10. Gray
I would sayI was going to Hell, but I had already lived there for centuries. However, I was definitely going to be sent some place to rot after this life for my misdeeds, though.
Devil take me, I wanted Mébh.
Had I not left her when I did, I really couldn’t be certain how far things would have gone. My cock pulsed within the less than comfortable confines of my wet jeans, and my lips still tingled from her kiss.
I had been able to resist joining in on her shower show the last time she played this game. But I was not so successful this time, and I was furious with myself for it. I fell victim to my own damned urges, the demon monster that I was, despite knowing it was a damned trap. I had scented her arousal and practically came running, not caring in the least I was in the middle of changing clothes.
When I saw her hand stroking her clit this time, I had to feast between her legs, and fuck, her taste was incredible. Like nothing and nobody before her. Then she grabbed my horns, and I nearly lost my damn mind.
Her scream as she came had been my reward for a job well done, and her lips had been so sweet. But then the dark demon within demanded more. Kissing wasn’t enough. I wanted all of her. That’s when more of my missing memories began flashing behind my eyes.
A group of demons wearing badges in an assortment of colors—signifying the various regions they belonged to—were standing around a large, circular table with a map of Shoal on it. Lethe was among them, and her sash was green. I still didn’t remember the significance of each color specifically. Then came a tableau of Lethe commanding me to find and kill a rogue demon who lived in Portland to keep Cassius from finding a way into Shoal, but I refused at first, not wanting to kill an innocent on an off chance. She clearly had erased my memory and forced me to do the deed. Next was Lucifer and I sharing a meal like casual friends. The fuck? Then the Archangel Michael was standing with his arms crossed, having just delivered the Lord’s message of warning to me. Figured he sent Michael with our history. The message was in regard to keeping the demons of Shoal in check. Why would that be my responsibility?
I cared little about the memories at that moment, only Mébh, and pushing her away was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But it was for the best.
I stood, heaving, my wet clothing dripping on the wood floor in my bedroom. I fervently wished for the gym back at my Portland apartment to work off my frustration. I was pissed at Lethe. I was pissed at myself and my lack of self-control. I was pissed at the little vixen for teasing me so.
Stomping to the closet, I pawed around until I found what I was looking for: two dumbbells. I began racking out biceps curls while trying to think.
I couldn’t let this happen again.
I had to keep her at arm’s length.
I would help her get information on what happened to her mother, that was all, and then figure out where she wanted to part ways amicably.
In the meantime, there would be no more tantalizing tastes.
She was off limits.
It was as simple as that.
When I took her out into the city, it would be to simply show her a few of the touristy sights nearby. As much as I disliked the idea of being caught again by Nicodemus—you never knew when some supernatural would nark—I also didn’t trust myself alone with her cooped up in this apartment after what just happened. We were going out to get her food and show her a bit of the area—that was it. Like she had yelled at me, I would be there to protect her from harm, or more like protect her from getting herself into more trouble.
My mind shifted to sifting through the memories that had returned as I started a set of lat lifts. Lethe at a table with six other individuals; it looked like a big meeting of some sort, but I knew little else about it. Lethe had me do her dirty work, so it was no surprise to me when I remembered a demon I’d been forced to off. The memory of dining with Lucifer had me confused as fuck. He ruled his own dimension, so what did he have in common with me that he would care to meet about? But it did inform me the devil himself might be friend vs foe. Perhaps that’s when I met Felix? Who knew? Finally, the memory of the Archangel Michael and his cryptic warning about keeping the demons in check. Why would that be my responsibility? It made no sense. Plus, I still had no idea why or how Lethe infiltrated my mind in the first place. It would take more time to unravel what happened. And more returned memories.
The memories were returning at weird times. Was kissing Mébh a trigger or something, since twice now memories had returned in direct correlation to that. Were these just coincidences? I was a fallen angel, and I’d served the Lord for hundreds of years, so I didn’t believe in coincidences. Things always happened for a reason. But I also needed more memories to return to truly unravel everything that had happened to me.
Feeling somewhat calmer in my hardened resolve, and with a plan of action in place, I set the weights down. I grabbed a change of clothing from the stocked closet. Peeling the damp jeans off, I quickly switched into my de facto uniform: fresh jeans, a flannel shirt over a sweatshirt with a hood to hide my horns, and boots.
