Chapter 10 Jesse
Jesse
The ranch had never seen so much chaos as when the large walk-in freezer was delivered.
It took a little more than three weeks to get it out to Hell Creek, which was fast considering the usual wait times.
But thankfully the manufacturer had an extra one already made, an order that had gotten cancelled, and was willing to part with it at a discount.
I hadn’t even asked Cole if it was okay before I made the purchase.
Thanks to Mr. Whitaker, the farm-to-table model was given the green light.
But Cole… well, he was still on the fence about the entire thing.
I had to admit that despite all of Cole’s doubts and grumbling, watching the enormous freezer unit being maneuvered into the barn was pretty satisfying.
The delivery guys had been at it for over an hour, cursing and sweating as they tried to navigate the unwieldy metal box through the barn doors we’d taken off the hinges just for this purpose.
Cole stood beside me, arms crossed over his chest, his face unreadable beneath the brim of his black cowboy hat. I could feel the tension radiating off him in waves.
“You still think this is a mistake, don’t you?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the workers.
He didn’t answer right away, just shifted his weight from one boot to the other. “It’s a hell of a lot of money,” he finally said. “And a hell of a lot of change.”
“Change isn’t always bad,” I replied.
“It is when you’ve got no safety net.”
I turned to look at him then, taking in the hard lines of his profile, the stubble darkening his jaw. “That’s why we’re doing this. So we can actually have a safety net for once.”
The delivery crew shouted as they finally got the freezer into position. The head guy, a burly man with forearms like tree trunks, approached us wiping sweat from his brow.
“Need to hook it up to that electrical panel you got ready,” he said. “Then we’ll run some tests, make sure everything’s cooling right.”
“I’ll show you,” I offered, leading him toward the back of the barn where we’d had an electrician install a new panel just for the freezer.
Cole had grumbled about that expense too, but even he had to admit it was necessary.
The freezer wasn’t going to run off a handful of solar panels, that was for sure.
As I walked the guy through the setup, I couldn’t help glancing back at Cole, who was circling the freezer like it was some alien spacecraft that had landed in his barn. His skepticism was palpable, but at least he was here. That was progress, right?
The last few weeks had been a weird dance between us.
Ever since that conversation in his dad’s office, something had shifted.
He wasn’t exactly warm. Cole Nelson didn’t do warm.
But he’d stopped actively avoiding me. We’d even had a few civil conversations about the ranch that didn’t end in shouting or one of us storming off.
Evelyn seemed might impressed by our progress.
Of course, we still hadn’t talked about the shower incident.
That particular elephant was still very much in the room, growing larger by the day.
But I let it go for the time being. Besides, I didn’t see what the big deal was.
People got naked to shower and sometimes they liked to masturbate.
It just happened. Something about it got to Cole though, and that was the part I didn’t understand.
We’d shared a wall all through our teenage years.
I’m sure both of us had heard plenty of things in the night.
I certainly had. So why was this any different?
“All set,” the delivery guy announced, flipping some switches on the control panel.
The freezer hummed to life, its compressor kicking in with a reassuring mechanical whir.
“Give it about twelve hours to reach optimal temperature. You’ll want to check the digital readout here to make sure it’s holding steady at whatever temp you set. ”
I nodded, making mental notes. “And the maintenance schedule?”
“Clean the coils quarterly,” the guy replied, pointing to a section underneath the unit. “And check the door seals monthly for any cracks. Freezers this size are pretty robust, but they need regular maintenance to stay efficient.”
Cole had wandered over, standing just close enough to hear but far enough to maintain his perpetual bubble of personal space. He peered at the control panel, his blue eyes narrowed in concentration.
“How long’s the warranty?” he asked.
“Five years on parts, two on labor,” the delivery guy said, handing me a thick manual. “All the details are in here. You’ve got our number if anything goes wrong.”
