44. An Ideal Grace
44
An Ideal Grace
Lilith
A few days later
We stayed at Declan’s place for a couple of days then decided to head back to New York. We contemplated getting a condo or home near Declan, but whenever we’ve mentioned it, Declan has been outright offended that we don’t want to stay with him indefinitely.
We haven’t been back for long, but between the time difference and the travel time, it’s already closing in on midnight, so we decide we may as well head to bed.
I’m in the bathroom, washing my face, when Antonio says from the bedroom, “Are you going to find it weird?”
Frowning at my reflection in the mirror, I pat my face dry, then place the towel on the counter. I scoop a good dollop of face cream from the jar, twisting the lid back on before exiting the bathroom, still rubbing the cream into my face. Then I stand in the middle of the room, staring at him quizzically. “You’re going to have to be more specific.”
His smile is somewhat sheepish as he explains, “Carolina and Tony basically having our child running around. Will you find it weird?”
“No,” I reply frankly. “They may have our DNA running around, but she will be their child.”
The relief on his face is instantaneous. “Oh, good. That’s how I think of it as well, but then I wondered if it may be different for you, being a mom and all.”
Waving my hand dismissively, I respond, “Maybe if I went through pregnancy and all that, I’d feel differently, but honestly, at my age, I couldn’t even imagine having a baby again.”
“Having never been around babies at all, I cannot give much of an opinion.”
“Obviously, my circumstances weren’t even close to being normal, but it was difficult on the best of days. It’s amazing how you can love a little person so much but at the same time mourn your previous existence.”
He’s watching me from across the room, the warmth in his eyes sending a slight shiver down my spine. I squint at him, turning to the bed and pulling the duvet down as I say, “I’ll laugh if they end up with another Antoinette. Now that would be hilarious.”
Antonio laughs then asks, “Did you really ask them not to name her Deidre?”
“Yes, I did,” I reply with a nod. “And all I got for my trouble was them declaring her Mickey and calling it a day.”
Antonio chuckles, not at all bothered by my disgruntled demeanor. “I think Mickey is a cute name for a girl.”
I open my mouth to argue but then immediately press my lips together, my face twisting in what I’m sure is a less-than-attractive expression. Antonio cocks his head at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
The smile drops from his face, his eyes narrowing. “Uh-oh. That can’t be good.”
“Oh, stop. It really is nothing.”
“Maybe so,” he responds quietly. “But you’re going to have to tell me, or else I’ll worry all night about nothing.”
“Okay, I sometimes wonder what it would’ve been like,” I reply, keeping my tone even because though I wonder, I don’t wonder in the sense of it causing me distress.
He pulls his shirt over his head, making a show of dropping it on the floor, so he’s now standing there in just his slacks. “What what would’ve been like?”
“Doing the whole family thing like Carolina and Tony are doing.”
“You mean in optimal order with the full support of your partner?” Antonio asks.
Nodding, I reply, “Yeah, though I doubt it would do anything for how badly I felt through every single one. Not at all sexy.”
“I’m sure you were ridiculously sexy.”
The laugh that falls from my mouth is humorless. “Only if you think puking my guts up all day and night is sexy. Barely slept, rarely showered.”
His expression turns grim as he responds, “Lil, you’re not doing a very good job selling this to me if that’s your goal.”
I laugh loudly, making a round motion in front of me as I joke, “Want me to get a big fake belly?”
He eyes me warily. “A what?”
A giggle escapes at his suspicious look. “A fake pregnant belly.”
“Now, why would you do that?”
Shrugging, I poke his flat stomach as I reply, “So we can role-play pregnant sex.”
“Is that a thing?”
“Pretty sure almost everything is a thing for someone.”
His expression is thoughtful, but then he smiles, motioning for me to come closer. I walk toward him, stopping in front of him only to have him maneuver me so I’m standing in front of him with my back against his chest.