I’d sent a message, a demonic means of communication only visible to the recipient, to Felix shortly after Mébh had disappeared to go get ready. I’d inquired about Mébh’s mother. I had not heard back from him yet, but I wasn’t expecting info right away. The Luciferian demon would have to do some digging if he was even willing to look into this for me.
That left plenty of time to show Mébh a few places around Westminster, and it was dangerous to admit to myself just how excited I was to be her tour guide. Or maybe I just wanted to see her face light up with excitement. It was fast becoming my drug, and I was struggling more and more to fight it. I recalled a few supernatural bars and shops, but I planned to steer clear of them—less chance of getting recognized. We would stick with touristy stuff.
I strode out of my bedroom, down the hallway, and heard Mébh’s sharp inhale as I passed the bathroom. Pausing, I glanced over my shoulder at her. She had been brushing out her long black hair, and the scent of forest and raspberries engulfed me first, but there was a distinct sour smell underlying it. Mébh was wearing a pair of black leggings that conformed to her body like a second skin, and a navy sweater that hung off one shoulder. Black pirate boots completed the look. My cock twitched behind my zipper, reminding me just how pathetically hung up I was on her, and that while she had come in the shower, I had not.
But that sour Hellfire scent prevailed.
“Are those Lethe’s clothes?” I asked with a slight growl. I wasn’t angry over her using them; however, I disliked her sweet scent being masked by the Hell-based smell of a female I hated so fucking much.
Mébh grabbed a bottle of perfume from the counter and sprayed it. The peachy scent did little to help. “Yes. It’s her stuff. She won’t be using it,” she replied. I agreed with her there. “I tried to hide her rancid smell with the perfume, but it doesn’t seem to be working.”
No, it was not.
But at least it would serve as a deterrent in helping me keep my hands to myself.
I had to resist her.
“Are you ready to go?” I asked, pulling my hood up to cover my horns and changing the subject.
“Yeah!” she yelled excitedly and raised her fist to punch the air. “Let’s go see London!”
Ten minutes later, we were walking down the street toward Westminster Abbey. Mébh was jittery with uncontrolled excitement. Her head swiveled this way and that, taking in everything as we walked. I had to drag her out of the way several times to keep her from accidentally crashing into signs, light posts, and passersby. She was utterly enamored, and we hadn’t even reached anything really special yet. But then I tried to put myself in her shoes for a moment. To be young and seeing this city for the first time. My first time was back when it was called Londinium in Roman times. The brothels had been legendary even back then. Surely having lived only amongst the pack for eighteen years meant seeing this massive city was eye opening.
Her innocent excitement was contagious. I found myself smiling when she pointed out something new for her and was awestruck by it. Like the mailboxes having monarchs’ initials on them, the driving on the other side of the road, and the tube station entrance in the middle of the sidewalk.
I walked us toward food first. She needed to eat, and there was nothing better in London than fresh fish and chips. There was a little stand at the end of the block that served the best.
“I don’t know about pizza,” I said as I stopped us at the entrance to the shop, “but London has the best fish and chips on the planet.” I held the door open for her and caught her scent as she walked by me. The darkness rumbled within me, desiring her.
Her eyes took in the little shop that was nothing more than a counter and a standing bar to eat at. I ordered, and we shuffled to a spot at the bar. Within minutes, two baskets of piping hot, deep-fried food arrived, and Mébh’s eyes were opened to the greatness of English fish and chips.
She took one bite and sighed. “I am not usually one for fish, and maybe I am just really hungry, but this is fantastic!”
I hid my grin by taking another bite of my own food. “I am glad.”
We finished our meal and were off walking down the street again on the abnormally dry winter day. We passed two e-scooters on the sidewalk, the kind you rent to ride, and Mébh stopped dead.
“I’ve seen these on TikTok.”
“On what?” I asked, very confused. Was she talking about a clock?
“TikTok, it’s a social media platform, you crypt keeper.” She looked at me with eyebrows raised incredulously, like I was the weirdo for not knowing. “Can we rent them and go for a ride? Please, Gray?”
It was my turn to raise my brow at her. “You think one of those flimsy little things will hold me up? I am a bit larger than a human, remember.”
