Chapter 12 The Kiss That Stopped My Tears
Jiang Song was eating noodles. I was watching him.
"This time it's not too hard to swallow, right?" I propped my face on my hand and smiled, remembering the first time I cooked for him. I thought he was treasuring it. Turned out it was just too awful to eat.
His eyes and brows were full of amusement. He mumbled a muffled "mm" with his mouth full.
He was always the most real in front of me.
"Jiang Song, I've been really happy since we started dating."
"That night… I lied to you."
Jiang Song swallowed the noodles in his mouth. His voice came out impossibly gentle. "I know."
"I replayed it in my head for a long time, trying to figure out where things went wrong. After thinking it over, the only explanation is you lost your mind."
"Every single one of my leg hairs has eight hundred fangirls. There's no way Wen Shuangyang doesn't love me."
The best thing about dating Jiang Song was that you never knew what would come flying out of his mouth next.
He was always like this—dramatic and completely shameless.
"I just thought… if we broke up, you could live so much better. At least you wouldn't get cursed out because of me anymore."
"Back then I kept wondering—what could I even give you? I couldn't help you with anything."
"But without me, you'd still have a much bigger world." Instead of staying there taking all that hate.
Of course that wasn't the whole reason. But those things really did mess with my life back then. I couldn't stop thinking—am I actually good for Jiang Song?
Was I only bringing him endless trouble?
Jiang Song set down his chopsticks. He walked over and stood beside me.
He naturally dropped into a half-crouch. I looked down at him.
Warmth touched my eyes. He kissed away the tear that hadn't fallen from my lashes yet.
"I'm sorry. I haven't done enough."
I couldn't speak. My throat was blocked. I just reached out and hugged him.
Jiang Song hugged me back hard. He locked me tightly against his chest.
"I failed to give you enough security. I'm really sorry, Wen Shuangyang."
As he spoke, his hand rubbed the top of my head. His eyes held nothing but pity.
"When did you start thinking like this?"
I pressed my lips together. I patted his shoulder, signaling him to let go.
My vision was blurred with tears, but I still opened that Super Topic page I had visited countless times. Jiang Song only glanced at it once. His face darkened instantly.
"This kind of behavior can already be taken to court. Why didn't you tell me?" Jiang Song stood up. My head rested against his chest. I could hear his clear heartbeat. It felt so safe.
"Even when you're that fierce with me, I can't bear to scold you much. But when they treat you like this and it hurts you so bad you want to break up—I completely understand."
"What?" I burst into loud sobs. "Why don't you look at what they turned you into with those edits?"
Jiang Song gave a light laugh. He sighed helplessly.
"I don't care about any of that. I'm happy you feel bad for me. But Wen Shuangyang, come on—tell me, who feels bad for someone by breaking up with them?"
"You hurt me way more than they ever could."
I felt so ashamed. So I buried my face in his chest and got his shirt all wet.
Jiang Song laughed even harder. "Keep crying and my shirt's gonna start dripping."
I cried even louder. All thunder, no rain.
After Jiang Song interrupted me like that, I couldn't cry anymore.
When he saw I had calmed down, he stepped away and made a phone call.
After the call ended, he came straight back. He lifted me and sat me on his lap.
"You're too much, Wen Shuangyang. I'm this good and you still tried to break up with me. You have to make it up to me properly."
He rested his head on my shoulder. We held each other in the closest way possible.
Our breaths tangled together. Even without seeing his face, I could imagine his expression.
The same one he always had whenever we hugged like this before.
After a long silence, Jiang Song spoke. "Stuff like this can make you lose your mind. You really need more practice, Wen Shuangyang."
He was the absolute king of ruining the mood.
"People who want to hurt you will always find a reason. You love me, so you feel bad for me and can't stand others saying bad things about me. I love you, so I respect what you think and find ways to help you let go of your knots."
"Love has thousands of forms. But none of them look like hurting someone. They claim it's for my own good while doing things that hurt me. That's not love. Wen Shuangyang, aren't you the one who's best at saying these big truths? How come when it's about yourself, you suddenly can't see clearly?"
I reflexively argued back. "Since when am I the best at it?"
Jiang Song gave a cold laugh. His tone turned sarcastic. "Love is restraint, right?"
"Why don't you just restrain me to death then."
I broke free from his arms and slapped my hand over his mouth. "Don't talk nonsense."
Jiang Song pulled my hand down. He asked seriously, "Still want to break up?"
I shook my head frantically. "I was overthinking it. Jiang Song, let's Get Back Together."
He frowned slightly. His tone sounded displeased.
"Get Back Together my ass. I never agreed to break up in the first place."
Right. His Weibo post had said it clearly—"my girlfriend who unilaterally broke up with me."
Jiang Song pulled me close again. He hugged me full and tight.
"Don't move. Let me hold you a little longer."