Chapter 35 Their Beary Fresh Start
their beary fresh start
ZION
Ash wasn’t yet a birth father, but since the town’s midwife was the one in labor, he got to deliver his and Hawk’s maul parents’ first grandchild by blood.
And Bell put the couch in the widow’s cottage to use one last time, clasping her oldest daughter’s physical hand on one side while Holly’s maul stood on the other, holding her mental one over their maul bite until the world welcomed Carolbell Winters of the Great Claw Mountains with a lusty, bear-strong cry.
Both her daughters’ mauls ended up staying in the Outer Limits home much further down the road where we’d initially brought Bell. They remained for several days, and of course, Bell spent every moment she could with them, leaving the nest as soon as she woke and not returning until dark.
Boone grew increasingly anxious about not connecting with her. However, Ravik pulled what Bell had referred to as the “first maul card” and told him, “Not about us right now. Got to put her first.”
Instead of bothering Bell, I finally talked with Ravik about trying to track down Mara after the Bear Mountain school year ended. “I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me for the exile—she didn’t even come to her mother’s funeral—but after all of this, I have to try.”
Ravik nodded. “I think that’s a good idea, Z. Find our girl. See if you can convince her to come back.”
Mara’s return might become a balm for our broken hearts if we couldn’t convince Bell to stay with us. But neither of us said that part out loud.
In some ways, I was the lucky one. At least I had a job to distract me from our maul’s impending doom.
A job I despised and longed to escape, yes, but still, it was something.
And with Bell rightfully focusing all of her attention on her daughters, instead of rushing back to the Outer Limits those nights, I stayed up in Bear Mountain proper, focusing my attention on the rehearsals for the Christmas in July pageant.
Not on my fears about our maul’s future.
The days ticked down until it was finally time for Holly and Noelle to leave with their mauls on the morning of Christmas in July Eve.
“What are we going to do if she kicks us to the curb and uses the money she’ll make on those commissioned bear sculptures to move like she was talking about?” Boone asked over our maul bond as we walked over to the old house.
Ravik’s response came stoic and sure: “Then we come up with Operation Sugar Cookie Part Two.”
But the memory of that morning Takoda came—when Bell tried to bolt without keeping her promise to talk to us—burned so brightly I didn’t know if it was coming from one of their heads or mine.
I stayed quiet, muting my side of the bond so they wouldn’t have to hear the gloomy recitation of a Victorian-era Canadian poem I taught about the death of flowers repeating over and over in my mind.
I thought of all the relationships I’d failed to repair. Niska and I had fought the morning before her death—I couldn’t even remember over what. One of the many resentment minefields that were constantly being set off in our mateship.
Mara still wasn’t speaking to me. And Claudine hadn’t returned the email I sent with my number and location, even though she’d been the one to reach out.
We arrived at the house to find Bell outside with her daughters and their mauls, who all had bond bites on both their arms and necks, the surest sign that their relationships were strong and bonded.
The bite on my dark neck had faded with each shift to my bear after Niska’s death. It was so faint, you could barely see it, and it never tingled like the ones on my arms.
I felt… incomplete, with not much hope onto which to grasp. Bell had been honest about our status, even after surrendering to our sexual claims. She’d been clear about not wishing or feeling ready to be our official mate from the start.
As Ravik and I shook hands with Takoda and Mak and watched Bell do the same with her daughters, I wondered why I’d expected this relationship to work out so late in my life.
After they drove away, Ravik immediately turned to address Bell. “Let’s go home.”
I felt over the maul bond how badly he wished to take her hand like he’d started doing on evening walks in the month of bliss we’d gotten with her. However, he was too unsure of where he stood with her to risk reaching out for it.
Bell remained right where she stood. “Actually, I wanted to have a conversation with you about our living arrangements.”
We all went completely still.
“Holly and I have been talking. A lot,” Bell continued, fretting her hands.
“And she found this intensive therapy program for domestic abuse survivors in Vancouver. Basically, it meets every Sunday—two months of group sessions, followed up by six weeks of individual therapy, so I’d have to be there in person.
Holly still has her Vancouver apartment, and Leif’s insisting on paying for it all, and we all agree that I should take advantage of it.
