Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
Ethan found it impossible to sleep. How was he supposed to shut his brain off after everything that had happened that day? First, he'd upset people at the library, then he'd confessed his innermost feelings to Kyle, and then... then he'd thought about kissing a demon.
One disastrous thing after another.
Because it was all disastrous, wasn't it?
In the darkness of his bedroom, he touched his lips as if Mal had actually kissed him instead of just releasing the spell he'd placed on Ethan. Why couldn't Ethan stop thinking about that near kiss?
Was he crushing on a literal demon now? And an incompetent one at that?
This was not how he'd always pictured his great love story going. For one, he'd always figured that if he were the protagonist of a romance novel, it would be a contemporary romance novel. Not that he didn't enjoy paranormal romance. It had just never seemed likely to end up in one of those stories.
It still didn't seem likely.
Even if Ethan liked Mal that way--which he probably didn't, he was just confused after a long day--there was nothing to say that Mal liked Ethan that way.
And Ethan couldn't forget what Noah had said, either. Mal might not be evil the way a 'regular' demon might be, but he was still here to collect Ethan's soul.
Ethan turned and stared at the ceiling, wishing he could find sleep... or answers to all the questions that were niggling at him.
Since he couldn't, he grabbed his phone from where he'd put it down next to his pillow. When he opened his socials, the first picture he was greeted with was one of his brother and his fiancee. They looked happy together, both smiling for the camera as the sun set behind them.
Something warm unfurled in Ethan's chest. His brother deserved all the happiness in the world.
But Ethan wanted it too.
Wasn't that why he'd summoned Mal in the first place?
Not that he'd wanted Mal; he'd wanted Cupid, but that didn't matter now.
Before Ethan even really knew what he was doing, he was looking at pictures of Kyle. He'd announced his book deal earlier that day to hundreds of likes and congratulations. Good. He deserved those congratulations. He was doing amazing.
How often had Ethan watched him work on that novel, dreaming about being part of his life?
Ethan closed his eyes. He could almost imagine Kyle lying beside him, the heat of his body radiating into Ethan. Would he touch him? Run his fingers over his arm and side and hip, the way Ethan was imagining right now?
Would it feel like when Mal had touched him, his thumb on his lower lip, sending shivers down Ethan's spine?
No, he couldn't think about Mal now.
He wanted to think only about Kyle. Kyle sliding his hand over his chest, down his stomach.
Ethan's own hand followed the movement, and he imagined Kyle leaning down to kiss him. Softly at first, then deeper as their tongues met.
Kyle's hand slid lower, cupping Ethan's erection.
Heat flooded through Ethan, and he bit back a moan as he pictured Kyle stroking him through the cloth.
"Do you like that?" the voice he imagined wasn't Kyle's.
His hand stilled. Why was he thinking about the demon again? This was supposed to be about Kyle. Just Kyle!
He tried to picture his crush, but the image slipped away from him as he started to stroke himself again, his breathing getting ragged. His hips rocked into the movement, pleasure pooling in his stomach.
He needed release, so desperately, and... why not think about a certain handsome, awkward demon? It would just be pretend, and no one had to know.
He imagined Mal kneeling between his legs, pushing up his shirt and running his tongue along the waistband of his underwear.
Ethan's hand moved faster, his breath turning into gasps as he felt himself approaching the edge, his whole body tense with need. In his imagination, Mal looked up at him, dark eyes meeting his own as his mouth covered the tip of his cock and Ethan came with a shudder, his orgasm washing through him as his mind blanked for several seconds.
When he returned to reality, he lay in his bed feeling sticky and embarrassed because he'd just fantasized about getting head from a demon.
A cute demon who'd never actually do any of that with him.
They wouldn't live happily ever after. They'd live until Ethan lost his soul and Mal took him to Hell.
A sound from the living room made Ethan sit up straight in his bed. His heart beat in his throat. Was that... Was he not alone in his apartment?
Was that an intruder in his living room, or had Mal come back?
If it was Mal... had he... heard?
Suddenly Ethan couldn't recall if he'd been moaning when he'd jerked himself off. But even if Mal had heard, there wasn't any way for him to know what Ethan had been thinking about, was there?
Ethan wasn't under that damn spell anymore, thank fuck.
Slowly, he inched toward the door and opened it a crack to peer into the living room.
In the low light that fell into the room from the window, he saw Mal sitting on his couch. The demon turned toward him. "Ethan? I thought you'd be asleep by now."
Ethan flushed, stepping into the room--and then he flushed even harder when Mal switched on the light and Ethan realized he was wearing nothing but his underwear.
Nothing but his sticky underwear. Shit.
Mal's gaze settled on him, and Ethan thought he was going to burst into flames.
"Sorry," he muttered. "Didn't expect company." He grabbed a throw blanket and awkwardly draped it around himself as best he could to hide his shame. Then he sank into the armchair opposite from Mal. "I didn't think you'd be back tonight."
"I apologize if I've startled you. You're correct that I didn't plan on returning tonight."
