Chapter Nine
Iheard a panicked voice yell my name, and knew instantly that Glory needed me, and that presented me with a fucking problem. I had to get them all out of this room and lock it up first.
“Out. Everyone out. Now.”
“NATE!”
“Ooooh Nate, huh… that’s cute.”
“Glory needs me, fucker. I need you all out so I can lock up.”
“We’re not gonna misbehave, brother.”
“It’s the law.”
They all started laughing, but they backed out of the room, followed by Tori.
“Well, we are so very law abiding.”
I locked the door and turned to look for Glory, who was now stomping in my direction, a fierce look on her face, and fuck me, it was hot. So fucking hot.
“Sweetheart?”
“Nate! What the fuck! You have GUNS?”
I darted my eyes at the others, who chuckled and joined their women, leaving me by the gun room with Glory, while they took up my sofas. Fuckers. There would be no getting them out of here now.
Fuck, but that old sass was right there in her eyes, and it made me want to kiss the hell out of her. That urge was getting so hard to keep fighting, but it was my problem to deal with.
“It’s all legal,” I said lamely, shrugging a shoulder, while stupidly wondering if I was just trying to wind her up more, just to see more of the old Glory. To know she was still in there, waiting to be freed again.
She glanced back at the others, then at me again, the moves of her head so sharp that her dark hair flew. So fucking gorgeous.
“They’re guns! They’re dangerous! People kill people with them!”
I sighed, backing up to lean against the door of my extremely fucking secure room. She followed, letting us move even further out of range of all those ears.
“Bad people kill people, babe, and sometimes they use guns. Guns don’t kill people, but you made that distinction already. Yes, they’re dangerous, that’s why people like me follow all the rules.”
She frowned at the heavy iron door.
“But what do you do with them? Just look at them?”
I shook my head, and then she gasped, slapping my chest.
“Are you hurting defenceless animals, Nate? You go hunting with these things?”
I caught her hand as she tried to slap me again.
“God no. I go target shooting at very safe shooting ranges, Glory. It’s all very heavily regulated, and I follow the rules to the damn letter. I swear.”
She chewed on her cheek. “So you don’t hurt people with them? Or animals?”
I shook my head again, reluctantly releasing her hand now the fire was dissipating right before me, and that shadow version of her was returning.
“I… I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
I lifted her chin, waiting ‘til those stormy eyes met mine.
“You can hand me my ass any time you like, okay? I actually enjoy it. Wait, no, that sounded weird. I made it weird. What I meant to say is that I liked seeing you all fired up, but I don’t mean it like I deliberately do it or anything, just that-”
“Jesus, Henley, breathe!” Ice called from the sofa, proving that the fuckers could still hear us, and weren’t even trying not to. I waved a middle finger in his general direction, but kept my eyes on Glory’s.
“I don’t harm anyone, Glory. Not people. Not animals. Hell, I even catch spiders and release them. I’m a fucking wuss, but don’t tell them, because I really want to be patched in.”
“Patched in?”
“Yeah, get rid of this damn prospect cut, and be a full member.”
“Then he can make you his old lady,” Torch called out, and she froze again. For fuck’s sake.
Her eyes narrowed at me, as her chin lifted out of my grasp, and she folded her arms over her chest. Fuck, yes. The sass is back. Give me all the fire.
“Old lady?”
“Ignore Torch, he’s a fucking moron.”
“I heard that.”
It was no good trying to have this fucking chat here, was it?
“Old… old lady means wife, like… like they are. Nate, I… I’m not ready for… I might never be…”
Jesus. I caught her hand and led her up the stairs and into the kitchen, firmly closing the door behind us.
“Glory, I didn’t say it, they did. I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, I promise.”
Her eyes dipped, and she moved over to the kitchen counter, tracing her fingers over it, her silence really starting to fucking kill me.
“I promise, Glory. I’m not trying to get in your pants or anything.”
Her shoulders sagged a little, and she nodded.
“I get it. I do. I’m damaged. I’m so damaged that no man will want me now.”
What the fuck? I crossed the room and rested a palm over hers, stilling those agitated fingers.
“You’re not. They will. You just need time, and why the hell wouldn’t you deserve the time to heal? I’m not pressuring you. Nobody is.”
I literally heard her swallow as she tugged her hand lightly, and I released it, because what the fuck else could I do? Force her to let me touch her? I’d be no better than him. My fingers clenched into a fist without conscious thought, and she backed up a few steps, wary eyes back on mine at last.
“Glory, I’m doing my best here. I’m trying to give you what you need, whether that’s time, or company, or god, I don’t know, okay? All I know is you can’t let some meatheaded comment from some dickhead make you assume things about me!”
She nodded again, and I fucking hated these silent responses of hers.
I wanted her to speak, even if she yelled at me, just because this felt like some kind of fearful acquiescence rather than actual agreement.
It felt like she was accepting my words because she thought she didn’t have a right to argue back.
“Glory…” my voice was a damn whisper now, and I felt like I was losing her, second by second.