He grips my silk sleep dress in both hands, pulling it up over my head in one go, so now I’m standing in front of the mirror in nothing but my scrap of underwear. I have to work to refrain from trying to cover myself, suddenly self-conscious in the harsh overhead light. “You could’ve at least dimmed the lights,” I say in what I can only hope is a playful tone.
“You are so fucking beautiful.” His words are quiet, his gaze locked with mine in the mirror as his hands stroke my breasts and then down my stomach and back up again.
“That’s because you don’t remem—“
He immediately cuts me off. “Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, Lil.”
Pressing my lips together, I give him my most innocent look, but I don’t say anything in response. I’ve managed to take care of myself well over the years, but after three pregnancies and several decades, there’s no way for me to even pretend to be much younger than I truly am. Not that I typically even think about it, but with Antonio, occasionally, small insecurities manage to bubble to the surface.
Tightening his hold on me, he presses both palms against the gentle curve of my stomach. “I understand the allure of watching a woman grow with one’s child. That sense of deep satisfaction is the natural biological response that pushes reproduction.”
“So, you would’ve liked to have experienced that yourself?”
He’s quiet for a moment, his hands caressing and massaging every part of me he can touch. But he’s still looking into my eyes, watching me. “Only if I could’ve had it with you.”
A faint smile curves my lips, and I rest my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to enjoy his attention for what it truly is: love and worship.
“Now,” he says gruffly against my ear. “Breeding, on the other hand, is a concept I can absolutely get behind.”
I’m momentarily stunned into silence, but I soon recover, giggling at the excitement reflected on his face in the mirror. “That’s kind of not an even remote possibility.”
He bites my earlobe, then licks my neck. “Doesn’t have to be possible to get off on it.”
A shudder rolls over me at his words and the dark desire shining in his eyes. “Is that what you want? To fill me up?”
“Fuck, yes,” he breathes against my neck, his hard dick pressing into my ass rhythmically. “I want to come in you until it overflows.”
My insides clench, and I raise my arm above my head, gripping the back of his neck firmly, pulling him impossibly closer. His lips trail down my neck to my shoulder, and I watch his hands caressing my body through half-closed eyes.
Then his mouth is by my ear again, his breath hot as he asks, “Is that what you want, love?”
Gasping, I clutch at him, willing the hand pressed against my stomach lower, but he freezes, obviously waiting for an answer. “Yes. Please.”
“Please. Yes. What?” he drawls, his wicked chuckle a sweet vibration against the sensitive skin of my neck.
I shiver, my hips flexing instinctively as deep yearning washed over me. “I want that.”
“Want what?”
Frustration has me twitching, his hands and lips once again actively torturing me. I attempt to respond, but the words get caught in my throat, so all I manage is a garbled whine that has him chuckling again. “Come on, love. You can do better than that.”
My eyes meet his in the mirror, the heated triumph burning in his, setting off that sweet power he can initiate. Spinning around, I push away from him, my lips curving up as I eye him hungrily. He steps back, meeting my gaze head-on, the challenge reflected in his eyes, pushing me to action.
Pressing my hands against his chest, I give him a shove, knocking him back a few feet. He raises a brow at me, nonplussed by my sudden change in direction, so I shove him again, harder this time.
He raises both hands in front of him, tilting his head as he asks, “What are you doing, love?”
I shove him again. “Taking.” And again. “What.” And again. “I.” And again. “Want.” With a final shove, he falls backward onto the bed, the look on his face a mix of surprise and desire. He braces himself on his elbows, watching me as I slide my underwear down my legs, my fingertips gliding back up until I’m cupping my aching breasts.
I’ve never taken control before, and for a moment, my brain glitches, the past and present suddenly colliding painfully, causing me to frown. His expression shifts to concern, and he starts to sit up, but I raise a hand to stop him. “I’m okay. It’s okay.”
He resumes his previous position, resting on his elbows, watching me closely as I take a settling breath. Slowly, I start again, caressing and massaging my body as he watches, his eyes closely tracking the movement of my hands. A gasp falls from my lips, and his eyes meet mine as I brush my fingers over my pussy, my words a harsh whisper, “Lie back.”