"Where were you, anyway?" Ethan asked, hoping to talk about something that would distract him from what he'd just done himself.
Even now he felt the slight urge to sit next to Mal so their knees might brush, but he squashed that impulse down.
He was not going to let himself develop a crush on a demon.
Mal's eyes darted away, then returned to meet Ethan's gaze. "I was out walking," he said slowly. "I needed fresh air to clear my head. There's not a lot of fresh air in Hell, as you can imagine, so it was quite nice."
"What do you do in Hell, anyway?"
"Mostly I'm stuck in the Dark Archives."
That sounded ominous. Ethan leaned forward. "What are the Dark Archives?"
Mal's tail curled around his ankle. "Picture the most depressing library basement you've ever seen, then add eternal darkness and the constant smell of burning paper."
"That doesn't sound so bad." Ethan pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. "I kind of like library basements."
"You would." Mal's lips twitched. "But the Dark Archives aren't filled with books. They're filled with dark prophecies. Predictions of doom and destruction that are supposed to shape the fate of humanity."
"Supposed to?"
"They never actually come true." Mal fiddled with his cuffs. "My job is to file them away and keep track of all the ways they don't happen. Sometimes I even get to stamp them as void."
"Is that sarcasm?"
"I wish. The stamping is actually the highlight of my day. Just endless prophecies of destruction that fizzle out into nothing. It’s useless to keep track of them. My position is useless."
The admission hung in the air between them. Ethan found himself wanting to reach across the space and touch Mal's hand, offer some comfort. But that would be inappropriate, wouldn't it? Comforting a demon who was here to claim his soul?
"Is that why you're so determined to get my soul?" The question slipped out before Ethan could stop it. "To get a better position?"
Mal's gaze snapped to his face. "That’s not…" He tugged at his tie. "I mean, I’ll certainly be rewarded."
"It's okay." Ethan offered a small smile. "I get it. Everyone wants to be good at their job."
"I'm terrible at being a demon." Mal licked his lips. "Do you know what happened when I was out walking tonight? I gave safety advice to someone working the streets. Safety advice! A proper demon would have..." He cut himself off, looking away.
"Would have what?"
"Nothing good." Mal's voice went quiet. "But I couldn't... I just wanted her to be safe."
Ethan wanted to smile at Mal and squeeze his hand and tell him that his actions were commendable. But if he admitted that he found Mal’s concern for others endearing, he’d slide down a slippery road that he didn’t want to go down. He was not going to let himself feel anything for this demon except maybe friendship.
"Is that why they keep you in the Archives?" he asked. "Because you wind up helping humans?"
"Yes." Mal blew out a breath. "But if I help you , I’ll be rewarded." His gaze fixed on Ethan again. "No one will be able to ridicule me if I bring in a soul like yours."
Ethan wished he knew what Mal saw in him that was so special, but the way the demon looked at him made a shiver run down Ethan’s spine, made him want to get lost in the moment.
But he couldn’t.
"What’s going to happen to me?" he made himself ask. "When you bring me in?"
Mal went still and stared at his hands. "You'll be taken to Hell's Inner Sanctum." The words came out rough. "Radiant souls like yours... they're too valuable for the regular processing."
"Regular processing?"
"Most souls end up in the grinder." Mal tugged at his tie. "Converted into energy to power Hell's infrastructure. Everything runs on corrupted souls down there—the elevators, the coffee makers, even the fluorescent lighting in the break room." His voice softened. "But you won't end up there. Pure souls are too rare, too precious. They go to the Inner Sanctum instead."
"And that's... better?"
"I think so," Mal said, sounding sincere. "I'm not high-ranking enough to know what happens in the Inner Sanctum. I just know that's where my supervisor will take you." He glanced up, and maybe he caught the fear in Ethan's eyes because he rushed to add, "But not until after you've lived a full life. You get to find love first, real love. Get married, adopt some cats, read too many romance novels..."
"Then you come to collect."
"At the end of your life." Mal's fingers twisted in his lap. "You'll have decades of happiness first. That's what I'm here for, to help you find that happiness. To make sure you get everything you want before..." He trailed off.
"Before I go to Hell."
"It won't be for a very long time," Mal repeated softly. "I promise."
"Will it hurt?"
Mal was quiet for a time, considering his words. "I truly don't know what happens in the Inner Sanctum. No one at my level does."
Ethan thought about that long and hard. In a way, all of this had been a game to him. Unreal, because how could it be real?
But if it was, he was gambling the fate of his soul.
For Kyle.
Was he worth it?
Probably not.
"I’m starting to think I shouldn’t go on that date tomorrow."
Mal's tail uncurled from his ankle. "Why not?"
"Because..." Ethan fingered the blanket absentmindedly. "Is Kyle really worth spending eternity in Hell for?"
The question hung between them.
"Maybe not," Mal said eventually.
Ethan wondered if it had cost the demon to say that. After all, it would be to Mal’s benefit to get this contract between them fulfilled as fast as possible.
