Thirty
Montana
For the first time in nineteen years, I wanted my momma’s advice. She hadn’t been able to help me with most life choices, but this time, she’d have known. Momma hadn’t known how to help with homework, but men she’d learned all about the hard way. Especially the ones like Than, who weren’t asking me out on dates, bringing me flowers, and making a big presentation of asking me to be his date to the prom. That was all I knew of the opposite sex. Well, that and Jericho. The father I never had.
I fought the urge to chew on my thumbnail. It was a terrible nervous habit that I’d worked hard to stop, but right now, it was tempting.
Than had treated me…the same and yet different today. He was nice. He made me smile. It was friendly.
But he hadn’t been flirty. That was where I was confused.
This morning, when he had been touching me, he’d looked at me as if I were beautiful. As if things had changed between us.
I knew when a guy was interested in me. It wasn’t like I hadn’t dated. With Than, there was no opening of doors, the truck, or any other we might come upon. He didn’t try and find ways to touch me. He didn’t stare at me with interest in his eyes. In fact, he rarely looked directly at me for long.
Then there was the one thing that had been bugging me. Something that hadn’t occurred to me this morning when he was giving me the best orgasms of my life. He hadn’t kissed me. Not once. Not even a peck on the lips. He’d only been interested in what was between my legs and, well, my boobs.
I glanced at him in the driver’s seat. God, he was sexy. It was effortless for him. He didn’t seem to notice when females turned their heads to watch him walk by, but they did.
At the theater, the girl giving us the popcorn and sodas he’d ordered almost spilled everything as she handed it to him—she had been so nervous. Then our waitress had made sure to only speak to him and batted her lashes at him so much that I was worried that one of the fake, glued-on strips might fall off into our food. He’d sure flirted with them. But me? Nothing. None of those slow, sexy smiles he had to know made panties wet.
Just…friendly.
Sighing, I turned to look back out of my window as we turned left instead of right toward Linc’s. I had thought we were going back to the cabin, but this wasn’t the way.
“Where are we going?” I asked, reluctant to look at him again.
“I need some things from my room,” he replied. “I’m running out of clean boxers.”
“Oh, okay.”
I was curious about where he lived. Everything about him interested me. Which wasn’t a good thing. If I felt like this now, then how would I feel when it was time for me to move on with my life?
The reminder that I would have to leave the cabin in a few months and find my way in life alone caused my stomach to knot up. What if they never found who had left me the letters? He could lie low until I was on my own again. I would have to register for my classes in the fall next month. My last email from them had said to look for that email coming mid-May. The scholarship was my only chance at a college education.
But if it wasn’t safe to live in Monroe…
“Anything you need from the store while we are still out?” he asked.
There were several things I wanted, not necessarily needed, which meant I could do without them. I needed to save my money.
“No, I’m good.”
“Well, if you think of anything, I’ll stop on our way back.”
“Thanks.” I should be happy that he was no longer being a jerk.
He turned again, and like Linc’s, there was an imposing iron gate in front of us. Than rolled down his window, then reached out and pressed a number into a box. The gate slowly swung open, and he pulled on through. We drove between rows of trees until a brick home with tall white columns came into view. It wasn’t as massive as Linc’s, but it was close. Than veered to the far left toward a garage you couldn’t see from the front of the house due to a line of trees that hid it. One of five garage doors opened, and he pulled his truck into the only empty space.
“They’re all here,” he drawled, then grinned at me before cutting the engine and opening his door to get out.
I did the same, assuming he didn’t want me to sit out in the truck. He hadn’t really said. Thankfully, he was waiting on me, so I’d done the right thing.
“This way,” he said, then started toward a door. When he reached it, there was another keypad, and he tapped in a code.
Why was this place so secured? It was a bunch of guys living here with one woman and a baby.
Like all the other times today, he walked inside, leaving me to get the door for myself. I didn’t know why that bothered me. It shouldn’t. I was perfectly capable of getting a door for myself.
But Momma’s voice was in my head.
“If he doesn’t have enough regard for you to hold the door for you, then, honey, you’re just a piece of ass and nothin’ more.”
