19. Nerves Of Steel
19
Nerves Of Steel
Antonio
She’s not going to show.
I’ve been pacing this same spot for what feels like an hour. Of course, the fact that I arrived an hour early may be a big part of that reason, but still, she’s not going to show.
Nervousness pools in my stomach. I’m fucking sweating.
“For fuck’s sake, Antonio, get a fucking grip,” I mutter, forcing myself to take a few calming breaths. “Of course, she’ll show up. It’s not like she has anywhere to go.”
Dread washes over me like an icy bath. Because Lilith Ferro always has someplace to go.
I glance at my watch, calculating the number of hours since brunch and curse softly. For all I know, she’s spent the last few hours plotting her escape.
Cursing even more loudly, I turn back toward the main house, but I’ve only taken a few steps when I see her. She’s standing on the far side of the pool, staring at me. I stare back, heart pounding in my chest.
I move to go to her but then stop myself, shoving my hands in my pockets and focusing on cooling my jets. She slowly walks closer, and I scan her up and down, smiling because it’s obvious Agatha and Carolina chose her outfit. Not that she doesn’t look stunning, but frankly, she would look stunning in a paper bag.
It only takes her a few moments to reach me, and then she stands in front of me, her hands clasped, those bright blue eyes staring up at me questioningly.
There’s something different about her, and it only takes me a few moments to realize what she’s done. “Your hair.”
She smiles, one of her hands moving up to touch her hair, which was platinum earlier this morning and is now back to its natural ash-blonde. Her smile fades, a small frown on her brows as she looks away. “Do you like it?”
I step into her, touching my fingertips to her chin, applying pressure until her head lifts and her eyes once again meet mine. “Well, I love it. But the real question is, do you?”
Her breath hitches. She presses her lips together, her eyes suddenly turning glassy. But she says nothing; she only nods slightly. I release her chin, my hand moving to grip one of hers loosely. “I was starting to worry you wouldn’t show.”
She raises her brows at me, her lips twitching, and then her free hand moves to my wrist, where she turns my watch, peering at the face. “I’m right on time.”
I smile sheepishly as I admit, “Well, I may have been a tad early.”
“Oh, really? How early?”
I shrug, not really wanting to answer, but her curious gaze finally has me replying, “Maybe an hour or so.”
Her lips curve up, and then she laughs. “Antonio Rossi. Are you trying to say you’re nervous?”
“Oh, hugely. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this nervous about anything.”
She swats me on the arm with her hand, shaking her head. “I can’t imagine why.”
“Aren’t we always the most scared of losing what means the most to us?”
Again, she swats me on the arm. “Oh, stop. Surely, there are more important things in your life than me.”
“No. Never,” I reply without hesitation. My hands move to cup her face, not allowing her to look away as I say, “You’re it, Lilith. This is it. It’s me and you until the end of our days.”
Her hands grip my wrists, and she leans into me as she whispers, “How can you be so sure?”
“I’ve been sure for my entire life.”
“How can you say that? After everything—”
“Stop that,” I interrupt harshly. “We no longer live in the past. We no longer let our past control us. We never know how much time we have left on this earth, and I know I want to spend whatever time I have left with you.”
“And what if I refuse?”
I laugh, shaking my head at her stubbornness. “Then I guess I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to change your mind.”
She smiles, and I see the teasing glint in her eyes. I give her a tiny shake as I mutter, “You’re really going to fucking mess with me right now?”
Her hands move to my back, and she pulls me close, wrapping me up in a hug so her reply comes out against my chest. “Well, I’m always going to give you a hard time. If that’s a problem for you, we’ll probably not work out.”
I hug her to me, one palm pressed between her shoulders and the other on the back of her head. I lower my head until I press my nose to her hair and inhale deeply, the warmth in my chest making me tighten my arms, attempting to pull her impossibly closer.
After a few moments, she releases me, and I begrudgingly let her go. Then I take her hand in mine, leading her around the pool to a sitting area around the other side of the pool house. Agatha and Carolina have transformed it into its own private oasis, with little tea lights twinkling everywhere and a candlelit table. I lead her to the table, pulling a chair out for her and pushing it in when she sits. I take my own seat, sliding my chair closer to hers with the subtlety of a bull in a China shop. She peers at me warmly, that small smile back on her lips, and I shrug, completely unapologetic for wanting to be close to her.
Incapable of resisting, I touch her hair, the silky strands slipping through my fingers. She doesn’t attempt to pull away or push me away, her expression open as she says, “So, you remember my hair being this color?”
I nod, slowly releasing her hair and resting my hand on my thigh. “You didn’t start bleaching it until well after we’d met. But if I remember correctly, it was right around the time you turned into a finely tuned killing machine.”