He does what I ask without question, scooting back onto the bed so he’s sprawled in the middle of the mattress. My eyes on my prize, I crawl up beside him, my hands rubbing over his chest before moving to the fastening on his trousers.
His hands grab onto mine, stopping me from continuing, so I look up at him sternly. “Excuse me. I was in the middle of something.”
“Maybe I should shower first,” he mutters breathlessly, and I laugh, swatting his hands away and going back to unbuttoning and unzipping as I retort, “You’re the cleanest man alive, even on your least clean days.”
His smile is somewhat awkward, but refusing to be deterred, I push his pants and underwear down enough to free his cock. Brushing my fingertips along the smooth skin, his breath hitches, his hips lifting into my touch. “Whatever you say, love.”
Most of our intimate moments have consisted of him taking care of me in one capacity or another, not because I’m unwilling but because he’s so keen on bringing me as much pleasure as he possibly can. He consistently puts his own needs on a back burner as he sends me over the edge over and over again, but now, I feel this intense need to return the favor, to give and give and give until he begs me to stop.
Bending forward, I lick a line from base to tip, reveling in his soft moan, his hands gripping the sheets, the slight tremor in his legs. Shifting my body around, I kneel between his spread legs, my hand gripping his cock firmly, my eyes locked with his as I tease the tip with my tongue.
“You don’t have to do that,” he whispers, his words strained as I suck him into my mouth.
Smiling around him, I moan, the euphoria on his face increasing the feeling of power pulsing through me, so I do it again, deeper, louder this time.
He manages to keep still, though I can see it’s not without great effort on his part. I lick and suck, occasionally fondling his balls, learning what he enjoys the most until I have him right on the cusp of spilling into my mouth, and then, I stop.
He lets loose a guttural moan, his head shaking back and forth in frustration. “Fuck. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”
I move up his body, placing a knee on either side of his hips, taking his cock deep inside me. I lean over him, licking and kissing a path up his neck and along his jaw, then placing a quick open-mouth kiss against his lips. I hug him to me, burying my face against his racing pulse, breathing deeply the scent of him, of us.
“I’d have you come down my throat, but that seems like such a waste,” I murmur against his ear, my slick cunt sliding along his dick.
His breath hitches, his eyes locking with mine as I sit up, my hands braced against his chest as I begin to move over him. His mouth drops open, his eyes almost seeing through me as he moans, “You feel so fucking good.”
Rotating my hips, I move my hands to my breasts, his eyes widening slightly as I tug and pinch my nipples, increasing the speed of my rotating hips, the cadence of the up and down slide along his cock.
He curses again, almost violently, and his head turns away, his eyes squeezing shut. Releasing my nipples, I fall forward, bracing myself by placing my hands on the mattress on either side of his head, the shift in position drawing his attention back to me.
“Come inside me,” I command hoarsely, slamming my quivering cunt down on him forcefully, grinding down, and then pulling off again.
“Wait,” he mutters, his eyes widening as understanding breaks through the cloud of pleasure. “What about yo—“
“Now,” I insist, rotating my hips, sliding up and down, up and down in a frenzied cadence. “Come. Please.”
“Oh, fuck.” His words are pained as if they’re being ripped out of him along with his orgasm. His abs strain as he sits up, his hands move to my ass, squeezing, yanking me down on top of him, his cock spearing deeply inside me as he moans, “I’m fucking coming. Holy fuck, I’m coming. Take it. Take it all.”
His dick pulses, the involuntary clenching of my insides a natural reaction to his words, his squeezing hands, his hot breath and lips on my neck as he comes and comes and comes.
Slowly, he falls back onto the bed, his hands releasing me and falling limply at his sides. His eyes are half-closed, and his lips are curved up slightly. I watch as his breath turns from gasps to sighs.
