21. Freedom
21
Freedom
Antonio
I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.
I’ll admit, when Lilith first went from panic to tears, I was worried.
But then, she changed. Right in front of my eyes, she shifted as if a huge weight had been lifted from her soul, and she could finally breathe again.
Her arms are wrapped around my neck, clutching me, her face pressed against my neck, and I take a moment to breathe her in, to soak up the joy of how far we’ve come.
My arms encircle her, my palms sliding over the silk of her dress as I caress her lightly. “How are we going to do this?”
“Slowly,” she responds almost shyly. Her hands massage my back, and she hides her face against my chest, her hips rotating so my dick pushes into her stomach rhythmically. “Thoroughly.”
Laughing, I ask, “Thoroughly? Really?”
“Oh, yeah,” she mutters, her hips rocking with greater purpose.
I remain passive in her embrace, allowing her to maneuver however she likes, my hands lightly gripping her waist. “Shall we sully Declan’s nice sofa or find a bedroom?”
A giggle escapes, and when she finally lifts her head to look up at me, my breath catches in my throat. Lilith has always been beautiful, but right now, seemingly free from ghosts, she’s positively radiant.
I have to push down my urge to fuck her on the closest surface, propriety and romance be damned.
Suddenly, she steps away, and I drop my arms, momentarily startled at her abrupt movement. She takes a step toward the back of house, but then stops, turning slightly toward me and holding her hand out. “Well, come on then.”
Her smile is teasing, and I take her hand with a shake of my head, chuckling as she tugs me along behind her. She decides on the third room she checks, muttering to herself about the en suite bathroom.
The room is on the large side, with a king-size bed in the middle of the far wall, nightstands on both sides, and matching dressers off to the side. The bedding is dark, likely out of practicality, but at this moment, I want nothing more than to see her ash-blonde hair spread across those sheets. Her bright blue eyes darken with desire, legs spread, arms outstretched as she begs—
A jab in the side pulls me from my thoughts, and I turn my focus back to her. The smirk on her lips indicates she has a good idea of what I was thinking about. I pull her into a hug, bowing my head and kissing her neck, nibbling a path up to her ear, earning a lighthearted giggle that has that ache in my chest aglow.
Pulling back, I remove my tie, fold it, and place it on the dresser nearest to me. I remove my cufflinks, placing them beside my neatly folded tie, and I’m just reaching for the top button of my shirt when she clears her throat, drawing my attention back to her. “What was that?”
She’s staring at me like I’m the dumbest person in the world, and my urge to giggle like a fucking idiot cements her opinion in this moment. “Are you seriously going to undress yourself and take the time to fold each article and put it away neatly?”
I wince, my smile a bit of a grimace as I glance at my tie and my cufflinks, my hands still on the top button of my shirt. My hands drop to my sides, and after a short sigh, I finally admit, “I’m a bit nervous, I think.”
She moves to stand in front of me, her hands working the buttons one by one. “Me too.”
I allow her to remove my shirt, standing still as her hands stroke over my bare chest, only intaking a quick breath as her nails scrape over my nipples. She makes quick work of my belt, unfastening and unzipping my pants, her eyes locked with mine as she lets them drop to the floor with the thud of my belt.
Accepting her silent challenge, I shove my underwear down my legs and then step out of the pooled fabric, pushing her back a few steps as I leave the defenseless clothing in a heap. Her smile is now triumphant as she scans me up and down, and then her hands stroke along my bare skin, earning soft sighs and shivers from me.
She appears to be enjoying herself, but I sense an underlying shyness, her light touch a bit hesitant, her gaze skittish.
“If you need me to stop for any reason, just say so,” I say in what I can only hope is a gentle tone. I’m being entirely serious, but the last thing I want to do is instill worry or doubt into our night. “We don’t need a fancy safe word or anything. ‘No. Stop. What the fuck are you doing?’ Any variation of those will do.”
Her smile is genuine, her fingertips gliding over my cheek, a comfort. “Likewise. No questions asked, no hard feelings.”
My smile is sheepish, understanding what she means even as I want to deny the possibility. “I appreciate that,” I murmur, my hand playing with the fabric of her dress. “Look at us, being all communicative and shit.”
Her laugh clears the last remnants of unease from the room, and I breathe a sigh of relief that my little safety statement didn’t ruin our night. I knew it easily could, but I also knew it had to be said.
She’s smiling and shaking her head as she says, “Please don’t ever do that again.”
“What?”
“Speak so distinctly American.”
I grin at her, considering giving her my best swagger, but then she swats me on my arm, so I switch tactics, pulling her into my fully.
We both stop laughing.
We stare at each other, her hands on my biceps, my hands on her waist, swaying to the beat of our own hearts. She raises herself up, and I lower my head just enough so she can reach my lips easily, though tentatively at first. I remain still, allowing her to take her time, her lips and tongue quickly gaining confidence until she’s kissing me with fervor.
