Chapter 23
It might be in my head.
I am feeling this new wave of energy crushing against my heart like a tidal wave.
“Let’s get you home,” I kiss Jake on the cheeks and drop him in the backseat of the car, helping him lock in his seatbelt.
He is full of life, and I am happy for him. But it’s late, and my skin is reacting to butter icing. I feel itchy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Are we set?” Fabio hollers over his shoulder at Jake and me, his phone still on his ear. He excused himself a minute ago to call Mindy and tell her all was okay.
“Almost,” I smile at Jake, draw back, and close the door gently. “Set,” I strut to the passenger seat and hop in it.
Fabio continues his call while I watch him, pretending to check myself out through the vanity mirror.
I can’t help myself.
“Thank you,” Jake mumbles behind me. Thank you for rescuing me,” he says, chewing his lips as I give him a warm stare over my shoulder. And thank you for liking my Dad,” he drops his eyes.
“You are welcome. About your Dad…”
“I know, you like me more than you like him,” he takes up a scolding tone and I fight the urge not to laugh.
“How can I not?” I smile at him. “You make it easy to like you more.” I throw him a wink.
“He likes you too,” Jake yawns and throws his head to the side. “He likes you very much. Does he tell a lot?”
I shake my head. “No,” I swallow the bile of my hurt, and he nods.
“He doesn’t tell me either, but I know he likes me,” he folds his legs on the seat and smiles brightly. “He won’t come to my school, but my mom says he asks about everything all the time,” he shrugs. “He is busy, she said so,” he scoots forward, his green eyes taking a curious coating. “He is like Batman, right? Catching the bad guys,” he chuckles, then giggles, thinking about it some more. “He owns a gun, a real gun,” he puffs, swelling with pride.
I nod, saying nothing but offering my unfaltering smile.
I can’t burst his bubble and tell him his father is the bad guy. I can’t say that because it’s a little complicated. But I doubt whatever I say will hurt his feelings or change his mind about his father being the superhero in this story.
“Are you his sidekick?” He points his index finger at me. “I am supposed to be his sidekick,” he sinks back in his seat.
“And you are,” I reach out and massage his knee. “You were brave today, that’s more than enough superpower,” I don’t know if I make any sense but thank goodness he is six because he nods and straightens his shoulders.
We are alike. Giving our hearts out to someone who does not return the gesture. But Jake wears his role better than I can ever attempt.
Jake has found a silver lining in all of this, and he is not letting go of it.
Maybe I should find a silver lining in this, too.
Maybe that’s what love should truly be about.
You give your heart to someone not because you expect the same in return, but because you know there is no one else in the world you would rather have break your heart than them.
I blink, waving away my tears as I sit back to stare at Fabio in the car”s headlights. He is wearing a dress shirt and dress pants, has a mop of unruly hair on his head, and his back bunches slightly. He has a holster strapped to his chest, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his phone to his ear.
There is no one else I would want to love me except Fabio De Luca.
And there is equally no one else I would allow to break my heart except him.
I swallow and hold my breath as he turns in my direction, squinting those piercing green eyes that dig out my every fantasy and desire. He takes the phone off his ear and struts over to the car.
The way he walks. The way he talks. His aura. His charisma. His mind.
It is everything about him.
And it is not that I haven’t seen other men, or that I fool myself into thinking that there are no other men with such qualities, but the simple truth is that there will never be a man for me that will possess them quite like Fabio De Luca.
There will never be a man who can take me like he does. He is the one I want above all else. I feel like my soul needs him.
As expected, he steps into the car and cinches his seatbelt in place, sparing me a scalding gaze before swinging his eyes to stare over his shoulder at Jake, who is already sleeping.
“Are you good?” He starts the car. “You seem a little…” He focuses his attention to me, taking his hands away from the steering wheel. “Did Salvatore hurt you?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t see him,” I relive the moment briefly.
I didn’t have to see him. It was Nina who went in with the cops. Vittoria and I sat in our car and watched as the cops cleared out the entire estate, taking him and some armed men with them. Salvatore didn’t even protest. He looked too confident, probably thinking he would be able to buy his way out.
