30. Chapter Thirty Rhea
Chapter Thirty: Rhea
“R hea.” A voice like the moon and stars and eons past envelopes me from every side, cradling all my broken pieces. Holding them together in a loving embrace that temporarily ceases the aching in my heart. “Wake, Rhea,” she says.
My eyes flutter open, and the illumination of infinite stars and galaxies meet them. Each flicker of starlight, each swirl of a new world draws my eye. I am mesmerized as I watch the colors bleed and blend. It’s as beautiful as it is overwhelming, and it calls to me.
“Hmm,” the lovely voice hums, a sound that reverberates through my bones. “The magic inside you grows. As it does, coming here and interacting with everything around you will become easier.” Stardust surrounds me as she speaks, each tiny speck glinting and gleaming as it twirls around my body.
I don’t respond, as I’m not sure what to say. This place—the Middle—is peaceful and magical, and it feels like a part of me recognizes it, but I can’t say why.
“Why can’t I see you?” I ask faintly. I feel the woman smile, and like a vision on the edge of my mind, I can see the delicate curve of her pink lips.
“We don’t have much time together,” she replies, the scent of jasmine winding through the universe I lay in to embrace me again. “It is time for you to leave.” Her voice sounds much closer to me than it ever has before. I tilt my head to the side as much as I can in both directions, but I see no being.
“He will never let me go,” I whisper, knowing in some way that she is telling me to leave my tower. The woman hisses—surrounding me with an eerie rumble—but I know she is not angry with me. Her fury visibly passes by me as I lay there, reds and blacks and grays of all shades on a mystical wind which holds so much contempt that it sends shivers through my body.
“He is a broken man. Now so twisted and consumed by rage and revenge that he cannot see what he has become. He cannot see that he is something he onced feared,” she intones as a calming and comforting breeze grazes my skin. “It is time to go east. To follow the stars above the ancient trees.”
“I don’t know how.” My voice sounds small and cracks with the truth of those words.
“You have everything you need to leave,” she cryptically answers.
I sigh because I don’t. I’m not strong enough or brave enough or—
“You are,” she interjects, that floral breeze again caressing me. “You are all those things and so much more. But you cannot linger. It is time to go now .”
This is the closest the woman has ever come to sounding aggressive while speaking to me. My mind weighs her words and the inflection with which she speaks them. How can she believe that I’m strong when I am so broken? I turn my gaze up to the stars twinkling above me, my hand lifting to try and grasp at them, but failing. They surround me in all directions but are an eternity away at the same time.
“It is time,” she repeats.
“Okay,” I whisper as my hair begins to whip around me. A warm sensation wraps around my heart, weaving in with the icy shadows. Overwhelming them until all I feel is safe and cared for and— I sense myself become heavier, each layer of me starting to fall back into place piece by piece.
“He is good—” Her silvery voice is cut off as my soul is knit back into place within my body and I fall and fall and—
The tingling of my skin wakes me as I sit up quickly and look around the library that has grown dark as the night progressed. After the king’s visit, I was too wound up, so I came here to read. The flame gem on the table in the corner of the room glows, lighting the rows and rows of books. I’m lucky King Dolian didn’t come in here.
My chest tightens as I remember my visit to the Middle and my instructions to leave now. I wish I could understand the feeling of familiarity I have and why I just know that these visits and the woman I speak with aren’t fragments of my subconscious. It isn’t a dream despite the fact that I have only been able to end up there while I’ve been asleep.
A painful reality that I’ve been avoiding is now laid bare before me. I have been pretending, enjoying the distraction and the daydreams of “what if.” But the chilling truth is that I have to leave this tower, and I have to do it tomorrow. Alone . Even though I want Flynn to help me—more than I have ever wanted anything, besides saving Alexi—the truth is that he can’t. With the blood oath, he can’t help me escape and, therefore, he can’t know about my plans. I think about his offer, the way his eyes lingered on mine, our almost kiss… and a tear falls. Because, while Flynn may want me, I think a part of him knows that I could never be what he needs—what he deserves—in return. The pieces of my soul are scattered in the wind, ripped out of me too many times to ever fully be put back together again. I’m a shell of a person and he is like a full moon in a midnight sky—brilliant, comforting, and amazingly beautiful but also completely out of reach. Like trying to hold onto a smoky tendril, my hands will never be able to fully grasp him. And maybe that’s why he’s never acted on the invisible string that feels pulled taut between us.
I let the tears fall, mourning the life I might have had in a different time—a different world—and then I wipe them away and begin to plan.
The entire next day moves much too quickly while I try to figure out how I can leave with next to nothing. My dresses are laid out on the bed in front of me as I wonder if I can somehow tie them together to make a sort of bag to carry supplies within. Suddenly, the door to the tower swings open and slams into the wall. I yelp in surprise as Bella ducks down on the bed. Walking over to the railing, I look over and see the gruff dark haired guard that is part of the king’s trusted standing with a medium supply box in his hand.
“Your supplies are here,” he grunts, like the mere act of giving me anything at all is too much of a burden for him.