Trying to silence Momma in my head, I followed him down a hallway that opened up to a full gym. A punching bag hung in the center, and there were machines of all kinds surrounding it. This explained Than’s cut body.
We walked from there into a room that I assumed was a game room. It had a pool table, a stocked bar, a television screen that covered most of the wall, two sectional sofas, a few plush chairs, and two smaller sofas. They were a mix of brown and burgundy leather.
Than said nothing as he continued down another hallway. He didn’t even glance back to make sure I was still following him. I was being sensitive and needed to stop.
He turned, and we entered a large room with a vaulted ceiling. There were two guys sitting on a U-shaped black leather sofa with plates of food. Both of them turned their gazes from the flat screen to Than and then to me. The older one’s eyebrows rose as he briefly glanced at me, then swung his eyes back to Than.
“Broke free of the cabin?” the younger one asked him, shifting his eyes from Than to me. The corners of his mouth quirked as if he wanted to smile. His green eyes glinted with amusement.
“Needed clean clothes,” Than told him, and then for the first time, he glanced back at me. “Montana, this is Oz and Forge Savelle,” he said.
The younger one put his plate on the rustic-looking coffee table that sat in front of him and stood up, smiling at me now. That was a flirty smile. He stepped around the sofa and came toward me.
“I see Gathe wasn’t exaggerating,” he said and held out his hand to me. “I’m Forge, the younger, better-looking Savelle.”
I started to lift my arm to slip my hand into his when Than’s fingers wrapped around my wrist, stopping me.
“Rein it in, Romeo,” he said tightly.
Taking my wrist, he began walking toward another arched doorway across the room.
“Hey! I was being polite,” Forge called out behind us.
I glanced back over my shoulder at him, and he winked.
“Don’t be stupid,” the older one, who had to be Oz, muttered loud enough for me to hear.
They didn’t look alike. While Forge was a dark blond with green eyes, Oz had jet-black hair with gray eyes that were striking but intimidating. Unlike Forge, he hadn’t appeared interested in me.
Than ignored him and kept walking.
“You can leave her in here while you go get your things,” Forge’s voice called from the other room once we were in a new hallway.
Than continued to act as if he wasn’t talking. His strides got so long that I had to almost jog to keep up with him.
He didn’t release my wrist or slow down. I was about to ask him if he would do both when a squeal rang out, and then a small tornado with blond hair came barreling around the corner, going as fast as his short legs could go.
Than released me at the sight of Hawkins and jumped in front of him to block his path before bending down to scoop him up. “Got you!” he said as the little boy wiggled in his arms.
“Lemme go,” he told him. “I not do it!”
“I saw you do it,” Halo said as she rounded the corner.
Than looked down at his captive. “What did you do this time?”
Hawkins shook his head. “I not do it!” he repeated.
Halo had on a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a tank top with her hair piled up on top of her head. Although she appeared tired, she was still gorgeous. “Hawkins Crosby Cash, I watched you doing it!” she said as she put a hand on her hip and frowned at him.
Hawkins continued to squirm in Than’s arms. “Not do it,” he chanted. “I not do it.”
Halo sighed, then looked at me and smiled. “Hello, Montana.”
“Hi,” I replied.
She shook her head and laughed lightly. “It’s been a day. Sorry for the wildness. He’s teething, and sleeping isn’t happening. Not even a nap today. But I’m glad Than brought you over. If I can get this little heathen to take a nap, we can go out to the patio and have a drink.”
Than blew on the boy’s belly, and he kicked and laughed loudly.
“I think you need to take a nap with him, little momma,” Than told her, lifting his eyes from her son’s to hers.
She shrugged. “That sounds good in theory. But I doubt either of us gets a nap.”
A dark shadow appeared behind her before the man it belonged to did. He was tall with brown hair, hazel eyes, a chiseled jaw that could be made out, even under the short beard. The arms that wrapped around Halo, pulling her back to his chest, had tattoos. Realizing I was staring at the way he was holding her to him, I snapped my eyes up to see her looking up at him as he gazed down at her.