Too bad for him, he will never be coming out of this one.
“Eva,” Fabio’s soft voice calls to me as his hand reaches over to take mine and he strokes his thumb on the back of it. “Thank you,” he lifts my hand to his mouth and presses a kiss on it. “Thank you,” this time he holds my gaze in a wickedly nerve-twisting lock as he presses a wet kiss on the back of my hand.
My heart flips and hops to my throat. I swallow to send it back down.
If anyone should ask me what it is about Fabio that has me under a spell, I would stutter for the next year, trying to put it in words.
“We should take him home,” I retrieve my hand, leaving my heart in his. “He is tired,” I add, because he might be interpreting it differently. I don’t know how I want him to interpret it exactly.
“Sure,” he says, turning his attention back to the steering wheel. With a stern demeanor and clenched jaw, he starts driving.
Fabio parks the car outside Mindy’s house.
“I will wait here,” I say, hugging myself to show him that I have no plans to step out of this car.
He nods, hops out, and opens the backseat to take Jake into his arms. At the same time, Mindy flies out of the house, her eyes puffy from crying. She scuttles to Fabio and Jake in his arms, throwing herself at them to embrace them both.
She is saying something, but I can’t hear a thing, and I don’t want to.
He may not want her in that way, but she has a piece of him. I have nothing of him. I have been reminded too much of how little of him I have tonight, and I would love to go back home and stew on it.
Fabio walks with Jake in his arms and Mindy beside him inside the house.
I keep staring at the door, and it is only when I feel the hotness of my tears on my cheeks that I realize I am crying. I quickly wipe them off and compose myself.
I wait for a while, struggling to keep my mind on the bouncing of my feet instead of wandering to places and things that will rip me into useless pieces.
Fabio steps out of the house, and Mindy comes after him. She struts down the short stairs and comes to my side of the car. She waves, and I am forced to wind down.
“Eva,” she shoves herself in and hugs me as best she can. “Thank you so much,” she sniffles, then pulls back to take my face in her hands. “God bless you,” she blinks, and her voice cracks. “Thank you,” she swallows, then takes her hand back.
“You are welcome,” I squeeze out a smile and nod. “He is a lovely, smart boy.”
She nods and steps back as Fabio gets into the car and starts it.
“Goodnight, Mindy,” I wind up as she mouths her goodnight.
I need my bed.
I need my father.
I need my brother.
I need my mother.
I swallow, inhale sharply, and feel the sting of it in my stomach. I clench my teeth to hold in my tears and shake my head to keep myself together.
We will be home soon. I won’t have everything I need, but I will have my bed. Even though it has been soiled with memories of Fabio taking me for the first time.
“We are not going home?” I ask as Fabio takes a different turn.
“Not yet,” he keeps driving, staring at the road.
“Take me home, please,” I beg, too tired to spend another brain-straining minute around him.
He keeps driving, and then he takes another turn, and not long after, he takes another. He then stops in front of what appears like a pier, and I see the glint of the ocean ahead with three boats at the dock and a white yacht.
The place looks like it’s still in use, but it also appears to be void of any living being except us. It is beautiful in its way.
If I were in a better mood, I would appreciate it and want to capture it or him in it. I would ask him to stand on the pier and highlight the bluish glow from the sky lamps. They mimic the color of the ocean and, somehow, that of the moon sitting on it.
A few benches with flowers around them are scattered about, and I think in the daytime, people will sit to enjoy the view or share it with someone they love.
“What are we doing here?” It is unfair that we are here. This beautiful place doesn’t deserve our broken love story.
“I came here on the night of your eighteenth birthday,” Fabio turns off the car, sighing. “And I think I want to do this here.”
“Fabio, please,” I have no idea what he wants to do, and I am not in the mood for another shattering of my already-splintered heart.
“It was the first place I admitted to myself that I loved you, Eva. The first and last time. So far,” he tilts to face me, the air in my lungs sucked out by his words.
I am blinking, my brain is scrambling, and my heart is jamming against my chest as I try for the life of me to make sense of what he is saying.
“I love you, Eva,” he drags a hand through his hair and grips the strands. “I fucking love you.”