Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
DAKOTA
Mila flopped down on her bed with the bag of very-stale peach rings gripped in her hand.
She claimed that she’d made a valiant effort to eat all of them, but got sick of the flavor, and they’d been sitting in the back of the cabinet since then.
They were the same peach rings I’d eaten with her and Ekaterina on the couch after I met Ivan smoking and stressed out on the stairs.
Mila was lucky I happened to love stale gummy candy. Sometimes even more than fresh gummy candy. It was more satisfying to chew, in my opinion.
“Do you feel prepared yet?” she asked, her voice all muffled in a fuzzy leopard-print pillow. “I think it’s evil that you have an exam on your birthday.”
“I guess.” I laughed. She’d been feeling a bit impatient while waiting for me to finish studying for my Unit Ops final exam tomorrow morning, which yes, was my birthday. My twenty-second birthday, to be specific. December eighth.
I wasn’t a fan of my own birthday, so I didn’t mind the exam. Plus, it was Micah’s exam, so it was almost like a date. Me, sitting in the back row stressed out over multiple choice questions; him, watching me from the front.
“And I really want to watch a movie or something.”
“I know you do. I have one more set of slides to go through,” I promised. “Don’t you have some studying you could be doing?”
“Don’t ask. Just don’t.” She groaned into the pillow before lifting her head to eat a peach ring. I held my hand out and she dropped one into my palm, then I popped it into my mouth.
“Shit, these are really stale.”
I did like stale gummies, but the peach rings were more like rocks at this point.
“I know. I don’t think the bag was sealed all the way.” She inspected the packaging. “But I still have to prove to Vanya that this was a good purchase. It was way too fucking expensive.”
“Well, yeah. The bag is giant.”
“Dakota!” she whined. “I was having a really strong craving! Don’t agree with him.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I shut my laptop, then rolled my neck out. “Okay. I’m deciding to be done for the night. We can watch something now.”
“Yay!” Mila sprung off her bed and I joined her, both of us heading straight into the kitchen first to fetch more snacks.
Ekaterina was filling her water bottle with the water filter pitcher, a sparkly ring on her finger.
The sight of it made me smile. Ivan had proposed not too long ago, and I was so happy for both of them.
Mila and I each grabbed a variety of things from the fridge and cabinet, then got cozy on the couch.
I stretched to grab a fuzzy blanket from the basket while Mila selected the next episode of Pretty Little Liars, which we’d been rewatching together.
It was my third rewatch of the show, and Mila’s… tenth, or something. She was a big fan.
I was so grateful I got to spend time with her like normal again.
She always made me feel good, and it was nice to be away from angelic chaos every once in a while. Sometimes I just needed to see a person who’d known me for years, and who’d never caused me any pain.
I loved her so much.
━━━━━
I woke up in Mila’s bed, feeling rested enough, then started to get ready for the day.
When she woke a few minutes after me, she scolded me for letting her sleep in on my birthday.
She insisted on making me waffles—toaster waffles—and we ate them together at her kitchen table before she snuck back into her bedroom and returned with a gift bag.
“Mila! No!”
“Oh, calm down.” She rolled her eyes, setting the pink bag on the table in front of me. “This is hardly a gift.”
“It’s in a bag with tissue paper.” I gestured to it.
I’d explicitly asked for no gifts in probably all the years I’d been friends with Mila, but she usually found some loophole—or decided she needed to get me something anyway.
I didn’t want the attention that came with my birthday, because it only reminded me of how many years I’d gone without any attention at all.
Somewhere inside of me, that little girl was still alive and waiting for someone in her household to acknowledge that today was supposed to be a special day.
It was easier to tell everyone I didn’t want it, than to explain that.
“But it was literally free. Free to me.”
“Okay…” I eyed her suspiciously, then carefully plucked the tissue paper out of the bag and peered inside. Inside, was a portable DVD player, the type with a USB to plug into my laptop, and several DVDs. “This was not free,” I said, my eyes stinging a bit.
“I took the DVD player thing from my parents’ house because they were getting rid of it, and all these DVDs were thrifted over the past few months.
