down on my right, adding his own waterspout to the mix.
I watched them dance together, and the way they moved with each other was like they’d done this countless times before.
Their mini lake tornados were smoother than mine, more elegant.
They’d combine their funnels, then pull them apart, only to combine them again.
This time, the funnel doubled in width. Then the eye ignited in flames, filling the inside with a spinning spiral of deadly fire. It was mesmerizing.