Chapter Four
The following day, I didn’t see Ben once. He must’ve been avoiding me.
I didn’t see him the day after that. Or the day after that.
He still came to the apartment — I heard the front door opening when I was in bed, about to fall asleep. I heard the shower early in the morning. I heard him moving around the kitchen. But every time I wondered out of my bedroom, he was either in his room, the door shut, or out of the apartment.
One day, I was heading to class. I just stepped out of the apartment complex when I saw it was raining, and took the elevator back up to the apartment.
As soon as I walked in, I came face-to-face with Ben.
He was standing in the kitchen, wearing a grey hoodie — how did he make a hoodie look hot? — and eating a sandwich.
We stared at each other for a long moment.
“Hi Juliet,” he said. He sounded nervous.
“Hi.” I looked around, spotted my umbrella by the couch, and grabbed it.
“Heading to class?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, about to leave.
“Wait,” he said, when I touched the door handle.
I looked at him expectantly.
“Um. I — I’m sorry about what happened the other night.”
I raised a brow, and he blushed a deep red.
“I — I shouldn’t have propositioned you.”
Of course Ben was the type of person to use a word like proposition.
“And I completely understand if you want to move out. You are, right? You must hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” I said calmly. “And I’m not angry about what happened on the couch. I started it.”
“But you are angry at me,” he said.
I didn’t contradict him. “I don’t appreciate being lied to. Or being made to feel crazy. Or being insulted. Listen, I don’t even care that you stole them. All you had to do was admit it and I would’ve —” I cut myself off, clamping my mouth shut.
He looked at me. “You would’ve what?”
Ripped your clothes off so I could see exactly what you’re hiding under your baggy clothing. Taken your glasses off, pushed the hair out of your eyes, and kissed the hell out of your face. Fucked the living daylights out of you.
I shook my head. “Forget it.”
Silence stretched out between us, and I couldn’t stand the tension. Besides, I had a class to get to. I left.
That evening, I let myself back into the apartment, feeling absolutely exhausted after a long day of classes, lectures, and cramming for tests at the library.
In my bedroom, I unpacked my shoulder bag, taking my laptop and water bottle out.
It took me a moment to notice what was on my bed: pink lacy panties.
I must’ve forgotten to lock my bedroom door. I only remembered to lock it half the time, anyway.
My panties were washed — I could smell the detergent — and folded neatly. Underneath was a note written in scrawly, tilted handwriting.
Juliet,
I’m sorry, for so many reasons. I should never have taken them. I’m a disgusting pervert. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I took them…I just saw them and I couldn’t help myself. Sometimes I can’t think clearly. I’m so, so sorry.
And I’m sorry for lying to you. I panicked and thought it would be worse if I admitted to stealing your underwear, but I realize I was wrong. I shouldn’t have insulted you. It was all a lie, anyway. You’re not pretty. You’re gorgeous. I bet every man who sees you wants you.
I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry that I’m a creep. I understand if you hate me. I understand if you’ll never talk to me again. I understand if you’ll move out immediately and tell everybody I’m a psychotic pervert. I’d deserve it.
Ben.
After reading the letter, I read it again, more carefully, my chest feeling tight.
How could a letter provoke so many emotions?
My heart felt like it stopped when I read You’re gorgeous .
Part of me was still angry. Part of me was gratified.
Part of me wanted to find Ben, wrap that pathetic nerd into a hug, and tell him, it’s okay.
You’re not a pervert. Or maybe you are, but don’t hate yourself over it.
In the end, I folded the note up carefully and placed it in my bedside table. I put the panties in my underwear drawer.
The next morning, I ran into Ben, who was in the kitchen, making breakfast.
“Good morning,” he said, looking nervous.
“Morning,” I replied, smiling out of habit.
His shoulders relaxed, ever so slightly. As the day passed, it became clear we weren’t going to acknowledge the letter. If he wasn’t going to bring it up, then I wasn’t either.
By the end of the day, the lingering awkwardness had disappeared, and after a week, things were back to normal.
We were even…friends, almost. We went grocery shopping together.
He cooked dinner while I emptied the dishwasher.
I dusted the living room while he took out the rubbish.
We sat on the couch together, watching space documentaries.
One morning, we had coffee together like we did most days, and he talked about what he was learning in class, his eyes going wide as he explained something about rocket ships.
And…it was really fucking cute. But also strange.
Because looking at him — tall and lanky, with his black-framed glasses and hair that desperately needed a haircut — it was hard to image him being so horny, he’d steal my underwear.
It was hard to reconcile the nerdy boy in front of me with the man who sat on his bed, stroking his monster of a cock, with my panties in his mouth.
“What is it?” he said.
“Huh?”
“You’re staring.”
“Oh.” I felt my cheeks grow warm. “Nothing.”
He gave me a suspicious look before starting to talk about thermal protection systems.
Life continued on, as normal. I tried not to notice how good Ben looked when he walked out of the bathroom after a shower, his hair still wet. I tried not to pay attention to the flex of his arms when he reached for something in the top shelf of the pantry.
Ben never looked at me when I wore something even slightly revealing. Which was polite of him. But also…annoying. I hated how annoyed I got.
“What are you doing tonight?” Ben asked, one Friday evening.
“Having dinner with my sister,” I replied.
Willow was my younger sister, and a freshman.
I hadn’t caught up with her in ages, and so we were getting dinner tonight at a nice Italian restaurant.
