Chapter Ten
Caroline
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“THEY HAVE TO BE FUCKING joking.” Perched on the edge of Harper’s bed, I had no idea what time it was or how long I’d been there at his side.
All I knew was that the only topic of conversation since I’d been forced to re-watch that terrible video was the ICC’s crazy demands.
“We can’t let them do this, Sir. You can’t allow them to! ”
“Little girl.” He leaned back on his pillow, obviously weary. Not for the first time, I was grateful for the expansive width of his hospital bed. There was plenty of space for us both without inhibiting his rest. “We won’t know anything until their representatives appear tomorrow.”
“I can’t believe this.” I’d lost track of the number of times I’d said so, but each time, the unease in my belly tightened as though I was close to breaking point.
I wasn’t, though. I couldn’t have been. Not after surviving something as horrendous as Fortorus, but still, the thought of losing Harper after everything we’d been through was torturous.
“Do they honestly expect you to go back there?”
“It’s okay, Caroline.” Reaching for my hand, he clasped my fingers. “Whatever happens, it will be okay. We’ll be okay.”
“How will we be okay?” I pressed. “You know what Jackson will do to you if you go back, Sir, and I can’t have that. I’m not losing you.”
“Shhhh.” His free hand rose to my lips, his index finger pressing gently against my mouth. “Don’t upset yourself. We don’t know anything for certain yet.”
“We know what Kaspar told us.” I glanced around the darkening room, thankful that Kaspar and the nurse had finally left us alone together, yet wishing we could just slip out and truly be on our own again.
Life on the run hadn’t always been a bundle of laughs, but we’d survived, and we’d had each other.
Since then, fate and the authorities seemed determined to separate us.
“They want to send you back there as part of the deal.”
“They clearly think Ian’s press conference presents us with an opportunity.” His tone was almost as skeptical as mine had been.
“Easy for them to say,” I muttered. “It’s not their life on the line.”
“Let’s just listen to what they have to say.
” His arm slipped around me and coaxed me nearer.
I went, dodging the multiple cables still connecting him to the various machines by his bedside.
“I mean, what choice do we have? If I don’t comply, I could be looking at years of imprisonment, and that way, we’ll definitely never be together. ”
“Oh, God.” Despite the fact that I’d been crying on and off for hours, fresh tears welled in my eyes.
“Come here.” He inched along the bed and gestured for me to join him. “Stretch out with me for a while.”
“What about our bag?” I signaled to the duffle by my feet.
“Oh, yes. Clever girl.” He winked at me. “Well done for making that happen. Is everything in there?”
“I took everything from the other bag at Fabian’s,” I confirmed, not keen to relay the way I’d also inadvertently dropped our temporary landlord in trouble in the process. “It’s all there.”
“The bag will be safe with us for now,” he assured me. “Push it under the bed a little before you join me.”
I moved without overthinking, sliding the overnight bag under the hospital bed and, dodging the relevant wires, sprawling out at his side.
I doubted the nurse who seemed so keen on him would be pleased to find me mingled with the cables, but I was too overwrought to care.
Every time I thought we’d overcome the worst the world had to throw at us, some new, darker challenge lurked around the corner.
It was as if there was never going to be an end to it.
“Thanks for getting the bag, little girl. It’s good to know our things will be safe with you.”
“You’re welcome.” The truth was, it was a relief to finally have something to contribute to our pairing. Aside from my submission, it increasingly seemed as though Harper brought everything else to the table. “I’ll look after it.”
“Thank you.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Whatever happens, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Sniffing back my emotion, I wrapped an arm around his abs. “I just didn’t expect any of this stuff with the police and the ICC.”
“No,” he agreed. “We didn’t really think through the consequences of our choices when we left, did we?”
“We didn’t have a choice.” It seemed to be a common theme. “We had to go.”
“None of it changes who we are, though, Caroline. Or, how we feel. I want you to remember that.”
His fingers raked softly through my hair, and I cringed at the prospect of the lank strands he’d find.
I’d so enjoyed being able to shower with him those last few days at the house, but cleanliness in Swiss detention was all too reminiscent of the captivity I’d endured.
Not as awful, obviously—not as sordid and degrading and brutal—but still, a reminder of someone with no real agency in her life.
“I know.” I kissed the side of his horrible hospital gown. “I just can’t lose you, Sir. I can’t...”
