Chapter 4
Four
Lierick
Iker wasn’t speaking to me. I understood his objection, but our mission was important and it relied on secrecy.
Avalon, with her empathy, had taken the hard decision out of my hands, and I thought perhaps she’d gained more of Iker’s loyalty, separate to his devotion to me and the Second Line.
He was fond of our little rescues, and how could he not be?
They were so strong in the face of the absolute horrors they’d faced.
Flashes of the memories I’d removed from Celis surged up, and I stuffed them back down into the dark little box where I’d pretend that people like Yaron Vylan and the others on that boat didn’t exist. That poor girl had been through something so depraved, it still made me feel ill—how could Iker not see that it was a blessing to offer this small relief?
His words, although shouted in my head and not out loud, still stung.
He’d called me a hypocrite, and perhaps he was right.
I’d declared Celis and Powell a threat to our revolution, but I was out here making moon eyes at an actual Heir to the First Line, fucking his girlfriend, and wishing I was fucking him too.
And in the last reset, the one I’d just read in A Future History of Ebrus, when Avalon had been attacked, I’d made the wrong decision.
A decision that had proved Iker’s words correct.
I’d thrown away our mission when I’d been forced to choose between saving Vox, or doubling back to fight at the side of Avalon.
I’d chosen a Vylan, and that made me a traitor to my own Line.
I didn’t know what past-me was thinking. I couldn’t know my reasoning, or whether I’d been doubling back, or anything other than what Avalon saw with her own two eyes. And what she saw, and thus what was recorded, was me riding away with my mortal enemy and dooming my Line—and Ebrus—forever.
As she rested against my chest, I couldn’t fathom choosing between them, but now I knew it would be my downfall. I needed to choose, before a moment of desperation chose for me.
Avalon sighed against my chest. “I wish I could read your mind, the way you can read mine.”
Holding the reins in one hand, I held her close with the other. “I don’t read your mind anymore, unless you want me to, that is. You deserve the privacy of your thoughts.”
She gave me a lopsided grin. “I’m not sure I could be that noble.
If I could see what you, or Hayle, or Vox, were thinking, it would make my life so much easier.
” Her fingers threaded between mine where they rested on her stomach.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been all but vibrating with tension since we left camp. ”
We were deep in the woods, following along behind Kian. We’d decided it was best to avoid the roads where possible, and Kian said he knew every inch of these woods like the streets of his home. I believed him. There was something steadfast about the eldest Halhed Heir.
I kissed the crown of her head, breathing in her soft scent. “It’s nothing.”
There was no need to see her face; I could tell she was rolling her eyes at me. “It’s obviously something, Lierick. Is it your fight with Iker?”
Stubborn. “Some of it, yes.”
She turned her head to look up at me. She was so beautiful, it hurt to think any version of me would leave her in the hands of Feodore Vylan. “And the rest of it?”
Stroking my thumb over her stomach slowly, I sighed. “I left you.”
Her brows knitted together, and I saw the exact moment she connected the dots. “Before the reset.” I just nodded. “Vox was dying. I told you to go.”
I pressed her closer, like I could subsume her into my body and keep her safe. “And then you nearly died at the hands of Feodore Vylan.”
She kissed my jaw. “You did exactly what I asked, Lierick. If you’d ignored me, and then I had to watch Vox slowly die in front of me, either at the hands of his father, or by the wounds already inflicted…
” She trailed off, before sucking in a shuddering breath.
“That would have been a pain worse than being shot in the heart. I’m not saying I would never have forgiven you, but it would’ve tainted our relationship forever, because without Vox, this world would be incomplete.
You were protecting me the only way you could at that moment. ”
“I chose him over you,” I ground out.
“You chose us.” She gripped my chin, pulling my face down until I was forced to look into her eyes.
“That’s the choice I’d want you to make in every single lifetime.
If there’s a choice between being captured with me, or saving yourself or someone else?