Then, once again, her hand jabs me in my side, earning a wince as she says against my lips, “Get with the program, Antonio.”
I attribute many parts of myself to having known Lilith—possessiveness, passion, devotion—but the most surprising one would be playful.
Laughing softly, my hands move to her face, my palms cupping her cheeks. Our eyes meet and hold just as our lips touch, this time with purpose. We taste and tease, our hands exploring and caressing until we finally pull back, breathless, exhilarated.
I laugh again, my hands coming up between us as I confess, “I’m fucking shaking.”
My words are gruff, and we stand there for a moment, watching my shaking hands before she grabs them in her own. Her laugh is full of wonder, her eyes bright with emotion as she meets my gaze. “Me, too.”
Then she drops my hands, once again gripping me around my neck as she pulls me down, her mouth ravaging mine hungrily, edging us closer to the bed.
I grip her around her waist, moving one hand to the back of her dress, where I grasp the zipper, slowly drawing it down.
“Don’t get used to this matching lingerie thing,” she says as she pulls the dress down her arms, shoving the fabric over her hips and letting it fall to the floor. I glance at the crumpled silk at her feet, then back at her face as she quite intentionally gives the dress a bit of a kick.
I squash down my urge to retrieve it and fold it, instead stroking my hands along her waist, my eyes skimming over what little clothing she’s still wearing. “But it’ll look so nice on the floor.”
Her smile is radiant. Warmth fires in my chest, that euphoric feeling of possession taking hold.
Lilith unhooks the front clasp of her bra and stands holding the two parts together, her worried expression making me ask, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just not,” she begins slowly, obviously still trying to think of what she wants to say. She presses her lips together, clutching the bra to her front defensively as she stares up at me, panic brewing on her features.
Knowing what she’s trying to say, I place my hands over hers, bending down so I’m face-to-face with her. “Yeah, me either.”
A half-smile appears on her lips, and she rolls her eyes a bit. “Not even remotely the same.” She lifts her chin toward me, her eyes moving to my chest and then back to my face. “You’re even hotter now.”
“And so are you,” I reply softly, hoping my eyes convey the truth behind my words. “I promise, Lilith. You’re magnificent.’
Her brow lifts, her lips pursing in a manner that would indicate she doesn’t believe me. Knowing there are better ways to reassure her, I slowly walk her backward until the mattress touches her calves. Grasping her hands in mine, I ease them away from the bra she’s still clutching, and she allows me to help remove it.
Tossing the scrap of fabric on the floor, I use both of my hands to give her a push, knocking her off balance enough to topple her over onto the bed. She squeaks in surprise and then laughs, scooting herself further onto the mattress until she’s sprawled in the middle of it.
I watch her for a moment, that deep ache I’ve been carrying around in my chest for decades slowly easing. She’s lying back on the bed, her feet flat on the mattress, placed just wide enough for me to kneel between them rather awkwardly.
Lilith’s underwear is made of the same delicate silk as her bra, my fingertips gliding along the smooth material. “What do we have here?”
Her eyes widen then her hands cover her face. “That was not my idea. I was coerced, I swear.”
I chuckle, my fingers stroking along the open crotch of her silk underwear. “Uh-huh. Because you’re so easily led and all.”
“This time, I just gave up. Let them dress me like I was their personal life-size doll.”
“So, I should thank them later?” I tease.
“Please don’t. That will only encourage them.”
Smiling, I return my focus to the silk fabric barely covering her pussy. Her bent legs are tense, and her knees spread only far enough for me to get a glimpse. Sliding my fingers up her inner thighs, I push gently, slowly easing her knees wider until I have a clear view of exactly where I’m going to put my mouth.
“Scoot up,” I say quietly, my hands on her hips assisting her movement until she has slid up enough that her head is on a pillow, allowing me room to lie comfortably between her legs. Stroking my hands along her inner thighs, I lower my head, first breathing her in, teasing the smooth silk with the tip of my nose.
Gasping, she bucks her hips, nudging my face with her pussy. I smile, glancing up and meeting her eyes just as my tongue teases her clit, and her gasps turn into a low moan. I do it again, this time using the tip of my tongue to stroke lazy circles, unable to remove the stupid grin from my face as she rocks against me.
Raising her head from the pillow, her heated gaze meets mine, her eyes widening slightly, and then she frowns. I lift my head slightly and ask, “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
I raise a brow at her, knowing full well whatever was going through her mind is not nothing. Not wanting her to hold back at all, I respond, “Please, Lilith. Always speak your mind with me.”
Those perfect lips turn down in a slight grimace, and once again, her hands cover her face. “Ugh. No. It is highly inappropriate.”