After they’d finished the installation and left, Cole and I stood in the barn, staring at our expensive new acquisition. The freezer hummed steadily, like a giant metal beast breathing in the corner.
“Well,” I said, breaking the silence. “It’s here.”
“Yep,” Cole replied, his expression still unreadable.
“You gonna help me get it organized tomorrow? We’ll need to set up shelving inside, figure out a system for inventory tracking.”
Cole tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling beams as if they might offer some escape. Finally, he sighed. “Yeah, I’ll help. Not like I’ve got a choice, anyway.”
“That’s the spirit,” I said, unable to keep the sarcasm from my voice. “Really feeling the partnership here.”
He shot me a look, but there wasn’t the usual heat behind it. Instead, he seemed almost... resigned. “This is your show, Jesse. You’re the one who knows about this direct-to-consumer business. I’m just along for the ride.”
“It’s not just my show. That’s the whole point.
” I stepped closer, frustration bubbling up inside me.
“The whole farm-to-table thing works because we can market authentic ranch-raised beef from a real Montana cowboy operation. People eat that shit up, literally and figuratively. But it only works if you’re on board. ”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” he gestured around the barn. “I got the electrical work done, cleared out this space, made sure the floor was paved to handle the weight. What more do you want?”
“I want you to believe in it,” I said, surprising myself with the intensity in my voice. “I want you to see that this could actually save the ranch.”
Cole’s jaw tightened, a muscle twitching beneath his stubble. For a moment, I thought he might argue, but instead, he just nodded once.
“The cattle are ready to come down from the mountain,” he said, changing the subject. “We need to start the drive tomorrow if we want to beat the weather.”
I’d been dreading this part. Driving cattle down from the high country was no joke, especially for someone who hadn’t done it…
ever. But I knew how hard that shit was, the way the ranch hands looked when they got back, like they’d been ridden hard and put away wet.
My muscles were already protesting just thinking about it.
“How long will it take?” I asked, already internally cringing.
“Two days, maybe three,” Cole replied, pushing back his hat to wipe sweat from his forehead. “Depends on the weather and how cooperative the herd feels like being.”
My stomach sank. I’d been hoping for something shorter, like a few hours of hard work followed by a hot shower and painkillers.
“I’m guessing I need to come along?” I tried to keep my voice casual, but Cole saw right through it.
The corner of his mouth twitched. Not quite a smile, but close. “What’s the matter, city boy? Afraid of a little saddle sore?”
“More like terrified of three days of it,” I admitted. “I haven’t been on a horse in fifteen years.”
Cole actually chuckled at that, the sound startling me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard him laugh, even a little.
“Well, you’re about to get reacquainted. We head out at dawn.” He turned to leave, then paused. “Pack warm. Nights get cold up there this time of year.”
As he walked away, I fought the urge to call after him with some excuse about needing to stay behind to set up the freezer.
But I knew better. This was part of ranch life, the part I’d conveniently forgotten during my years in Seattle.
If I was going to make this work, I needed to pull my weight in all aspects of the operation, not just the business side.
“Hey, Cole,” I called out instead.
He stopped, looking back over his shoulder.
“Thanks for letting me try this,” I said, gesturing toward the freezer. “I know it wasn’t an easy call.”
Something flickered across his face… surprise, maybe, or confusion at the sincerity in my voice. For a moment, the wall between us seemed just a little thinner.
“Don’t thank me yet,” he replied gruffly. “Still gotta see if it works.”
With that, he strode out of the barn, leaving me alone with our humming investment.
I ran my hand along the cool metal surface, hope and anxiety mingling in my gut.
This had to work. Not just for the ranch, but for me and Cole too.
I needed to prove that I wasn’t the same selfish kid who’d run away all those years ago.
The freezer continued its steady hum, the sound oddly comforting in the quiet barn.
Tomorrow we’d bring the cattle down, and then the real work would begin.
Sorting out the ones to be processed, transporting them to the butcher, turning the website on at last, and building a customer base from scratch.
