Chapter 8 - Jillian
I stared at myself in my simple white dress.
This was the closest I was going to get to a wedding, and this wasn't even that.
I wasn't even in a wedding dress. It was just a simple white, knee-length dress with a sweetheart neckline.
I happened to find it in the back of my closet when Maddox took me home to look for something to wear.
"You look great," Nina chirped behind me, looking as radiant as ever. She had bounced back quickly since the attack and put it behind her, while I seemed like a shell of a person.
"Thanks," I whispered.
"So, how is a mating ceremony different from a wedding?"
My stomach twisted up. A mating ceremony was about our wolves, about them finding each other. This was a shame about that. Anyone who had a mating ceremony knew that. I'd heard stories about how it was supposed to go and how beautiful it was.
"It's a deeper level than a wedding. Not that weddings aren't beautiful. But this is a bond, a connection with our wolves. It's linking them for life. Done properly, we can feel each other's emotions, sense danger, and just…the love is deeper."
Nina nodded. "I wonder if it bothered Frank that he didn't have that."
I smirked. "You're a human."
"Yeah, but it's not like he wanted me. He was just given to me."
I softened my smile. "Frank doesn't care because he loves you. He really loves you." We could all see the change in Frank after he let Nina in. He became a better person, a softer person. Frank had always been a more stoned-faced leader, but with Nina at his side, he'd become better.
Nina shrugged. "Well, you guys will, too."
I frowned, knowing we wouldn't. We might be doing the ceremony, but there was a key factor that we wouldn't be doing. Normally, the wolves were supposed to have close contact, which couldn't happen since I couldn't shift.
My fingers shook as I thought of that. Sex after was a large part of the ceremony as well. People never wanted to admit to it, but that strengthened the bond.
There was a soft knock on the door, and Frank pulled it open. He was wearing a nice tux, looking happy as his eyes spotted Nina. "Are you guys ready?"
Nina jumped up. "We are. Just finished her make-up."
"You look nice, Jillian." Frank offered me a soft smile, and I tried to return it, knowing my stomach was twisted up.
"We're ready if you guys are."
Nina linked her arm with mine, bouncing on her heels.
They walked with me down the hallway leading to the front of the church.
Unlike a wedding, the ceremony was small.
You didn't invite a bunch of people. Frank opened the door, and the room was dark, lit by candles.
Maddox was standing near the front with the priest. The rest of the Alphas were there with their wives. I swallowed, feeling nervous.
We walked down the aisle, and Nina leaned closer to me. "He looks good."
I knew she was talking about Maddox, and I couldn't argue with her. Maddox always looked good. He was hot, with that perfectly framed face and those blue eyes. He was what women fawned over.
But I was only angry. I was stuck here with no escape.
Once at the front, Frank took Nina to a seat. Maddox extended his hands, and I took them.
"Alright, let's get started."
I chewed on my cheek, trying to look at anything besides Maddox, but it was hard. He looked good. He had just shaved, and I could smell his aftershave. His blue eyes stared at me, looking at me softly.
I swallowed.
"This bond is deeper than any other. You will form connections with your children, friends, and family, but the bond between you as husband and wife is different—it's deeper. You know it, and your wolves know it."
I swallowed.
"This is generally the part where you shift." The priest said, waving a hand between us.
My entire body locked up, and I felt a cold sweat roll over me.
Frank coughed. "Uhmmm…yeah…Matthew…Jillian has never shifted. So, she won't be doing that."
I felt utterly embarrassed, and I knew my cheeks went red. I suddenly couldn't look at Maddox.
"We just skip over that part," Maddox said, sounding unmoved.
The priest cleared his throat. “Yes…uhmmm…”
I looked over at Nina, who gave me a sympathetic smile. It didn't make me feel better.
The priest wrapped a rope around Maddox's hands and then around mine. "Okay, this rope symbolizes your bond. It's no longer two but one. You will feel each other's emotions, sense each other's fears, and live together in symmetry."
I felt like falling as I felt something shift in me. I knew instantly that my connection to my wolf was different, and it would never be the same.
I couldn't listen. My mind was a mess as I stood there staring at Maddox. So many questions and emotions filled my mind. I knew I would never be able to run because Maddox would sense me. I'd never be able to get free.
