Chapter Twenty One
Joseph
Lola had palmed me off one too many times over the last two days, it was time I paid her a visit. The heater in the car blew as hot as the fire in my veins. When I'd tried to contact Lola the night of the attack, she'd only spoken briefly, claiming she was going to bed. Fine, I got it. The first night, she would’ve been in shock. However, I should've never let her go home without me. I'd protected her against that dangerous wanker, but I'd also shown her my true colours. She'd seen a darker side of me, a side that I'd intended to introduce to her slowly. I wanted her to understand that my demons needed her light. That they were ready to drive out her own darkness in order to be enlightened. But it may have been too late.
The bluetooth burst into action as I turned into the junction of Lola's road. The parking was atrocious in this part of London, but I managed to reverse between two cars.
Pressing the answer button, I sighed. ”Yes, Chase?”
“My friend,” he spoke slowly, “I hear that Finley is in hospital with terrible injuries.”
Scoffing, I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me. “So, the bastard's still alive?”
“I wondered if it had something to do with you.” His voice was heavy. “What happened?”
Scratching the stubble on my chin, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. My blue eyes caught the sun and I blinked, almost not recognising myself. The slight crow’s feet around the edge of them made me look away. I was not a young man any longer. And yet, I was vigorous and raring to go, ready to build a new life with Lola.
“He tried to rape Lola in her office,” I said through clenched teeth. “I only just got there in time, otherwise he would've... I have it on CCTV if you need proof.”
His sigh was drawn out. “Yeah, I’ll need to see the evidence so I can shut down the arguments from his friends. Once they know what he did, they'll leave it alone. ”
“Do you think the society has got out of control?” I glanced in the rearview mirror as the car behind me started to reverse.
My Land Rover was worth a hundred K. If the bastards dared to even breathe on it, I would... what? Beat the shit out of them? Cuss them out? I had more than enough money to fix the fucking car, there were more important things to worry about… like Chase's long pause.
“I understand if you've lost interest in the cause and the fun that comes along with it.” Chase's chair squeaked in the background. “We've been doing this for twenty odd years and sometimes the passion runs out. Maybe you're ready for a change?”
A bark of hilarity burst from my lips. “You’re talking about me settling down with a wife and kids?”
There was a tiny voice in my mind, which I'd often drowned out, who whispered a yes. I almost laughed at myself as I imagined a baby bawling and shitting while I was trying to concentrate on my designs. It had never appealed before due to my only example of parents. They hadn't exactly been glorious.
“No,” Chase muttered with an amused tone, “not at all. You're too tied to this way of life. But, sometimes, a break or a change does us good. Think about it. And in the meantime, stay away from Finley.”
He hung up before I could reply, leaving the beep of the call end echoing in my brain. Lola had been ignoring me, not even bothering to answer my texts now. The heat of annoyance that bubbled under my skin was burning me up inside.
Propelling myself from the car, I tugged on my jacket as I walked up the steps of the Victorian building and pressed her buzzer. As I waited, I shuffled on my feet in an attempt to shake off the frustration of her silence. I wasn't a man who liked to be ignored, especially by the woman I wanted to own.
“Hello?” her sweet voice greeted.
“It's me,” I snapped, not able to keep the beast from my tone.
A small gasp was followed by the buzzing of the door. I pushed my way inside and went straight up the stairs, following the numbers of the apartments until I reached hers. I didn't need to knock, she stood waiting, her arms crossed her chest.
“Joe,” she said, “I didn't expect you to come here. I thought you had a big job today.”
My skin burned as she stepped aside and let me into her home. I hadn’t visited her before and she had never been to my place. Was that even normal?
“Why have you been ignoring me?” I said, restraining my temper as I wandered into the small living area.
A two-seater sofa sat against the wall, opposite a TV stand with an armchair at an angle next to it. Throws were delicately placed over the two chairs and a colourful rug hung on the wall. The cosy area was pretty and well presented, designed to make someone feel at ease as soon as they walked into the room. I could see Lola's influence from a mile away. Her style and grace radiated across all of her designs.
She walked in behind me, still holding her arms in their defensive position. “I needed some time to think, I was... I don’t know...” Tucking her dark hair behind her ear, she looked at the ground. “I did some research on you and saw that you started charities for vulnerable people. It freaked me out.”
“Me wanting to help others freaked you out?” I murmured, keeping my clenched hands at my sides. “Why?”
Lifting her head, she tilted it to the side and raised her eyebrows. “Erm, you have a kink for protecting vulnerable women. You literally tie them up, whip them, touch them and have sex with them... Where did that kink come from? Did you find some of these people on the streets or unwell...? ”
Shame washed over me and I swallowed down the rising tide of emotions, including anger. I should've explained everything to her before she’d had the chance to hear about it from other sources. Her secret trip into the sex club had scared her, which was understandable. If I'd been the one to show her and explain, she might know that I wasn't a sex fiend.
“I'm not going to pretend that my kink is normal,” I said, straightening my spine, “but I can guarantee you that I've never taken advantage of anyone and it wasn't until my friend told me about the BDSM stuff that I decided to try it. After a few years, we created a club where we could learn and indulge. We started the charities alongside the exploration but not because we wanted sex with those people. It was a completely separate thing, I swear.” Clearing my throat, I glanced out of the window and tried not to scowl. It was impossible. “The society was born because we wanted to protect those who needed it. We saw them exploited on the streets so we vowed to never treat anyone like that.”
“So...” She put her hands on her hips and stared me down. “...you went to sex clubs at night and messed around with different women. And during the day, you were being all do-gooder and helping others. ”
My neck tightened and I stepped towards the window, looking out at the small courtyard garden. “I don't expect you to understand. You have your trauma, which has made you act a certain way. And I have mine, which has split me into two. I have a light side; I have a dark side. I doubt either will ever merge into one.”
Her sigh was elongated as her footsteps sounded behind me. “I know your father beat your mother,” she said, her hands coming onto my shoulders. “Maybe you house them both inside you. And when you do the sex stuff, you're powerful enough to control the outcome. When you do the good stuff, you're being the boy who wanted to help your mother.”
I looked at her sideways as she came to stand beside me. “There is more to the sex stuff,” I replied, running a hand down her cheek, “it opens you up... and in turn, that opens me up. I was broken, I’m still fucking broken... but I never knew who I was until I allowed myself to connect to the deep part of me who craved to be in control. Who needed someone to wholly surrender to me.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears which hovered right on the edge of the lids, making the brown of her iris glisten in the sunlight. She was beautiful. Her skin was soft and pink, her slightly round face innocent and unassuming. And yet, she couldn't see it. She just saw a plain girl who had suffered her whole life. I wanted to show her that beauty really did come from within... and I was ready to reach in and release it.
“I never knew I needed someone to want me as much as you want me,” she replied, making my heart thump and my cock stiffen. “You're right, I don't understand you and what makes you tick, but I don't fucking understand myself either.”
Drawing her into my arms, I held her tight, closing my eyes when she melted against me. “This is just the very beginning,” I murmured, burying my head into her neck so my lips rested beside her ear. “I'm going to open you up and join with you so thoroughly, you won't recognise who you become. You just have to surrender to me. Forever.”