Chapter Nine
“I need something to do,” Taylynn said from where she sat at the bar a couple of seats down from Raven. She was talking to him, but she still didn’t feel comfortable taking the stool next to his, even when it was just the two of them.
He couldn’t blame her. She’d been through a lot and the Demons had been more than abusive. After what he’d learned about everything she’d been through, he didn’t blame her for being a bit leery. Still, he wanted her. He wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay. Raven had been battling his wants for weeks, holding back from letting her know he was interested in more than just helping her, because she’d been through so much. He wasn’t an insensitive ass who only cared about himself, even if he sometimes came across that way.
But since she was healing, both inside and out from what he could tell, he was having a harder time keeping how he felt hidden. He wanted to taste her, he wanted to see her head thrown back and hear her scream his name as she clamped around him, her body losing all control as he showed her how good he knew it would be between them.
But none of that could happen if he couldn’t get past her walls.
“What do you want to do?” He didn’t want her to leave, though he wouldn’t keep her from it. If that was what she needed to reclaim her life, he’d let her go. Though he refused to think about how bad letting her go would hurt. She’d only been here a few weeks, and he’d only touched her in the most innocent of ways, and even then only rarely. There was no reason he should want to make her happy, but he did. He found himself looking for little things to make her smile.
“I don’t know. I just know that I can’t sit around doing nothing all the time. I feel useless. I feel like a charity case, and I can’t have that.”
“You’re healing. That’s enough for now.”
Taylynn scowled at him. “The bruises are all but gone. I’m fine.”
He watched her for a moment, trying to figure out how to say this without making her close up. Without reminding her of things he didn’t want her to remember. Without pissing her off to the point she walked away. That wasn’t to say he didn’t like making her mad. He did. He loved the fire in her eyes when she got pissed at him, that no matter what the Demons had done to her they might have bent her, but they hadn’t broken her. Still, he resisted the urge to push at her as he’d learned over the last few weeks that it was a fine line between her letting her temper free and when she shut down. One he was doing his best to walk.
“How are your ribs?” he knew they still hurt her. Not as badly as at first but he’d seen the wince she’d tried to hide when she’d climbed up onto the stool a few minutes before. Why she insisted on sitting at the bar when getting up on the stool hurt, he didn’t understand. “Plus, you’ve got a few weeks left with that thing.” He motioned to the cast on her left arm.
She shrugged. “I didn’t say I wanted something hard to do, or something that would take both arms, but I need something. Sitting around here, not being allowed to come and go as I please, is driving me crazy.” She held up one hand before he could say anything more. “I know I’m not a prisoner here and that the restrictions on my coming and going are temporary, and to make sure I’m safe, but that doesn’t make them chafe less. I need something to call my own. I need the ability to do something to earn it. I need something to help take up my time, something that’s not sitting on my ass watching the TV.”
He tilted his head to one side, biting the inside of his lips as he watched her, thinking.
“What do you think you could do?” He could see this meant something to her, so he would do his best to accommodate her, as far as he could while still making sure she wasn’t wandering around waiting for one of the Demons to spot her and kidnap her. Because he knew it would be kidnapping. She would never go with one of them voluntarily. Raven knew that much.
“I could tend bar here.” she nodded her head to the far side of the bar where they sat. “There are parts of the job that I can’t do yet, like restocking and dishes, at least not until this comes off,” she lifted the cast on her arm, then set it back down on the bar, “but it’s something to do.” She looked away, focusing on something behind the bar as she continued. “It would be a way to feel like I’m not just a charity case.”
Raven watched her for a moment, trying to decide the best course of action. After a moment he nodded.
“All right. You can do it. But I have rules.”
Her face lit in a way that made his stomach flip. He wanted to see her like that more often.
“What are the rules?” she asked with narrowed eyes.
“No dishes, no lifting, at least for now, and as long as you’ve got the cast, possibly longer, depending on what Freud has to say. I won’t keep you from feeling useful, but I draw the line at you over-tiring yourself or hurting yourself.” He had to fight to keep his usual commanding tone from his voice. He had to tread carefully with Taylynn, or he’d scare her off and that was the last thing he wanted to do.
“I can live with that.” She hopped off the stool, not even wincing when her feet hit the floor. At least that had improved. Then she made her way to the back of the bar. “I know there’s no price list, but do you keep track of who’s drinking how much or is it free for everyone?”
“We don’t keep track. Everyone pays a flat fee every month to buy alcohol, and we buy in bulk. But paying in advance means we don’t need a liquor license. You do need to watch inventory so we can replace whatever is needed, but other than that, it’s just a serve, restock and do dishes thing. You can cook if you want, but I don’t want any of the men to start ordering you about like they expect it from you. If someone wants food and you don’t want to make it, tell one of the prospects. They can do the cooking as well as all the stuff you can’t.”
She looked at him for a moment, then nodded as if he wasn’t giving her orders but giving her something she wanted instead. And in a way, he guessed he was.
“There’s no wage for this but you can put out a tip jar. I don’t know how much you’ll make, though.”
“That’s okay. I didn’t want to do this to get paid, but I will put out the tip jar. I wanted to do this to keep busy. And to not feel so guilty when you bring me things. At least I’ll feel like I’m doing something to earn them.” She turned to survey the contents of the shelves behind the bar, getting acquainted with what they kept in stock and where it was kept.
“Little one?”
She didn’t look up.
“Look at me ... please,” Raven had to remind himself to add the last. He wasn’t used to saying please. He was used to giving orders and having them followed. It took her several seconds to look up and meet his gaze. “You don’t need to earn the things I bring you. I bring them to you so I can see you smile.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. she looked away, turning her gaze back to something below the bar. “I don’t know what to say. But thank you.” She didn’t say anything for a while, as she continued to sort through things behind the bar, even going as far as to run a sink full of hot water and dip a rag into it.
“No dishes, remember?” he reminded her.
“I know. But I can run the water and use it and a cloth to wipe things down before calling one of the guys over to wash the dishes I decide need it.” She didn’t bother looking up from where she was using the wet cloth to wipe down nearly every flat surface she could reach.
Raven watched her for several minutes, wishing he knew what to say. How to set her at ease and get her to trust him but he knew that would take time. She hadn’t learned her wariness overnight and she wouldn’t get over it that quickly either. All he could do is be patient. He didn’t know if he’d ever waited this long for a woman in his entire life.