Chapter 33
Bex had no concept of time. Gordon came up a little while after Kieron had left, with a hot chocolate and some shortbread biscuits and told her to drink as much as she could. She tried taking a couple of mouthfuls, but what she really needed was sleep.
‘I’m sorry, Gordon,’ she said as she forced another mouthful of sugar into her body. ‘I’m sorry that you had to go out there looking for me. It was stupid and selfish.’
‘Hush, lass,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You’re all good. And ye’ know I love a reason to get out a’ that study.’
She tried to laugh, grateful that he was trying to make light of things, but she struggled. It turned out being stranded in the snow was a great way to zap the energy from your body.
‘Do you think you could bring me my bag up from the office? My phone?’ she asked when she’d drunk as much as she could manage.
‘Aye. Sure thing.’
She wasn’t going to ring anyone. There was no point. It was not as if her friends and family back in England could do anything. Ringing them would just cause them to panic, which was unnecessary now that she was safe and warm. She just needed it there in case someone tried to get hold of her.
As it happened, though, she was already fast asleep when Gordon came back with her bag, and it was only when she opened her eyes, several hours later, to see the bedside lamp still on, that she realised the whole day had gone.
‘Ruby?’ she said as she glanced down at her feet and saw the bed was empty, though as she sat up, she discovered that not only was Ruby still in the room, with her favourite well-chewed pheasant toy between her legs, but that she had company too.
‘Duncan told us what happened,’ Lorna said, rushing over, closely followed by Eilidh.
The pair scooched across the mattress so that they were sitting either side of Bex while Ruby, now aware that Bex was up and could once again give her attention, jumped back into her normal position at the foot of the bed.
‘I am such an idiot,’ Bex muttered.
‘You won’t hear any of us disagree with that,’ Lorna replied, though Eilidh shot her friend a glare.
‘It’s not the first time it’s happened around here,’ Eilidh said, a little more gently. ‘Although, yes, we did think a little better of you. How are you doing?’
Bex scoffed. It wasn’t an easy question. Completely embarrassed. Ashamed. Humiliated. Those were the words that sprang to mind, though she suspected her friends were asking about the more physical side of things.
‘Honestly? I’m feeling pretty lucky,’ she said eventually. ‘I’m knackered. It feels like my bones have been replaced with rusted steel, and my throat hurts like hell too, but I’m not sure if that’s from the cold or from all the screaming I was doing.’
‘Well, we’re just so blooming relieved that you’re okay,’ Lorna said. Only then did Bex notice the red rims of her eyes. As if she’d been crying.
‘Yeah, that makes both of us.’
Lorna pressed her lips together, hesitating before speaking again. ‘Kieron said Duncan was pretty harsh with you. He was fair boilin’.’
‘Well, that’s one way of putting it,’ Bex said, loving the Scottish turn of phrase. ‘He had a few choice words. I think it’s fair to say there’s no love lost there any more.’
‘You don’t believe that,’ Lorna said sharply. ‘He was just worried. Because he loves you. You get that, right?’
Bex wanted to believe her, but then Lorna had not heard what Duncan had said. It wasn’t just how he’d spoken, but the words he’d chosen too. Saying how it was a good job they’d called it quits. She wanted to tell her friends as much, but the words got trapped in her throat.
Instead, she let out a sigh before pulling in a slightly sharper breath and trying to sound proactive. ‘Kieron said he’s happy for me to stay here,’ she said, directing her words at Lorna. ‘But if I’m honest, I’d rather we went home to yours. If that’s okay with you?’
‘Of course it’s ok—’ Lorna cut herself off before she could finish the last syllable of the word. ‘When you say we…?’
Bex glanced at the dog lying at her feet. Eilidh had currently taken on the role of chief scratcher and was busy working away at a spot behind Ruby’s ear. As she looked back at Lorna, Bex offered her the best puppy dog eyes she could manage.
‘She saved my life,’ she said. ‘And she’s been ill herself.’
With a long sigh, Lorna looked at the dog before rolling her eyes. ‘Well, I guess I can’t say no to that, can I?’
Bex’s clothes had been drying by the fire, but as she went to undo the buttons on the pyjamas, she found her fingers struggling and decided to just slip her coat over the top of them. After all, she needed to give them a wash before returning them to Kieron. And they were incredibly comfortable.
Eilidh held her by the arm as they headed down the staircase. There, waiting at the bottom, was Kieron.
Bex slipped her arm out of Eilidh’s as she walked over to him.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay?’ he asked her.
‘I am. Thank you, though. Thank you so much for everything. I can’t apologise enough.’
‘And I’ve already told you – you don’t need to. It’s fine.’
He reached out and took her hand, their fingers interlacing. ‘Just to be clear, I do not want to see you at work tomorrow. You hear me? I want you to rest up, properly. Because if you can’t dance with me on Burns Night, well, then you’re going to have something to really apologise for.’
She let out a slight laugh before leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek.
‘See you soon, Kieron.’
‘I certainly hope so,’ he replied.
Back at Lorna’s, Ruby immediately claimed a spot on the sofa.
Given how it was also Bex’s bed, and substantially smaller than the one at the castle, she was fairly sure it was going to be a tight squeeze when she wanted to go to bed, but she didn’t care.
She would sleep on the floor if it meant keeping Ruby beside her.
‘Just so you know, if that ugly duck thing ends up in my bed, I will put it straight in the bin,’ Lorna said, though whether the comment was directed at Ruby or herself, Bex couldn’t tell.
