Chapter Twenty
Adam
––––––––
“AND?”
Folding my arms across my chest, I tried to placate my rising paranoia about Caroline’s health, but the frowning doctor at her side was doing nothing to help calm me.
She’d been unconscious for close to half an hour, and even though the medic had arrived with Kaspar in tow shortly after she’d fainted, nothing that he’d done so far seemed to have roused her.
“Wat, is we met haar aan de hand?” I demanded. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Her vitals are mostly normal, Mr. Harper.” He turned to peer back at me, the way he looked over his glasses reminding me briefly of Armitage.
My old personal doctor had been as reliable as he’d been discreet.
There wasn’t much I missed about life in the Fortorus days, but some of Armitage’s damn attention to detail wouldn’t have gone amiss in the Dutch hotel suite.
“Her elevated temperature has settled since I’ve been here.
It’s possible that her desire to sleep could be symptoms of a virus. ”
“Hang on, what do you mean mostly normal?” I repeated, wishing the doctor had even an ounce of the respect and urgency my old physician had displayed around me. “What else have you found?”
“Her blood pressure is a little high.” He glanced at the machine attached to the cuff still wrapped around her arm as though he needed its confirmation. “But her age and weight are not indicators of high blood pressure. Has she been under a lot of stress recently?”
My attention darted to Kaspar. “Yes, you could say that.”
“It seems you are both suffering with the high blood pressure.” Her expression was sympathetic, but she offered no more insight to the doctor than that.
“Apparently.” I blew out a breath, unsatisfied with the vague diagnosis. It was beyond sardonic that we’d both been blighted by the same condition in recent days. Ironic, but not surprising. After everything we’d been through, it was a wonder we’d survived at all.
“Listen, Doctor, she hasn’t displayed any other viral symptoms. Can you wake her and assess her again? I really don’t want to leave her like this.”
Staring back at Caroline’s face, the thought solidified. Despite the obvious importance of my upcoming task, there was no conceivable way I could walk out of the hotel with Caroline still unconscious. I had to know that she was okay before I bowed to Ian.
“I understand.” The doctor’s tone was vexingly patronizing. “But it really is better that we let her sleep. The rest will help her body to heal and recuperate. If she still has symptoms when she wakes, I am happy to return.”
“Great.” My hand balled into a fist at my side.
The problem with the doctor’s condescending plan was that, depending on how long Caroline slept for, I might not even be there when she roused, let alone be able to summon him back to the room. My throat tightened at the prospect, oxygen frustratingly difficult to access as my panic ballooned.
“Can we push the departure times of both ships back?” I directed the question at Kaspar, though surely, I already knew the answer.
Both vessels were scheduled to sail just after daybreak, and there were way too many moving cogs in the British, French and Dutch machines for such lastminute changes. Nobody would care that my reason for living had unexpectedly changed the terms of the deal.
Nobody but me.
“No, I’m sorry.” Kaspar pressed her lips into a hard line. “But we have a few hours before we are due to leave. Perhaps she’ll wake up before then.”
I sensed Kaspar was trying to be helpful, but her hopeful tone washed over me the way a wave might break on a rugged shoreline—futile and pathetic.
“Please watch over her.” The doctor uncuffed Caroline’s forearm and made his way to the door, nodding as though he’d solved all of our problems. “I shall be back.”
I looked on as he left the room, my focus returning to the woman who watched over me like a jailer. I was, I reasoned, still technically in Kaspar’s custody until the deal with the ICC had been finalized, although at that point, I’d come to see her as more of a colleague than a captor.
“She has to be okay.”
My words were more of an affirmation than a conversation-starter, but Kaspar stepped forward as though she sensed she should say something in response.
“I am sure she will be.” Kaspar’s brow creased, the conviction of her tone not matching the certainty of her statement. “I shall return by six o’clock, but do call if anything changes.”
My jaw stiffened at her terse tone. If she thought she was being empathetic, she was failing miserably. “I appreciate what you’ve done for me and Caroline, but honestly, there’s no need for you to accompany me on board Ian’s preposterously named ship, Traditional Values.”
