Chapter 2 - Jillian
I felt the urge to vomit as I unlocked my front door.
I dropped my purse, barely making it through the door before my legs gave out and I tumbled to the ground.
I didn't cry, though. I just sat there numb, unsure of what I was supposed to feel.
What was I supposed to do now? What was I supposed to do with what happened?
Mate.
That word just repeated over and over in my head like a bell.
I never thought I would have one or find someone who came close.
I was a shifter, but not entirely. I couldn't shift.
I could only listen to my wolf, which at this point was just a voice in my head.
I was more human than shifter. So, the possibility of having a mate felt out of reach.
I squeezed my eyes shut, suddenly missing the person I used to be.
None of this would have bothered me before.
After being possessed, I felt something break deep in my chest. My wolf felt it too.
Having another person control you left a scar that others couldn't see. It left memories I would never forget.
I missed who I was. I was sunshine and happiness. I knew everyone and felt respected. Sure, some people didn't accept me because I was half human, but at least I was happy. I had everything I needed. I didn't feel half broken, half put together.
I stared across my living room, taking in the space that was home.
My large couch and egg chair sat in the corner.
I had dark blue walls, plants, and artwork all over the space.
It was my own, and normally, it was comforting to walk into my house.
But suddenly, the knowledge that this wouldn't be mine hit me like a train.
If I were mated, I would likely have to move.
I'd have to leave my home and this pack.
I sucked in air, feeling my body shake. I felt utterly cold as I sat there, reminding me of my time in confinement and my one-on-one time with Katie.
I still had nightmares of everything, and still needed all the lights on when I went to bed.
If I didn't, I had panic attacks or woke up screaming to be set free.
"Did you do this on purpose?"
"What are you hiding?"
"Who are you taking orders from?"
"Why did you do this?"
Question after question slammed into me, and it was like I was back there again. I had nowhere to go, nowhere I could hide, and no one I could lean on. I was utterly alone.
They left me in complete darkness for the first day. Nothing around me, and I swear I could hear the voices. My wolf had even gone quiet, leaving me entirely alone. I cried until I had no tears left.
I could tell Katie felt bad about testing me.
I saw the look in her eyes. I had hated it.
Hated that pity look, and I remembered snapping at her.
I screamed in anger, and Katie just took it in stride.
I told her I was a person. I was a good person.
I didn't deserve this. I remember crying, wishing someone would believe me.
I remember begging her to let me go, begging her to understand.
I could still remember her voice, soft like a pillow. Her eyes had softened as she sat across from me, giving me a soft smile. "Jillian. You will never be who you were. That girl is gone. No matter how hard you try, you're not the same. Something happened to you, and it forever changed you."
I felt panic slowly suffocating me, and tears burned my eyes. I bit hard on my cheek and tried to push them all down. I hate this feeling. I hated constantly feeling this weight pressing down on me.
I pulled myself up on shaking legs and headed into my bedroom. I opened my dresser and pulled out my small stash of cash. I shoved it deep into my pocket and turned back to the front of the house.
I was just moving. My mind went on autopilot as I tossed my purse aside, pulling on my boots.
I yanked my jacket on, zipping it up tightly.
I unlocked my door with shaky hands and stepped outside.
I surveyed the area, knowing it was only a matter of time before someone arrived at my house, explaining we needed to move forward with this facade of a marriage.
The marriage that even Maddox didn't accept. At least the other guys got in line. They didn't flat-out deny their mates. But then again, the other girls weren't accused of trying to kill their Alpha or their best friend.
I started around the house, taking the back pathway that I had walked so many times.
It was a bike path, but if you took a right instead of going straight, it led you deeper into the woods.
It was only half a mile before we would hit the line between our territory and another's.
Once I crossed, maybe they wouldn't keep looking.
It was a thought. I just knew I needed out.
I couldn't marry Maddox. He had made his feelings clear, and I didn't want to move to another pack that likely wouldn't welcome me.
My own pack had turned its back to me for a while.
I still had people who sneered at me like I was a horrible human being.
As if being a shifter that couldn't shift wasn't enough.
Katie's words had been true. I wasn't the person I used to be. I had been soft and welcoming. Now I felt like I was the only one who could protect myself. No one was on my side, and I had to do what was best for me.
I speed up, feeling adrenaline starting to kick in now. I could make it a good distance before nightfall. Once out, I could figure out my next step. I had money. That was what mattered most.
Someone reached an arm around me, and his eyes were on me. I paused for a moment before I heard the sound of footsteps behind me. I turned around, and my eyes widened as Maddox stepped into my pathway. My entire body froze up.
