Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
BONTE
It’s been a full week since everything went down.
My dad is doing a whole lot better. He slept the first two days.
Eros and I stayed in the room across from the one he was in.
Then two days ago, he was moving around more, so we all went back to Z and Cosima’s home.
War and Tova said we could stay as long as we needed, but I feel more at home here.
As much as Eros watches over me, I do really love how Cosima dotes and fusses over me. I never had any form of a mother in my life. My dad didn’t date. At least not in front of me. I’m sure he could have. The man had a whole other life I didn’t know about.
"You know, there really is no rush for you and Eros to leave. In fact, I think it would be silly. You still have school to finish out," Cosima says, taking a sip of her tea. Eros and I came down to have a late breakfast, and Cosima joined us.
He leans over from beside me to get a clear view of his mom. "You think I can't take my girl to school?"
"I didn't say that. Has she ever been to your home in the city?" She doesn't give us a chance to answer before she's doing it herself. "I think not."
"Is it a velvet-covered bachelor pad with a rotation circle bed?"
"That actually might make it more homey." Cosima says.
"It's not that bad." Eros sounds defensive.
"It's bare and sterile. Cold too."
"I'll turn the heat up," he counters. "Besides, it's a nice clean slate for Bonte to do with as she pleases. I don't care what's in it. It doesn't matter."
"Clearly, because nothing is in it." The two are bouncing back and forth.
"Is this an ongoing issue between you two?"
"Yes."
"No." They both speak at the same time.
"Yes, it is. I have tried to liven the place up."
"Mom, no one goes there. It's functional." Now I'm really curious to see this place.
“I want to see it,” I say. “I don’t even know where it is.”
“She should stay here while you revamp it.” They both keep going.
“The place is a year old. I had the whole thing done. It was a total gut.” Cosima narrows her eyes on Eros.
“He’s trying to steal you away and lock you up in his fancy warehouse.” I mean, that’s not shocking. Eros stealing me away is kind of our thing.
“Warehouse?” I didn’t know warehouses could be fancy.
“Yes.” Cosima jumps all over that. “Right next to the river. It has a smell, you know. Terrible, really.”
“There is no smell,” Eros tells me. Tears start to sting at my eyes.
“Yes, the smell will make you want to cry.” Cosima tucks a piece of hair behind her ear smugly. I really do adore her. The ways she goes about getting what she’s after are priceless and have taught Nix way too many tools to use.
“Mom!” Eros scolds. “Hey.” He grips my chin to turn my face toward his.
“It’s nothing,” I tell him with a sniffle.
“She’s not used to having people fight over her. She’ll get used to it.” Cosima stands from the table, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. “I’ll be happy with whatever. As long as you are happy,” Cosima tells me.
“What about me?”
Cosima ignores Eros, but he really wasn’t asking a question.
“You’re always more than welcome here.”
“Thank you,” I tell her before she grabs her plate, heading into the kitchen.
“We really haven’t talked about what’s next.” Eros says.
“Whatever you want can be next.” I puff out a breath. That gives too many options, and it’s overwhelming.
“Yeah, I don’t know.”
“You like to draw and write.”
“I do.” I showed him a few of my things. “But I meant with life. I guess I will go back to school? What about my identity? Do I change my name now? Where will we actually live?” I drop back in my chair, overwhelmed by everything.
“And?” He prompts me to go on.
“And all the things. It’s a lot. What about you?” I eye him up teasingly. “Don’t you have a job or something?”
“I do. Is my job a problem?” I turn slightly in my chair, wanting to face him.
“You thought I would have a problem with it?”
“No, but I want you to know that you have a say in the way we live our lives.”
“That’s sweet, but only if you’re good with it.
So am I. I kind of like that you’re in the family business.
It really keeps everyone close.” The Marino family might not live by what others consider the moral or lawful way, but it doesn’t matter what outsiders think about them.
They only care about what the others think.
They are loyal to their core and truly take care of their own.
“The family business.” He lets out a low chuckle.
“I will say, I won’t be going into my family's business."
“If that’s what you want, but if you did, I would help.”