The idea of her coming with me had been niggling for days. “It’s me he wants, and with respect, you have no idea what a man like Ian Jackson is capable of.”
It was hardly her fault. Women who’d been born and bred in countries like Switzerland had never been exposed to the same systematic and ritualistic misogyny that Ian had sculpted into the new political regime.
She believed fairness was an intrinsic human right, the same way British women once had.
If Caroline had been awake, however, she’d have been able to tell her otherwise.
“I am an officer of the law, Mr. Harper.” She sighed, as if exasperated. “I can handle the situation. Plus, the ICC has tasked me to do so. I will be accompanying you on board.”
I stared at the determination in her eyes, trying to decide if my point was worth arguing over, but I concluded it was not worth the battle. The only woman who truly mattered to me was Caroline, and as to her condition, I still had few answers.
“Fine,” I mumbled as Kaspar spun on her heel and followed the doctor. Closing the door behind her, I turned back to the bed, stalking to the edge of the recently changed bed linen.
“Come on, little girl.” Towering over her, my tone was anything but loving. Frustration was merging with my numbing sense of impotency, making me irritable as well as concerned. “Enough of this. I have to get on that boat in the morning, and we both know it.”
My gaze flitted to the clock on my nightstand, the numbers flashing there only amplifying my unease.
“Do you hear me?” Grabbing her hand, I squeezed her fingers roughly as I perched on the bed at her side. “I bet you can.” I leaned closer, breathing in her alluring scent as I grazed a kiss on her jaw.
She was so fucking gorgeous; the sun that I had learnt to orbit around.
Why hadn’t I told her more? Why hadn’t I insisted she worship my cock in the shower even when she’d seemed consumed about proceedings with the ICC?
Nothing about the judge’s demands had changed the way I felt about her, yet I’d allowed our growing anxiety to quell our usual passions.
In that moment, a well of regret opened up inside me, threatening to suck me into the abyss any hope of ever looking into Caroline’s eyes and making love to her again.
It was true that the doctor hadn’t intimated there was anything deeply worrying about her condition, but what did he truly know?
Honestly, he hardly even seemed qualified.
Wouldn’t it be much more like the depravity of our thwarted tale thus far if the woman I loved slipped away peacefully before I even had the chance to carry out the ICC’s scheme?
I caught my breath at the paralyzing idea of losing her. What would I have in my life then except wreckage and regret?
Wouldn’t that bleak landscape be exactly what I deserved?
“Whatever this is, wake up!” Dread unfurled in my veins, making each new breath painful to inhale. “Wake up, and we’ll talk. Whatever it is, little girl, I’m here. I’ll make it better.”
Staring at her face, I half expected to see her eyes flutter open at my command, but perhaps unsurprisingly, my instructions didn’t filter past her unconsciousness.
The burgeoning sense of alarm expanded, stretching around me as though its plan was to cut off my air supply altogether.
“Caroline.” There was desperation laced in my voice as I spat out her name. “I can’t go unless I know you’re okay, but I have to go.”
Emotion caught in my throat as I articulated my quandary, forcing me to heave in another excruciating breath.
“You know I can’t leave you like this.” I wiped the pointless tears from my eyes, disgusted with myself for the futile show of feeling.
How were my fucking tears going to help her? She needed a man, not a sobbing mess.
“How the fuck has this happened?” Glancing around the suite, my brow furrowed as I tried to recollect.
Not so long before, my life had run like clockwork; everything was ordered and, I’d thought, rewarding, but looking back, I could see I hadn’t really been living at all.
I’d been going through the motions every day, repeating the same tedious sequence of events, like a dancer performing the same tired routine each day.
It had taken the devotion, and ultimately, the defiance of my little girl to order my transformation.
In a haze of lustful feelings, she’d commanded that I leave my post, insisted that I flee my country, and demanded I take us across Europe in pursuit of freedom.
How the hell had she managed to achieve all that?
Fixing my attention back on her beautiful face, the answer was blindingly obvious.
