CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
(Matthew)
I needed neutral ground where Scott, Charlotte, and I wouldn’t be disturbed. Though the house was huge, it was now crammed with guests and bustling with staff at every corner.
That left us with only one place to be, and it wasn’t neutral ground.
God, I hope we didn’t use any sex toys and leave them around, I thought, racking my brain as we entered my bedroom. Scott had been here plenty of times. He’d even crashed on the sofa here once during spring break, not because there weren’t other rooms but because it’s where he would pass out anyway after marathon Halo sessions.
But his sister hadn’t been staying with me then.
The staff had made the bed and cleared away our breakfast dishes, so at least there weren’t physical reminders that Charlotte and I had been having sex in here recently.
The stain on the back of the sofa could have been from anything.
“Look, we’re tense,” I said as the three of us stood awkwardly near the door. “Why don’t we go out on the balcony, smoke a joint, and say what’s on our minds?”
“I haven’t smoked in years,” Scott said firmly.
“That’s a fucking lie. You did bong rips at your bachelor party.” Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up the failed wedding attempt.
Scott let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. But I have things I want to say before I get high and you trick me into thinking I’m cool with all this shit.”
“I’m glad this is already shaping up to go so well,” Charlotte muttered and brushed past us on her way to the French doors.
“You’re really signing up for a lifetime of that?” Scott asked under his breath.
I gave him a warning look, and he wisely silenced himself.
I got the stash box and rolling tray and headed out to join the nonspeaking siblings at the table.
Charlotte’s arms were crossed over her chest, but her surly look dissipated when she turned to me. “There are still people in the garden. Is that okay?”
“Who cares? I live here.” I dropped the paraphernalia on the table. “Scott, why don’t you start?”
“Thank you, Matt.” He cleared his throat like he was presenting at a board meeting. “I hate this.”
Charlotte scoffed.
“Hey, let’s keep an open mind, respect each other’s feelings here, okay?” I said sternly, looking to both of them. “I can’t be a mediator in this because I’m a part of it. But you two need to approach this conversation as adults and not as siblings. Scott, you hate this. Why do you hate it?”
“Because you’re my best friend, and she’s my sister. I’ve covered this several times, with both of you. And yet you still went ahead and… Well, you went to Ascend Red. That alone, a lesser man would break your teeth for, Matt.”
“I wanted to go to Ascend Red,” Charlotte interjected. “I’m a grown-up. I can go grown-up places and do grown-up things. You have to stop thinking of me as a child.”
“I don’t think you’re a child,” he protested. “I think you can be reckless. Not just with yourself, but with other people’s feelings. What happens in a month when you get cold feet about the relationship?”
“Oh, we’re on a week-by-week basis,” I interjected, twisting the lid of the grinder a final time and dumping the contents onto the tray.
“Like a month-to-month lease,” Charlotte explained. “Matt knows about my inability to commit.”
His eyes widened and flicked from me to Charlotte and back. “You’re not serious?”
I can’t tell wasn’t an answer he’d accept.
To my shock, Charlotte answered for us. “No. But it’s something I’m telling myself to keep from panicking about having a serious relationship.”
“So, this is serious?” Scott asked.
Charlotte and I exchanged a glance. In accidental unison, we said, “Yes.”
“How, though? When you two were going to the resort, things were casual. You’ve only been back a few days,” Scott reminded us.
“Yeah, but remember, Matt and I have been in contact since your—” Charlotte stopped herself and quickly corrected, “for months. It was kind of like dating. Now, we’re committed.”
“I guess that’s fair,” Scott grudgingly conceded.
I sprinkled the crumbled weed onto the paper and pinched the edges to roll it. “What’s your fear here, Scott? Are you worried that I’m going to break her heart?”
“I have numerous fears,” Scott said, then, with a puff of frustration, gestured to the tray. “Give that to me. I can already tell your shitty rolling job is going to give us a runner.”
“You know, I’m the one who works in a dispensary,” Charlotte put in.
“Do you? Because you haven’t been home in weeks.” Scott took a fresh paper and started over.
“My boss is being cool about it,’ Charlotte said.
“And what, she’s going to let you work remotely from New York?” he countered. When Charlotte didn’t answer, he went on. “See, this is what I’m worried about. You’re both impulsive. You’re big leap-before-you-lookers.”
“But how does that concern you?” Though the question was perhaps a bit more pointed than I would have chosen to phrase it, Charlotte at least used a gentle tone.
