Chapter 3
“Dax, stop,” Kira screams and grabs his arm.
Dax yanks his arm from her grasp, and she crashes into a nearby cot with a groan. Draven lunges forward, magic in his palms, ready to defend Kira.
“Draven, no. Go check on Kira. She could be hurt,” I shout and glance at Jayden.
His shadows swirl as he nods back and his golden chains snake around Dax, pinning his arms to his sides. Dax thrashes and bellows his rage at Adrian.
“You can’t be serious. Kira has to go. She’s the daughter of Hephaestus. I have to protect her.” He slumps in the chains.
“I’m sorry,” Adrian says. “I wish we all didn’t have to split up but it’s the only way.”
“What if Ben goes instead?” Draven asks.
Kira smacks him in the back of the head, clearly fine. “Ben isn’t going. He has few skills outside the forge. He would be dead weight.”
“If Ben goes, everyone dies. If Dax goes, everyone dies.” Adrian’s eyes are glassy as he stares at the wall. “I don’t like it either, but this is the only way.”
“No, I refuse to believe it’s the only way,” Dax says. “I’m a son of Ares. I have helped in the past. I should be there.”
“Dax,” I say softly. “You and Raven are the strongest of the Ares descendants. One of you should stay behind to lead.”
“Why can’t Raven and Greyson stay behind?” He slumps against the wall, the fight draining from him.
I glance at Jayden and the chains disappear. But Raven is in motion before I can stop her, slamming into Dax with a snarl.
“I have been in this from day one, even before Beth got to the academy. I won’t stay behind so you can stifle poor Kira.” Raven swings back, punching him in the gut.
“Raven, that’s enough,” I yell. “Don’t kick him while he’s already down. No one wants this, least of all me, but we have to do what Adrian says.”
“It doesn’t matter. Greyson has to go so he can assist in gathering our allies among the wolves.” Adrian shakes his head. “You guys don’t understand. Very specific conditions must be met for us to even have a chance to win this.”
“Those conditions will be met. I will have anyone who tries to mess with those conditions placed in the dungeon.” I cross my arms.
“Yes.” Jayden wraps his arm around my waist. “We will do whatever it takes.”
Everyone nods except for Dax. “This is horseshit. I should be there.”
“Dax,” Kira says. “There are people at the academy who are going to need you to lead them and help them survive the army that is surely coming for it.”
“No,” he shouts. “I don’t care about anyone else. You need me. Who else will be there to protect you?”
“Hey now,” Draven barks. “I can protect her just fine.”
“You two Neanderthals need to stop talking like I’m not formidable on my own or you’re both staying behind.” Kira shoves Draven.
“We’re fracturing,” I whisper to Jayden. “Can they survive this fight? I hate this and I hate the damn queen for doing this to all of us.”
“They will and they will be stronger for it.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “We can’t be defeated so easily.”
“Can’t we, though? Everyone is fighting about who’s protecting who and it’s a complete shit show.”
“We didn’t mean it, Kira,” Draven says. “We know you’re capable of protecting yourself and Beth and Raven would never let anything happen to you.”
“But?” Kira says, hands on her hips. “I know there’s a but in there somewhere and if I don’t like it, I’m borrowing a dagger from Raven and getting stabby.”
“Can you stab my idiot brother first?” Raven holds out a jeweled dagger.
“Raven.” I grip her arm, pulling her away from the impending bloodshed.
“What? They are a couple of morons. They deserve it if they can’t see that she’s a badass.” Raven steps away from them.
Greyson wraps his arms around her from behind. “I’ve got her.”
“You know I can get out of this hold easily, right?” Raven asks.
“Yes, but do you want to?” He nuzzles her neck.
“No.” She giggles.
“Guys,” Adrian says. “I wouldn’t even suggest this if it weren’t necessary.”
“I know.” I pat his shoulder.
“The things I’ve seen are horrific. The ways I’ve seen you all die and the end of all things will haunt me for the rest of my life.” Adrian tilts his head back, squeezing his eyes shut.
The healer rushes over and glares at the others. “That’s enough. He needs to heal and rest.”
“Hold on,” Jayden says. “Adrian, what aren’t you telling us? This isn’t exactly an even split.”
“You caught that quicker than I hoped.” Adrian sighs.
“What?” I ask, gripping Jayden’s arm. “What do you mean there’s more?”