Because she loves me.
“Caroline.” I smiled sadly, sniffing back fresh tears.
No one had ever affected me that way before.
No other woman had even been close to triggering tears, and there had been few men I’d have given the time of day to, let alone given up my entire career for.
“Don’t you dare leave me. You need to wake up, little girl. ”
Leaning close, I rested my temple gently against her forehead, pleased to feel she was indeed cooler than she’d been before the doctor had called.
“If you can hear me, hear this. I don’t ever want to miss the thrill of being with you.
If anything happens to you, then there’s nothing left worth fighting for.
Let Ian have me, let him have his fucking victory.
I’ll go back over there and take whatever’s coming to me.
” Fighting back my emotions, I willed the outcome away.
“Nothing means anything without you at my side.”
For the longest time, there was no response, no sound at all, save for her regular breaths and my own tangled, throaty gasps. In those debilitating seconds, the weight of a hundred eventualities rained down over me, taunting me with their agonizing inevitability.
Caroline wasn’t going to make it. She’d been too good to be true. What we had was too good to last. I’d known that right from the start, hadn’t I? I hadn’t seriously believed that we could be together...
Why hadn’t I realized we could never have a future?
Why hadn’t I accepted that I didn’t warrant such happiness?
This is my punishment. The reality of that smashed me in the face like freezing water. Losing her is the price I have to pay for everything I’ve done.
It was then, in that dark pit of panic, that the first signs of hope met my ears. Tiny murmurs, no more than gasped mewls, morphed into a barely distinguishable whimper.
“Mmmm.”
She turned her head toward me, as if seeking the solace of my caress, and I offered it to her gladly, painting her soft cheek with gentle kisses.
“Caroline!” I seized on the progress, drawing away and shaking her softly at the shoulders. “Caroline, can you hear me?”
A crease in her otherwise flawless brow was the next indication that, God willing, she might be okay. She was waking up.
“Sir?” She sounded weary as her eyes flickered open, and I’d never been so happy to dive into those deep orbs. “Where am I?”
“In the hotel.” A torrent of relief landed over me. “We’re in the Dutch hotel, little girl. Do you remember?”
Her gaze settled on my face, the furrow in her brow deepening. “What’s wrong? You’re crying.”
“I’m fine.” I wiped my remaining tears with the heel of my hand, realizing she’d probably never seen me cry before. Hell, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt anything akin to genuine sorrow. “I’m just so happy you’re awake. How do you feel?”
She swallowed as though she, too, was unsure of the answer. “I’m okay. I have a bit of a headache, though. What happened? I don’t remember.”
“Come here.”
Tugging her into my arms, I sensed the weight of choking apprehension lift from me, and silently, I sent a prayer of gratitude into the ether.
There would be time to fill her in and have the doctor check her over before I departed, but in that instant, all there was in the world was her, and my all-consuming thankfulness that I hadn’t lost her.
That there was a chance for that sunny future she deserved.
There had probably never been any real likelihood that I’d lose her. The doctor certainly hadn’t seemed to think so, but in the chasm of her silent unconsciousness, the only surety I’d had was her slide into insentience. That suffocating sense of powerlessness had been more than I could bear.
That’s how she must have felt when I was rushed to hospital. The thought flitted to my mind. Alone, afraid, and completely helpless.
A fresh surge of sympathy rolled over me, compelling my arms to stiffen around her. Poor Caroline. She’d been through so much, and most of it had been at my hands.
“Adam.” Her hands rose into my hair and yanked at the strands. “Not too rough, please. I still feel groggy.”
“Sorry.” Relaxing my embrace, I lay her back on the covers and stretched out beside her. “I’m just so fucking happy you’re okay, and you’re mine.”
Her lips curled as she reached for my hand. “I’ll always be your little girl, Sir.”
“Always?” I should have been calling the doctor to confirm her blood pressure had returned to normal, but somehow, I wanted that moment of intimacy between us to last forever.
Curling her fingers around mine, she met my eyes as she replied.
“Always.”