A giggle escapes as I raise myself off him, a deep primal satisfaction rushing over me at the feel and sound of his release inside me and on him.
Moving back between his legs, I once again lick his cock from base to tip, smiling as he peeks an eye open, watching me. Bracing myself on my elbows, I grip his dick in one hand, teasing the tip as I ask, “How many do you think you can give me?”
His eyes widen, a breathless laugh escaping. “I have no idea, but if you break it you buy it.”
“Don’t forget your safe word, Antonio.”
His eyes widen, and his brows raise. “Oh, will I be needing that?”
I lift a shoulder, kissing and licking his hardening cock. “You did say you wanted to breed me until my pussy is overflowing.”
“I did,” he replies slowly, already relaxing against the mattress, giving himself over to me. “I sure did.”
I continue to use my hands and mouth to bring him right to the edge, and then, once again, I straddle his hips, sliding my drenched pussy down onto his dick. I set a slow rhythm at first, riding him languidly, enjoying the feel of him against my sensitive inner walls, the gasps and moans that fall from his mouth as it lets me have control.
I pick up my pace, rotating up and down, ignoring the screaming of my muscles in my thighs and lower abdomen as I push him into coming again.
This time, he doesn’t grab me; instead, he pushes himself up, his hands braced behind him, his lips attacking my breasts, kissing and sucking before latching onto my nipples. I move one hand behind me, pressed against the top of his trembling thigh, my other hand gripping the back of his head. A sob falls from my lips as my rhythm stutters, and I find myself pressing down onto him in pulses.
His release is quieter this time but no less powerful. He shudders, his entire boy trembling, his breath hot on my nipple as he moans, “You’re trying to kill me. Holy shit. I don’t even care.”
I smile, giving him a few moments to recover before moving off him, easing back into my initial position between his spread legs. He’s watching me still, his gaze soft and satisfied, and I smile, ridiculously pleased with myself as I settle in.
Once again, I start at the beginning, hands and lips and tongue, fingertips stroking his balls. He curses, his hands fisting in the sheets as he writhes, going back and forth between telling me to stop and begging me to never stop.
By the time I move to straddle his hips, he’s muttering incoherently, so I rub my dripping cunt against him and lean forward, my lips brushing against the corner of his mouth. “You gonna tap out?”
His breath catches, a choked laugh escaping as his determined eyes meet mine. He doesn’t say anything; he just shakes his head, so I push myself back into a sitting position, lifting myself off him and gripping this dick in my hand so I can slowly ease myself into position.
His entire body trembles, his arms now stretched above his head, his hands gripping the edge of the mattress. His feet press into the bed, bracing himself so he can gain some control, but whenever he tries, I stop moving, picking up a slight rocking motion.
Frustration is a low growl in his chest, my answering chuckle of utter self-satisfaction creating a whole new throb of pleasure low in my belly. He stills, his eyes burning with possessiveness as he watches me, waiting for me to continue torturing him.
I rock slowly, increasing my intensity slowly, but this time, going back and forth between easy and hard. His hands on my thighs draw my focus to his face, and I lean forward, my eyes intent on his as I say, “What is it?”
“Please,” he gasps, his eyes pleading, so I whisper, “Please what, love?”
His eyes squeeze shut as I use my inner muscles to squeeze his cock, and I laugh quietly, fully enjoying the power trip I’ve brought myself on. But then his eyes open, locking with mine, and he chokes out, “Come with me. Please. I need it.”
My insides clench at his words, the ache in my pussy increasing. He lifts his hips sharply as if he’s incapable of controlling himself, and the sudden pressure against my clit has me gasping, “Make me.”
No sooner than the words are out of my mouth, than he shifts beneath me, rolling me onto my back in one smooth, practiced move.
I don’t get time to adjust, his hands moving to my knees and spreading me wide open for him. Then he reaches above me, his hand disappearing under the pillow, coming out with an object I can’t quite place. He brings it between us, his hands nudging at my pussy where he remains inside me, so I lift my head, craning to see what he’s doing.