“I’m sure it will work! Just give it a try.”
If the thing could take my weight, we could cover more ground touring the city this way. I gazed heavenward, seeking patience as I knelt down next to the damned thing. They were all over Portland, so I was familiar with the design. I pulled my wallet out and grabbed a credit card—the one I’d found in my nightstand in the flat. A few buttons later, and I had the thing rented. Praying it would hold my weight, I stepped onto it with one foot. The thing held. I lifted my other foot slightly, putting all my weight on the one on the scooter. It creaked ominously but held.
“I knew it would!” Mébh gloated, raising a fist in the air.
I ignored her as I fed the credit card into the other scooter to rent it for her.
Nothing prepared me for the sheer joy of Mébh’s face when she tried that damned scooter for the first time. She rode it down the block and squealed with glee the entire way. I’d never seen such joy from something so arbitrary, and damn if it wasn’t intoxicating as shit.
I followed her down to the end of the block and from there, the tour began. Mébh led the way, scootering down the sidewalk and doing her best to avoid pedestrians, some of which I smelled were supernatural. Her ass looked so fine in those leggings, and I rather enjoyed following behind her, but I did bark out directions every now and then, or had us stop and look at something.
What was initially supposed to be a small tour turned into something a lot larger. In the Westminster area, we checked out Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, and the Houses of Parliament, of course. From there, we held onto the scooters as I misted us to Kensington Palace, Hyde Park, Buckingham Palace, Piccadilly, the Tower of London, and St. Paul’s Cathedral. We scootered around each as I told stories about when I remembered these places being added to the London landscape. I’d been to London a lot apparently; it seemed to be somewhat of an escape, or a prime place to get English pussy.
I ignored the many stares of the human passersby. Having my hood up on a clear day was causing many odd looks, but I was used to it. By evening, I had exhausted my list of facts and locations around the city, and the sun was beginning to go down. We grabbed paninis from a shop outside Victoria Park back in Westminster. The scooters had finally been abandoned, and we ended up walking to the Thames, where we perched on the railing, ate, and watched the sun go down as the river flowed by.
The riverfront was beautiful in the fading sunlight. There was a light breeze that carried a winter chill in the air, but the warm food made up for it. I ended up standing in the breeze, specifically in front of Mébh, in order to block the chill for her. I found myself doing more and more caring things like that. But I also couldn’t stop.
Despite the fading colors in the sky, I only had eyes for Mébh.
She watched the sky with such intensity and barely looked at the river, oddly enough. She did everything with an intensity, and I was finding I liked that about her. Where I had felt listless for who knew how long, this tiny female was helping me see the beauty in the simplest things again. Like riding a scooter or watching a sunset.
“My sister always watched the sunset with me in summer, when it got dark late, after her dinner shift. It was my favorite part of the day when I was little because she listened to me talk about my day.” She looked away from the sky and up at me. “Thank you for showing me around London today, Gray. It’s been the best day of my life.”
That spot in my chest ached in answer, and I struggled not to scratch at it. I wanted to give her more best days, but I was still a broken demon with half a tarnished soul. She was this amazing, bright creature whom I desperately wanted to not be broken for. But I was. “You’re welcome, Mébh. It was my pleasure.”
We stood there silently together, watching the last of the sun disappear and the night settle in fully. Darkness surrounded us, save for the streetlights lining the path and park behind us. It was a new moon, so no moon decorated the sky.
She had grown up being raised by her sister. She didn’t know either of her parents. My backstory was not so different from hers. “I understand growing up without parents,” I offered, seeking to comfort her. “Traditionally angels are not raised by our parents. I never knew mine. I never knew if I had any siblings, either.”
She turned her sad, multicolored eyes on me. “I guess we both never knew our parents then.” She sighed. “Why are angels not raised by their parents?”
I shrugged. “It’s not the way. The Lord orders two angels to procreate, and it’s done. The child is raised with all the others and indoctrinated from day one for their future vocation.” Which was all true; my parents had never made themselves known to me. “I grew up as a slave in the system, indoctrinated like the rest of them. A perfect little angel for the Lord. Until I questioned orders, refused to carry them out, and accidentally grew a very human free will. That was my downfall.”