“It concerns me because I feel this is eventually going to fall apart, and I’m going to be caught in the middle of it.” Scott didn’t look up as he spoke. He kept his eyes on the paper he was deftly rolling.
“Thanks for the vote of encouragement,” Charlotte said glumly.
I bristled, as well. “So we’re clear, which one of us are you expecting will fuck this up, and how? Because you know my history. I don’t end relationships for no reason.”
“He’s talking about me and how flighty I am,” Charlotte said before Scott could answer. “He’s worried I’m going to hurt you.”
“False. I’m worried you’re both going to get hurt and neither of you are going to want to talk to me ever again.” He held out the joint. “There. That’s how you do it.”
“You haven’t smoked in years, though,” Charlotte said under her breath.
I intervened before the sibling bickering could gain steam. “If Charlotte and I break up, I’m not going to treat her badly. And I’m not going to treat you any differently. Frankly, I’m tired of having to tell you that. Either you trust me, or you don’t. And if you don’t, what’s the point of being friends with someone you don’t trust?”
He didn’t say anything.
“And do you really think I’m never going to talk to you again?” Charlotte threw up her hands. “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”
“Family members go no-contact all the time,” he protested.
“Yeah, but do you really think I’m going to do that over a breakup?” Charlotte demanded. “Like Matt said, where’s the trust?”
“It’s different with you,” Scott argued. “I’ve always wanted to be your big brother, but let’s face it, you haven’t always been psyched to be my little sister.”
Ouch. I hadn’t thought of that component of things. I’d thought Scott was being petty and unreasonable, but maybe he did have serious fears.
Charlotte’s stricken face told me she hadn’t thought of it that way either. “Scott… I don’t not want to be your sister.”
“I know it’s nothing personal,” he began. “I know you don’t blame me for what our parents decided back when I was sick. But come on. It hasn’t been easy for you. And if this thing with Matt doesn’t work out, that’s another heartache that I was peripherally involved in.”
He turned in his seat slightly to face me. “And you can’t walk right because of my stupid ex-fiancée.”
“Technically, it was the bear,” I tried to joke.
“How can you even stand for me to be here right now?” he asked. “How did you not cut me off immediately after I wasted all your money and got you mauled by a bear?”
“Because you’re my friend, and I want to hang out with you. Most of the time,” I amended. “Not when you’re being strange about my dating life.”
“So, to be clear, this entire spat is due to your insecurity?” Charlotte asked Scott.
He sat uncomfortably quiet for a long moment.
“Right.” She blew out a breath. “So, this is a you problem, Scott. This isn’t an us problem. We don’t owe you any further explanation or understanding. You have to grow up and deal with this. Because we can’t keep reassuring you if you’re not going to trust us.”
I agreed with her, but I was glad she’d said it and not me.
“I mean, you don’t even know if we work as a couple,” she went on. “We do. I’m so fucking happy, Scott. I’m happier than I think I’ve ever been in a relationship. Maybe happier than I’ve ever been, in general. And you don’t like that for me?”
Her words made my chest clench up and blood pound to my head. Charlotte was always so coy with her feelings, at least with me. I made her happier than she’d ever been in a relationship? I might make her happier than she’s ever been, full-stop?
I wanted to grab her up and kiss her until she passed out, but Scott’s presence hampered that. I settled for taking her hand in mine and giving it a squeeze.
“Can you try to be happy for us?” I asked. And I hated that I had to ask my best friend such a thing.
Scott stared out at the long expanse of the gardens, not saying anything. And we gave him time, because we’d said all we had to say on the subject. At least, as far as I was concerned.
Except for one thing.
“I envy you,” I blurted. “You two have a bond that I wish my sister and I had. I don’t want this to be the thing that damages that.”
Scott huffed. “Bro, I love you, but there’s no way you’re ever getting between me and my sister like that. I’m going to take her side, every time.” Finally, he tossed his hands up. “If you’re both happy, I’m happy.”
“See? It wasn’t that hard,” Charlotte said. “Now, are we going to light that thing?”
“One second. I have to go to the bathroom.” Scott pushed his chair back. “Don’t spark it up without me.”
When he left, Charlotte and I sat in silence long enough that it started to feel uncomfortable. And I wasn’t used to being uncomfortable around Charlotte.
