Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
I walk downstairs and into the kitchen, where my dad is sitting with his second. My uncle, also Kenny’s father. You know when you enter a room and the chatter suddenly stops. Yeah, well, that just happened.
“What’s the crack?” I ask.
“Where have you been?” my father counters.
“School.” It’s five in the afternoon. Where does he think I’ve been? I’m still in the stupid fucking uniform.
“I need you to do a job tonight,” he tells me.
The arm I had reaching into the fridge for a bottle of Gatorade pauses. I haven’t been asked to do a job since we moved. Why now? “What is it?”
“We’re hitting the Italians tonight,” Dad says, and my blood goes cold.
“What do you mean by hitting? How?” I keep my face neutral. I always knew it was going to come down to choosing between her and my family. I just thought I’d have more time.
I also thought I’d be clear fucking headed when it came to my choice. The idea of going against my family has never crossed my mind before. I’ve only known Aurora for a few months. Am I really considering choosing her?
“We’re hitting their restaurants. Here’s a list. I want you to firebomb them all,” Dad says, handing me a piece of paper with five addresses on it.
“There’re gonna be people in these buildings, Da,” I tell him.
“Collateral damage,” he says. “You got a problem with the job, boy?”
“Nope.” I pocket the list. Because I’m not a fucking idiot. I know better than to question orders.
“Take Kenny with you,” my uncle adds. “He needs to start getting more involved in the family business.”
I’ve always envied how Kenny was able to stay out of the shit. I guess things are changing. I don’t think my cousin has the stomach for it, though.
“Sure.” I throw a mock salute in their direction and walk out without my fucking Gatorade. Although now I feel like I need something much stronger.
Fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to attack her family?
I dial Kenny as I jump into my car. “Hey, what’s up?” he answers.
“We have a job to do, from the boss. I’m picking you up. Where are you?”
The line goes silent for a moment. We both know what this means for him. He thought football would be his way out. I guess our fathers have other ideas. “Ah, home,” he finally answers. “What’s the job?”
“I’ll tell you when I get there.”
Thirty minutes later, I’m sitting in Kenny’s driveway and he’s staring at me. “Seriously? You’re going to do this?”
“ We are doing this. We don’t have a choice,” I remind him.
“There’s always a choice. You know she’s going to hate you when she finds out.”
“She’s not going to find out,” I grunt.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”
“Do you know what happened the first and last time I refused to do a job?” I ask my cousin, because he has no idea.
The fact he thinks there’s a choice is a joke.
I know I told Aurora something different but part of me knew it was a fantasy.
As long as my da’s alive, I have to do what he says or someone else pays the price.
“No,” Kenny says. “But seriously, Connor, she’s gonna find out.”
“No, she’s not,” I tell him. “When I tried to refuse to do a job, my father made one of my friends do it. Then he shot the kid. Point blank, in front of me, because he wasn’t family.
We don’t have a choice.” I’ve lived with Shaun’s death over my head since I was thirteen.
He thought he was doing a favor for my dad, and he was happy to do it.
And because of me, a kid is dead. I haven’t refused to do a job since.
“Okay, let’s do it.” Kenny nods.
I pull out my phone and check her location. It pings at her house, but I need to make sure she’s there with it. I also need to make sure she has no plans to go out tonight.
Me:
What are you up to tonight?
SB:
Not much. You?
Me:
Staying in. You at home? Send me tit pics.
SB:
In your dreams. I’m not sending you pics.
Three seconds later, an image of Aurora’s middle finger pops up on my screen. I scan the background. She’s in her bedroom. Good.
Me:
Not tits but I’ll take it. Talk later.
SB:
Okay.
The car rolls to a stop outside the first restaurant. “You ready?” I ask Kenny.
“Ready,” he says, reaching into the gym bag at his feet. He pulls out two glass bottles filled with gasoline and two pre-soaked rags.
“You gotta be quick. They will come at you as soon as they see you,” I tell him.
“Got it,” he replies, and I watch as he gets out of the car. Leaving the passenger-side door open.
A brick goes through the glass window. He lights up the first rag, using the flame to light the second one, and the same arm that scored him the quarterback spot on the team sets the building ablaze. Kenny runs and dives into the car. The tires screech as I pull out into traffic.
“Fuck,” he says.
I look across at him. “You good?”
“Yeah,” he huffs.
“Don’t watch the news tomorrow,” I tell him. He doesn’t need to see the number of casualties.
Two hours later, I’m back home. I text Aurora, because I need to know that she’s okay. I need to make sure she doesn’t find out it was me who attacked her family’s business.
