Chapter 23
Cole
Oh lord I had really fucked up this time.
And Jesse proved it to me by not speaking more than a “good morning” to me for nearly three weeks.
The man wouldn’t even look at me during breakfast. Anything that had to do with the business was communicated over email or text.
In fact, the only time he acted like he tolerated me was during Mr. Whitaker’s monthly visit.
But the moment the old lawyer went home, I was back in the doghouse.
And it was all my fuckin’ fault.
I couldn’t blame him. The words I’d said that night were unforgivable, born from panic and fear rather than truth. Jesse wasn’t some slut who’d manipulated me. He’d been honest from the start while I’d been the one hiding, denying, fighting what was between us at every turn.
Every morning I’d watch him move around the kitchen, making coffee in silence, his shoulders stiff whenever I entered the room.
The distance between us felt like miles even when we sat at the same table.
I’d catch myself staring at his hands, remembering how they felt on my skin, or at his mouth, recalling the taste of him.
Then I’d force myself to look away before Evelyn noticed.
She never mentioned what she’d seen at the party, but I caught her watching us sometimes, her eyes sad. I wondered if she pitied us… two grown men who couldn’t figure out how to talk to each other.
I tried to apologize once, cornering Jesse in the barn when he was alone.
“I didn’t mean what I said,” I told him, my voice rough with regret. “I was scared, and I lashed out.”
He’d looked at me then, really looked at me for the first time in days, his hazel eyes hard with hurt.
“That’s the problem, Cole,” he’d said quietly. “When you get scared, you get cruel. And I won’t keep being your punching bag. Not anymore.”
He’d walked away after that, leaving me standing there with nothing but the hollow ache in my chest for his company.
I threw myself into ranch work, pushing my body until exhaustion dulled the pain.
The beef business continued to thrive despite the tension between us.
Orders poured in, and somehow, we managed to fulfill them without speaking more than absolutely necessary.
The ranch hands noticed the change, exchanging glances when Jesse and I passed each other without a word, but they knew better than to ask.
Tonight, I sat alone at the kitchen table long after Evelyn had gone home, nursing a glass of whiskey and staring at the grain of the wood. Three weeks of silence. Three weeks of watching Jesse slip further away. Three weeks of knowing it was my fault.
The creak of the stairs made me look up. Jesse stood in the doorway, hesitating when he saw me. He wore sweatpants and a T-shirt, his hair damp from the shower.
“Sorry,” he muttered, turning to leave. “Didn’t know you were still up.”
“Wait,” I said, the word escaping before I could stop it. “Please.”
He paused, his back to me, shoulders tense.
“I miss you,” I admitted, my voice breaking on the words. “I miss us.”
Jesse turned slowly, his expression guarded. “There is no us, Cole. You made that pretty clear.”
“I was wrong,” I said, setting down my glass. “What I said to you... it was wrong and cruel and I didn’t mean any of it.”
“Then why the fuck did you say it?” he muttered in reply, his voice trembling. “Why do I always have to be the one you take your anger out on?”
I didn’t have a good answer for him. The truth was, Jesse had always been my safe target. Even when we were kids, I’d lash out at him when I was hurting, knowing he wouldn’t hit back. But he wasn’t a kid anymore, and neither was I.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, rising from my chair. “It’s like... you’re the only one I can be real with. The only one who sees all of me. And sometimes that scares the hell out of me.”
Jesse leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. The defensive posture made my heart sink, but at least he was still here, still listening.
“That’s a shit excuse,” he said quietly. “Being scared doesn’t give you the right to hurt me.”
“I know,” I agreed, taking a cautious step toward him. “I know that, Jesse. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
His jaw clenched as he looked away. “Do you have any idea what it feels like? To hear you say those things after...” He swallowed hard. “After I told you how I felt about you?”
The pain in his voice cut through me like a knife. I’d spent three weeks drowning in my own regret, but I hadn’t fully considered how deeply I’d wounded him with my words.
“I was terrified,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “Not of Evelyn knowing, not really. I was scared of what I felt for you. Of how much power you have over me.”
Jesse’s eyes snapped back to mine, surprise flickering across his features.
“When you told me you were falling for me,” I continued, forcing myself to meet his gaze, “it was everything I wanted to hear and everything I was afraid of at the same time.”
“So, your solution was to call me a manipulative slut?” His voice was sharp, but I could hear the anger beneath it. The pain.
I winced at the harsh reminder of my words. “No. That was me being a coward. Lashing out because I was scared of how much I...” I hesitated, the words sticking in my throat.
“How much you what?” Jesse pressed, taking a step into the kitchen.
My heart hammered against my ribs. I’d never been good with words, never known how to express what I felt. But I knew if I didn’t say it now, I might lose him forever.
“How much I… love you,” I said, the confession tearing from somewhere deep inside me. “I love you, Jesse. I think I always have, in some way.”
The silence that followed felt endless. Jesse stood perfectly still, his expression unreadable in the dim kitchen light. I waited, barely breathing, for him to say something… anything.