It was daunting, but for the first time in weeks, I felt a flicker of genuine excitement.
Cole might not believe in this plan yet, but I did. And somehow, I was going to make him believe too. Not just in the business, but in me.
I gave the freezer one last pat before heading back to the house. I had packing to do and a long ride to prepare for. The hardest part wasn’t going to be the cattle drive, I realized. It was going to be convincing Cole that we could actually pull this off together.
I was halfway to the house when I heard the sound of hooves pounding across the pasture.
Cole was already on horseback, his silhouette cutting a sharp figure against the setting sun as he galloped toward the eastern pasture.
Even from this distance, I could see the easy way he moved with his horse, like they were a single entity.
He’d always been a natural in the saddle, even as a kid.
My stomach twisted with a familiar mix of admiration and envy. Would I ever look that comfortable on a horse again? Or would I just embarrass myself in front of the ranch hands, confirming every suspicion they had that I was just a city boy playing cowboy?
“Better get some rest,” Evelyn called from the porch as I approached. “Dawn comes mighty early when you’re dreading it.”
I gave her a weak smile. “That obvious, huh?”
“Written all over your face, honey.” She handed me a mug as I climbed the steps. “Hot chocolate. Just like I used to make when you were little.”
The gesture nearly undid me. I took the mug, my throat suddenly tight. “Thanks, Evelyn.”
“You’ll do fine tomorrow,” she said, patting my arm. “It’s like riding a bike. Your body remembers even if your brain’s forgotten.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I nodded anyway. “I hope you’re right. Otherwise, Cole’s going to have a field day watching me fall on my ass.”
“That boy’s got his own demons to worry about,” she replied cryptically. “Don’t you worry about what he thinks.”
I wanted to ask her what she meant, but she was already heading back inside, leaving me to wonder what Cole Nelson could possibly be struggling with besides his perpetual bad mood and my unwelcome presence in his life.
In my room, I dug through my closet for the warmest clothes I owned, which wasn’t saying much.
Most of my Seattle wardrobe wasn’t designed for Montana mountain nights in late October.
I found an old fleece buried in the back, a piece I’d probably left behind all those years ago.
It got tossed onto the growing pile on my bed.
As I packed, my mind kept circling back to Cole. To the way he’d almost laughed in the barn. To the fact that he was actually going along with my freezer idea, even if he was skeptical. It felt like progress, however small.
Despite all that, his stoic persona still made me feel like the same little kid that I’d always been to him.
I was always tagging along, getting in the way, and being a general nuisance.
But just like I was reminded tonight as I watched him ride off, I’d always admired Cole and his strength.
I just never knew how to express it to him.
Maybe that’s why I ended up gay. Raised without a father, then when I finally got other men in my life, I was always searching for their attention and never getting what I needed.
Was it just a classic daddy issues sort of situation?
Then again, looking back on some of my memories, I had a feeling I’d just always been that way.
And there was a very brief time in our youths where Cole and I were interested in the same things and spent a lot of time together. Then Mom died and everything changed.
Still, when I looked back on those memories, I found myself wondering if I’d had a bit of a crush on my stepbrother without realizing it. Tall, dark, and handsome was definitely my type and I had years of boyfriends to prove it. And it’s not like Cole and I were actually related.
I shook my head, going back to my packing. There was no point in really thinking about it though. Cole wasn’t into guys, and he definitely wasn’t into me. In fact, most days I was pretty sure he wanted to rearrange my front teeth instead of looking at me.
Maybe the loneliness of being in Hell Creek was finally getting to me. I didn’t really miss Derek, but I did miss having someone to sleep next to… someone to fuck. I could download all the apps I wanted, but there was nobody for me in Hell Creek.
I let out a long sigh, glancing down at my right hand. “I guess it’s just you and me, buddy.” Then I looked at my left. “And maybe you can join in too, stranger.”
God, I felt pathetic.