8. Chapter Eight Rhea
Chapter Eight: Rhea
M y eyes fling open from the knocking on the door. After my bath, I had gone to bed reliving that night with Bella, my heart pounding in my chest at the memories, at how close I came to losing her. Sliding out from the comforter, my feet hit the cold wood floor as I adjust my dark blue nightdress. My fingers comb through my hair as I start down the stairs, fairly certain of who is on the other side of the door.
A smile breaks out across my face when I open it. He’s removed his armor, only wearing the all-black trousers, boots, and tunic—leaving him looking more relaxed. I start to wonder if he knows the king visited recently, but when I see Alexi trail his eyes over my face in an assessing way, I get my answer. I don’t move—other than to place my hands on my hips—letting him see that I am healed and okay.
“What are you doing here,” I ask, chewing on my bottom lip nervously. “Aren’t you worried about being caught?”
“Don’t worry, Little One. I think one night is alright.” His eyes soften as he looks at me before he holds up a familiar deck and a small white bag of something that smells delicious. “Are you ready to beat an old man at cards?” He winks at me as he steps into the tower, walking directly over to the tea table. Sliding his green armchair over, Alexi begins to shuffle and deal out the cards while I grab some pillar candles to light. Setting a few around the table, I strike a match and light each one until their glow illuminates the darkness of the space between us.
“So,” I drag out, glancing above the cards in my hand, “how is life in the King’s Guard lately?” My brow raises sarcastically in question while Alexi snorts in response. I lay my first card down onto the table.
“The same as it always is. Training and guarding.” His dry tone makes a small laugh burst from me. “Speaking of training,” he hints, returning an arched brow of his own, “have you been exercising?”
“Yes, of course. Every morning,” I drawl, giving him a fake bored expression which he smiles widely at. Alexi had been worried that my sedentary lifestyle of reading all day would make my bones weak, or something to that effect, so he taught me some of the basic exercises they teach guard apprentices when they enter training.
“Good,” he says simply as he leans forward to lay his card down.
I can’t help but beam at him, my hands nearly shaking from the delight and relief his visit brings. Still, a small part of me worries that the king will somehow know he is gone from his post. I work to keep the anxiousness from showing on my face. However, Alexi misses nothing, and after his turn laying down his next card, he attempts to distract me.
“Win this hand, and I’ll show you what’s in the bag. Win the next hand, and you can have all of the treats in there.” His eyebrows raise slightly, baiting me to accept. The light of the moon mixed with the low light of the candle flame makes his dark brown eyes sparkle, giving him a mischievous look. Despite the fact that he has always fallen into that parental role so easily, it is in moments like these that I find he is more friend than guardian.
I narrow mine in return, attempting to keep my face serious, as I lay my next card down on the table. Back and forth we go until we each come down to our last one. My eyes flick down to the one in my hand and back up to him, a slow smirk spreading before I slap the card down on the pile. Alexi chuckles, laying his down far more gently and accepting his defeat before gathering all the cards back up to shuffle and deal again.
“I am a generous winner and will let you go first this time, despite losing,” I joke, but my smile falters when I glance up to see that his expression is more pensive. His eyes appear lost in a memory as he absent-mindedly shuffles his own cards.
“Do you remember when you turned thirteen and I brought you that small gold bracelet?” he asks, sliding his gaze to mine. While Alexi normally brought me special treats for my birthday, that year he had given me the bracelet.
I smile at the memory, nodding. “I do. You were frustrated with me about something, but then you gave me a gift. I remember you held out your hand, a little black pouch nestled in your palm,” I say, grinning at his answering chuckle.
“I had been trying to be what you needed while inside I felt like I was coming apart after Alanna’s death,” he confesses.
My hands slowly place my cards to the table as I stare at him. Even though it’s been many years since he lost her, the grief in his voice is unmistakable. Alanna had been Alexi’s childhood best friend before becoming his wife, and then she was killed in a tragic accident. From the solemn look in his eyes now, you’d assume it was more recently that he lost her. I wonder if truly loving someone means that even long after they are gone, you never stop mourning them. That they live on in you through memories and dreams.
“You had the worst attitude problem I had ever seen in a child, by the way. You still have it,” he teases.