"I didn't know what Hell meant before," Ethan said, kind of wanting to explain himself. "Everything you talked about… it was all just abstract. Like something from one of my books." He swallowed. "But it's real, isn't it? All of it's real."
"Yes."
"And my soul will power... what? Some demon's coffee maker?"
"No, you wouldn't—" Mal cut himself off. "You're too valuable for that."
"Right. The Inner Sanctum." Ethan shook his head. "Where something unknown and probably terrible will happen to me instead."
Mal opened his mouth, then closed it again.
Ethan stared at his hands. "I should never have tried that spell."
Mal shifted on the couch, the leather creaking under him. "I’m very glad that you did."
"Even if you never get to collect?" Ethan studied the demon.
A small smile graced Mal’s lips. "At least I got out of Hell for a little while."
Ethan smiled back at him, thinking of their little coffee shop date. Not that it had been a date. "It was fun, wasn’t it?"
They sat in silence for a moment, but it was the good kind of silence that made Ethan glad to share the presence of another person, even while they weren’t talking.
Soon, though, he turned contemplative again. If he didn’t want Mal to collect his soul, he had to void the terms of their deal. What was it again?
For him to lose his virginity to the man he loved.
Did that still refer to Kyle?
Or could it be any man as long as Ethan had feelings for him?
What if he just stayed a virgin all his life?
Would Mal have to stick around, waiting for Ethan to do the deed with someone?
"What are you thinking?"
"How do you define virginity?"
The demon blinked, obviously confused about where this question was coming from.
"I mean," Ethan said, "there are different schools of thought, right? If I were to lose my virginity to another man, would it have to be anal sex? Or would oral also count for our contract? What about rimming? Frotting? A handjob?"
Ethan might be able to go through life without anal to preserve his soul—and what a thought that was—but if he could never get any action, that would be far harder to deal with.
"I…um… Never thought about," Mal admitted. "I’ll have to look up how Hell defines it."
"Yes, and then please tell me. Wait, you wouldn’t lie, would you?"
"I’m a demon."
"Yeah, but one who cares."
Mal exhaled. "Don’t remind me. But you’re right, I won’t lie."
Strangely, Ethan believed him.
"And while we’re having this deep conversation," Mal fidgeted a little, "there’s something you should know about Kyle."
Ethan's heart skipped in spite of his best intentions. "What about Kyle?"
"I ran into another demon tonight." Mal tugged at his tie, the way he seemed to do when something made him uncomfortable. "Raviel. He said something about Kyle's book deal."
"Another demon talked about Kyle?"
"I think..." Mal's tongue darted out to wet his lips. "I think Kyle might have made a deal of his own."
The words took a moment to sink in. "What kind of deal?"
"The kind that gets you published by Random House." Mal's dark eyes fixed on Ethan's face.
"You think a demon helped Kyle with his book?" A chill ran down Ethan's spine. "Why would they do that?"
"Raviel has connections everywhere, apparently." Mal looked troubled. "And I’m afraid he did this to mess with me."
"To mess with you?"
"So it would be harder for me to collect your soul. Raviel holds an old grudge against me because of that whole support group thing."
"Hold on." Ethan had to think. Some other demon had messed with Kyle in order to mess with Mal, who was only here because of Ethan. Which meant that this demon would never have zeroed in on Kyle if Ethan hadn’t summoned Mal.
In other words… Kyle might be going to hell because Ethan had idolized him.
Holy shit.
If only his mom had never given him the dried coriander.
"I need to fix this."
"It’s not your fault," Mal said, guessing his thoughts.
"Of course it is."
"You didn’t force Kyle to make a deal with a demon. That was his own ego."
Ethan shook his head. He knew from his own experience how easy it was to get mixed up in this without really meaning to. "I need to go on that date tomorrow night and talk to Kyle in private. Warn him."
"But only to warn him, right?"
Ethan chewed his bottom lip. "What if his odd behavior these past two days was because of the demon too?" He gave voice to the spark of hope that was lighting up inside of him. "You changed my behavior too."
"Ethan…"
"What?"
"Your behavior only changed so dramatically because… because I’m rusty."
"And Raviel is better at this than you?"
Mal looked aside and muttered something too quietly for Ethan to understand, but it was clear how much he hated having to admit that this other demon excelled at something he struggled with.
"Maybe Raviel’s not so great," Ethan suggested. "Maybe he messed up with Kyle."
"And maybe you’re trying to see the good in people where there isn’t any." Mal’s features softened. "That’s what makes your soul shine so brightly."
Ethan made himself shrug. "Or maybe you’re just not the only one who cares when you shouldn’t."
After another moment, Ethan decided it was time to call it a night. Again. "I should try to get some sleep." He started to rise, the blanket slipping from his shoulders. He caught it just before it fell, his face burning as he remembered why he'd needed it in the first place.
And who he'd been picturing when he...
No. He wasn't going to think about that now. Not with Mal right there.
"Have a good night," Mal said.
"Yeah, you too." Ethan clutched the blanket tighter and took it with him all the way to his bedroom.