“So you refused to carry out orders? Why? And you grew free will and were punished for it?”
“Basically yes. I was once a high-ranking angel in the Lord’s army. I worked under the Archangel Michael, but commanded my own angelic legion of troops. The Lord’s chosen humans were the Israelites, but he put them through a bunch of crap in the desert after finally freeing them from slavery in Egypt. I didn’t agree with the command to leave them to toil. I had my legion stay behind and keep an eye on them.”
“Why did the Lord command you to leave them in the first place?”
“I don’t know. Something about a golden calf and not having enough faith.” I shook my head. “I found myself reflecting on my whole existence after that and realized I’d grown the ability to question and not just blindly do. I’d somehow developed free will.”
“That’s not something angels just have?”
“Nope. We are trained to be good little followers.”
“And the Lord cast you out for that?”
I smirked. “Well, that and because that’s when I discovered sex. That led to more shirking of my duties. But I finally felt alive, even if briefly during those moments of passion.”
“You didn’t feel alive before?”
“No, life was robotic until I discovered sex.”
We fell into silence again, both watching the quiet river flow.
“Lethe had a brother,” Mébh said offhandedly.
“What are you talking about?” I snapped as I was harshly brought back to reality, and I looked at her with confusion.
“Lethe had a picture set in her room of her as a child before she fell and another teenage male. It said ‘Till we meet again’ and was signed ‘Aiden’ on the back.”
“Lethe was a rare case, and I believe it contributed to her fall. She was raised by her parents, but her father was a maniac, who believed angels—and then after he fell, demonkind—deserved to rule humanity. He fell and took his young daughter down with him, having infused her from an early age with his beliefs. She never mentioned a mother or brother that I remember, but I assume they were not cast out like she and her father were, hence the picture.”
“Why did her parents—or at least dad—raise her?”
“It was their choice,” I said bitterly, only slightly jealous. But then again, if I didn’t know my parents, I didn’t have to worry about disappointing anyone for having fallen. There was no family getting torn apart when there wasn’t one to begin with.
She fell silent for a few more minutes, seeming to be lost in thought before she spoke again. “My sister struggled to raise me alone, and I hated seeing it. Hated being such a difficult burden on her. She was an omega—she couldn’t shift until she found her mate recently. Some of the pack, mainly the previous Alpha, bullied her because of her lack of wolf.”
“That’s terrible.”
She growled and nodded in agreement. “It’s why I wanted to protect her. But she has Nikos for that now.”
“Her mate?”
“Yes.”
“And what do you want now, Mébh?” I asked, curious as to what she would say.
She looked away, pursing her lips. “I don’t want to go back to the pack. I don’t really have a place there anymore since Molly left.”
“You have friends, though? Packmates and your cousin Faelen?”
“Yeah, but I want to see more of the world and the other dimensions. I really want to find out what happened to my mother. She left the pack for a reason, and risking death as a lone wolf had to have been worth it. I want to know why.”
I would do my best to help her find out what had happened. After that, I had no idea. Even with Nicodemus watching Polaris headquarters, I would find a way to return her to her sister if that’s where she wanted to go. If she didn’t want to return to her pack, perhaps she didn’t belong there anymore. But she had to stay connected somehow; werewolves needed a pack.
I shook myself from my wayward thoughts. Where she belonged wasn’t my business. If I wasn’t claiming her, then it didn’t matter where she went.
But it did.
The little thing was growing on me. Possessive instincts ruled. She was mine. But I couldn’t keep her.
My mind was at war. The little she-wolf had me so kinked up I couldn’t think straight. “I am sure Felix will have a report soon on your mother. Then we might have a direction to look at least.”
She nodded. “Thank you, Gray.”
We went back to our pleasant silence as we watched a ship bob along the Thames.
As if on cue, flaming words scrolled out before me—demonic communication only I could see. Felix was messaging, but it wasn’t with regard to Mébh’s mother. It was a warning.
N is coming.
Nicodemus had found me.
“We need to move—now!” I snapped.
Mébh, who had not been privy to the message from Felix, tensed up immediately. “What? Why? What’s happening?”
“Felix warned me. The demons are coming. We have to go.” The stench of Hellfire crept into my nose, and I had a direction. “That way, now!” I pointed to the left, away from the Houses of Parliament where the scent was coming from.