Hell, even though Lissa was literally in my home, I felt like I was Glory’s only lifeline, and I was failing her.
Not understanding her, not comprehending her fears, because how the hell could I?
I’d never been in her position, and I didn’t even know what her position was, but I knew it shouldn’t have happened.
The fact that I might have been able to prevent it was going to destroy me.
“I had such a crush on you,” she suddenly whispered, her eyes widening as she slipped her fingers over her lips, trying to silence words that had already escaped. She what? Suddenly all I felt was hope.
Glory
Ijust said that, and from the look on his face, there was no taking it back now.
Why did I just blurt that out? Why didn’t I consider the effect it’d have on him?
He looked like he thought I was declaring my undying love for him or something.
I wasn’t. I couldn’t right now. It didn’t mean that I’d forgotten those feelings, because being here with him was reminding me of all the reasons I felt them.
His sweetness. The way he was so open and clear about his feelings, and always seemed to announce what he thought were his shortcomings, even though they were anything but. He put everything out there when he spoke, regardless of the damage it’d do to him. And I’d just done the same.
I’d just blurted out words that I couldn’t take back, and I’d hurt him whether I did or didn’t. Tears burned my eyes as I stared at him, both hands over my mouth now.
He seemed to be struck silent too, and when Lissa appeared a few moments later, she took one look at us and realised that we were stuck in some kind of stalemate, with both of us too afraid to speak.
“I don’t know which of you to speak to first. Something just happened, didn’t it? Whatever it is, we can fix it. Talking things out is the best way to resolve any issues.”
Nate glanced at her and dragged a hand through his long dark hair. Every time he did that, it reminded me that he’d had short hair when we were together all the time. He’d changed so much in the years I’d been in hell, and I really didn’t know him that well anymore.
“I uh… why don’t you guys take my office,” he said finally, his eyes meeting mine again for the briefest moment, a soft smile on his face. He didn’t know it, or wouldn’t admit it at least, but he had the slightest dimple in his left cheek when he smiled certain smiles. This was one of them.
“I… I’m sorry,” I whispered, and he lifted a hand.
“No apologies needed. Take as long as you want. I’ll try and corral that bunch of louts downstairs.”
“They were helping themselves to your bar,” Lissa said with a wry grin, watching him groan and run for the man cave.
“I just said something so cruel.”
Lissa caught my hand and led me in the direction of the office, a room I’d actually never been in before, but clearly she had. Had she spent time here with him? Did she know him, while I was still trying to figure him out?
“It’s natural to say some wrong things while you’re working through how you’re feeling, Gloria, and if he’s pressuring you in any way-”
“He’s not! I think I just did that to him.”
Lissa frowned at me. “I think you might need to explain that one. I’m intuitive, but not that intuitive.” She followed her words with a gentle smile, but she didn’t need to, because there was no way she meant it any other way than gently.
I chewed my thumbnail, dodging her eyes, because if I said this then I couldn’t take it back. I would be putting it out there in the universe, but then hadn’t I done that already? Hadn’t I already said it to the one person who should never have heard it?
“Gloria.”
“Glory,” I corrected, going back to biting my nail. Her fingers rested on my mine, easing my hand from my mouth.
“That’s what Henley calls you, but you asked me to call you Gloria. Can you explain that?”
I wished it was that easy.
“I was Glory until Sean. He… destroyed everything that’d made me deserve that name. For so long, I just imagined that he was right, that I’d never been worthy of it. Nate makes me feel like maybe the old me isn’t gone forever.”
Lissa smiled, nodding at me as I hesitated, wondering whether to continue.
“Back in the day, when Nate and I were hanging out all the time, best friends… my feelings for him were changing. He was so sweet, so fun, so attractive. I… I had a big crush, but he uh, ugh!” I rolled my eyes at myself.
“Why am I being so pathetic about this? I had a crush, he didn’t.
The end. I met Sean, and he was hitting on me, and I figured, you know, at least someone wants me.
It was flattering, and it took me too long to realise that he wasn’t the good one. By then it was too late.”
Lissa was smiling at me, like I’d said something brilliant, instead of admitting that I went for the wrong guy because I was hurt, and crushed by unrequited feelings.
“I didn’t say anything good right then,” I grumbled at her and she laughed. A light relaxed sound that I envied, because being relaxed wasn’t something that I’d been familiar with for so long.
“You do realise what a breakthrough that was, right? I don’t think you were admitting that to yourself, but you just did it. You chose the wrong man. Hell, it’s so easy to do, but you were feeling things for Henley, and you ran from those-”
“Ran from? I didn’t run. I chose someone who actually wanted me. That was me making what I thought was the right decision.”
“And you still have these feelings for Henley?”
I returned to chewing my thumbnail. “I don’t know. Right now my feelings are so wrapped up in pain and bad memories, and I just don’t know.”
She nodded, like I’d given a right answer again.
“Exactly, but maybe it wasn’t unrequited… maybe it still isn’t.”
I clenched my fist around my thumb, determined to stop worrying at it.
“Don’t say that, because if that’s true, then I went through all of this for nothing.”