Chapter 40
Zara
"How do you keep them all apart?" I whisper, my face angled up to his ear.
Pax tightens his arm around me, pulling me closer. To most, it probably looks like a form of affection, as if he just can't bear the idea of any distance between the two of us, but I know differently. I know he hates gatherings like this. He isn't fond of even small groups of people, preferring to spend most of our time alone.
This gathering was at the suggestion of Kincaid, Cerberus MC founder and president of the original chapter in New Mexico.
We traveled back there a few weeks ago while Pax was still under strict orders from his doctor to take it easy. He grouched and grumbled when I assured the man that he'd spend every minute of his recovery obeying his orders. New Mexico was an eye-opening experience. There were ten times as many people there as there are that showed up tonight, and it seemed more like one huge family rather than people who work together.
I don't know if this East Tennessee chapter will ever transition into something similar, but with the way Pax and Jersey circle around each other even though they live under the same roof, I'm thinking if it ever happens, it's a very distant thing. I know those two men will come to blows at some point, and it has more to do with the flirting Jersey did with me at the bar than anything else. The man hasn't so much as looked my way since the night I was urged by Pax to come here mostly against my will.
We can laugh about it now, but I'm fairly certain the man was in the middle of an exhaustion-induced psychotic break. We're lucky it ended the way it did without him doing something he might regret.
"That one?" I ask, angling my head toward the table of food where the tall man stands.
"That's Echo," he says.
"I thought the ginger over there was Echo."
"That's Zeus."
I blow out a thick stream of air. "It's going to be weird living with people I don't even know."
"It's not an easy thing to get used to, but you tell me the second one of them makes you feel even slightly uncomfortable."
"It's not that I think it's going to be uncomfortable, but there's just a lot of angry testosterone around here. It's going to feel like a frat house."
"It won't," he promises as if his title of President of the Gatlinburg Cerberus MC chapter means he can control a rambunctious group of men.
"Really?" I ask, turning us so he can see Jersey and one of the newer people having a tequila shot competition. "They're going to regret that shit in the morning."
"They'll regret it a lot sooner if they let shit get out of hand."
I turn in his grip and press my palm to his chest. "You're going to have a stroke if you don't start letting some shit slide. They're just having a good time."
"You were just complaining about the men."
"I was saying it was going to take a lot of getting used to. I was an only child," I remind him.
It's what made losing my parents in a car wreck in high school also hard. I had no one. It was why I jumped in feet first with Billy at such a young age. I felt like I had no other choice and was terrified to try and build a life on my own. My parents were so in love, and I just wanted a taste of that. Ten years with Billy doesn't even touch on the last two months with Pax. I've felt his love every single second of every day, and although he's not the type to say such cheesy words, he shows it in the way he protects me, in the way he makes sure I have everything I need, in the way he needs me. I know I'm just as important to him as he is to me, and it's made a world of difference. It has made me realize I was missing something for a very long time, and I'm beyond grateful to have found it in him.
"I thought you were complaining," he grumbles.
"I'll be more succinct," I assure him.
He's a very literal type of guy, and I'm usually capable of modifying my words to accommodate that, but it is a little overwhelming to have so many people here when just last week it was only Jersey, Jericho, and on occasion Ace in the house. Now we have Zeus, Echo, Nyx, and Lark. Next month I'm told Casper, Zayne, Nova, and Ash will be here. Then the month after that Cyrus, Frost, Fury, Dagger, and a guy they call Johnny B.
That's inching up on twenty men, so many that Cerberus has already purchased the cabin right up the hill from this one as well to accommodate all of them with talks of building another one up and to the left.
I don't know if it was in the plans or if it's something Pax insisted on, but they've already started construction on the massive fence that will surround the entire area. But even with all of this going on, I haven't felt unsafe for a single moment since I decided to stay here. There isn't a man I've met here tonight that would risk Pax's wrath if they bothered me, and I have no doubt all the other men coming in the next couple of months won’t be an issue.
"Speaking of men," I begin as I turn back around so we're facing the same direction, but my words fall away.
I was about to ask about Ace because I hadn't seen him in almost a week. I figured it was time for his weekly flat-mouth stare because he wished Pax had chosen a different path. He assured me once that it had nothing to do with me but connections to people make men weak, especially people of the female or romantic love type. Pax explained the death of Ace's best friend, and I can only imagine the lasting effects that would've had on him to lose someone in such a brutal way.
Pax tells me every day that I am the best decision he ever made, and he'll never spend a second regretting it.
"What the fuck happened?" Pax growls as he takes a step forward, positioning himself between me and a bloodied and beaten Ace.
"Nothing I can't handle," the fool says.
"It looks like it," Pax counters. "Let's discuss this elsewhere."
Before Pax can turn back around to insist I go upstairs despite his insistence that I'm safe here, Ace steps around him and locks his eyes on me. I predict his words, knowing he's going to tell me that this is what I have to look forward to as far as Pax is concerned, that there will come a day when my man comes home beaten and bloody.
My stomach turns as I take in the gash on his cheek and his rapidly swelling eye.
"Zara," he says, pain laced in his tone. "I owe you an apology."
"You need to get to the fucking conference room," Pax says as he turns the man toward the secondary living room they've been using as a meeting place for the guys. "Zara, go to our room please."
He doesn't even have to look my way. He's confident enough to know that when he asks something of me, I'll give him what he needs. It's just how our dynamic works. Although it might be an issue at a later date, it hasn't been a problem for us so far.
I find myself slow to walk toward the staircase but work myself in that direction anyway.
"Any idea what that was about?" Jericho asks, his scarred face frowning in the direction the two men went.
I shrug. "He said he owed me an apology. "
"Fuck," Jericho swears as he lifts a glass of amber liquid to his lips.
"What does that mean?"
"It means he fucked up in the only way that has the potential to ruin his fucking life."
"And how is that?"
"The motherfucker fell in love."
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