I scoff, reaching my foot under the table to kick his leg. His laugh brightens up his demeanor again, the tension leaving the air as I exhale a little deeper.
“Prior to your birthday that year, I was feeling lost, and I—” He hesitates, taking a breath and holding eye contact before continuing, “I was unsure if I wanted to continue being your guard.”
My heart skips at his confession, our card game forgotten temporarily in light of his words. Even though it was years ago and, obviously, he is still here, I can’t help the feelings of betrayal and sadness trying to claw their way up my throat.
“I was going to petition the captain of the guard to reassign me.” It’s barely more than a whisper, yet his regret is weaved thickly through it.
“You were?” I breathe the words out, feeling a slight tremble in my hands as my mind begins to spiral with this new information. Did he ask for a transfer and get denied? Has he wanted to leave this post—leave me—this entire time?
Seeing the panic on my face before I am able to verbalize it, Alexi vehemently shakes his head. “I never ended up asking for it.”
“Why?” I breathe.
He sighs, scratching the back of his neck before setting his cards down on the table and leaning forward, completely abandoning any pretense that we will finish this game.
“I was stewing in indecision. I knew that I was a lifeline you didn’t have with anyone else and that no other guard would dare go against the king to make sure you had what you needed.” I see the pain and guilt in his expression, his eyebrows furrowing together as he rests his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands in the middle. “It wasn’t about you in any way. I just— I missed her, and everything about my life here reminded me of her. I wanted to get away, maybe move to one of those small towns on the outskirts of the capital to start somewhere new.”
I can’t help the small twist of pain in my heart. I came so close to losing him, so close to being even more alone. What if he had left? What if the past almost nine years had been spent without him here to visit and teach me things I wouldn’t have learned otherwise?
“What changed your mind?” I question, my voice still small.
Seeing the fear and hurt that I am failing to suppress, his expression turns remorseful. “Alanna’s voice came into my mind, and I was reminded of something she told me before she passed away.”
Over the years, I’ve only gotten small bits and pieces out of Alexi about his wife and his life outside of being a guard. Most of them are just little facts about their relationship—they were married, she was a seamstress that worked at one of the shops in the capital square, and her death had come as a shock. I didn’t know if his desire not to tell me too much about her was to protect me from his sorrow or if he was trying to protect himself from her memories.
“Alanna knew that I often snuck in to visit you. She hated that the king secluded you and then told the kingdom that you had chosen this life because of your grief. She never spoke a word of it to anyone else, but when it was just her and I, she would ask about you,” he explains. My breath squeezes out of my chest, an overwhelming feeling of sadness, but also appreciation for her, settling in deep. “Alanna and I were unable to have children, but she always had the softest spot for them. She would tell me over and over again that I needed to be a safe place for you to anchor to, someone that would keep you from harm.”
My hands press together as my lip starts to tremble. The thought that this woman, whom I had never met, cared about me at all, let alone this much was overwhelming. She was under no obligation to. Neither was Alexi. They cared because they felt it was right to do so, because they were good people.
“And I failed, Rhea. I fail every time the king comes to your room and I do nothing.” He hangs his head low, his gaze moving to the ground by his boots. The air feels heavy with the weight of regret and despair bearing down on me.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. Then my voice grows firm as I say, “The king would have just killed you if you tried to stop him. He would have killed you without a second thought, and some other guard, one more loyal to him, would have replaced you. You know this.”
When my words don’t reassure him, I move around the tea table to kneel by him, taking his hands in my own. “Have you ever told anyone, the king or otherwise, about the night Bella almost died?” This is a topic we never talk about, haven’t talked about, since the night it happened. Alexi’s wariness then made me hesitate to ever bring it up with him again. But with the memory fresh on my mind, I know it’s the perfect opportunity to show him that he’s wrong.
“Never,” he answers firmly.
“Then you haven’t failed me. That knowledge in the wrong hands is a death sentence; I have no doubts about that. I can handle the king’s visits, but I can’t handle your guilt over them.” I squeeze his hands more tightly, willing him to understand. “You have made this existence more bearable. You have taught me, guided me”—my breath catches for a moment—“raised me to be something better than I ever could have been on my own.” His eyes yield further at my words. “Besides, my body is healing me while I sleep now.”
