12. Lilah
12
LILAH
“Sounds better,” Nolan said, holding the stethoscope to my chest. “Still slow, but better.”
“Thanks,” I said, leaning back on the sofa in the rental house on Folegandros.
I’d woken up on a different boat, a small one, hurtling through the darkness. Nolan’s was the first face I saw, looking down at me with concern, salt spray beading his face.
Relief had flooded my body, but not just relief, something more complicated too, something too strong to be just gratitude or even affection. I’d been relieved not to have the energy or focus to think too hard about it.
They’d gotten us back to land — the same small dock where I’d been picked up by the German woman almost forty-eight hours earlier — and back to the house where Nolan had drawn me a bath. After I’d soaked and gotten warm, he’d dressed the cuts on my hand from my work trying to loosen the bolt and screw on the yacht.
Now I was in a pair of his sweats, a blanket pulled up over me on the sofa. A cup of tea — brewed by Jude — sat on the coffee table.
I tried not to think about what Nolan had found under the bandage on the back of my neck — a raw, angry brand with a series of numbers and letters: 2654135BL.
I had no idea what it meant, but I felt sick when I thought about it and I’d been relieved when he’d covered the burn with antibiotic ointment and a fresh bandage, relieved to cover it with my hair, pretend someone hadn’t drugged me, branded me like a piece of meat while I was unconscious.
“I can’t get into this,” Rafe said from the table off the house’s kitchen, the hard drive I’d taken from the yacht connected to his computer. “It’s password protected.”
He’d hardly looked at me since I’d regained consciousness, and I couldn’t help wondering how he’d felt about risking his skin to rescue me. Had he, Nolan, and Jude fought about it? Had Rafe wanted to leave me behind, cut their losses?
“No big surprise there,” Jude said, rubbing my feet, in his lap on the other end of the couch. “We’re lucky to have it at all. That was good thinking on your part, boss.”
“It was risky,” Rafe said. “Every second counts during an extraction.”
I was too tired to argue the point, but Nolan did it for me.
“It was brave,” he said. “And now we have something else to work with.”
I tried not to show my surprise. It had taken a while for all the systems in my body to start working after taking another dose of my meds, but once my brain had started firing properly, I’d braced for the news that the Bastards were out.
I wouldn’t even have blamed them, not really. The people behind Imperium Fratrum, whoever they were, were obviously even richer and more powerful than we’d thought. Did we really want to keep going in the hopes of finding out what had happened to the missing girls from Blackwell Falls?
For me, the answer would always be yes, especially now that I’d had a taste of the terror they must have felt when they’d been kidnapped. Had they been drugged too? Held on a yacht, waiting to learn their fate? Transferred to the other boat the German woman had mentioned?
And if so, what were the odds they would be found? That Detective Rodriguez, a small-town cop in another country, would be able to find them? How long would it be before their cases were closed, just more troubled girls who’d made bad decisions and paid the ultimate price?
Because that was the thing: men were allowed to make bad decisions, but when you were a woman, bad decisions got you killed.
I was too close to it all, that much was obvious. Those girls were like me. They were me, in another world, another life where I hadn’t stumbled upon the Bastards’ house the night Vic and his goons had chased me through the snow.
But how much could the Bastards identify with the missing girls? How much more would they risk for a bunch of girls they’d never even met?
Turned out, it was a lot. I didn’t know if it was because of me — because they felt guilty for what they’d done to me and were trying to clear their consciences — or if (surprise, surprise) they actually had souls, but Nolan was making it clear that he, at least, was still in.
Rafe shut his computer with a frustrated grunt. “Not if we can’t get in.”
“We could give it to Pythe,” Jude said. “Set up shop in Athens for a bit.”
Rafe stood and paced the room. “Wouldn’t be the first time. And we do have resources here.”
“I don’t know,” Nolan said. “I’m thinking we should go home, regroup.”
He cut a glance at me and I rolled my eyes. Subtle.
“I’m fine now,” I said.
Jude’s nod was slow. “Maybe Nolan’s right. We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. These assholes might come after us.”
Rafe’s expression darkened. “Let them come.”
“We don’t even have a place to stay in Athens,” Nolan said. “And we have Lilah to think about.”
“You’re not all going to treat me like a piece of glass now are you?” I asked. “I won’t break. I think I’ve proven that.”
“You’ve also proven you can make dumbass decisions,” Rafe said.
I pressed my lips together and nodded. “It was dumb to accept the invitation without telling you.”
“And to leave without your phone,” Rafe said.
“And to leave without my phone.” Conceding the point — especially to Rafe — was killing me, but I’d only look dumber if I couldn’t cop to my mistakes.
“And for not taking your meds,” Rafe said.
“I think we’ve established that I made a lot of dumb decisions,” I said through my teeth. “I paid a price for them.”
“We could have paid the price too,” Rafe said. “You don’t seem to get that part.”
Nolan shot him a scowl. “Knock it the fuck off.”
“She needs to know.” Rafe looked from Nolan to me. “When you work as part of a team, everything you do, every decision you make, affects the whole team. If you put yourself in danger, you put the team in danger. Get it?”
Now I felt not only dumb but also ashamed. He was right. Maybe I couldn’t have known for sure that they’d look for me if I went missing, but I should have known they might.
“I’ve never…” I sighed. “Well, I’ve never been part of a team before, okay? I get it now.”
I didn’t say the rest because it was pathetic: I’ve always been alone .
But Nolan spoke like he’d heard it, like he was inside my head. “You’re not alone anymore. Get used to it, sweetheart.”
“On the plus side,” Jude said, “you just got Rafe to admit we’re a team.”
“Fuck off,” Rafe said, stomping from the room.