Envy was an evil thing that taunted us all. In this moment, I was experiencing a large dose of it. Not because I wanted the man who was holding Halo. But from the adoration on his face as he looked at her. It was powerful and so foreign to me that I didn’t want to look away. Yet I felt like I was a voyeur in their moment.
“I got him. You go get some sleep.” His deep voice had a rasp to it.
She smiled softly. “Did you get enough? It was your turn to sleep.”
He bent his head and kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose before placing a lingering one on her lips. Yep, I shouldn’t be watching this. But I was. Soaking it up because this was most likely as close to that kind of love as I’d ever get.
“I did,” he replied.
“I not do it!” Hawkins shouted again, and Than held him out under his armpits toward the other man.
Bane. That was who Halo had said she was married to.
“Take him. He’s feral,” Than said.
Bane smirked and released his wife, then moved around her to take his son.
“Dada, I not do it!” he told him.
“Sure you did,” Bane replied. “Whatever it was, you apologize to your momma.”
Hawkins frowned at his dad, then crossed his arms over his chest before looking at Halo. “I sowwy.”
Halo stepped over to him and rubbed the tip of her nose against his. “You’re forgiven.”
“What did he do this time?” Bane asked.
Halo winced and glanced over at Than apologetically. “It’s Than he should be apologizing to. He…well, I left him playing in his bedroom while I ran to use the bathroom. And in under the five minutes it took me, he went into your bedroom and found your, uh, stash of protection. He opened several of them and was filling one up with water in your bathtub. He took off running when I caught him. I’ve not cleaned it up yet, but I am headed to do that now.”
Bane threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter.
“That’s okay,” Than replied with a chuckle. “I’ll get it. You go take a nap. It’s my fault for not locking my door while I was gone.”
“Tan has bawwoons!” Hawkins announced with a big grin.
“Yep, he has lots of balloons,” Bane agreed, still grinning. Then he looked over at me. “You must be Montana.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
He smirked, then cut his eyes back to Than.
Halo’s hand touched his arm, and he immediately swung his gaze to hers. She gave him a pointed look that just made his grin bigger.
“I got to get some things from my room,” Than told them, then looked at me. “This way.”
“It was nice to see you again,” Halo told me. “I’d say it won’t be this crazy next time you come over, but it probably will be. Hopefully, I won’t be sleep-deprived though, and we can visit.”
I smiled, then nodded before following Than, who was already walking away. “I hope you get some rest,” I told her, then hurried to catch up.
Bane said something low, and it sounded like a deep rumble, and I heard Halo shush him.
Than made another turn, then went to the first open door. I wasn’t sure if I should go inside or stay out here. It was awkward. I slowed and waited to see if he looked back at me. When he went inside and didn’t say anything, I decided to just stand outside the door. I was about to lean against the wall when he stepped out and frowned at me.
“What are you doing?”
“I, uh, was waiting on you,” I told him.
“Are you afraid of my condom balloons?” he asked.
A small laugh bubbled out of me, and I shook my head.
“Then you can come inside my room.”
Well, you were basically ignoring me, so I wasn’t sure. I, of course, didn’t say that aloud.
He waited this time, stepping back as I walked inside his bedroom. My eyes did a quick scan, not wanting him to think I was being nosy, but I was curious. I wanted to see what his personal space looked like.
It smelled like him. I took another deep breath.
The door closed behind me, and the sound of the lock clicking in place had me turning back to look at him.
He grinned. “We have a condom balloon bandit on the loose. Thought I’d better lock it.”
I laughed. “I heard something about that.”
When he started toward me, my stomach did a flip as a wave of excitement hit me, but just before he reached me, he stepped to the side of me.
“I gotta get in here,” he said.
I spun around, realizing I was blocking his dresser. A wide, glossy black piece of furniture that had a dish in the shape of a horseshoe on it, filled with change, and a frame with a picture of a younger Than, Gathe, a gorgeous blonde girl, and another boy with hair so blond that it was almost platinum—all in swimwear with a lake behind them. I wanted to ask about the girl and boy I didn’t know. They all seemed close, and since that was the only photo he had in his room, I knew it must be important.