“I’m not going to let that happen.” There was such certainty in his voice, his authority reminding me once again of the strong, self-assured man I’d first fallen for.
“And if they make you go?” I risked a glance in his direction.
“Then I’ll expect a guaranteed exit.”
“But the ICC doesn’t have that authority,” I countered. “It’s made up of member states, Sir. There’s no army that can go in and retrieve you if it all goes wrong.”
“They won’t want me dead, either, so they’ll have to find a way to look after me.” His thumb shifted to stroke the side of my face, rubbing hypnotic circles against my skin. “I’m no good to them in a body bag.”
“Don’t.” I glanced away, unable to process such a dreadful outcome.
Whatever was left of me after months of ordeals in Fortorus revolved around Adam Harper. If I was forced to choose between worst-case scenarios, I’d rather have seen him imprisoned than dead.
“I’m just being honest.”
“Yeah, well...” I turned to kiss the tip of the thumb caressing my cheek. “I guess I’ve seen too many people in body bags in the last year. I won’t let that become your fate, too.”
“Oh, you won’t let it be my fate?” His teasing tone was accompanied by a smile.
“No.” I knew he was only playing, but I’d rarely been more serious. “If anything happens to you, I swear I’ll find a way to bring that pretentious little prick down, Sir.”
I had no idea how I could possibly follow through with the intention, but stretched out beside him, I was absolutely resolved to the vow. Ian Jackson had taken so much from me already; my liberty, my property, my chances of happiness at home—he wasn’t having my man, as well.
No. Fucking. Way.
His grin faded. “Don’t say things like that.”
“You don’t think I could, Sir?” I rose on one elbow, meeting his eyes in the low light.
“I have no doubt you’d try, little girl.” His hand fell to my shoulder. “That’s what worries me. I didn’t risk everything to get you out of there only for you to go back in and try to do something gallant on my behalf.”
“But that’s how I feel,” I implored him. “We just got out of Britain. I can’t bear the idea of you going back.”
He tugged me closer. “The difference is I’m responsible for the shitshow that’s going on over there, Caroline, whereas you have been a victim of it.
After the charade he aired earlier, Ian’s not going to shoot me the moment I land back in the country.
He’ll want to show me off, want to celebrate my ‘glorious homecoming’.
That pretense will keep me alive long enough to find out whatever the ICC wants to know. ”
“And getting out again?” I understood his hands were tied—if the ICC were going to grant him impunity, he’d have to do what they asked—but a part of me was struggling with how easily he seemed to be rationalizing the idea of returning to the hellhole we just escaped from.
Going back to the Britain he helped to build was tantamount to suicide, whatever he said. “He’ll never allow you to do that.”
“That part of any plan needs work,” he concurred. “But not everything needs to be resolved right here and now. Like I said, the officials haven’t even arrived yet. Let’s hear what they have to say before we panic.”
“Okay, I know.” Sighing, I slumped back on the mountain of pillows beside him. “I just can’t bear to think about it.”
“Then let’s not think about it anymore.” He rolled onto his right side, and even in the half light, I sensed the weight of his stare on me; intense and unyielding as he’d been so many times before. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” The change in energy between us was subtle, but I felt it, my body relaxing as I shifted to face him. “What’s that, Sir?”
“It’s still early days, but while you were gone with Kaspar, I think I’ve started to remember a little about our crossing over here.”
“About being on the Carla?” My heart picked up its pace. Harper’s memory returning was a minute candle of optimism in what seemed like an extremely cavernous gloom.
“The boat, yes.” His fingers roamed to my hair again, tugging gently at my tresses. “I remember the things we did in that small berth below deck.”
I laughed softly, relishing the way each tug of his fingers created a blaze of electricity at my scalp.
The pain shouldn’t have been so damn alluring, yet Harper had already taught me how good it could be.
I knew from the collision of his palm and from kneeling at his feet how fucking wonderful submitting to him was.
“You always remember the sex, Sir.” I leaned against his wrist.
“Well, why not?” He pressed closer. “When it’s so good, it only makes sense to recall it.”
“Right.” I hoped one day he could also recollect all our meaningful conversations, as well as the incredible romps, but summoning up our sensual carnality was a start.
“And Hans’ truck?” I prompted. “Do you remember us traveling across the continent in that?”