I was trying to think of the positive. I was Maddox's mate, Maddox's wife, so many people would like me. But they were all aware of what I'd done.
"Jillian," Maddox said, my name snapping me from my haze.
"Huh?"
I glanced at the priest and felt my face grow hot, knowing I wasn’t listening. Maddox took a step closer to me. “This is where we kiss.”
“Oh.” I watched him lean closer, his face creeping close to mine. His lips brushed against mine softly, and for a split second, I felt my brain stop working.
Maddox leaned back and smiled, pointing towards the aisle. I swallowed and nodded as he led me down the aisle. I felt weak as we moved, slipping out of the room into a small hallway. I instantly took my hand back and took a few steps away from him.
Maddox watched me, raising an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"
"Why did we have to have a mating ceremony?" I asked, wondering why he'd landed on that instead of a wedding.
"Because we're both shifters."
I scowled, crossing my arms. "Maddox, you know I can't shift. That is a key factor in this." I shook my head. "It will never be completed."
He frowned. "Are you telling me you didn't feel the bond?"
I stopped and felt my shoulder drop. "No... I did."
"Then what part of it isn't real, Jillian?"
He was going to make me say it, wasn't he?
I swallowed. "The sex part, Maddox. Everyone says that for it to be completed, our wolves have to join together as one. I can't shift, so that can never happen."
Maddox gave me a smug expression. "That is not necessary for this to be real. I felt the shift, and you felt it. The bond is there whether or not our wolves fucked. Besides, I thought you didn't care."
I didn't. Did I?
I crossed my arms. "I don't care, but I'm simply asking. Why couldn't we just do a wedding? Why did we have to have the mating ceremony?"
Maddox shoved his hands into his pockets. "Well, with this, I can tell if you try running away again. You and I both know that you won't be able to run now because our wolves can't be that far apart."
I crossed my arms. "Is that the only reason you did it? So, you can tell if I try running away?" A part of me questioned if that was something he'd always wanted. It was understandable.
Maddox shrugged. "That and only things."
I ground my teeth together. "You're an asshole, Maddox."
He took a few steps closer. "I don't think that's how you really feel, Jillian. If anything, I think you kind of like me."
"Eat shit," I growled.
He smirked. "There's the little spitfire. I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to come back to the surface."
I was thrown by the sudden change, confused why he'd say that. Maddox took my hand before I could react and turned us towards the doors down the hall. "We have a dance to get to. You can yell at me more later."
He pulled me with him down the hallway, and I felt my stomach bottom out. As he opened a door, I took in a larger room filled with people. It wasn't packed with bodies, but there was certainly a good number of people here.
Maddox pulled on my hand, guiding me over towards a table that was set up for us. I felt my throat go dry at the Mrs. and Mr. sign that sat on the table.
I was no longer a free woman but married. I was chained to Maddox for the rest of my life, and it hit me hard.
Maddox raised an eyebrow at me. "Is something wrong?"
I shook my head, taking my seat. I grabbed my glass of champagne and took a small sip of it. I stared at the low lights and the handful of people who were already dancing.
I could feel Maddox's eyes on me, and he leaned closer to me. "Are you nervous?" he asked in a low tone.
A wave went over me, and I noticed just how close he was sitting. I tightened my fingers on my glass, holding it against my lips. "No."
He smirked. "I would disagree."
I chewed on my cheek.
"I thought a mating ceremony would be better because it's smaller. Fewer people."
He wasn't wrong about that, but there were still a lot of people here. Some from Frank's pack and some from his. I scanned the crowd for my sister but didn't find her.
"You look beautiful."
My eyes snapped to him, and my heart skipped a beat at his soft words. He offered me a smile, and I could see it reached his eyes. He meant what he was saying.
I hated the softness in his gaze. It was the opposite of someone who kept me locked up in a room for days.
"Thanks," I said, looking away.
"I'm looking dapper myself." He tugged at his tie, looking smug. "Don't ya think?"
I blinked, processing his words. "Did you just compliment yourself?"
He nodded. "Well, you didn't, so I thought at least one of us should acknowledge that I look good."
My mouth just hung open slightly, unsure of how I was supposed to process this. What was I to say?
He took a drink from his glass and then pulled his jacket off. I watched the way his white undershirt clung to him, and as he tossed his coat over his shoulder, I watched the way his muscles moved.
