Chapter Six
Ice tapped the hidden latch with a sly grin at me, and dragged the door open, staring down the stairs into the dark space which lit up automatically when he put a foot on the first step.
“Knew it’d be cool. Do you, like, plan world domination down here? Oh… or is there a kinky porn room you use? I think I’ll be disappointed if there isn’t now.”
Was it wrong to want to push him down the damn stairs ahead of me? I wrapped my fingers around the doorframe so I’d resist the urge.
“Prepare yourself for disappointment, brother. It’s just a man cave.”
As we reached the bottom of the stairs, he let out a low whistle as his eyes scanned the room in seconds, and I considered what he thought of my set up.
There was a leather modular sofa in front of the large TV on the wall, the sofa built into a three sided arrangement for optimal viewing.
The pool table and dart board were sitting there unused, because when I built this room I expected to have people to hang with, and then I realised I didn’t like anyone in the clubs.
Until now at least. This became my own mini clubhouse, but it wasn’t the same.
“Is that a pinball machine?” He pointed and I shrugged. Guilty pleasures and all that.
There was a mini-bar in here, and a coffee machine I rarely used, because I stayed upstairs. Then there was the steel door he focused on.
“Gun room?”
I nodded warily. What was their stance on guns? I hadn’t seen any at the club, but surely they had some they weren’t supposed to. Huh. That risked my own licence if I was caught with any, but that was a problem for another day. Right now I knew nothing, and was assuming so much.
“You gonna show me, or what?”
I groaned and stepped around him, tapping in the seven digit code for the door, and pressing my thumb against the reader.
“Very sexy security measures, man. Makes me horny.”
I pulled the door open and gestured at him to step inside, and he didn’t hesitate, his eyes widening at the large room, the walls of guns, and the large setup in the centre of the room for crafting ammunition, and maintaining and repairing the firearms.
“You don’t fuck about… you could literally hold off a zombie apocalypse with this place.”
I moved to the centre of the room, to lean on the table as he walked the perimeter, scrutinising my rifles, the sniper sights on some, the historical weapons, and even though he touched now and then, I could see the respect in his behaviour.
He never touched the metal, only ever the smooth wood of the guns.
He wasn’t leaving fingerprints or grease, just wide-eyed curiosity.
“How the fuck do you have all these?”
I fiddled with the tools I’d left out, tucking them into their slots. I was usually tidier than this, but Gloria’s return had fucked my head up so much.
“I’m a very careful, law-abiding person, I have memberships with several clubs, and go rifle shooting regularly. It’s a perfectly acceptable interest, and as you see, no fucker is getting in here without my express permission, which I’ll never give.”
He glanced up at the ceiling.
“Not even to her?”
I shook my head. “Not unless she got her own licence first. I’m not breaking the law and losing these. They’ve taken me over a decade to amass. Those ones there are non-firing antiques, so I don’t need to save space for them on my licence.”
Ice whistled again, starting to fiddle with my tools next, lifting up the very pieces I’d just put away, while I twitched beside him.
“Uh… can you not?”
His eyes lifted and he placed them back. “You got some kind of issue with people touching your shit? I see this place is immaculate, upstairs and here. I can look with just my eyes.”
“I just like things in their place, and especially in here, because it’s all so expensive and some of these tools are irreplaceable.”
He nodded. “Very cool setup, man. Let’s go back out there so you can breathe again.”
Yeah, his eyes definitely saw way too much.
“I’m not using these guns for crime for the club,” I said firmly, and he laughed as we stepped outside, and I gratefully sealed the room again.
“Wasn’t asking. The mercs have stuff we can use for emergency situations, but most of our business is relatively trouble free. We’re not the bad guys, remember?”
Yeah. I was on board for believing that, but I was still waiting for the hammer to fall.
For me to realise they weren’t as good as they seemed.
So far I’d seen best behaviour from them, even that little planned scrap between Grease and Rocket, so I was waiting for a rude awakening, and dreading it all the same.
“And of course, Grease has got his fucking golden penis he likes stroking.”
I blinked at him warily, because what the fuck did that mean?
“The fuck?”
“His favourite fucking gun. I swear it’s like porn when he gets that thing in his hand.”
I had no idea what to do with that statement, so I chose to ignore it, instead casting my eyes around the barely used space I’d thought would be my haven.