You know, like a fresh start. So, I know you have a perfectly nice totem cave in Bear Mountain that you were wanting me to move into with you, but I can’t go on like this… .”
She paused, wincing a little.
And we all stared back at her, horrified.
“No.. no…. NO!” Ravik’s mind was melting down.
Boone was debating throwing her over his shoulder.
My heart cracked, and for once, I had no idea what to say.
“So, I was wondering if we could stay here in the Outer Limits, since it’s a straight shot from here to the Vancouver Sunday morning bus pickup.
Just until the school year’s over,” Bell said, directing her gaze to our first maul.
“Then Zion and I can stay in Vancouver to look for Mara while you and Boone hibernate.”
Hold on… what? All our despairing thoughts broke off.
Bell must have mistaken our lack of outward reaction because she rushed on, her voice shaky with insecurity.
“I noticed you guys kind of withdrew after the girls came, and I understand if this has been too much, and maybe you want to wait until I’m fully healed to take our relationship any further. It’s just, Boone…”
She raised her eyes to the largest of our maul. “You dug me out of my deepest, darkest pit. And Ravik…”
She turned to the male she’d chosen to give her first claim. “You take such beautiful care of me. And Zion...”
Finally, her brown gaze met mine. “You were the friend I needed. You taught me how to laugh and enjoy life again. That’s probably just you being you, but you’ll never know how much you being you means to me.”
She spread her hands before her. "You've all made me so happy.
And I don't want to make you miserable with all my stuff.
So, no matter what the bad voices in my mind are telling me about how I don't deserve you or any of this, I'm going to do the work to feel like I do and be the woman you deserve, because… "
She took a shaky breath, and when she spoke again, her voice trembled.
"I love you."
The three words hung in the air between us.
"I love all three of you. Completely. Terrifyingly. And I know this is Boone's line, but I really don't want to fuck this up."
We continued to stare at her.
Ravik's jaw worked like he was trying to speak, but couldn't.
Boone's hands trembled at his sides.
I swallowed hard, but the lump in my throat wouldn't budge.
None of us could speak.
Bell's face crumpled.
"Did I say it too soon?" Her voice broke. "Do you... do you not love me back?"
The fear in her eyes—the belief that she'd ruined everything—nearly killed me.
I stepped forward and took her trembling hands in mine.
"Holly is correct. You do need outside help."
Her face fell, and I pulled her into my arms before she could spiral.
"Because, Bell, if you are not aware of how much we love you, how very much we've loved you from the absolute start and no matter what you do..." I let a bit of my mostly dead Jamaican accent slip through for my last line. "Gyal, you mad fi' true!"
It wasn't the longest or most eloquent speech I'd ever given—hardly the stuff of Cicero—but as I always advised my students: sometimes the simplest argument is the strongest, if it makes your audience feel your main thesis point.
Bell most definitely felt mine.
Her face crumpled again—not in sadness this time, but in relief so profound it looked like pain.
"You... you love me?" Her voice broke. "All of you?"
"From the start," I confirmed.
"Even when I was a mess?"
"Especially then," Boone growled, stepping forward.
Then tears filled her eyes.
"Oh, Zion!" She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. "Boy, I love you!"
She turned to Boone, tears still in her eyes. "I love you. Thank you so much for rescuing me."
"It's the other way around." Boone stepped forward to sweep her into his huge arms so that her feet were dangling off the ground.
"You rescued me, and you're fucking perfect.
But if you need other people to help you see that, I'm driving you to Vancouver every weekend. My girl does not ride the bus."
"Boone." She laughed through her tears and shook her head at him before kissing him. "I love you. I love you so much. Can you set me down, though, so I can say the same thing to Ravik?"
He did, and I could feel the vibrating thrum of our first maul's heart as she turned to look up at him.
"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for fighting on my behalf in every way. Thank you for reminding me that the three of you are mine. Thank you for making it easy to choose the bears."
She paused, eyes searching his face.
Ravik tilted his head. Then stoically looked down at the ground, waiting for his eyes to unblur.
"Ravik,” she said into his silence. “I’d like to hear it from you back. Please."
Ravik opened his mouth. And closed it again.
"But Zion has already..." he started.