He secures a rubber ring around the base of his dick, adjusting it so the protruding tab is pressed against his lower abdomen. He touches the side of it, once, twice, and then I feel it—the telltale vibration of my imminent torture.
He pushes inside me a bit more, the expression on his face pure smugness as he asks, “Do you remember your safe word, love?”
Oh, shit.
He doesn’t wait for me to reply, instead sliding his cock into my dripping cunt without hesitation, pushing and pushing and pushing until there is no space between us at all.
As soon as the vibration makes direct contact with my swollen clit, a sob breaks free, and I find myself clutching his back, my nails digging into his skin as my overly sensitized flesh pulses with pleasure.
I come so hard my eyes roll back into my head, my curse of release choked, my entire torso bowing as I reach for an end to the euphoria that seemingly doesn’t exist.
“That’s it, love,” Antonio grits out, his hands twisting in my hair, keeping me in place with the vibe pressed between us. “You fucking come. Keep coming. Come all over me.”
My entire pussy vibrates, beginning in my clit and reverberating deep inside, where his cock strokes relentlessly. He ruts into me like a man possessed, managing to hammer my G-spot while keeping continuous pressure against my clit. The vibrations never end, rolling me from one orgasm into the next as he rocks into me, over me, his hands tugging my hair, his lips and tongue and teeth moving from my neck to my mouth.
He makes me come until I’m limp, all but drooling, yet still unable to wipe the ridiculously silly grin off my face as he finally comes one last time. He clutches me to him, his moan of pleasure vibrating against the wet skin of my neck, the twitching of my own body matching his.
He lifts off me just enough to wedge his hand between us, releasing the vibrating ring and tossing it aside before collapsing back on top of me.
We both shiver and twitch with aftershocks, our breathing slowly evening out, the sweat cooling between us, but still, we don’t move. I tighten my arms around him, my hands stroking over his back, my feet hooking along his thighs, and he sighs, settling into me just shy of suffocating me.
But I don’t care. At this point, he can’t get close enough.
After a moment, he eases his softening cock from inside me, then rolls us onto our sides, my head pillowed on his arm. “Are we dead?”
I shake my head but reply, “If we are, I don’t care.”
We fall into a comfortable silence, content to stare into each other’s eyes, which are filled with emotion and tenderness.
But then he asks, “What are you thinking?”
I smile lazily. “It’s silly.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Sighing, I respond, “I was just wondering what other things you’d do for me.”
“Absolutely anything,” he replies easily, but then he pauses, giving me a stern look as he adds, “Except leave you. That would never happen.”
My smile broadens, my tone teasing as I say, “Would you crawl for me?”
“Every fucking day,” he answers automatically. “Anytime, anywhere.”
I narrow my eyes, raising my brows as I ask, “How do you feel about enclosed spaces?”
His expression mirrors mine, humor glinting in his eyes as he retorts, “I’m not entirely sure, but try anything once. Right?”
I laugh, my hands clutching his side as I respond, “Maybe we’ll give the box a miss…for now.”
He laughs, too, knowing exactly what I’m referring to, but then his expression softens, and he presses his forehead against mine as he says softly. “I love you.”
“I know,” I whisper back, his answering smile a reminder that he also knows.
He’s silent for a long moment, his eyes serious as he continues to stare at me. Then, he whispers, “Can you believe we made it?”
“Sometimes, I worry that I’ll wake up, and it won’t be real,” I confess, a slight hitch to my voice as I add, “Promise you’ll never let go.”
His hand moves to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking the edge of my bottom lip as he leans in, pressing a hard kiss against my mouth before he pulls back, his eyes glowing with emotion as he professes, “I’ll never let go.”
I smile and lean into him, tucking my hands into my chest as he wraps me tightly in his embrace, his breath a comforting heat against my neck.
And then, for what feels like the first time in my life, I breathe.
The End