24. Lilah
24
LILAH
I didn’t even feel fully conscious as I lay on the couch, waiting for Jude. The sound of the fire crackling together with the crickets outside was like a lullaby. I was completely relaxed, every bone in my body limp, my mind floating on a sea of pleasure. Even the brand on the back of my neck had stopped burning, my body preoccupied with decidedly more pleasant sensations.
I let my eyes flicker open and followed the flicker of the fire on the walls and ceiling, then noticed a shadow in the mezzanine overlooking the living room. I was about to sit up, alarmed, when the shadow shifted and I saw that it was Rafe.
He was leaning against the wall that separated the upstairs hall from the loft, his expression unreadable across the distance.
How long had he been watching? Had he seen Jude eating me out?
I held his gaze and waited for him to leave, to show embarrassment or shame for being a fucking Peeping Tom, but he just stood there, his gaze dark as he looked at my naked body sprawled out on the sofa.
I lifted my arms over my head, stretching so that my tits jutted into the air, then flung one leg over the back of the sofa so he had a prime view of my absolutely soaking wet pussy.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was still a little shy about my body, still self-conscious when it was on display, but I guess my need to get under Rafe’s skin overrode my shyness because I slipped my hand between my thighs and stroked through my folds, wet with Jude’s saliva.
“Starting without me?” Jude asked, returning to the living room holding a small foil packet.
“Just keeping myself warm,” I said. “Are you offended?”
“Hell no. In fact it’s a tough call whether I want to draw you or fuck you more right now.”
“Really?” I asked.
He laughed and held out his hand. “No. I want to fuck you way more. But drawing you with your hand between your thighs is a close second.”
I took his outstretched hand, not really understanding his intention until he sat on the couch and pulled me on top of him. It was instinct to straddle his hips, and a fresh swell of lust rushed through my body as his hard cock nestled between the folds of my pussy.
I should have told him Rafe was still there, watching, but I took a perverse pleasure in keeping it to myself. It was a dirty little secret between me and Rafe — proof that he wanted me even if he wouldn’t admit it — and somehow that made it more fun, even though I knew it was really twisted.
Besides, it wasn’t like any of the Bastards were shrinking violets in the sex department. Nolan and Jude had been more than happy to let Rafe watch in Greece.
Jude pulled my head down and kissed me long and slow, but it didn’t take long for the urgency to build, another spark flaring at my center.
He grabbed my hips and lifted me up a little, then positioned his cock at my entrance. “All you, boss.”
He was giving me control again, letting me set the rules.
It was exhilarating.
Freeing.
Nolan and Jude were teaching me about pleasure in their own ways, making me realize there was nothing dirty, nothing shameful, about it. It was a safe exploration, a chance to feel and do everything the way I wanted, and it wasn’t lost on me how ironic it was that the guys who’d made me feel out of control — the guys who’d taken it from me — were now the ones teaching me how to take it back.
I held on to his shoulders and lowered myself onto his cock, sighing as he became fully seated inside me. I’d been on top with Nolan before, but he’d been lying down. This was different. Jude was sitting up, cupping my ass, and the position caused near-constant friction on my clit even when Jude started moving under me.
I moved with him, grinding my hips to get even more friction on my clit, closing my eyes as the intensity of my pleasure climbed.
“Oh my god…” I said. “That feels so good.”
Every shift of my hips, every small change in position, caused a new sensation and they were all mind-blowing.
“That’s right,” Jude said. “Use me. Take it the way you want it.”
I moved faster, rolling my hips against his, another orgasm already flaring in the deepest, most hidden part of my body.
Jude dipped his head to my tits and drew one of my nipples into his mouth and a streak of white-hot bliss shot to my pussy.
“Shit.” I rolled my clit against his stomach on the downstroke, barely lifting myself off him before grinding again, pushing down on him so hard I felt the tip of his dick hit my cervix. “Shit, Jude…”
He lifted his head from my tits and took my head in his hands, then pulled my head down to meet his lips. He dove into my mouth like a man on fire jumping into the sea, his tongue plunging deep into my mouth.
I fell over the edge of my orgasm all at once, gasping and crying out as my body shuddered with waves of pleasure.
Jude groaned and I knew he was coming too. I wished suddenly — stupidly — that he wasn’t wearing a condom so I could feel him spill into me.
We didn’t speak. There was just the sound of our release and the fire and the mountains around the house until I finally fell limp against him, dropping my head onto his shoulder as I gasped for breath.
We stayed that way for a long time, Jude stroking my back.
“Do you need anything?” he finally asked. “Meds or anything?”
I shook my head and straightened, then bent to kiss him. “I’m good.”
I’d taken my meds before bed. I wouldn’t need more unless I’d put my heart under stress — the running-from-snowmobiles-in-the-snow kind, not the erotic-sex-by-the-fire kind.
I climbed off him and stood but he pulled me back onto the couch as he stretched out. “Not so fast, boss.” I settled into the crook of his arm and rested my head on his chest. “I’m not quite ready to let you go.”
I sighed with pleasure. “If you insist.”
He pulled me closer, then chuckled and kissed my head. “I do.”
I was drowsy, relaxed from my two orgasms and Jude’s heartbeat under my ear and the warmth of the fire on our naked bodies.
Then I remembered Rafe.
I opened my eyes and looked up at the loft, expecting him to be gone. If he’d watched me have sex with Jude, he’d already gotten his rocks off.
But he was still there, his eyes burning hot with something that could have been either hatred or longing.