2. Chapter Two Rhea
Chapter Two: Rhea
I don’t wait for him to answer as I grab—and then promptly toss—each remaining item out of the box until I get to the bottom, where the delectable scent is coming from. Alexi squats down next to me, chuckling quietly as he picks up the items I’ve dumped and begins to sort them. I gently lift the small box out like it might disappear if I move too gruffly. A sweet lemon scent surrounds me, and I can’t help the happy sigh that releases as I inhale deeply.
“I’m sorry it isn’t more. I had to sneak a slice while Emelia wasn’t looking,” he says while making a neat pile of my forgotten items on the floor. Emelia, the castle baker, makes the most delicious desserts, but she, apparently, doesn’t like sharing them with anyone outside of the current royal family. Which is ironic given that I am technically part of the royal family. Or maybe she just doesn’t like sharing them with Alexi.
“Don’t ever apologize for bringing me even a crumb of this treat. I swear it is sent from the gods themselves,” I beam. He smiles at my dramatics as I pull out the parchment-wrapped dessert from the box and carefully lay it on my lap.
The sun hits the yellow loaf slice as I unwrap it, making the white icing glisten. My mouth waters in response. I will not cry happy tears about eating lemon loaf. I should cut this into pieces to make it last, since I have no idea when I will get more, but my restraint snaps as I take a large bite. I let out a comically loud groan as the flavors dance along my taste buds. It’s tantalizingly sweet and sour, perfectly balanced in every way. Mere seconds pass before the slice is completely gone and I’m licking my fingers clean of any evidence. Bella finally makes her way over, sniffing at my crumbs before turning towards me with what looks like a frown on her pointed face. “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t think foxes are supposed to eat lemon loaf, anyway.”
She huffs in response and then walks to Alexi, her fluffy snow-white tail wagging happily from side to side. Bella’s head comes up to Alexi’s waist, the height just right for him to rest his hand between her ears and scratch without bending over. My eyes trace over him, noting the tense lines of his face and shoulders. I would consider him a handsome man, objectively speaking. His salt-and-pepper hair is shorter around the back and sides, while somewhat longer on the top. In the years that I’ve known him, I’ve never seen his square jaw as anything but clean-shaven. But it has always been Alexi’s eyes that have held my attention the most with their expression—kind and compassionate whenever they look at me. Except for now. Now they just look tired and sad.
Alexi eyes me carefully, taking a deep breath before he says, “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You won’t see me again until the next supply drop-off.” His voice is tentative, a note of pain laced within it that causes the high from my treat to immediately vanish.
“You can’t come back even once before then?” I ask, my breath quickening as I scan his eyes. “I’m in need of another haircut, and your skills are truly the best.” I mean for the words to come out playful and sarcastic, but my voice cracks at the end, giving away my desperation.
Alexi’s eyes soften further as he reaches out a hand to pull me up. When his silence goes on longer, unease settles like a rock in my stomach. He flattens his lips together like he’s trying to stop the words he has to say from leaving his mouth.
“I was informed by another guard that word has traveled about me leaving my post some nights,” he answers, taking another steadying breath. “I’m unaware if the king knows, but I fear for your safety if he finds out I’ve been coming here. I don’t want him to…” He trails off, clenching his jaw as he turns his gaze out towards the balcony.
A ringing starts in my ears at his words. Going forward, he will only stop by to drop off my supplies—once every two weeks—and if he’s already being watched, he won’t even be able to extend those visits. My stomach drops and my knees wobble as everything around me blurs. This can’t be happening.
Alexi is so careful—beyond careful—about when, and how long, he visits me. He always waits until the night is darkest and shadows are cast across the base of the tower door, so to the unsuspecting eye, it looks like there might be someone standing there. From what he’s said, no one is allowed to even cross the long bridge that leads from the castle to my tower unless they go through a group of guards stationed on that side first. He never stays more than an hour at most, but that hour… that hour is everything. An hour where I hear someone else’s voice for a change. An hour where I can talk to someone and have them actually respond. When, for once in my twenty-one years of being alive, I’m not completely alone. If not for that single hour a few times a week, I never would have learned how to play cards or how to spell my own name or even how to do basic math. Alexi has taught me all those things and more, in one hour increments, in the dead of night, for years .