“There’s always more, Beth.”
“No, nope. We can’t do this right now. Training is still happening, and we have to plan for our mission and get everyone in their correct positions for the battle. Adrian needs to heal and rest. We can talk about this later.” My hands shake as I reach for Jayden.
“No, baby. We need to know everything we can to make decisions.” Jayden wraps his arms around me. “It’s me, isn’t it?”
“No.” Tears burn the backs of my eyes. “What about Jayden, Adrian?”
“You guys have a choice to make. Where the others are pretty much a given, Jayden is a wild card.”
“We have a choice?” I ask hopefully.
I don’t know if I can do this without Jayden. I haven’t had to before.
The memories from the lotus eaters island flash back in my mind. Jayden walking away from it all and me having to choose between him and the world.
I can’t make that choice again. It was fake then but now, it’s very real. How do I survive without him? I can’t. I won’t.
“Beth?” Jayden says, sounding as if he’s called my name several times already. “Hey, listen. Whatever this choice is, I don’t think it’s as terrible as you’re thinking.”
“It is, though. It’s a choice between you and saving the world. I know it is. The fates and Nereus wouldn’t have put me through that trial if this wasn’t going to happen.” The first tear falls but Jayden swipes it away with his thumb.
“Just listen to what he has to say, baby. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Jayden turns me in his arms so I’m looking at Adrian.
“You misunderstood, Beth. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not like the mission for the trident. Not exactly anyway. You can make the choice for him to go or stay behind.”
“Wait, this isn’t about him possibly dying?” I ask.
“No, it’s about the academy falling and people dying.” Adrian sighs. “Jayden can help turn the tide for us here if he stays.”
“If he goes with us?” I ask. “Will the academy still fall if he decides to come with me?”
“With the others, there was only one option. There would be casualties, but we would still win if they stayed behind. If they go, we lose in every instance. Jayden, though, is the wild card because in every scenario where he stays, we win but there are also times we win even if he goes.”
“What’s the catch?” Jayden asks. “Because I’m willing to gamble going if the odds are good.”
“This is bullshit,” Dax shouts. “I’m sidelined no matter what, but Jayden gets a choice.”
I whirl on him, magic crackling at my fingertips. “How many times have you sacrificed everything to save the world, huh, Dax?”
“B,” Raven whispers. “Fuck, this sucks. Shut your stupid mouth, Dax, or I’ll shut it for you.”
“No,” I snarl. “Tell me, Dax. How many times have you put yourself and the ones you love in front of this fucking shit show?”
“Calm down, baby. He’s just scared.” Jayden tugs me back into his arms.
“That’s not it, though, is it, Dax? You’re not scared.
You’re throwing a tantrum like a petulant child while I have to make a choice that could fucking break me.
Again.” I swipe angrily at the tears running rivers down my cheeks.
“You feel emasculated that your girlfriend has to be on this mission while you save lives in a battle we may not even see?”
I shove him in the chest, ready to throw punches. Everything is spiraling and now I don’t know how to make it stop.
The Island of the Lotus Eaters swirls in my mind. Jayden. If I ask him to come with me, will it destroy everything? If I choose Jayden, does the world fall?
Dax shifts uncomfortably in his spot by the door.
“Have you ever had to choose between the person you love most in the world, the only person you truly love, and the fate of the world, Dax?” I ask.
“B, that’s not fair,” Raven whispers.
“Not fair?” A bitter laugh explodes from my lips.
“No, it’s not fair. Life isn’t fucking fair, Raven.
My life has never been fair. My mom died to save me.
I spent my whole life on the run from monsters I didn’t fucking understand, and then when I find a place in this world and people who care about me, I’m forced to choose the world over them. Over and fucking over.”
Dax’s mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish.
“How many times have you had to make that choice, Dax?” I scream. “Tell me. I already know the answer so before anyone ever uses the words ‘not fair’ to me again, think about that.”
“I’m sorry, Beth,” Dax whispers. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to. I was just so angry. I should be there with you guys.”
“So should everyone,” Adrian says. “But that’s not the path the fates have lined out for us. You’re the only one who refuses to accept it and even lashed out about it, but I knew you would.”
“Dax.” Kira reaches for him, but he gently pulls away.