Than grabbed some sweats, boxers, and a few T-shirts from the drawers, then closed them.
Unable to help myself, I pointed at the photo. “You were young,” I said.
He paused and looked at it. “Eighteen. Summer after graduation,” he told me, and then a sad smile touched his lips a moment before he turned and walked over to drop the things he’d gotten on his bed.
“I recognize Gathe, but who are the other two?” I asked.
His gaze swung back to mine, and I wished I hadn’t asked. Where his smile had been sad, his eyes held pain. Loss. I recognized it. I felt it every day.
“That’s Saylor and…Crosby.” He told me, then took a deep breath and blew it out. “Crosby was Bane’s younger brother and my best friend. He was killed two years ago.” He shook his head.
I wanted to ask how he had been killed, but I didn’t. He hadn’t said he died. Killed meant something else. More violent. I waited to see if he said more, but he dropped his gaze back to the clothing on his bed for a moment.
“And Saylor was Crosby’s girlfriend and Gathe’s best friend. We were the same age, and our families were close. We grew up close, the four of us.”
She was? Did that mean she had been killed too? A car accident maybe.
He looked up and forced a smile. “Better go see what damage the condom balloon bandit managed to do,” he told me before heading into his private bathroom.
I turned to look back at the photo. Staring at Crosby, I didn’t see any resemblance to Bane really, but Bane’s son could have been a tiny replica. I imagined seeing that every day helped Bane. Halo had called him Hawkins Crosby Cash. They’d even named him after his uncle. Ironic that he looked so much like him.
Than walked back into the room and caught me staring at the photo.
“Hawkins looks like him,” I said with a small smile.
Than was silent for a moment, and I wondered if I’d said the wrong thing. He didn’t want to talk about Crosby, and I should shut up about him.
“Hawkins is Crosby’s biological son.”
I remained silent as that sank in. I glanced back at the photo of the blonde girl beside him. Than had said Saylor was Crosby’s girlfriend. But Halo…I frowned. Was Halo not Hawkins’s biological mother? I was confused.
“It’s really not my story to tell,” he said. “But it’s not a secret either.”
I shook my head, feeling like I’d pried enough, although I was more than curious about it. “It’s fine. It’s not my business.”
The corner of his mouth quirked as he began shoving his things into the duffel. “I dropped the Hawkins is Crosby’s on you. It’s not fair to share something like that, then leave you guessing.” He looked up at me as he zipped the bag. “Crosby was cheating on Saylor with Halo. Halo didn’t know Saylor existed. He knocked Halo up, and before she could tell him that the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy, he was killed. We didn’t know about her, but Linc found something that led Bane to her. Thinking she might be the reason Crosby had been shot. Found out she was pregnant, had a paternity test done, and it was Crosby’s. Moved her in here, and, well, as you saw out there, Bane fell hard and fast.”
Holy crap. Was he serious? That sounded like a movie plot. What did I say to that? I turned back to the photo.
“Can I ask what happened to Saylor, or is that being too nosy?” I regretted it as soon as I said it. I knew it was being nosy, but I felt bad for her. I mean, it wasn’t Halo’s fault at all, but wow. Losing someone you loved, then finding out they had not only cheated on you, but left behind a baby.
Than’s short laugh surprised me. “She’s good. Happy. Going to hell, but aren’t we all?”
Going to hell? Scrunching my nose, I frowned at him.
That amused him more for some reason. “Saylor is engaged to a former priest. And when I say former, I mean, he was a priest until he was knocked from glory by the desire for Saylor’s puss—” He cleared his throat. “What’s between her legs.”
I wasn’t Catholic, but even I knew that was a big deal. “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Than’s grin went wide, and he nodded. “Yeah. Oh.”
I licked my lips and let out a small laugh. I mean, it was kinda funny. I was also glad that the stranger in the photo had found happiness. Halo and Bane sure seemed happy.