She snorts and then replies, “Pretty much. That was around the time I was told I either become useful or used up.”
I frown, my hands fisting on my leg at the idea that she could have been used up. And I know exactly what she means. Just because she could no longer bear children didn’t mean they wouldn’t insist she continue to use her feminine wiles to suit them. My lip curls, and I turn my glower away from her.
Her hand on my arm draws my attention back to her face. She’s gazing at me knowingly, but then she shrugs. “We’re not living in the past, remember?”
My body immediately relaxes, and I nod. “You’re right.”
She pats me on the arm and straightens in her chair, but I lean closer, waiting for her to meet my eyes again. “But mark my words, Lilith. If anyone so much as thinks about fucking with you again, they’ll have signed their own death warrant.”
Her lips twist in amusement, and she looks away, her eyes focusing on the table in front of her. I reach out, resting my hand on top of hers before sliding it into her lap. “What?”
She gives me a sideways look and shrugs, so I press, “Come on. Spit it out.”
She sighs and then shrugs. “Other than Mickey, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a man defend me before.”
“Well, I can tell you with certainty that there are at least a few other men in the world who would defend you.”
She raises a brow at me. “Oh, really? Like who?”
“Like the three men who came to see me before my date with you.”
Lilith frowns and then gapes at me for a moment. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Tony, Matt, and Darius,” I reply seriously. “They were quite intent on knowing my intentions before allowing this to move forward.”
“Allowing?”
I nod and then laugh as I reply, “Oh, yes. They needed to make sure my intentions were serious.”
She shakes her head and sighs with amusement. “And what did you say?”
“I told them the truth.”
“And what is that?”
“That you’re mine, and if anyone wanted to attempt to get in the middle of that, I’ll happily cut out their heart.”
She raises her brows, giving me a serious look. “Right for the heart, huh?”
I nod, hoping my expression reflects the seriousness of the threat. Because even as outrageous as it sounds, I am fucking serious. She smiles, obviously happy with my response, so I add, “So, yes, there are definitely a few other men out there who would defend you to the death, and I get the impression that that concept is like a two-way superhighway in this group.”
“Yes,” she answers, her hand turning over beneath mine and gripping me firmly. Her eyes meet mine steadily as she leans in slightly. “And now, you’re a part of it, too.”
That warmth is back in my chest, and I’m just about to respond when Agatha yells from the other side of the pool, “You guys want some food?”
Lilith jumps in her seat and glares in Agatha’s direction before she turns to me and asks, horror in her tone, “Is Agatha cooking?”
“I think so. I mean, I’m not really sure.”
Lilith grimaces, then turns back in Agatha’s direction and shouts, “Not if you’re cooking.”
There’s a bit of a scuffle on the far side, which I assume is Agatha and Carolina having some words, but then Agatha is walking toward us, a tray in her hands. She’s glaring at her mother but then turns her focus to me and smiles. I smile in response, grateful for her interference, even if sometimes, I still want to kick her ass. Lilith releases my hand and then sits back in her chair, her eyes on Agatha. “Well, what’s on the menu?”
Agatha’s glare intensifies, but then she places a plate in front of Lilith and says, “We get what we get, and we don’t complain.”
Lilith stares down at the plate, her eyes wide with confusion. “Are you seriously serving the Italian man English muffin pizza?”
Agatha plunks a plate down in front of me unceremoniously, placing the tray under her arm and smacking Lilith on the shoulder. “And what is wrong with English muffin pizza?”
I stare down at the plate for a moment, and then I smile, looking over at Lilith as I reply, “Is this your roundabout way of calling me a snob?”
She stares at me wide-eyed. “Well, I haven’t had too many meals with you, but I don’t imagine you’ve been served English muffin pizzas in your day.”
Agatha points at my plate. “I even made his extra fancy.”
“It looks amazing, Aggie. Thank you.”
Lilith is staring at me like I’ve lost my mind, so I give her a pointed look, tilting my head toward Agatha and then waiting. After a moment, she sighs loudly and then says, “Yes, Aggie. Thank you.”
Agatha smiles, nodding shortly. “We’ve left dessert for you in the pool house. Extra drinks are in the fridge. And all the fixings for more pizza if you get hungry.”
“Are you going off-duty then?” Lilith asks.
“Yes. I wouldn’t want to get in the way.” She throws me a wink and then takes off in the direction of the main house.
Lilith watches after her, smiling fondly even as she shakes her head. I pick up my fork. “Shall we?”
She laughs, taking the fork from my hand and setting it down on the table.
Then she picks up a pizza, holding it up in the air. “Buon appetito.”