Alexi’s brows furrow as he again looks me over, like he is seeing if he can watch the action as it happens. “It’s healing you without you trying?” He asks the question quietly as though the magic can hear him, as if it’s a separate entity from myself. Maybe it is.
I nod my head, giving his hands one more squeeze of reassurance before standing and walking back to take my seat on the couch. Reaching down, I give Bella’s head a little scratch as she resumes her position at my feet.
“You were in the guard at the time my parents were king and queen, did—did they ever seem like they had magic?” I stammer, a blush creeping up my cheeks. It’s such a ridiculous thing to ask. If somehow my parents weren’t mortal, how did they keep their magic when they crossed through the Spell to come to this kingdom? I know that I got my honey blonde hair, bright green eyes, and creamy complexion from my mother. Is it possible I got magic from her too? And if so, how am I able to keep it while living in the Mortal Kingdom?
“As far as I know, they were just mortals. But you know that mages look like us. There are no physical differences, just the presence of magic and a marginally longer life,” he answers.
My head tilts in contemplation. “What if the magic came from my father’s side? Is there a chance the king has it as well?” I wonder as chills work their way down my neck and back at the thought. The king is terrifyingly powerful enough without adding magic to the mix. Alexi pinches his lips together in thought.
“King Dolian is not the sort of man who would keep something like that hidden if he possessed it. He’d use it to his advantage somehow and would certainly show it off. And if he had their magic flowing in his veins, he definitely wouldn’t have made it his mission as king to declare that mages who enter these lands would be killed.”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I consider what Alexi said. It makes sense. Why would the king encourage his own demise by creating contempt between the Mortal and Mage Kingdoms if he did indeed have magic. I imagine his little sessions with me would be quite different if magic were present. Still, I can’t dismiss it completely.
“Have you ever tried using it again? Testing it out since that night?”
“No. I’m afraid to. I can sometimes feel it sitting inside me, here.” I rub my hand over my lower abdomen. “Like it’s letting me know it’s there, waiting for me. It gets more… active when the king is near me, but I’ve been able to keep it from showing.”
Alexi leans back, elbows braced on the sides of the armchair and fingers interlaced under his chin. I turn my gaze out to the glass balcony doors, watching as the stars twinkle a bright silver in the sky.
“One more round,” he says, leaning forward again to collect our cards and start a new game.
“You just want a do-over since I was winning our current hand,” I respond, giggling when he gives me a wry look. He gestures with his chin to the white bag on the table.
“Don’t you want to see what’s inside? You won the first hand.”
“I want to be surprised,” I respond as I spread my newly dealt cards in my hand and plan which one I’ll lay down first.
“Never thought I’d see the day that Rhea Maxwell would not take an opportunity to see what sugar-filled treat was waiting for her.”
I roll my eyes, feigning mock offense. Alexi stands abruptly and walks to the balcony, scanning the sky like he’s looking for something.
“What are you doing?” I ask, jumping to my feet as Bella startles awake and comes up to stand by me, both of us now on high alert.
He sighs, running the hand not holding his cards through his hair. “Just checking to see if the stars are falling. It is the only explanation for why you would deny yourself a peek inside that bag.” He turns around, an almost boyish grin on his face while my own expression is that of pure shock.
“Gods, don’t do that Alexi!” I smack him on the arm as he laughs his way back to his chair. Bella lets out a huff and lays back down, as if this whole interaction is nothing but an interruption to her nap. “You’re such a jerk,” I croak out. I finish the game of cards with another win under my belt, and Alexi slides the bag of treats over to me. Slowly, I open it, anticipation killing me. Alexi is right that I love all things sweet. The scent of cocoa is rich enough to make my mouth water as I look in and see a delicious assortment of chocolates. “Did Emelia make these?”
“No. They are from a confectionary in the capital,” he says while cleaning up our cards. I pull out a creamy milk chocolate ball with a delicate white chocolate rose on top. I almost feel bad eating something so beautiful. Taking a bite, I let the candy melt in my mouth, the flavors smoothing over my tongue and making me shut my eyes in delight. It is rich and decadent, with a fruity note bursting through. Alexi laughs at my enjoyment, choosing a chocolate of his own when I extend the bag out to him.