You better not surrender, Lierick Hanovan, or there’ll be trouble.
” She sounded so stern, it was almost adorable.
I turned my face to kiss her palm. “I make no promises, but I’ll take it under advisement.”
She huffed, but dropped it. We were silent for a little longer, our group spread out in a single file on the small path through the trees.
Hayle was running with the hounds, seemingly so at ease with himself.
I respected that about Hayle. He knew who he was, what he wanted, who he loved.
He had it all, and shared it so easily. He wouldn’t have chosen anyone over Avalon.
As if she could sense the direction of my thoughts, she nudged my thigh with her elbow, hard. “Stop it.”
I grunted a laugh. “Sorry, Avie.”
In an effort to avoid the First Line, we had to go down along the border, as far from the natural path to Rewill as we could get.
Kian had been vague about where we were actually heading, just saying that it was on the other side of Pillago Pass.
Once upon a time, Pillago Pass had been in the Barony of the Second Line. My homelands.
Maybe that was why I felt so restless. For the first time in generations, sons of the Second Line would walk on our ancestral soil.
But we had to make it there first. The further north we got, the colder it became, and Kian had given Iker his riding coat.
Kian was a large man, bigger and wider than even my cousin, so it managed to wrap right around both Iker and Celis.
It didn’t button at the front, but I couldn’t even see Celis now.
She was pressed close into his back, like a large growth coming from his spine.
“We’ll have to camp for the night, but I know a place at the base of the Halgates. It’s still a few hours away yet,” Kian called back.
The Halgates were the mountain range that ran above the Ninth Line Barony. Beyond them was nothing but ice plains, from which no one returned. Not even we explored past the ice plains. They weren’t a place for the weak or uninitiated.
I was thankful for the permafrost, though.
It was the reason Ozryn had been able to hide in plain sight for so long.
Everyone believed that the ice plains began at the edge of the Herelean cliffs, but had begun to thaw along the edges before the Second Line had ever arrived.
They were hard to get to, and no one had ever looked past what they could see—except the Votresses, and the Second Line.
“Tell me about it?”
Startled from my thoughts, I looked down at Avalon. “About what?”
“Your home.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “And how did you know that was what I was thinking about? I could have been thinking about you naked,” I teased.
“Call it a hunch.” She laughed softly. “Besides, riding for a few hours with a hard dick sounds truly uncomfortable.”
I grinned; she wasn’t wrong. Maybe her foresight abilities were beginning to wake. “What do you want to know?”
She shrugged. “Everything.”
So that’s what I told her. Over the next few hours, I told her about how Ozryn had slowly become the size of Eaglehoth, but all the original buildings were made from the granite of the Herelean Cliffs.
When the sun hit it just right of a morning, I was surprised that the whole of Ebrus couldn’t see it glow.
I told her about the schools and hospitals we had.
No one could ever leave, so we worked hard to develop the best doctors and teachers we could from those who were left.
When the time came to be reintegrated into Ebrus, the other Lines wouldn’t find us lacking. It helped that the refugees from the Eleventh and Twelfth Lines had brought their own knowledge with them at varying times.
I told her about the temples of the Votresses, which had been there since before we arrived. Though they were very secretive about just how long that was.
Slowly, Hayle and Vox drifted closer too, walking easily beside our horse, listening to the conversation. Well, Vox was listening, while Hayle was asking as many questions as Avie.
What was the animal life like up there, so close to the ice plains?
How did we keep the horses warm?
Was there any big game?
How did the first settlers not starve to death?
Did we plant forests early to ensure we had enough wood and resources for growth?
Hayle was impulsive, and sometimes more lighthearted than the rest of us, but those questions told me he deserved his role as Heir to the Third Line.
They were insightful. And easier to answer than Avalon’s questions.
She wanted to know about me. About my family.
About friends and lovers, and everyone in between.