“So, perfectly normal for you,” I reply with a laugh, my tongue flicking along the open crotch of her underwear. “Out with it, Lil.”
“You just looked different, that’s all,” she mutters from behind her hands. Then she peeks at me, a shy smile on her lips. “Young. Boyish, even.”
I stare at her for a long moment, watching her cheeks flush, a shy excitement in her blue eyes that sends an answering shock of heat right down my middle. “I know exactly what you mean. And you need to know how infinitely ecstatic I am to be here with you. Finally, after all these years, we get to have our first time.”
She searches my eyes, that small smile on her lips growing as her hands fall away, moving to rest on her stomach. Then she nods. I return her smile, and for a moment in time, it’s as if the past fades away, and we’re just two people choosing each other.
I don’t wait for her to say anything else. I lie flat on my stomach, hooking an arm around her hip and yanking her underwear to the side. Lapping her with the flat of my tongue, I tease every inch of her, increasing my efforts when her fingers tangle in my hair.
Adjusting my position, I manage to move my free hand up, stroking inside her with one finger and then two, stretching her rhythmically until I’m rewarded with low moans and incoherent curses.
Watching her every move, I tease her slowly, lips sucking, tongue stroking, fingers pushing deep, then retreating in long strokes. Her tongue peeks out, wetting her lips, her fingers in my hair tightening, yanking until she’s riding my face, demanding I make her come.
Desire pulses inside me, my fingers sliding in and out of her wet cunt in time with the press of my cock into the mattress. Bringing a knee up, I shift my dick away from the friction, turning my full attention to her pleasure.
Words fall from her lips, but none I can make out clearly through her sobbing moans. Sucking her clit, I flutter my tongue firmly, rubbing intently, my fingers plunging and pushing, pressing upward until her body stiffens, and she moans, “Oh, fuck.”
Her orgasm rushes in, her face a kaleidoscope of euphoria and wonder, so I increase my efforts, my fingers and tongue extending her moment, never wanting it to end. With her body shuddering from the inside out, she thrashes and curses, and my hunger for her increases with each painful tug on my hair.
Then, after a long moment, she quiets, one last breathless moan turning into a sigh. Her legs start to close, and I just manage to turn so my shoulder prevents her from squeezing my head.
With her eyes half-closed, her fingers release my hair, her arms fall to her sides, and little shivers run down her body. I pull back, quickly sliding her underwear over her hips and down her legs, tossing them aside before returning to my previous position between her legs.
She’s still quivering, still smiling, and I rest my cheek against her inner thigh. “Are you okay?”
“Are you going to ask me that every five minutes?” Her words are light, her lips twitching, and her eyes sparkling with humor as she peers down at me.
“I don’t know. Should I?” I tease, wanting her to keep looking at me just like that for the rest of my fucking life. It’s warm and inviting. Mine .
Laughing, she shakes her head. “Please, no. I promise, if I’m not okay, I will tell you.”
“Noted,” I respond, my fingertips stroking along her waist and down over her hips. “I’ll do anything you want me to, Lil. Whatever you need.”
“Right now, I need this to be normal. It can be first-time normal, but still normal,” she whispers as she reaches for me. “No more talking. No more questions—just doing.”
I go to her willingly, crawling up her body and settling between her legs. Bracing myself on my forearms, I nuzzle her ear, nipping her earlobe and then kissing along her jaw to her mouth. Our lips meet, languid and sweet, eyes locked, unwilling to blink for fear the moment will be lost, that I’ll wake to find this all a dream.
Clutching my back, she freezes, and our lips part, her blue eyes suddenly wild. I move my hands to cup her head, leaning my forehead against hers. A shaky laugh paints my lips, a sweet vibration through my chest, and she slowly relaxes beneath me, her hands a warm caress against my skin.
“Do—” I begin to speak, but she shushes me.
Shaking her head, she whispers, “No words, Antonio. Just feel.”
Raising her hips up, she slides her wet pussy along my dick, and any semblance of coherency leaves me in a rush. I shift my hips, my cock slipping down between us, and then I’m pressing the tip into her slowly, easing in and out, in and out.
She takes me in, inch by agonizing inch, until finally, I’m buried deep, and we’re skin-against-skin from hips to chest. Her feet slide up my calves, hooking behind my thighs, shifting my position as her legs widen, and I sink impossibly deeper, tempering my moan of pleasure against the soft skin of her neck.
We stay like that, locked around each other for a few long moments, and then her lips kiss my neck, her tongue licking, teeth nipping. I mirror her movements until she giggles, earning a chuckle I can’t even pretend to control, the sound of her joy my most lethal aphrodisiac.
