Chapter 12
Twelve
Cressida
After a day of trying not to worry about it, I felt nauseous when I slowly opened the back door and stepped into the darkness.
It was too dark. Where was the security light that was always on out here?
I didn’t move once I closed the door behind me.
If I was walking out into the dark, I was going to do it once my eyes adjusted.
I didn’t know who it was that would be waiting out there, and I wanted to see them.
“Keep walking, Songbird,” Kash’s deep voice said in the blackness in front of me.
Relief came then, and the sick feeling eased. I wasn’t about to be snatched up and shipped off—or worse. Kash might not like me, he might think I’d betrayed him, but he wasn’t going to hurt me. At least not physically. I was certain of it.
I made my way down the stairs as I began to be able to make out more of the backyard with limited moonlight to help me. I didn’t see Kash though. Which bothered me. Was he hiding?
“All the way back to the tree line,” he said from the night, still unseen.
“Why?” I asked, not liking that idea.
“We can’t be seen in the woods,” he replied, sounding amused this time.
I didn’t need to ask why he was worried about being seen.
I continued on and paused just outside the first row of trees and brush.
It was too cold for bugs, but there could be other things that I didn’t want to come in contact with.
A hand wrapped around my wrist and tugged me, causing me to stumble forward and past the tree I was closest to.
It was harder to see now with the moon blocked.
Kash’s hands grabbed my waist and kept me from tripping over a tree root and falling on my face into God knew what. Once I was steady, I moved back, shoving his hands off me.
A deep chuckle sent a tingle through me that I mentally cursed.
“You got feisty,” he said.
“What do you want, Kash?” I hissed.
He said nothing at first, and if I wasn’t afraid he’d grab me again, I’d start back to the house.
“I don’t know.”
I frowned. He didn’t know?
“You had me sneak out at midnight, walk blindly into the woods, and you don’t know why?”
He stepped closer to me, and that scent of his that I used to love met my nose. I refused to inhale deeply.
“You didn’t answer questions that I need answers to,” he said.
“What questions?” I bit out, more angry at myself for my reaction to him than anything.
“Why aren’t you working toward your dream of starting a theatre arts program for kids?”
He remembered. I’d almost forgotten it myself. When I’d had to give up my plans and goals to survive, I had tried to lock them away. Not torture myself with what I’d never have.
“Life sucks, Kash. And we move on,” I replied bitterly.
“That’s not an answer. The girl I knew was passionate about it. About life. Her future.”
“The girl you knew died a long time ago. Along with all her fairy tales. If that is all you came here to ask, then I’m going back inside,” I said, ready to run away from the memories, from him.
His reflexes were faster though, and his hand was locked around my arm before I could even turn to leave. “No, you’re not. You’ve not answered shit.”
“Why do you care?!” I demanded, angry that he was making me think about it all.
He leaned close to me, and I stilled.
“Because even though I want to hate you or just not fucking care, it seems I do. Now, tell me why you’re here. What happened to you the past four years?”
I tried to jerk free, already knowing he was stronger than me. “What happened to you?!” I shot back at him.
He wanted me to talk, yet he wasn’t telling me anything.
He moved closer, and I backed up, but almost immediately was stopped by a tree. My back pressed against the bark of the trunk, and I glared up at him. Dammit, even in the blanket of darkness, his blue eyes stood out.
“You want to know?” His tone turned threatening, and I stiffened.
“I live in a state I don’t particularly like.
I work beside guys who aren’t my family.
I’ve been homesick. Miss my life here. Everything I lost. Because of you.
My obsession with you …” He lowered his face until I could feel his breath on my cheek.
He smelled of mint and whiskey. “You took it all from me. Even my goddamn soul …” He paused and let out a low hissing sound.
“And even then, I want to rip your pants off and fuck you against this tree like the animal you always seemed to bring out in me.”
Tears burned my eyes, and I was thankful now for the dark shadows.
Maybe he wouldn’t see. I sucked in a breath and swallowed hard.
Too many emotions were unleashed by his words.
Painful, brutal, and tempting words. The temptation to beg him to do it.
Take me. Remind me what it felt like to be his was there. Entirely too close to the surface.
“Your turn, Songbird,” he said harshly. “Tell me about the last four years.”
Thinking clearly with him this close was a challenge. My brain was telling me to beat on his chest and tell him to let me go. My body, on the other hand, wanted to rub up against him like a cat. Neither wanted to talk about my past.
He ran a callous finger down my cheek, stopping at my chin. “I’m waiting.”
I inhaled sharply. Fine. He wanted to know. He had laid his false accusations out. What he believed had happened the night he killed Pirate. He’d not given me a chance to explain. He’d left me shattered.
“We left town because my mother couldn’t take the scandal of Pirate’s death.
She went into deep depression and was put on meds for it.
She also started drinking heavily,” I said through the lump forming in my throat.
I hated talking about it. The image of her under the water.
The horror of what I’d found. “One morning, I went to wake her up. She always slept late due to drinking on the meds, and it was getting closer to noon. I was worried.” I paused and closed my eyes.
“She wasn’t in her bed. It was still made up.
I-I went looking for her. Checked every room to see if she’d passed out somewhere else that night.
When she wasn’t in the house, I went outside.
” I stopped, shaking my head. I didn’t want to tell him more. I didn’t want to say it.
“You said she drowned.” His voice wasn’t angry anymore. “Did you find her?” he asked with a trace of pain, making it easier to nod my head. “Jesus,” he muttered.