“You know, you’re lucky I love you because, as you so graciously pointed out, I take my treats very seriously and don’t normally share.”
His chuckle dances between us, the sound settling some of the sadness I feel about the night soon coming to an end.
“Alanna and I used to visit this confectionary shop on our way home from work every evening. She always gravitated to the more unique flavors of the chocolates. Always willing to try something new,” he says quietly.
“What flavors did you usually get?” I ask, pouting when I reach into the bag and feel only three more chocolates left.
“Always the same one—chocolate cream.”
“I am not surprised by that,” I deadpan. Even Bella twitches in agreement. Or she could be asleep, I realize, and having little fox dreams. I lean over and look at her. Yes, definitely having little fox dreams.
When I’ve popped the last chocolate in my mouth, my heart and belly now content, I walk with Alexi to the door. He opens it and listens carefully to make sure no one else is in the tower. When he is satisfied that the space is empty, he steps onto the platform, turning back to face me. A small torch bathes this part of the tower in a subtle buttery glow, lighting just enough of Alexi’s features to show his soft smile.
“The next supply drop-off is in three days. I better not push our luck and try to visit before then.”
Nodding, I lean against the doorframe, arms folded in front of me. “I’ll be ok. I can handle another three days. Although it would be more entertaining if Bella,” I look over my shoulder and yell, “would learn that little jig I’ve been trying to teach her!” The only sign I get that she’s heard me is a tiny wiggle of her ear.
Alexi laughs, the smile widening on his face as he places a hand on my shoulder. “You can handle anything, Little One. You are the strongest person I have ever known.” He gives my shoulder a little squeeze before dropping his hand to his side. My eyes glance away from his for a moment as I blink back tears that threaten to spill.
“Aww, thanks, dad,” I say, attempting to lighten the mood. “Hopefully, I shall continue to honor you by teaching the fox beast to dance and beating you in card games.”
“Such a brat,” he answers with a roll of his eyes. He backs up and goes to take a step, but pauses again, almost looking unsure of himself.
“What is it?” I ask, glancing around the platform and at the stairs that lead down the tower. Alexi clears his throat, resting one hand on the hilt of the sword at his belt. I always forget he is armed, as his guard uniform now just feels like an extension of him after nearly thirteen years. His other hand scratches at his jaw.
“The gold bracelet I gave you,” he falters, looking at me as I nod. “It was Alanna’s.”
My head jerks a little at the admission, eyes going wide. “Why would you give that to me? Don’t you want it to remember her?” The words come out choked, my emotions overwhelmed by this knowledge. I’m surprised, but honored. So, so honored by his gesture.
“I got it for her as a gift right after we married. It then sat on my dresser in the years after her death—a constant reminder of what I had lost. I couldn’t bear to look at it any longer, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to part with it either.”
Straightening up from the doorframe, my arms uncross, and I reach a hand out for him. He places his in mine, his fingers squeezing around mine lightly.
“The bracelet was important to her, like a physical symbol of our love. I knew that there was only one other person that I could possibly imagine giving this to. Only one person who needed to have something physical to remind them that they were cared for. That they were loved.” He looks to the side, taking a deep breath, and then turns his gaze back to me. “I have loved to watch you grow up into an amazing young woman despite your circumstances. To see you have such compassion and kindness when you are shown so little by others.” He shakes his head, but he must not realize that anything decent about me is a direct result of him and our one hour visits. He gestures around at the tower. “This place, this prison, is not where your journey is to end, Little One.”
It takes me far too long to speak, my words jumbled and caught so thickly in my throat that it takes several swallows to clear them. “I know,” I whisper as I hold his gaze, silver lining both of our eyes.
With a warm and affectionate smile in place, Alexi squeezes my hand and then lets go. He throws a final wink Bella’s way before turning and heading down the stairs. I shut the door and beckon Bella upstairs for bed, stopping in the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I’ve done both, I crawl under the covers, laying on my side to gaze out at the stars through the window.
Alexi’s words repeat in my head over and over again. I know a life outside these walls is better than the one I’m currently living, and as I close my eyes, my body drifting into sleep, I have hope that maybe I was meant to do more than rot in a tower.
But hope is a dangerous thing.