“I find it hard to believe you didn’t leave a lover behind in Ozryn,” she argued. “You’re powerful, but more than that, you’re kind.” She smirked. “And you’re very handsome.”
I buried my nose in her throat. “Handsome, you say? Tell me more.”
She squealed, pushing my cold face away. The icy wind had really picked up, and I was hoping we’d stop soon before my nose froze off.
Laughing, I wrapped Avalon tighter to my body. At least the wind was coming from behind us, so my body blocked her from getting too cold. Still, I held her close.
I looked over at Powell and Kian. We’d been prepared for Powell in a way we hadn’t with Celis, and we’d already known we were heading north, so we’d brought him a proper jacket to ward off the cold. Kian looked like he braved these winds every day, which I guess he did.
I still couldn’t see Celis, hidden beneath the jacket around Iker’s shoulders, but judging by the soft sway, I’d say she was asleep. I sent a little trickle of my magic toward her, which confirmed my suspicions.
She’s asleep behind you, I sent to Iker.
I know. His reply was short. Still mad then.
Do you need one of us to swap with you? Riding and balancing her can’t be easy. Me or Hayle could ride with her for a bit, so you can stretch?
The response was immediate and biting. No.
Cousin. I hate that we’re fighting. I never would have hurt her—you know that. It was a tactical decision, not a personal one. This was something I’d already said, repeatedly.
People have already taken from her body without her permission. You would have just been one more perpetrator.
I flinched, her memories flitting through my mind once more. In the end, she was asked and consented. Holding onto this can only end badly for us and for her. Please, Iker. I’m sorry.
I felt his heavy sigh in my mind. Fine. You’re forgiven.
Do you like her?
She’s fine. Iker hesitated. Strong. You can only respect that kind of strength. In a different world and a different time, perhaps I would have asked her on a date, but she is too young, too wounded, too raw. This lifetime isn’t ours. She needs to heal instead.
A smile tugged at my lips. As long as I’d known him, Iker had been only about the mission. Our return to our homelands. He’d rebuffed everything from flirtatious looks to outright offers of marriage.
I made a humming noise of agreement in my mind.
She is special. This war won’t go on forever, and she has years to heal, if you are willing to wait.
Don’t write it off yet, cousin. If anyone knows that patience is key, it’s the Second Line.
I paused, because this last part was probably unnecessary, but needed to be said.
But if you pressure her in any way, I’ll cut off your balls myself.
And Avalon would probably feed them to Taeme’s hounds.
I felt his chuckle in my brain. I’d let you.
There was a relief in breaching the wall between Iker and myself. He had been my companion and bodyguard for as long as I could remember. He was more like a brother than anything else. Ill feelings were like sandpaper scraping across my skin.
“Just up here on the left,” Kian called, and I realized just how close we were to the mountains. The trees were tall and spindly, dusted at the tops with snow. Kian led us through a set of tall pines to what looked like the entrance to a cave.
I looked down at Hayle. “Anything in there?”
He frowned. “Only an ice bear, but she’s still in torpor right at the rear of the cave. She says don’t mess the place up, or touch her food stash, and she won’t bother us.”
Vox spluttered. “Just an ice bear? Just an ice bear. For fuck’s sake, Taeme.”
Hayle shrugged and grinned. “You’ll just have to trust me, Vylan.” He nudged Vox’s shoulder with his own.
“There’s a slight overhang where we’ll hobble the horses, so they can feed. They wouldn’t like being in the cave with the scent of an ice bear anyway,” Kian said softly.
Smart animals. Climbing down on shaky legs, I stretched as Hayle pulled Avalon from the saddle, wrapping her in his arms and snuggling her cold cheeks, like the few hours they’d been separated had been too much.
Their love was so evident; they wore it on their faces for the world to see. I looked over at Vox and saw the longing there. He loved her too, loved them both. But people like Vox and I hadn’t been raised to have room for feelings and weaknesses.
And love was the greatest weakness of all.