Needing to get it out, finish so he’d let me go, I blurted out the rest. “My dad married his secretary six months later. She was almost twenty years younger than him, and she didn’t like me, but it wasn’t until they were married that I realized it.
She had a younger brother, Arthur.” My voice cracked as I said his name.
“He helped me deal with her. We … I thought we were friends. We went to the movies together; he took me to New York to see musicals on Broadway. And at first, it was nice. Not being alone. But he changed. He became possessive and controlling. It … it got to the point where I didn’t feel safe. So, I left. No, I ran.”
I took a deep, ragged breath and finally lifted my eyes from his chest to meet his eyes again. There. I’d told him what he wanted to know.
“Did he touch you? Hurt you?” Kash asked through clenched teeth.
The savage glint in his eyes I’d only seen one other time. The night he’d killed Pirate. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also didn’t trust his reaction to the truth. I remained silent.
“Cressida,” he demanded. His hand gripped my chin, firmly holding my head so I couldn’t look away from him. “Did he hurt you?”
Yes. Many times. It was why I’d run. Why I’d had no other choice.
“I’m not your problem anymore, Kash,” I reminded him.
His eyes dropped to my mouth, and I stopped breathing. A war of what I wanted and what I feared battling in my head.
“You shouldn’t be,” he said, lifting his gaze back to mine. “I wish like hell you weren’t. That I didn’t care. But you didn’t give me back my soul when you ripped it to shreds.” His nostrils flared. “Did. He. Hurt. You?”
Lie. Lie, Cressida. Lie to save a life. One that might not deserve it. Lie to save yourself future pain because it will come with a price.
The world balanced things out, and I already knew that being saved by Kash, in the way he handled things, only sent the bad karma my way.
“Your silence is my answer,” he said. “Don’t admit it. I can read it in your eyes, Songbird.” He released my chin and stepped back.
“No! He didn’t hurt me physically,” I lied, moving toward him, as if I could grab him and stop him. “It was just emotional.”
His hands fisted at his sides as his chest rose and fell with heavy breathing. “I don’t care,” he snarled, and I backed up.
He stalked back toward me, planting a hand on either side of my head, caging me against the tree. His eyes were wild, and I thought maybe I had been wrong. Perhaps I should be scared of him.
“I fucked a stripper last night,” he said more calmly, although his eyes didn’t change.
I winced. Why would he tell me that?
“I let her suck me, then bent her over a bar and fucked her hard. Pounded into her wet cunt like a man possessed.”
I closed my eyes, wishing I could unhear this. Images I didn’t want in my head. The pain that came with it was unbearable, and I hated that, after all this time, he affected me this way. That I cared.
His hot breath was on my neck, and I stiffened. “And when I shot my load into the condom,” he said in my ear, “it was your name I shouted. Yours. And it wasn’t the first time I’d done it.”
Oh God. My eyes opened to see him run a finger along my neck as he studied it.
“I came so hard, thinking about you,” he whispered. “I always do.”
Why was this turning me on? What was wrong with me? The tingle between my legs meant I was as deranged as him, apparently. I was struggling to breathe.
His gaze moved up my neck, pausing at my mouth before meeting my eyes.
“Did that make you wet, little Songbird?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t admitting that.
A wicked smirk curled his lips. “Liar.”
I shook my head again, but when he shoved his hand down the front of my leggings, my knees buckled, and a cry escaped me. His long middle finger slid between my folds easily as he grabbed my waist and held me up. A dark, pleased laugh came from him.
“I stand corrected. Not wet. Soaked.”
I closed my eyes, unable to look at him. He was right. I was a terrible person.
His finger met my entrance, and he thrust it inside me.
“AH!” I screamed and grabbed his arms.
“Jesus Christ, how is it still so tight?” His words sounded like a groan.
I rocked against his hand, no longer worried about anything more than this moment.
“Needy cunt,” he said, leaning in so close that his nose brushed mine. “Sucking my finger so greedily.”
I’d forgotten about his dirty talk … no, I hadn’t, but I’d forgotten how much it affected me.
I moaned from the pleasure I’d not had in so long.
“You’re gonna get my dick if you keep this up,” he warned.
The excitement in his tone just made me move faster.
“Fuck!” he swore, pulling his hand from me.
I opened my eyes, panicked that he was stopping, only to see him jerking down his jeans and pulling out his cock.
A small square package he must have taken from his pocket was torn open, and he rolled the condom down over his erection.
He took a step toward me and then grabbed the waist of my leggings and jerked them down, along with my panties.
He only pulled out one leg, then stood up and hiked my free leg up to his waist, not pausing before slamming into me.
“OH GOD!” I shouted out as an animalistic sound came from him.
As he started thrusting into me, he slid a hand behind my back to keep my skin from hitting the rough bark and squeezed my butt hard in the process.
“Is this what you wanted, Songbird?” he asked. “My cock taking your hot little cunt.”
I was past lying. I nodded, feeling frantic. My memories hadn’t done this justice. The way he filled me, how having his hard body slapping against mine was its own erotic song.
“You’re so goddamn wet; it’s running down my balls,” he said as he bit my neck the licked it. “I missed this. Sweet body taking me.”
I was already there. I felt the crest just about to hit, and my nails sank into his back.
“KASH!” I cried out as the rush of ecstasy hit me.
“Fu-uck,” he groaned. “That’s it; come on my cock. Fuck, baby, GAH!” He threw his head back and let out a roar as his body jerked against mine.
The sight he made only sent me over the edge once more.