My lips part slightly as my breathing increases, my chest rising and falling rapidly as if I’m sprinting. And in my head, I am. I’m sprinting towards an existence where I’m free. Free of this prison. Free of the king. Just, free . My hands shove into my hair, nails scraping my scalp as I tug the strands taut until I feel like I might pull them all out. There is no stopping the stinging of my eyes as my feet propel me to pace the length of the living area. A scream builds in the base of my throat, constricting the air from reaching my lungs.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t—
“Breathe, Little One.” Alexi’s hands find my shoulders, halting my movements. My head hangs low, unable to lift under the crushing weight of the loneliness and despair that sits heavy on me. He guides me to sit on the small black couch, his warm hand holding my own. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard, but we do not want the king to have more attention on you than he already does. I cannot be the reason he decides to punish you.”
My face turns up to him, watching as his eyes go far away in a memory. I was young—barely fifteen—the first time the king laid his hands on me. I had made the mistake of asking about my parents—my father in particular—and had woken up on the floor with a pounding headache and a sore jaw. Alexi had come over shortly after the king left, and I’ll never forget the look on his face as he rushed to where I had lain on the ground. Studying the lost expression he wears now—the furrowing of his brows and clenching of his jaw—I know he’s back in that moment again. My heart hurts knowing that he feels any responsibility at all. I don’t blame him for anything the king has done to me—how could I? If he attempts to step in, he’ll be killed, and the king will just put someone else in his place. Someone who probably won’t care if my hair needs a cut or if Bella—who isn’t even supposed to be in this tower—is fed. Someone who won’t sneak me treats just because he knows it’s the one highlight I have in this monotonous existence.
“I hate to leave you,” he says quietly, “but I have already been here longer than necessary to anyone watching.” I nod my head because what else can I do? Desperation creeps in on the edges of my mind like an ominous cloud, threatening to consume any tiny amount of joy I might have dared to store in there. “Rhea…” His words trail off as he slides off the couch, kneeling on one knee before me. “You will be okay. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you were meant for so much more than this. I will figure out a way to help you. Do you understand?”
I turn his palm up, showcasing the white line that scars his skin. The blood oath he was forced to make by the king prevents him, and all other members of the King’s Guard, from helping me escape this tower. If he breaks the oath in any way, the magic will demand a price—the payment will be his life. It isn’t that I haven’t thought about leaving on my own either; I have. It’s just that, in addition to having nowhere to go, the king has also spread the lie that I’m choosing to be in this tower, still grieving over the loss of my parents. Would anyone help me if I told them I was an escaping princess? Would they even believe me?
Sometimes, when my sadness and hopelessness are too much to bear, I like to imagine I’m watching a form of myself who is happy. It’s something I’ve learned to do to cope with the overwhelming loneliness. I’ll see myself standing in a field of wildflowers, my head tilting back as the sun warms my face. My long hair flows freely and my green eyes sparkle with life. I’ll watch as my toes grip lush grass and my fingertips delicately graze white and yellow petals. With a few slow and calculated breaths, I pretend I’m calm and carefree, just like that vision I’ve dreamed up. And when my eyes meet Alexi’s, when the worry starts to ease from his face, I know I’ve done a convincing job.
He raises an eyebrow, waiting for confirmation that I heard him. A forced exasperated sigh leaves my mouth as I even out my features further, willing myself to feel nothing and placing a mask over my face. It’s the mask of a woman pretending she isn’t locked in a tower, tortured by her uncle and left alone to rot.