‘It’s a pheasant,’ Bex responded. ‘And don’t worry, it won’t. You’re going to be on your best behaviour, right, Rubes?’ The dog wagged her tail as she reached up and licked Bex’s cheek in response.
‘And no licking me either,’ Lorna added. ‘I’m not a licking person.’
Eilidh had driven them home – her truck better in the snow than Lorna’s little car – but had promised to go over to Niall’s to fill him in on everything that had happened.
‘So, I hear it was a race to rescue you,’ Lorna said as she handed Bex another hot chocolate, this time spiked with Irish cream. It seemed to be the current remedy for everything, and while Bex wasn’t sure she could stomach another one, she held on to it anyway, out of politeness.
‘I know, and I’m so grateful they got me in time. So grateful you showed them where I was, right, girl?’
‘That’s not exactly what I meant,’ Lorna replied. ‘I mean, I’m grateful too, but I meant Kieron versus Duncan. Seems like the new laird is quite keen on you.’
Bex didn’t think there was any point in denying it. ‘He asked me if I’d come to Burns Night as his date,’ she said.
‘What did you say?’
‘That I’d think about it. And he was fine with that.
’ Bex paused, wondering how much she should share with Lorna, but now she had started talking, it seemed silly to stop.
‘I didn’t mention this to you earlier, but I actually met him before I got here.
He was at the airport with me. I sort of swiped his ankles with my suitcase, and we had a bit of a moment there.
And another one before we boarded.’ She remembered the napkin he had given her.
Folded over, with his number written in the centre.
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ Lorna replied, her eyes widening in surprise. Bex shrugged.
‘I wasn’t sure what to say. It’s not like anything happened – or would happen. Not with… well…’
‘With Duncan,’ Lorna finished for her.
‘I get that he was angry earlier,’ Bex said, breathless. ‘But you should’ve heard him, Lorna. It was like he despised me.’
Lorna coughed. ‘Duncan could never despise you. Believe me, he adores you.’
‘You didn’t see him. Trust me, I’ve never seen anyone that angry. I get that I deserved it, but he was so horrid.’
‘And Kieron?’ Lorna prompted.
Bex couldn’t quite put it into words. Kieron had been gentle with her, understanding, non-judgemental – basically everything Duncan hadn’t been, even though she had needed him the most in that moment.
If Duncan had wrapped his arms around her, told her he loved her and needed her, she would’ve wilted into him, letting all the difficulties fall away.
But he hadn’t. Kieron had been the one who was there.
An urge flooded through Bex. The urge to tell Lorna what had happened.
‘I kissed him,’ she blurted out.
‘What? When?’
‘When we were in the bedroom… I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, I’d thought he was going in to kiss me and he wasn’t, but I kissed him anyway.’
Lorna had moved past the wide-eyes stage and was now staring at Bex, her jaw near unhinged.
‘So what’s going to happen now?’ she asked.
Bex shrugged. She wasn’t trying to be coy. She just really didn’t have a clue.
‘I don’t know. I know I like him. I do. But he’s not, not…’
‘Not Duncan?’ Lorna finished for her.
Bex nodded. ‘Yeah. But then Duncan made it very clear that there’s no chance of him and me rekindling things. Even if I wanted to.’
As Bex waited for a reply, Lorna narrowed her eyes as she tilted her head to the side. ‘But I thought you didn’t want to rekindle things? That’s what you’ve been saying to everyone since you got here. That it wouldn’t work. That it was better in the long run that—’
‘Yes, I get it,’ Bex cut in. The last thing she needed was to hear every word she had said about why she and Duncan shouldn’t be together.
But then, how did she explain her change of heart?
Because he was the person she had thought about when she’d thought she was going to die.
That having him yelling at her was better than not having him in her life at all. That just sounded ridiculous.
And if one of her friends had ever come to her and said that, she’d know exactly what she’d have told them. It was the trauma. They weren’t thinking straight. They needed some time to recover and get their thoughts together.
So that was what she was going to let herself do.
‘What’s he like?’ she said instead.
‘Who? Kieron?’
‘Yeah.’
Lorna drew in a long breath. ‘I don’t know. I mean, no one seems to have much to say about him. Except Duncan. He hates the guy, in case you didn’t pick up on that.’
‘I had noticed,’ Bex replied. ‘Did something happen between the pair of them?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Lorna said as she shook her head and crinkled her nose.
‘I think Kieron was a bit of an arse when they were kids. Referring to him as the help and stuff. And Duncan’s always thought Kieron should do more for the community, you know.
As the heir and everything. But that’s because Duncan’s happy to give his whole life to the castle and village, and he can’t understand when someone else won’t do the same.
Especially not when they’re going to inherit it one day. ’
Bex pondered the words. Duncan did give his all to this place, which was the reason she couldn’t be with him.
Not because she’d come second. No, she was okay with that.
It was giving everything else up that she couldn’t do.
A job. A corner office. London life. None of which she’d thought of as she sat there shivering in the cold.
‘Clearly he’s gorgeous.’ Lorna continued to talk about Kieron in a slightly more upbeat manner.
‘And he throws incredible parties. Oh my God, if you did get together with him, imagine the wedding at the castle. How amazing would that be? Not that I’m pushing you and Kieron, obviously.
I have to be team Duncan all the way. You understand that.
But a castle wedding would be phenomenal. ’
Bex chuckled. ‘Of course I understand.’
Her laughter faded almost as quickly as it had started.
‘So only five days until Burns Night,’ Lorna said. ‘I guess you’ve got until then to decide whether you’re going to be his date.’