Chapter 20
Is a man everything bad he’s ever done? If so, surely he must be the good things too.
Cassidy woke up and stretched. She was alone in West’s living room, asleep on the floor. And it was Christmas Eve.
Which meant that tomorrow …
Just then, the door burst open, and West came in, looking wild eyed.
“I love you,” she said.
He stopped in his tracks. “What?”
She wasn’t scared, not anymore. Well, that was a lie—she was terrified.
Her heart was pounding in her throat, and she thought she might die.
But she had to say it. She had to be brave.
She couldn’t float. She didn’t need to be safe; she needed him.
“I love you, and you can’t reject me because my mom abandoned me on Christmas, and really, if you double-traumatize me on this holiday—”
“Cassidy, I’m not going to reject you.”
“You aren’t?”
“No,” he said. “I … I finished the diaries.”
“Without me?”
“Yes. Without you. Butch fell in love. And it changed him. It healed him. He didn’t deserve it.
But … instead of wondering if he was going to fuck up again, he just decided not to fuck up.
And that’s what I want to do, Cassidy. I am a better man than he was.
I’m not a perfect man, but I’m not a train robber, or a murderer.
So if he could love somebody, and give her all of himself, I sure as hell can.
You deserve somebody who loves you, who never hurts you, who never lets you down, and I swear on everything I own or ever will own that I won’t hurt you or let you down. ”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, completely unsure of what was happening, only able to laugh hysterically. “Are you …? Are we …?”
“I brought you a ring,” he said.
“This is ridiculous,” she said.
“I know. It was Butch’s. The ring he gave to Sarah.
This is a fucked-up legacy, but I want you to marry me anyway.
Because I love you. Because you made me see myself in a way that I never did before, because you made me into the kind of man who can love.
Even if it’s imperfect. I’m still going to be a mess and leave my tools all over and …
But I’m going to be the best husband for you.
Because I know you. Because I love you. Because I … I just love you.”
“You said it was only going to be temporary.”
“I was a liar. Even to myself. Because I think the minute I saw you—really saw you—I fell in love. I love you, Cassidy. That’s what this is. I called it chemistry because that felt less scary. It’s just love.”
“I love you,” she said. “I … It’s so funny, because I thought you were teaching me to be able to go off and be by myself, to live unafraid. I have learned not to be afraid, but I don’t need to be by myself to do it. You made me strong enough to take the risk.”
“We both took a leap of faith, I guess.”
She held her hand out, and he slipped the ring on her finger slowly. “Marry me,” he said.
“I will.”
“It’s going to be … an adventure. I’m about to start a ranch.”
“I’m along for the ride.”
“What do you want? You want to travel the world first? Do you want to go to college …”
“Whatever I do, I think I just want to do it with you. But I’m not afraid to try.”
“Everything else can be uncertain for now. You and me, that’s what certain.”
“I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. It turned out I didn’t know a damn thing. I’ve never been happier to be surprised.”
“Me either.”
“We’re still going to do the Wild West Show every year at Christmastime. Because now it’s how we came together.”
“Oh God. I’m stuck doing this forever.”
“Yes, yes, you are.”
It was the happiest he had ever been.