Mébh didn’t hesitate; she took off, likely having caught the scent of Hellfire when I did. I refused to mist us back to the flat, and risk having the tracker follow us. My goal was to get us far enough away and mist so the tracker didn’t know where we left from, and, hopefully, couldn’t find the signature to follow.
I nearly tripped as an arrow thumped into my back near my shoulder and pain exploded.
“Fuck!” I yelled, forced to slow down, my body betraying me. I crumpled to my knees before I realized the arrow had to have a spell on it. That was the only way I was weakening this fast.
Mébh was at my side instantly.
“You need to keep running!” I gritted out.
“Let me get it.”
My vision swam, Mébh’s beautiful face distorting. “Leave me, you must get away.”
She grabbed hold of the shaft—really, the flights were all that was visible. The arrow practically went all the way through me. She reared back and smacked the back of the shaft with all her might, sending the arrowhead tearing through the skin on my chest.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I snarled.
She ignored me, grabbed the arrowhead, and snapped it off. Then she grabbed the shaft from behind and pulled it free. With the arrow and its magic gone, my body began healing the wound, and I instantly felt a return of my strength.
I stared at Mébh in awe. She had known exactly what to do, and she had not let her Wolf get in her way.
“Thank you,” I stammered.
“Don’t thank me just yet. We have company incoming.” She grabbed my good arm and helped pull me up just as four armored demons with green sashes came into view, and Nicodemus himself, who held the bow and arrow. The deer-horned demon with mist-tracking abilities was nowhere in sight.
“How the fuck did you find me, Nic?” I threw at him angrily.
The big demon glowered harder at me, if that was even possible. His lip curled back from a fang in a snarling half smile. “London is covered in video surveillance. It was only too easy to track you down when you paraded yourself all over like a beacon.”
Fuck.
Just what I had feared. Only technology had been the nark, not an actual supernatural. I didn’t even know some cities were using such surveillance. Portland didn’t have the same level of recording devices, obviously, or he would have found me there months ago. However, I couldn’t bring myself to be sorry about renting those damned scooters and showing Mébh all around the city.
Nicodemus’s gift of persuasion prickled inside my mind. The word “stay” was whispered, and I was rooted to the spot. I fought the hold he had over me but was unsuccessful in breaking away.
“I hope those video cameras got my good side,” Mébh snapped sarcastically, and the persuasion locking me in place shattered thanks to her distraction.
Nicodemus snarled angrily and then cued his minions to attack.
Four demons advanced. Three went for me, one for Mébh.
I was immediately wrestled to the ground and lost sight of her. Throwing a well-timed punch to the jaw under a helmet with my good arm, I knocked one of the demons out cold. A second I sent flying into the river with a roundhouse kick. I was larger and stronger than them, even injured, before I shifted—even Nicodemus couldn’t match my strength. My power crackled as my demonic shift began lengthening my claws, fangs, and horns. My body took on muscle, growing stronger still.
Mébh was showing signs of her Wolf, both her gold and blue eyes glowing, claws and fangs out, but unlike before, she wasn’t shifting fully—she was fighting. She was still in control, not her Wolf surprisingly.
The little thing had launched herself at her attacker, dug her claws into his throat, and started tearing. The male’s scream abruptly cut off as she ended him, and I didn’t think I could be more proud of her.
I rounded on the third demon pursuing me, knocked his sword aside, and then practically tore his head from his body with my bare hands and a snarl.
Nicodemus was looking at Mébh curiously, and my blood ran cold. “This is the same female you left Polaris with.”
The demonic monster within reared up with renewed fury. Nicodemus would never be allowed to touch what was mine.
“I’ve never seen you with the same girl twice, Gray. She’s something special, isn’t she?” he asked, his silver eyes now twinkling. I could see the wheels turning in his mind.
He took a step closer to her, and I snarled in warning.
“She is, isn’t she?”
He knew she was mine and my worst fears were about to come to life. If he got his hands on her, he would hurt her and use it against me. That wasn’t happening.
I roared and charged the demon, catching him off guard. Crashing into him, I sent him flying and then reached out for Mébh. She lunged for me, and the second our hands connected, I did the only thing I could to protect her: I misted us away.