I stare in pure confusion as I try to work out the days in my mind. I definitely received a delivery last week. Flynn brought it in and helped me unpack it. Which means Flynn doesn’t know about this delivery. Tienne and Erica—it must be from them. My brain must be functioning too slowly for this guard because he dramatically grumbles and then drops the box on the ground unceremoniously.
“Empty the supplies out, and leave the crate outside the door . ” The guard then turns to leave before I answer.
Once the door is shut, I bolt down the stairs—Bella on my heels—and grab the box. For a second, I start to slide the lid off before I realize that I should open it in the loft in case my suspicions are correct. Running back up the stairs, my heart beating fiercely, I plop on the bed with the box. Peering inside of it, it would look like any normal supply drop off: various foods, some more soap and paste for my teeth… It’s all that is visible from the top with the lid off. But as I take more and more of the items out, I see something hidden at the bottom. It’s as wide as the box itself, and a strap lays across it diagonally. A rich black leather satchel, big enough to fit clothes and food in, is tucked at the base of the box. Lifting the satchel out, I marvel at it—dragging my fingers along the supple front of it—and the timing of receiving it just now. It’s as if Tienne and Erica knew that I would need this before tonight. Reaching for the lid, I’m about to slide it back on when I see the box is not empty.
Gasping, I shakily reach in and grasp the pair of shoes that were hidden under the satchel. No, not shoes—boots. They are just as soft as the leather of the satchel—except, instead of black, they are a beautiful, rich brown. Instead of being tall and bulky like the King’s Guard uniform boots, they are slender and only appear long enough to go past my ankles. Immediately, I sit on the edge of my bed and pull one of the boots on. It feels… odd to wear them. There is a slight pinching around my toes, but I suppose that makes sense considering I’ve never worn shoes before. Pulling the other one on, I stand up to walk and nearly trip myself.
“Bella, look at me!” I yell, trying to get her attention as I gingerly move around the loft until I start to feel a little more confident. Her pointy snout twitches in what I imagine is amusement while her eyes scream indignation. “We are leaving tonight, Bella! We have everything we need now, and with the extra food I—” I’m interrupted when the door to my tower opens and the guard walks in. I quickly hide behind a wall and start working to get the boots off. The first one comes off after a few tugs, falling to the floor. I cringe, freezing for a moment before I move on to the other foot.
“I asked you to put the box outside,” he grumbles, steps sounding on the wood floor below. “Are you up there?” His voice trails off before I hear him start moving again and his boots sound on the metal staircase.
I curse under my breath as I try to get the other boot off. My heart beats furiously as I pull and pull until finally the other boot pops off. I toss it on the ground and run to grab the box. Three steps later, I’m standing at the top of the stairs blocking the guard from going up any farther as I hold the box out to him.
“Here you go,” I say, the honeyed smile on my face making the guard’s steps falter. He tries to look past me while grabbing the box, but I angle my body to block his view, leaning my shoulder against the wall. His dark eyes narrow, nearly level with mine from where he stands on the stairs. I’ve never stood this close to one of the King’s Guardsmen before, and my nervousness grows as I take in his appearance further. The gold armor makes his lightly tanned skin gleam—so different from how Flynn’s olive complexion seems to glow on its own—while long layers of raven hair frame his sharp jaw.
“Next time, follow directions,” he snaps before turning to go back down the stairs. I watch him the entire way, keeping my fake smile on as he takes one more look in my direction. For some ridiculous reason, I throw my hand up in a little wave, wiggling my fingers until he scoffs and finally walks through the door.
Once it closes, I drop my smile and let my shoulders sag. Opening the trunk at the foot of my bed, I take out my single pair of trousers and Alexi’s old undershirt and set them, along with a clean pair of undergarments, onto the bed. I then grab additional undergarments and one of the more simple dresses I own and place them in the bag, figuring ease of movement is more necessary than looking good in the forest. Moving to my vanity, I grab the hairbrush and a ribbon. I eye my toiletries. As much as I want to bring everything, I don’t have room for it all when I consider the food that still has to be added. So I choose a bar of soap, a container of mint paste and the brush for my teeth.
The last thing I put in the satchel is the food I was given today. It makes the bag bulge, and I have to heave it over my shoulder, but everything I need to finally leave is there. Taking the bag off and setting it up against the wall downstairs with my boots, I decide getting Bella and I clean should be a priority, since I’m not sure what the bathing situation will look like while I’m traveling. So I take my time, soaking in the steaming waters and scrubbing myself twice over.
When I’m done, I drain the tub and put in fresh water, coaxing Bella in. Bathing her today takes much less convincing than it normally does. Maybe she really does understand that we are leaving tonight. The rest of the day is spent reading, both out of comfort and out of nerves. Holding The Little Sun, I sigh, chewing on my lip as my eyes glaze over the words. Though he hasn’t left a note, I assume Flynn will stop by tonight after his guard duty ends. My heart feels stretched thin at the thought of him knocking on the door to an empty tower. Feeling too antsy, I lay the book down on the bench and walk out of the library.