“I’ve always wondered how priests do that. Most men are controlled by their, uh…urges. At least, that’s what Momma always said.” I blushed. I hadn’t meant to blurt it out that way.
Than’s gaze did a slow drift down my body as he took the few steps over to me. “Controlled by our urges, huh?”
I swallowed hard and shrugged. “I mean, I don’t know. I’m not a wealth of knowledge about it, but like I said, Momma would just say it a lot.”
Than tilted his head to the side as he stared down at me. “Hmm,” he replied. “We are weak when it comes to a pretty face.” He touched the spot under my chin with his fingertip, then ran it down my neck, along my collarbone, then to the swell of my breasts, where he stopped. “And when the face comes with a body and a cunt that tastes like candy, we do tend to stop listening to reason.” His voice dropped until it was a husky whisper.
I shivered as his palm covered a breast and gently squeezed.
“You really need to wear a bra.” His eyes were on my chest as he spoke. “As if you weren’t already lethal to a man’s willpower, you have to add your bouncing titties to the package and keep me hard all the fucking time.”
And trigger my wet panties. Dammit. That was all it took. After a day of barely looking at me, he was now talking about me making his cock hard. He’d flirted with other girls around me. Was my self-worth so low that I was just going to let him grope my boobs and do whatever he wanted? I was convenient. Nothing more to him. Just because I felt things with him that were new for me didn’t mean he had any feelings other than being horny where I was concerned.
With the image of Bane staring down at Halo and the envy I’d felt, seeing how much he loved her, fresh in my mind, I found the strength to step back.
Than’s hand slipped from me as I put distance between us. The confused frown that crinkled between his brows as he stared at me was just more proof that I’d been acting like my mother. He’d assumed I’d let him touch me and do what he wanted because I’d done so twice this morning.
“That’s, uh…” Think, Montana. Use your words . “I think it’s best that we don’t do that…those things anymore.” I cleared my throat. “That was a mistake.” One that had felt amazing until I had time to see the big picture around it.
Than licked his bottom lip, then pulled it through his teeth. “What aren’t we gonna do anymore, Six?” he asked, taking a step toward me.
I took another back and shook my head.
He stopped, and we stood there silently. Keeping my resolve was hard. When we were alone, I could forget that he only showed me any affection when we were naked. Otherwise, he treated me as if I were some little kid he had to babysit.
“You didn’t seem to have a problem with it when you were writhing beneath me this morning, crying out my name while you came.” The edge to his voice made it clear he wasn’t happy about this.
“That was this morning. I’ve had all day to…” I stopped. How did I say this? I didn’t want him to think I wanted a commitment from him. “Think. And I—I can’t do that with someone and there be nothing else. I’m not just a body to be used. I’m a person.”
Than’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t sound like you were being used when you were getting off. You sounded like you were being pleasured.”
Ugh. I was bad at this. His looking at me like that wasn’t making it easy to think.
“Yes, I liked it. I enjoyed it. That’s not what I am saying. I can’t do those things with you if there is nothing else there between us.”
He sneered at me, and it felt as if he’d slapped me. Then he let out a hard, sadistic-sounding laugh. “I see,” he said, looking as if I disgusted him. “That’s what I get for messing around with a virgin.” He stalked back to the bed and snatched up his bag. “Let’s go,” he snarled, heading for the door.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad,” I tried to explain because I had said something wrong.
He paused at the door and glanced at me. “I’m not mad.” he said, jerking the door open. Then he walked out of the room without looking back.
My throat constricted, and my eyes burned. I couldn’t go out there and face anyone like this. Taking a deep breath, I tried to stop my emotional reaction to his angry words. I’d said something wrong, but I couldn’t fix it if I didn’t know what was so bad.
A tear broke free, and I wiped it away, then steeled myself so I could walk out of here. This wasn’t how I’d wanted our day to end. It had started out as one of the best of my life, but then that had been me thinking that there was more to it. To us.
When I went to bed tonight, I wouldn’t be able to ask him to sleep beside me. I’d have to face my fears alone. But then I’d been doing that since Momma had taken her last breath.