Heat pooled low, and I crossed my legs, trying to think of anything else.
He held a hand out. "A dance?"
I frowned. "I don't dance."
He smirked. "Neither do I, but the guys are all watching us and waiting."
I looked across the room, finding that the guys were all watching us. They all wore smirks, seeming eager to see how this would go.
He pulled me up, and I followed him onto the dance floor. I was surprised when Maddox pulled me close, his hand on my waist while his other was on my upper back. His heat hit me quickly, and my stomach twisted up again.
I inhaled slowly as he turned us, his feet moving slowly so I could keep up. I tried to breathe normally, like this closeness wasn't stirring up something deep inside me. My wolf growled eagerly, and I felt hot all over.
As we spun, Maddox talked. "Now that we're married, we should find some even ground."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why, keeping me locked up isn't part of your plan here?"
He frowned. "I did that because you kept trying to escape. That won't be a problem because I'll be able to sense it."
I rolled my eyes, looking away from him. I scanned the crowd, taking in faces I did know and faces I didn't. I still couldn't spot my sister.
"We may not be friends or get along well, but I still want you to feel comfortable in my pack, Jillian."
"Are those words yours or Frank's?" I asked, suddenly angry.
Maddox's jaw clenched. "I'm not trying to fight, Jillian. I'm being serious."
I didn't like it. I didn't like how considerate he was sounding right now. Like he hadn't just destroyed my life, if I didn't stay angry, I would forgive him, and I couldn't do that.
Before I could say anything, someone cleared their throat next to us. I looked over my shoulder and found my sister Lila standing just behind us. She was wearing a simple red dress, holding an uncertain smile. Her hands were clasped together nervously as she looked between me and Maddox.
"I don't want to ruin this moment, but the song has ended, and I would love a dance with my sister."
Maddox gave my sister a big smile. "Of course. We're family after all." He stepped back, giving me a quick glance before stepping away. My sister stepped closer to me, pulling me into a tight hug.
"Jesus, I thought you ran away. You've hardly texted me since all of this started."
"I tried," I grumbled as she leaned back slightly. Her eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped. "You what?"
"I clearly didn't get far enough; otherwise, we wouldn't be here."
I could see her mind was turning around with the information I just spat at her.
I'm sure everyone thought I had told my sister, but I hadn't.
I had hardly contacted her since all of this happened.
Lila had sent me a congratulation text when she got the news, thinking I was excited about this.
She thought it was amazing that I had found someone.
I loved my sister a lot, and if she knew just how dark my mind had gotten, she would fall apart.
She already had so much on her plate. She had the flower business, and she was employed throughout the town to do all of their plant ordering and any changes they wanted.
She was married with a kid who was three, so she didn't have a lot of free time.
I didn't want to throw my problems onto her.
"We are going to go back to that at a later time," she said, giving me a hurt expression. "How are you feeling now that you're married?
I shrugged. "I'm fine."
Lila gave me a sympathetic expression. "I know things haven't been great since your incident, but I think it will be good for you. This will be a fresh start, and you can meet new people." She waved a hand. "There is more opportunity there for humans. I think you'll like it."
I chewed on my cheek. "I hope."
She reached a hand up, grabbing my chin gently. "You will. I feel it. You're going to have a beautiful life. I know you said that you were worried because Maddox didn't exactly accept you, but you're married now. So, give it a chance. Give this pack a chance."
I sighed, knowing Lila had a point. I was here, and now I needed to at least try. I couldn't run from my problems, and I needed to buck up and deal with them.
"Plus," she added, looking over towards where Maddox stood with the guys. "You're married to an Alpha. And I don't have to say, possibly the hottest one. Look at him. He's like a god."
I cringed. "Can you please not say it like that. I think your husband would be a little jealous."
She snorted. "Oh, he's a catch for sure. I love my husband, but damn sweetie, you've landed yourself someone steaming. Like a rare flower."
I smirked, looking at Maddox. I felt my stomach twist up as he spoke. My eyes went to his lips, and I suddenly remembered how they felt against mine. He was a good kisser, and I imagine he was good at all things as well.
"Just remember," she squeezed me. "We've come a long way, and we will continue to grow."
I nodded my head at our phrase we had said to each other since we were little. We had come a long way, but I was sure her destination was better than mine.