“Yes, dad, I heard you.” The sarcasm is thick enough to distract him from looking too deeply at me, but I hope the soft smile I give him lets him know that I’m not using the title as a joke. He’s the closest thing to a father I’ve ever had. We stare at each other for a single moment, one of us with a genuine look of happiness and the other trying with everything in her power to make it ten more seconds before falling apart. Finally, clearing his throat as he stands, Alexi lets go of my hand.
“Bella, make sure she stays out of trouble,” he says with a wink to the fox. She yawns in response and lays her head back down on her paws. I follow him to the door, grabbing the box from where it was left on the floor. He steps out onto the stone platform that leads to the spiral stairs of the tower and turns, reaching out as I hand it to him. “I meant what I said. We will figure something out. I promise.” His word choice is careful, making sure he doesn’t accidentally invoke his blood oath.
It takes every muscle in my face to force a smile, but as soon as he heads towards the stairs and I close the door behind him, the act drops. I count to ten in my head to give Alexi time to get far enough away. The crushing weight of misery settles over my body. It starts with a single tear, its warmth rolling over my cheek and dripping onto the floor. More tears join that one until I don’t even notice them anymore. Bella whines, her wet nose nudging my hand, but I’m too lost in the tsunami of my sorrow and fear to stop. Each crest of the wave is a force that pushes me deeper into the depths of my despair.
Crest. Sadness.
Crest. Anguish.
Crest. Alone.
Alone. Alone. Alone.
Everything hurts, and I just want it to stop. I drop to my knees, pain searing up my legs and back, but I don’t care. I don’t even care that Bella is frantic now, nosing at my legs to get me to notice her. I just want it to stop.
I—
I just want me to stop.
Lowering fully to the ground, I lay on my side and hug my knees into my chest. Cold and dark exhaustion bleeds into the edges of my body. Unable to fight the allure of sleep any longer, my eyes start to flutter shut. Briefly, I watch Bella as she stands frozen, only her head swinging side to side as her wide eyes take in something beyond my vision. Darkness and shadows wrap around me until I am finally—blissfully—numb.
The sun is nearly set, the sky aflame in orange and pink, by the time I open my eyes again. My tongue is thick as it sticks to the roof of my mouth. The cold of the wood floor feels good against my pounding head, but even if I wanted to, I can’t move. My body is exhausted and heavy, like a lead weight sinking into the ground.
The tickling of fur against my legs lets me know that Bella is here with me. Forcing all my strength into my right arm, I uncurl it and slowly reach back until I feel the whiskers on her nose. She moves, coming to stand right in front of me as she lifts one of her front paws up before putting it back down again. She does this over and over until I understand she is trying to get me to sit up. I don’t want to, content to lay here in my misery until I fade away forever, but Bella is insistent. So, with a deep breath, I slowly slide my hands up by my shoulders, my palms pushing into the creaking wood floors. My head swirls as I come up to sit, the throbbing there only outdone by the heavy beats of my heart.
“Now what?” I whisper to her. Bella steps forward, sorrow and sympathy reflecting in her acutely expressive eyes. She brings the top of her head to my chest, and instinctively, I wrap my arms around her massive body, hugging her tightly as I cry—shocked that I still have tears left to shed.
Time moves slowly, how I imagine it feels to wade through waist-high mud, though I’ve never actually felt mud before. What a silly thing to realize. When the sun is gone from the sky and the moon casts its light into the room, I finally stand up. Bella stays by my side as I head upstairs cautiously, the cold metal of each step shocking the soles of my feet. Dizziness partially obscures my vision, my head pounding to the beat of my heart.
Crawling onto the bed, I don’t even bother getting under the comforter as I lay on my side. I prefer the cold and the way it cradles me, desensitizing me enough to rest. Tucking an arm under my head, my eyes close with a tormented sigh. Bella joins me, her body curling in front of mine.
“The moon may have the stars, but at least I have you,” I whisper, my free arm wrapping around her as I force myself back to sleep.