“If that’s true,” he finally said, his voice thick with emotion, “then why do you keep pushing me away?”
I ran a hand through my hair, searching for the right words. “Because I let myself love you once,” I said, deciding the truth was better than another half-concealed lie. “And you left.”
“I didn’t know, Cole—”
“I know,” I replied, holding up my hands in defeat. “It wasn’t your fault. But I… I blamed you for it anyway.” I looked up at him, meeting those hazel eyes once more. “That was wrong of me. Just like it was wrong of me to lash out at you. It’s inexcusable and I’m… I’m sorry.”
“You know you sound like a real dickhead right now, right?” Jesse said, taking another step closer. “And if you ever do that to me again, I will leave. Period. I will not hesitate.”
“I know,” I said, my throat tight. “I deserve that.”
Jesse’s eyes were still hard, but there was something else there too. A flicker of hope, maybe, or at least a willingness to listen. He crossed the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, his back to me.
“Do you even know why I came back, Cole?” he asked, still facing away.
I shifted uncomfortably. “For the ranch? For the inheritance?”
He turned, leaning against the counter. “I came back because I missed home. Because I let Jack down. Because I missed—” he faltered, then continued more quietly. “Because I missed you.”
The confession hit me like a physical blow. All these months I’d assumed he’d returned for the money, for the property, to assuage his regrets. I’d never considered that he might have come back for me.
“But you were so successful in Seattle,” I said, confused. “Your marketing career—”
“Was empty,” Jesse interrupted. “I had money. I had a boyfriend. I had a nice apartment and a white-collar life. But I didn’t have this.” He gestured around the kitchen. “I didn’t have Hell Creek. I didn’t have… you.”
I took a step toward him, afraid to hope. “Even after all these years?”
“Even after all these years,” he confirmed. “Why do you think I was so hurt when you rejected me? When you kept pushing me away? It wasn’t just about the sex, Cole.”
“I didn’t know,” I whispered, my chest aching with regret for all the time we’d wasted. “I thought you just wanted... I didn’t realize...”
“That I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen?” Jesse laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Yeah, well. It’s not something I advertised.”
My heart hammered against my ribs. Jesse had loved me all this time? Through all the years apart, through all my coldness since his return?
“I’m an idiot,” I said, taking another cautious step toward him.
“Yes, you are,” he agreed, but his voice had softened. “A complete and utter fucking idiot.”
“Can you forgive me?” I asked, stopping just a foot away from him. Close enough to touch, but I kept my hands at my sides, waiting for permission. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyway.”
Jesse studied me for a long moment, his eyes searching mine. “On one condition.”
“Anything,” I said immediately, meaning it with every fiber of my being.
“No more hiding,” he said firmly. “Not from each other, not from ourselves. I’m not saying we need to announce it to the world tomorrow, but I won’t go back to pretending this isn’t real.”
I nodded, understanding what he was asking. “No more hiding,” I agreed. “I promise.”
“And no more cruel words when you get scared,” he added, his voice hardening again. “I mean it, Cole. I won’t put up with that again. I deserve better.”
“You do,” I nodded. “I promise I won’t do it again.”
Jesse took a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling with the motion. My heart was in my throat as I waited for his response. He reached out slowly, his hand finding mine, his fingers threading through my own.
“Okay,” he said softly. “I believe you.”
Relief washed over me so intensely my knees nearly buckled. I gripped his hand like a lifeline, afraid to pull him closer, afraid to do anything that might break this fragile peace between us.
“I’ve been miserable without you,” I admitted, my voice rough. “These past three weeks have been hell.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Good.”
Despite everything, I laughed. “You always were a little shit.”
“Part of my charm,” he replied, but the humor faded quickly from his eyes. “I meant what I said at New Year’s, Cole. I’m falling for you. Hard. But I need to know if you’re going to run scared every time something gets difficult.”
I shook my head, squeezing his hand. “I won’t run. Not anymore.”
“Promise?” His voice was barely audible, vulnerable in a way that made my chest ache.
“I promise,” I whispered, finally daring to step closer. “I’m done fighting this. Fighting us.”
Jesse’s free hand came up to rest against my chest, right over my heart. I could feel it pounding beneath his palm, giving away every emotion I’d spent years trying to hide.
“I love you,” I said again, the words coming easier this time. “I think I’ve loved you since before I even understood what that meant.”
He looked up at me, those hazel eyes searching mine for any sign of hesitation or doubt. Whatever he saw there must have satisfied him, because the next moment he was pulling me down into a kiss that stole the breath from my lungs.
It was different from our previous encounters… not desperate or frantic, but deep and achingly tender. His lips moved against mine with a gentleness I hadn’t known I craved until now. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me, feeling the solid warmth of his body pressed to mine.
When we finally broke apart, I rested my forehead against his, unwilling to let any distance come between us. “Stay with me tonight,” I whispered. “Not for sex. Just... stay.”
Jesse nodded, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Okay.” He paused, a grin pulling at his lips. “But can we do the sex too?”
I laughed, unable to stop myself. “God yes.”