Lilith rides me from below, the slow rotation of her hips a delicious push and pull that has me muttering and cursing in every language I know, earning more giggles and self-satisfied murmuring from her. She grips my ass in both of her hands and then pulls me deeper as she uses her heels on the backs of my thighs to drive me closer and closer to the edge.
I rock my hips, rubbing the base of my cock against her clit, wanting, needing her to come with me. Her body writhes, her hands moving to my lower back as she bucks wildly, a frustrated sob falling from her lips. I attempt to push myself off of her, but she clutches at me, so I rub my cheek against hers. “I’m not going anywhere. I just need some space to ensure you come with me.”
Slowly, her grip eases. I press my palms into the mattress, placing a kiss on her lips as I sit up. Adjusting my knees so I can multitask, I’m grateful for the brief distraction before I prematurely lose myself in her touch, her scent, and her breathless panting moans against my ear.
Reaching for a pillow, I pull on her hip, and she lifts herself just enough for me to stuff the pillow beneath her ass. Then I sink back in, my breath coming out in a hiss as her wet heat tightens around my dick. I grip her hip with one hand, holding her in place as I move my free hand to her pussy, stroking and pinching her clit.
I set an easy pace that quickly escalates in urgency. Raising herself on her elbows, her eyes flit from my face to where my cock is rutting into her, my thumb stroking her clit firmly. Soon, her eyes half close, her head falling back on a moan, and my heart stutters in my chest, hot euphoria ricocheting through my body.
“Look at me.” My words are more a plea than a command, but still, her eyes meet mine, unblinking, glowing with unfettered emotion that steals my breath. I pump into her faster, harder, rubbing her clit with my thumb and then pinching the swollen flesh between my thumb and forefinger in time with my inward thrusts.
Our eyes remain locked as her body twitches, and then my name falls from her lips in a whisper, quickly followed by a sob of pleasure as she comes undone.
And I’m a fucking goner.
Pleasure zaps down my spine, the heat in my groin settling in my balls as my orgasm barrels down on me. I manage a few hard, jackhammering thrusts, and then, I stop, my cock pressed deep as her wet quivering walls suck the very life out of me.
The broken sob that erupts from inside me is guttural. I try to say her name, and maybe I do, but the white-hot pleasure turns my words into an incoherent cacophony of Italian and English.
My heart. My life. My soul.
I have no idea how long we remain like that, her now sprawled on her back, me kneeling between her spread legs, hands gripping her hips. Our eyes are locked in a standoff of time, space, and heartbeats.
Eventually, I move my hips back and then ease down on top of her, once again resting on my forearms, a hand cupping each side of her head. We kiss languidly, with soft touches and gentle caresses, tasting and teasing, learning and memorizing.
Reluctantly, we come apart, and I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling as she waves me off and then stands, making her way to the bathroom. She doesn’t close the bathroom door, but still, I give her a moment of privacy, knowing if she wants me to help, she will tell me.
After a few minutes, she calls the all-clear, and I join her, smiling at the array of toiletries Agatha must have pilfered from my room. We both go about our nightly routine, stealing glances and smiles in the mirror, with lazy shoulder kisses, fingertips brushing, stroking, and caressing.
Eventually, we finish up and exit the bathroom, and she makes her way to the bed, climbing in as I turn off the lights and join her. I settle on my back, and before I can even raise my arm to beckon her closer, she rolls toward me, ducking her head beneath my arm and creating a spot for herself.
Exactly where I want her. Sprawled next to me, half on top of me.
We lie there, staring into the shadowed moonlight, my hand caressing her hip, a comfortable silence settling over us.
Her fingers stroke my chest lazily as she asks quietly, “Do you ever worry that this thing between us is just an illusion brought on by great trauma?”
I don’t answer immediately, taking my time to come up with an explanation that won’t sound entirely insane. She squirms around, craning her head back until she’s looking at my face in the dim light, and I do my best to keep my expression neutral, not wanting to alarm her without good reason. “No, never.”
“How can you be so sure? How can you be so certain it all won’t just fade away?”
Again, I pause, sighing deeply as I scoot down, turning slightly to face her. Her eyes search mine, those little worry lines back between her brows. I touch them lightly, smoothing them with my fingertip. “I’m sure because I’ve had literal decades to come to terms with our shared trauma, decades in which I’ve watched you from afar, wondering if that deep yearning would ever release me from its painful grip.”
She opens her mouth to interrupt, but I move my finger from her brow to her lips, silencing her. “No argument will ever take back the trials and tribulations of time gone by. No amount of reason or rationality will ever change my unending devotion to you. There is literally nothing in this world or the next that will stop me from loving you.”
“But what if loving me is nothing more than chaos?”
I smile, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against my chest, her face pressed into my shoulder. “If loving you is chaos, then let it wrap me in its violence and torment me for eternity because I will never, ever let you go.”