How did he get ahead of me? How did he even know I was out here?
He glared at me angrily. His bright green eyes were filled with rage, and his light brown hair was a mess like he'd been running for a while. "What the hell are you doing out here?"
My mouth opened, but no words came out. My voice seemed to no longer work. I couldn't find words as I stared at him.
"I'm talking to you," Maddox stepped closer, and I stepped back. Anger hit me. Who did he think he was?
"I'm getting as far away from you as I can," I snap back.
Maddox's eyebrows went up. "Oh, you think so, do you?"
"Yes." I stepped to the right to go around him, but he stepped to the right as well, blocking my way.
I curled my hands into tight fists. "Move out of the way, Maddox."
"You are not just going to run away. You can't run from this."
I threw my arms up. "Why the hell does it matter? You said it yourself that you didn't want any part of this. So, why do you care what I do?"
He gave me a fake laugh. "Do you honestly think the Council is just going to shrug this off like it's not a big deal? You heard them."
"It's not! If I disappear, you will be paired with another. I'm sure you love that idea. Just let me disappear, and you can fuck any woman you want."
I watched his jaw clench down and his eyes narrow on me. "That's not how this works. They will hunt you down. They are not going to just ignore you stepping away from your duties."
Even if that was true, I wasn't going to just take this sitting down. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this.
"Well, sounds like it's worth a try." I took a step to the left, and Maddox followed me. I glared at him.
"You are coming back with me."
"I am not," I snapped. "You do not get to tell me what to do!"
An evil smirk grew on his face. "Oh, trust me, I soon will."
I hated him. I didn't think I could hate a person, but when I looked at Maddox, I felt pure rage. I wanted to smack him, kick him, do everything to him that I could.
"You're a terrible human being."
He gave me a laugh. "I didn't try killing my Alpha!"
"I was possessed!" I screamed back.
"Liar," he growled. "I don't believe that one bit."
I snapped my mouth shut, knowing this was an argument I would never win. People either believed me or they didn't. No amount of fighting was going to change that. I could repeat this over and over until I lost my voice, and it wouldn't matter.
"Well, I guess that's your opinion," I said, straightening my back and crossing my arms. "Now move. I'm not staying here."
Maddox crossed his arms, making a point he clearly wasn't going to move.
I ground my teeth together and went with the next option. I ran for it. I sprinted out of the pathway into the treeline. I felt my legs seize up in pain, but I forced myself forward. If I were getting free, this was my only way. I just hoped my legs moved faster than his.
But I didn't get far before arms were wrapped around my middle, and I was hoisted off the ground. I screamed, throwing my arms back, elbowing Maddox hard in the head. I felt my elbow connect with his jaw, and I heard the crack sound fill the air.
"Stop!" He yelled, tightening his hold around me. "Jesus, you're like a damn animal."
I wiggled and kicked my legs, trying to break myself free. We fumbled forward, landing hard on the ground. I kept fighting, shoving my knee up into his stomach.
Maddox grabbed my arms and pinned them down as he took a slow breath in through his nose. I watched as his face looked in pain. "Stop," he growled, grinding his teeth together. He looked in pain, and I was happy about it. But the moment only lasted for a second.
"Let go of me," I snapped, trying to get myself free. Maddox pinned my arms tighter, his body hovering over mine.
"You are to be my wife whether you like it or not."
"So very romantic," I snapped back, baring my teeth at him. "But I'd rather eat shit."
His nostrils flared. "If you keep fighting me, I will have to carry you back. And I don't think you want to go that route."
I paused for a split second, unsure if I had the dignity to have that happen. Did I want people to see me being forced away from my home, or should I walk? I didn't exactly want to lose my dignity.
I took a slow breath in, feeling trapped. There was no way out. I couldn't outrun him, and I certainly would win in a fight. I would have to think about this, plan something.
"Fine," I grumbled, feeling my muscles give out. "You win, Alpha. Happy?"
He let go, looking disgusted. "You think I'm happy about this? That I want to marry the person who tried to kill one of my best friends?"
I hate the words. Hate the accusations. I knew I would need to get used to it.
I had spent so much time trying to forgive myself, trying to understand that I couldn't do anything to stop myself.
Frank and Nina had listened to me countless times, trying to explain.
I knew they believed me, but I think that they were two of a handful who did believe me.
I found myself starting to question whether I was in the wrong, if perhaps I had remembered everything incorrectly.
I looked away from him, deciding I just needed to take a moment. I just needed to sit and think. I might have failed to get away this time, but I won't next time.