Me:
Wanna skip school tomorrow?
SB:
Sure. I’ll have to try to ditch the detail, though. Leave it to me.
Me:
What detail?
SB:
Someone attacked the family tonight. The oldies have tightened security.
Me:
Who did it?
I know I’m a fucking ass. I should just leave her alone. I should break things off, because we’re never going to be able to be together.
SB:
No idea, but they’ll find out. They always do.
Me:
I’ll meet you in the library. We’ll go from there.
Guilt eats at my chest as I listen to Aurora talk about her family. She hasn’t said much about the attacks, just that they existed. She’s smart not to tell me anything I could take back to my dad.
I’m also not asking her questions. I don’t want to know. All I want to do is forget what I did and move on. We’re laid out on a picnic blanket under a huge-ass tree in the park. Aurora’s head resting on my shoulder, my fingers mindlessly twirling in her hair.
“Do you think we’re ever going to be more than a secret?” she says.
“Do you want to be more?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think we will be whatever we want to be. No one can stop us, Aurora. I won’t let them.” As I say the words, my parents’ faces pop into my head. I don’t know if I can stop them, but I will go down trying. I won’t let go of her, not until I’m dead.
“We can’t take on armies alone, Connor. That’s suicide.” She sighs.
“Maybe, but what’s worse? A lifetime watching each other from a distance? Getting married and having kids with other people? Building a life without each other?” I ask her. Because even though we’re young and I know it’s fast, I don’t want to see her with another fucking guy.
“I would rather watch you live a life without me than watch you die,” Aurora whispers.
“I’d rather die together,” I admit.
“Well, that’s… an idea.” She laughs.
“We could always just run away,” I suggest.
“I can’t leave my family, and you can’t leave yours. Besides, mine would find me for sure.” She sighs again. “My family isn’t bad, Connor. They aren’t bad people. I can’t break their hearts by doing something selfish.”
I close my eyes, realization hitting me hard. Aurora will never choose us over her family. She will never choose me. “Maybe we just keep being a secret for a bit longer, then. We don’t have to know all the answers right now.”
“Yeah,” she says, her voice soft.
I look up at the sky through the branches.
I don’t know how I’m going to keep her. I don’t know what our future holds, but I do know I want her and I do know I don’t want to lose her.
I send a silent prayer to God. Maybe this is the punishment for my sins.
Give me something so good and then take it away.
Make me feel the kind of pain all the casualties and their loved ones have felt over the years.
With the shit my family does to make money, I wouldn’t blame him. It disgusts me most days. But they are my family. I can’t say they’re good people, though, not like Aurora can. Because I’m not blind. I know what they are. They’re monsters, just like me.
My arm wraps around her tighter, holding her closer to me. “We should go.”
“I’m not ready.”
Yeah, me either. Something in the pit of my stomach tells me that the other shoe is about to drop and neither of us is going to survive the fall.
My mind is whirling with scenarios, trying to come up with a game plan, and I keep coming up empty. I just don’t see how it’s possible. Our families are never going to let us be together. Honestly, I’m surprised we’ve lasted this long without being caught.
“Have you told your parents you’re not planning on going to college?” I ask.
“No.” Aurora snorts. “That’s not an argument I’m looking forward to having.”
“Do you really think they’re going to force you? If you tell them you just aren’t interested in academics, they’ll understand, right?”
“Everyone in my family is great at their chosen career. It’s almost like I’m failing as a Valentino if I don’t figure out what I’m good at.”
“You’re good at plenty of things, Aurora. You just need to figure out what you want to do.”
“I’m good at the things I’m not supposed to do,” she says.
“Like stabbing innocent guys with pens?”
“You were putting your slimy fingers up my skirt, and you got off light. I could have just cut your whole hand off.”
“Every mob family needs a good enforcer. Just tell ?em you’re their latest recruit.” I laugh.
“I wish.”
“I was joking. Find something else, babe. I don’t want you touching other dudes all day.”
“Even if it is draining them of their blood?”
“Ever thought about opening a café? A bookshop? You could go into modeling,” I suggest. “Scratch that. I don’t want people staring at you more than they already do.”
“Maybe I’ll just figure it out later. Today, I want to be an ordinary girl on a date with an extremely hot guy she sorta likes,” Aurora says, sitting up on her elbows.
“You think I’m hot?” I run a hand down the front of my body.
Aurora rolls her eyes. “Don’t fish for compliments. It’s not very charming, Charming .”