“So,” I began, pushing the joint back and forth on the tabletop. “You’re the happiest you’ve ever been?”
She laughed stiffly and turned away. “Now would be a bad time for you to admit that you were attracted to me because of the ‘forbidden fruit’ aspect of our relationship.”
“Hey,” I said, and when she didn’t face me, I repeated it. “Hey. That’s not why I’m with you. I may have held back in that conversation, but trust me, I feel the same. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.”
She tilted her head and regarded me warily.
“It’s true,” I went on. “I’m not going to go all-out mushy in front of your brother, but come on. You know I’m in love with you. That’s different from loving fucking you, by the way. I love you.”
Pushing her chair back, she rose and scooted from her seat to my lap. My bark of laughter was cut off by her mouth.
Charlotte kissed me like I’d handed her a billion dollars. No. I had given someone a billion dollars before, and I’d never been kissed the way Charlotte kissed me. As if she would consume me like a dying star.
When we broke apart, breathing heavy, I asked, “Is this what I can expect every time I tell you that I love you?”
She leaned back with her arms still looped around my neck. “Are you complaining?”
“Are you staying longer than a week?”
“Here?” She laughed. “Hell, no. I will be sitting in the driveway, laying on the horn first thing tomorrow morning. But with you? Hmmm… I’ll consider it.”
Scott emerged from the house and stopped in his tracks. “Look, I love you both and accept your relationship. But I’m gonna have to ask you to keep your hands off my baby sister right in front of me. The Big Brother code demands I take action.”
“Dude, what about the Bro Code?” I asked as Charlotte slid out of my lap.
Scott shook his head. “The Big Brother Code overrules the Bro Code every single time. Don’t forget it.”
In other words, don’t hurt my sister.
He had nothing to worry about.
* * * *
Formal dinners, followed by dancing, tended to start late and run later. Grimacing at myself in the mirror, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up.
“I’m puffy,” I said flatly.
From the bathroom, Charlotte called, “I have some concealer.”
“You laugh, but I might take you up on it.” Wouldn’t Mother love that. In her social set, the only appropriate cosmetic treatments for men came at the end of a scalpel or a needle. And of course, epic amounts of tanning. Which was probably why so many of them needed the tucks and injections.
“What if I got a lower eyelid lift?” I mused as I tied my tie.
“What if you stopped being vain?” she shot back.
“Okay, I deserved that.”
The hinges on the bathroom door creaked, and I glanced over my shoulder in the mirror to watch Charlotte emerge.
Then, I had to turn around and see her in the flesh, because I was too stunned to rely on a reflection.
Her big, gorgeously made-up eyes fell. “It’s too much. I knew it was too much. Sophie picked it out for me and—”
It took me too long to find my voice. “It’s not too much. Not at all. I was…speechless.”
She swished the hem of the pale purple gown shyly, a smile slowly crossing her face. “I thought I might look too much like I’m going to the prom or something.”
“It’s kind of like the prom. With worse music and like 40 percent less dry humping on the dance floor.” I picked up my jacket from the back of the chair I’d tossed it over.
“Yikes.”
“Yeah, if my Uncle Charles asks you to dance, turn him down,” I warned her grimly.
“Noted.” She slipped on some shoes that did not look comfortable in the slightest, carefully patted the perfect bun atop her head, and let out a deep breath. “Okay. I guess I’m ready for this.”
I was suddenly transported back to all the fear of my first day at college. The first time I’d been among “normal” people. Privileged, Ivy League normal people, yes, but still, people who knew what APR was because it mattered in their lives and bank accounts. I remembered being so terrified that I would do or say something that would make it impossible to fit in, not with the legacy admissions, but with the crowd I’d wanted to impress. People who didn’t find games less interesting than golf, or whose knowledge of mythical animals extended beyond their family crests.
I saw that same fear of not fitting in on Charlotte’s face.
“Hey, come here.” I gestured her over. When she was close enough to take into my arms, I did, mindful of wrinkling, crumpling, smearing, or snagging her in any way. “If anyone gives you even so much as a raised eyebrow in hostility tonight, you let me know. I’ll buy whatever they value and destroy it.”
“Deal,” she said through giggles.
“Don’t be nervous.” I couldn’t kiss her cheek, because I didn’t want to ruin her makeup. “I don’t care about these people’s opinions. Neither should you.”
Though, I couldn’t imagine anyone not being dazzled by Charlotte.