For the final time, I open the balcony doors and step out. My gaze draws east as I take in the field of wildflowers that leads up to the forest. My eyes close as I picture what it will be like to finally drag my fingers along them, feeling all of their delicate petals for the first time. I get so lost in the daydream that by the time I open my eyes again, the sun is getting ready to set. Walking back inside, I slip my feet into my boots, clasping the three small buckles, and lift the stuffed bag over my head. The strap settles across my chest as the weight of the satchel digs into my shoulder.
“Are you ready to go, Bella?” I ask, words I never thought I’d get to say to her. She follows me back down the stairs, and together we walk to the front door. My hand pauses on the handle as I look back over my shoulder at the place that I’ve been trapped in for nearly twenty-two years.
With a gentle nudge from Bella’s snout and another deep breath, I turn the handle and swing the door open, taking a step towards freedom for the very first time. It’s strange to hear the door close from this side, a slight echo working its way down the staircase. My boots make quiet scuffing sounds against the eerie gray stone as I walk to the first step. A small window is cut out of the wall, and I stop in front of it, taking in a new view that faces the castle. I knew it was big, but seeing it straight on like this makes my lips part on a breath in wonder. It’s so massive, much larger than anything I could have dreamed up.
Shaking my head, I turn back to face the stairs and take my first step down. Then another. And another. Until I’ve rounded the first of many spirals. Bella follows closely, moving with grace and agility while I keep a hand on the wall for support and balance. The center of the tower is hollow after that first spiral, providing a clear look to the ground below. Looking down makes my stomach clench, so I keep my gaze on the steps in front of me.
Minutes drip by as we continue down the tower, pausing anytime I think I hear a voice or a noise. As we descend, the fading golden light of the sun peeks in through small windows, illuminating just enough of the steps to make sure I don’t trip. Finally, after what feels like a small eternity, a landing appears in front of me. I can either go through a door or continue farther down into darkness. Is there a part of the tower that goes underground?
“We have to be at the ground level by now, right? Do you hear anyone?” I ask, leaning my ear against the door. I watch Bella as her ears twitch back and forth, but her demeanor remains calm. I wait another few moments, hoping that we’re at the bottom and out of sight of the guards. All I need is ten seconds to walk out of here and run towards the meadow. Ten more seconds and we’re free. We’re free.
Steeling myself, I slowly open the door, the hinges surprisingly quiet. The setting sun shines directly into my eyes, blinding me for a moment. A hand goes to my forehead to try and shield them from the waning light. When my vision clears, I suck in a breath, my eyes widening. Though the space is empty, I quickly realize that I’m not at the bottom of the tower. Panic curls in my stomach at my mistake. A large gray stone bridge is in front of me, the width so much grander than I ever could have imagined. How could I forget about the bridge? My eyes dart to the sides, confirming that no one is here at the moment—a huge stroke of luck. Despite knowing that I shouldn’t and that I’m risking getting caught, I can’t help but take one step out onto the gray stones.
Birds soar overhead as I tilt my head back and look up to the place that’s been my prison, my cage, for my entire life. An odd pang of despondency flickers inside of me. The tower just looks so unassuming from the outside. Inside, it was my entire life. Everything about me was confined within those stone walls, but now that I’m out here gazing at it… it just blends in with everything else. Like it wouldn’t matter what or who was in this tower at all. It feels like confirmation that my very life has been an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of existence.
Bella nudges my hand, bringing me back to reality.
“Okay, Bella, we should keep going down the stairs,” I say in a low voice as my eyes catch on something farther down the bridge. I hadn’t noticed it before, with the sun practically blinding me, but now I see two black and gold figures talking with each other. Slowly, I start inching back to the tower door, beckoning Bella to follow me.
“Hey, you!” a male voice shouts, followed by the sound of footsteps. Bella and I take off, darting back to the staircase inside the stone column. I chastise myself, knowing that, in my haste, I made a mistake. I can only hope it won’t cost us our chance at escape.
My feet start to ache in my boots as I move in the near darkness, going down farther and farther with Bella right next to me. I hear the tower door to the bridge open, boots on steps sounding closer and closer behind us, yet we still haven’t reached the bottom. Finally, as we round the stairs, I can see the golden light of the sunset outside filtering in around the edges of a door. Just a few more turns around the staircase and we’ll be there. My heart beats in my ears as I command my body to move as fast as it can. My legs pound and arms pump as the echoes of footsteps surround me. I finally reach the landing just a few steps after Bella. My hand reaches out for the door handle, the tips of my fingers barely grasping it to turn. Bella uses her head to push it all the way open, darting outside. I follow closely behind, the tip of my boot making it through the door—the view of the meadow that leads to the forest right there in front of me.
A rough hand grips onto my arm and yanks me—my back slamming into something firm as a scream rips from my throat. Another arm bands around me, hot breath skating across my hair. “What are you doing?” he asks as I turn and see the face of the guard who had just dropped off the box of supplies.
I try to jerk and get out of his grasp, but his hold doesn’t falter. The door in front of me closes as Bella—noticing I’m not with her—turns around. She darts back towards me, but it’s too late. I scream at her, pleading for her to take her freedom, “Keep running, Bella!”
The door closes on her, sealing us into different fates.