Ninety-nine cents each. Essentially free.
” She smiled. “I know you like watching the same movies sometimes, so if I saw one I knew you loved when I was at the thrift store, I bought it.”
“Milaaaaaaa,” I whined. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She stood up and hugged me, then watched over my shoulder as I pulled out the small collection of thrifted DVDs she’d sourced for me.
“I feel very special. Thank you.” I reached up to hug her backwards, smiling at all the movies.
“Of course. You’re going to have to try harder if you really want me to ignore your birthday.”
I laughed. “Okay. I’ll work on it.”
We finished eating our breakfast together, then Mila drove me to campus, dropping me off as close to Stanton as she could. She blew kisses out the window as I walked up to the entrance of the building, then waved goodbye as I disappeared inside.
I would have another class in this building next semester, so it wasn’t quite the end yet for this.
But I tried to pay extra attention to everything inside as I walked to Micah’s classroom.
The windows lining one side of the hallway that gave a nice view of students walking past, the large glass panes showing the top of the distillation column inside the Unit Ops lab, the other miscellaneous plaques and research posters on the walls.
I entered the classroom and took my usual seat in the back by the windows, avoiding eye contact with Micah for as long as possible—until it became unbearable. My eyes shifted to the front of the room.
He was already staring at me, of course.
A flush heated my cheeks, stirred by the pure admiration in his gaze. He looked so fucking proud of me.
Fuck. I love him.
Dr Micah Killshaw.
I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked back down at my desk, sinking my teeth into my lower lip to hold my smile.
This was the last time he’d really be my professor, and I was getting butterflies in my stomach over that truth.
In the future, I could refer to him as my mentor, since I’d still be a student working in his lab, but he wouldn’t be my professor again. Not after this.
A few minutes before the allotted exam time began, Micah started passing out the exams himself. Usually the TAs did this, but it was Micah himself today. It was difficult for me not to stare at him as he walked up and down each individual row, laying a packet facedown in front of each student.
Anticipatory jealousy twisted in my gut when I thought about how I wouldn’t get to witness this sight forever: Micah, in a classroom. Sleeves rolled up. His confident voice commanding the whole room. His side profile against the glow of the projector.
His future students would still get to see it, but not me.
Eventually, he reached my row.
I looked up at him as he laid down my exam, his eyes catching on mine. Muted blue with that dark ring around the edge of his iris. He gave me a short nod to reassure me, to remind me to have confidence in myself.
And then he walked away to finish passing out the rest of the exams, calm and collected and perfectly put-together, while I remained so completely and irrevocably affected by him, like always. Warmth in my cheeks, my pulse fluttering, a tug in my belly.
Once the allotted exam time started, Micah instructed everyone to flip over their exams, and also put a timer on the projector to show how much longer until the exam period was over.
I flipped over my packet, my eyes instantly noticing something in the top right corner. A small birthday cake sticker.
My gaze immediately flicked up to the front of the classroom, where Micah was watching me, the slightest grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.
I was going to miss this so badly.
I would miss the hidden catch of our eyes across the classroom, the quiet secret always persisting between us, the comfort I felt in his lectures, simply because I was near him.
He motioned for me to focus back on my exam, so I did.
It wasn’t difficult, just as he’d promised.
It was similar to all the practice exams he’d created, which I’d thoroughly gone over with him until I understood everything.
I felt it was probably unfair to have such an advantage in this class due to my relationship with the professor, but every time I worried about it, Micah simply reminded me that he would help anyone in office hours if they asked for it. I was only using my resources.
I finished my exam with plenty of time left, then placed it with the stack on Micah’s desk, trying to ignore how bittersweet the moment felt.
His eyes hooked on mine once more, and I lingered a few seconds too long, holding the eye contact as my heart squeezed, before finally forcing myself to walk away from him.
I took the bus back to the stop near his house, then walked the rest of the way there. It’d snowed a tiny bit, but not enough to ruin my walk along the white-dusted sidewalks. Most of it melted right after it hit the ground.