“I won’t be back until late. Probably midnight.
” Willow talked a lot, and I knew our conversation would last for hours, over dinner and dessert.
“Okay. Cool.”
I didn’t think much of the conversation until that evening, when Willow had to cancel last minute because she’d come down with the flu — probably from all the partying she’d been doing. I couldn’t judge — I’d also partied like a crazy person in my freshman year of college.
So I unlocked the apartment door, ready to collapse on the couch and watch yet another space documentary with Ben.
That’s when I saw he was already on the couch. With a girl next to him.
I froze, staring. The girl had dark red hair, and also wore glasses, though hers had round tortoise-shell frames with thick lenses that made her green eyes look even bigger. Ben had his arm around her shoulders, and she had her head on one of his shoulders.
When he saw me, he jumped up to his feet. “Shit. Juliet. I wasn’t expecting you to be back so soon.”
The girl gazed at me. “ That’s your roommate?” she said.
I frowned at her tone. What was she trying to imply?
“Sorry,” I murmured, closing the front door behind me. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”
I walked to my bedroom as quickly as I could, but it meant I had to walk in front of the TV. I ignored their gaze on me. Once in my bedroom, the door shut, I slumped onto my bed.
Oh my god. Ben had a girl over.
To be honest, I was kind of surprised he had it in him. But he was hot. Any girl with eyes could see that — they just had to look past his hair and glasses and mumbling words.
Through the door, I could hear Ben and the girl whispering. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, and I didn’t want to.
I wanted to…
I kind of wanted to kick something. Instead, I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes.
A minute later, there was a knock on the door.
“What is it?” I called out.
“It’s me,” came Ben’s voice. “Can I come in?”
What did he want? “Sure,” I said, resigned.
He stepped inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click. I didn’t bother sitting up, keeping my eyes on the ceiling.
“Are you okay?” He sounded hesitant.
I laughed in spite of myself. “You came here to ask if I was okay? Shouldn’t you be out there with your…guest?”
“You looked mad. I wanted to check up on you.” He walked over, and I felt the mattress dip as he sat next to me. He was close enough that I could smell his soap. “I wasn’t expecting you early. Sorry. I know we haven’t made any clear rules about having guests over.”
“Stop apologizing, Ben. This is your place, remember? You don’t need my permission to bring a girl over.”
“I still want to be considerate. Just like I’d hope you’d be considerate if you brought a guy over.” He exhaled. “To be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t yet.”
That made me sit up. I fixed him with a look. “Are you trying to say I’m a slut?”
His brows jumped up. “No! No, I’m saying that at all. I…” The tips of his ears glowed pink. “I’m just saying you’re beautiful, Juliet. I thought you’d have a whole roster of men desperate to touch you.”
I stared at him, then huffed incredulously. This guy. “Ben. You shouldn’t say that stuff to me when your girlfriend’s out there.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he murmured.
I raised a brow. “Oh?”
He was blushing again. “She’s just a…it’s a casual thing.”
“A hookup?” I asked. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”
He shot me a look, his jaw firming. “I know you think I’m a weird, pathetic nerd, but I have needs. Just like everyone else.”
I blinked at him. “I don’t think you’re a weird, pathetic nerd.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, right. I know what pretty girls like you think about guys like me.”
“Oh, shut up, Ben,” I said, suddenly impatient. “You’re six foot three and gorgeous and your glasses make you look even hotter.”
That hung in the air. Shit. I did not mean to blurt that out.
Ben was staring at me like I’d started speaking a different language, his brows drawn together, his mouth opening and closing.
“I was mad,” I admitted. “Because I was jealous. You say you have needs? You should have just told me. I’d have taken care of you.”
He took a moment to reply. “R-really?”
“Yes,” I said, exasperated now. “I let you see my…my pussy. Do you think just any guy gets to look at it? Do you think just any guy gets a taste?”
“I thought you were toying with me. Taunting me. Making me see what I could never have.”
“That was part of it. I wanted to get revenge because I was angry with you. But when we were on the couch, and you were massaging my legs…I thought about screwing the plan and fucking you. I’ve thought about fucking you for weeks.
” I paused. “Is something wrong? You look like you’re hyperventilating. ”
“No. I’m fine.” His face was tight though, and he was gripping my bed sheets so tight, his knuckles were turning white. Slowly, he stood up, his expression changing, as if he’d made a decision. “I’m going to ask her to leave. And then I’m taking you to my bedroom.”
He left before I could reply. I watched him disappear, speechless. Damn. It was often that Ben was assertive, but when he was…it was fucking hot.
I heard him talk to the girl on the couch — for a moment, I’d forgotten she was here. After she left, I drifted out of my bedroom, my stomach starting to flip. Oh god. This was really happening.
Ben, standing near the front door, stared me down until I walked to the doorway of his bedroom.
Then he backed me into his room until the back of my legs hit his bed.
He stood in front of me and touched my jaw, tilting it upwards.
He lowered his head until his lips were an inch from mine, and my entire body was on fire with anticipation.
I could feel myself getting aroused, wetness gathering between my legs.
Oh shit oh fuck oh god.
“Wait,” I said, my breath gusting over Ben’s lips. “Before we do this, I have one request.”
“Anything.” His eyes were hazy with lust. How had I never before noticed how deep and dark his eyes were?
“I want to see what you have in the bottom drawer of your bedside table.”