“She might feel safer down here, you know.”
I blinked, turning to watch Ice as he leaned his ass against my pool table. What was it with this guy and leaving his ass on things?
“Fair point. I uh… I have chairs, you know.”
Ice chuckled, wiggling his ass against the pool table edge.
“Oh you’re gonna be fun, brother. Don’t worry, I’m not doing it any harm, but we can go back up there if you’re worried about skidmarks or something.”
“I just don’t get why you have to keep leaning against my tables, man. It’s unsanitary.”
“My ass is clean, bro.”
I walked over to the sofa and dropped down on it, staring morosely at the dark, silent TV. Hell, was that a metaphor for the woman upstairs? Silent, and trapped in her own darkness, unable to find her way out?
“Hey, man. You’re doing all the right things,” Ice said, sitting on the end of the sofa, watching me stare into space like some kind of psycho.
“I just… I don’t know who just moved in here, because that’s not Glory. She… she was so fucking bright and sunny, and full of life, and now…” I jabbed a finger upwards, “that’s not her.”
“And you’re holding that against her?” He asked, his tone even despite the bite of his words.
“Of course not. I blame him. That fucker destroyed her. I don’t even… I can’t… I want to…”
“He dies, man. That’s a given. We just have to decide when and where, but you can be the one to do it.
Just know we’ll all want to help. We like fucking up abusers.
Just ask Stitch, my VP. His old lady escaped a bastard like that, and we destroyed that fucker.
The only way she’ll ever feel safe is to know he’s gone. You know that, right?”
I dropped my head back against the cushions, staring at the ceiling, which had no more information for me than the damn TV. Why weren’t the answers just written somewhere for me, so I didn’t have to blunder my way through the most important moments of my life?
“When I said that to her, she thought that meant I’m like him,” I finally admitted, and he snorted.
“I mean, sure she would. Right now violence is violence to her, and she can’t see the difference. Maybe once she sees him covered in tears and blood, and begging for mercy, she’ll understand that.”
“She’s not fucking seeing that happen!” I snapped, glaring at the fucker. Why the hell did I think he’d get it? He hasn’t been in her situation, or mine. He hasn’t had to watch his woman fade away to damn near nothing but a ghost, thanks to the abuse of some asshole who needed to be worm food.
“I’m just saying. That may not be up to you.
Sometimes what empowers a person is seeing the demise of their abuser.
Like Has. He’s fucking glowing these days.
I swear, he’s getting annoying as fuck, so fucking happy all the time, but you know what?
I’ll take that any day over the trauma he let his closest ones see.
He’s proof though. There’s life after abuse.
She just needs to follow the process, and know you’re there for her. ”
“Of course I’m here for her.” My heart was upstairs with her right now, but I had no idea what she was saying to Lissa. What if she was telling her I’m just as bad as that fucker, and that she’s afraid of me?
“You get that your feelings are irrelevant, man, right? You do understand that?”
I dragged a hand down my face, my ability to process his words diminishing as I sank into the fear that I’d scared Glory away.
“Henley. Look at me, man. She’s going through hell, I mean, she’s been in hell.
The last thing she needs is the burden of your feelings and stuff.
You need to be there for her, and give her space, but for fuck’s sake don’t be trying to box her in right now.
Don’t make her take on more than she’s dealing with.
You add to her shit and you’re the first thing she’ll remove from her world once she’s seeing clearly. ”
Gloria
Iended up eating three whole slices of pizza, three delicious gooey cheesy pieces of heaven.
“So, how do you feel about some video chats with me, so we can continue our conversation and give you an outlet for your feelings?”
I chewed my cheek. She was offering therapy. She was a therapist offering therapy, but I had nothing. No money, no identity even. I had to run with nothing but the charity-gifted cash for a train ticket, and a memorised number to call.
The charity had wanted to supply me with more, but I just wanted to run. I chickened out so many times, but Lenore had been so strong for me. Her team had literally seen me to the train, and waved me away as it left the station. I’d felt safe for about three seconds once that train moved.
“Gloria,” Lissa said gently, reminding me that I’d fallen back into my thoughts.
“Um. I can’t really afford-”
“No charge, babe. You’re part of the Phoenix family. You get priority and free support. That’s another way Pheonix is so different.”