“Don’t. It’s fine. I know I was wrong and that Beth has sacrificed everything for the rest of us. My feelings are just a mess right now. I want to be useful and help, but I can’t do that from the academy.” Dax shakes his head.
“Are you serious right now?” Raven says, punching him in the gut. “Where do you think the bulk of the queen’s army is going to be, dipshit?”
“If anything, we are the ones who should be worried about leaving you guys behind,” Kira says with a glare. “The academy students are doing a lot better, but they still aren’t completely ready and we are being sent to retrieve a hammer, leaving you guys behind.”
I widen my eyes and turn to Jayden. Fuck, what if something bad happens and I’m not here to help him? My chest constricts and my stomach twists. No, he can’t stay behind. He has to come with us.
“I can’t do this,” I mumble. “I don’t want to leave anyone behind, but the academy needs us as much as the world.”
My nerves are raw. This isn’t fair, but when has anything about my life been fair? I wasn’t lying before—nothing ever works out for me. The island flashes in my mind. This is it. This is the end.
I whirl on Adrian. “Why should we choose for Jayden to stay? You wouldn’t have given us this option if it weren’t important.”
“I know you, Beth,” Adrian whispers. “I know you’ll make the right choice.”
“The right choice for who?” My body trembles with the rage I’m doing my best to suppress, though I’m not doing a great job of it. “I’m tired of making choices for everyone else’s benefit instead of my own.”
Raven takes a step forward, hands balled into fists at her sides. “Spit it out, Adrian. She’s about to break. She can’t handle one more thing, and frankly I don’t blame her because this is completely fucked.”
“I’m sorry but the right choice is for Jayden to stay behind.” Adrian doesn’t glance up from his lap. “Even though we can win either way, Jayden could mean the difference between a few deaths and hundreds of academy students. Our friends could all die if he goes with you.”
I lunge for Adrian, about to shake him to make him take it back. He can’t put this on me. They can’t put one more thing on me. I know it’s not Adrian’s fault, but I’m just done with all of this.
“Hundreds of deaths?” Kira whispers. “All our friends?”
“Don’t,” Raven barks. “You’re not going to push her decision. B, you be selfish for once if that’s what you want. The gods and the world have asked too much of you already. Enough is enough.”
I fall into my best friend’s arms, gut-wrenching sobs spilling from my lips. That’s all I needed. One person to see me. To see the struggle I have been going through for months. The dread over Nereus’ test. The inevitable.
I have to choose between hundreds of lives, billions of lives really, and the love of my life. This is some sick twist of fate that I was alone for so long and just when I find where I belong and someone I belong with, it’s all getting taken away.
“I didn’t mean that,” Kira says. “It was just a shock that one person, even Jayden, could make that much of a difference. I didn’t mean to make this harder.”
I unwrap my arms from around Raven and glance around at the others. They’re all watching me fall apart. All waiting with expressions of hope and expectation. My hands shake and I clench them into fists so I don’t show weakness.
They all expect me to make the decision that will be the thing to finally break me. Hera wanted to destroy me from the moment I was born. I think she just did because this is so much worse than the test on the island.
Everyone expects me to make the right choice for everyone else. They expect me to be the leader and sacrifice for all. Again.
“I can’t do this,” I mumble and head for the door.
“Beth,” Jayden shouts.
“No, I can’t do this. I can’t sit here with the weight of all your expectations on me.
I’m not the savior you all think I am. I’m selfish when it comes down to it.
It’s hard not to be when the world continues to take the only thing in this world that’s ever meant anything to me.
Repeatedly.” I stomp toward the door, just done.
“No one would blame you if you choose Jayden,” Thad says. “That was the test on the island, right?”
I nod, unable to speak or even face them.
“They made me choose between Jayden and the world to see what I would do when the world was really at stake.” I laugh.
“The worst part is that it backfired because maybe I would be more willing to choose the world if I didn’t already know what that pain feels like. ”
“It was fucked, Beth. I found you after that shit show and that was the first time I’ve ever seen you break. You’re strong but even the strongest have to break sometimes,” Thad says and puts a hand on my shoulder.
“I don’t have the luxury of breaking, but I’ll do what needs to be done. I always do. I need to go. I know you guys don’t mean to, but your expectations are weighing me down.” I yank the door open and run down the hall.
Why do I have to constantly make these choices? Why is everything in my path meant to destroy me?