“Shut up.” I laugh, smacking him on the chest.
“We don’t have to figure anything out right now.”
“I like the idea.” Before, I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and I didn’t let myself plan for it.
I was always worried that it could be ripped away from me, so it felt pointless.
Things are different now. I can plan and think years in the future.
“There is one area I do want to find resolution and what the future might be with them.”
Eros nods. “It is time you spoke with your father.”
I haven't pushed him much, and he has filled in details of the mess that was the two FBI agents and how they all came to be tangled together.
War says it’s all been cleaned up. He can’t erase The Collector from people’s minds, but there are options. Both Z and War laid them out, and my father will need to pick from them. I have been putting off speaking with him, scared of what his choice will be.
Eros heads upstairs with me to my father's room. I knock on the door.
“Come in,” he calls out. Eros gives my hand a squeeze before letting it go so I can enter alone.
“Hey,” I say. He’s sitting by the fireplace, a book in his hand.
“Join me?” He pats the seat next to his. “I know you’ve been avoiding this conversation, and it’s past due.”
I sit down next to him.
“You know I’m sorry.” I do know that. “I should have stopped, and I could give you a million reasons why I felt I needed to keep doing it, but I won’t.”
I already know the reasons. He likes to kill, and he also wanted the money from those kills. The people he offed might have had it coming, but it still turned our lives upside down. The money was useless when we couldn’t have each other.
“I’ve missed you terribly. It didn’t matter that you were close.” He takes my hand in his. “You are the only person I have ever cared for, and I’ll do whatever it takes to be able to stay in your life somehow.”
“You’d stop killing?”
“If you asked.”
“You can’t stay here and be killing random people.”
“Random?”
“You know what I mean.”
“If you want me to stop, then I will.” He says it so easily, without hesitation.
“I want you to stop.”
“It’s done.” I reach up and brush a piece of graying hair off his forehead. He’s due for a cut. I’ve dreamed of this moment. Of him choosing me over himself. It’s as though I can breathe a little easier now.
“Then you can stay. Z is going to see about getting you a new identity and whatever that all entails. Are you okay with that?”
“It’s hard to take handouts from people, but I will so that I can stay close to you, Bonte. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do if you simply asked.” He sounds a lot like Eros. I suppose they do have more than a few things in common. It might be what I’m drawn to.
“It’s more of a handout to me. They’re doing it for Eros and me.”
“They’re doing it for you because they know their son won’t let you go, and if you did leave, he’d follow.”
"They are good people, and they will be my family one day, and if what you're saying is all true about stopping and staying here, then they'll be yours too."
"I know. War, Z, Ronan, and Eros already had a conversation with me." I try to read his expression, but I can't. I’m not shocked by this in the least. Eros is very protective of me.
"You don't think it would be nice to have a family? One that's bigger than only us?"
"I want to see you happy." His eyes soften at the corners, revealing the lines that have formed since I last saw him all those years ago. “And I see that they not only make you happy, but they will also protect you.” His lips pull up on one side. “Even from me, sweetheart.”
I swipe at the tear that escapes. It’s been so long since he’s called me that.
“I won’t need protection from you.”
“You won’t. I have more than learned my lesson.”
“I love you.” I lean over, hugging him.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” He kisses my cheek. “Don’t fret over me. It will all get worked out.” I trust that it will.
I pull my legs up into my seat and reminisce with him, even telling him about Eros. I'm not sure how long we talk, maybe a few hours before he starts to grow tired and needs to take another round of pain meds.
I help him over to the bed and make sure he's settled before I step out into the hallway where Eros has been lingering.
“He’s staying,” I tell him.
“I know.”
“He already told you?”
Eros pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “No, but I knew he’d choose you. Who wouldn’t?” His expression lets me know he really thinks everyone on planet Earth would pick me. I didn’t know this kind of love was real.
I don’t think you can have that deep of an adoration for a person who doesn’t have a darkness inside of them. Knowing they’d cross any line for you, no matter the cost, as long as that cost isn’t you.
The dark isn’t so scary anymore. I see now that I'm a lure to it, giving me all the control I would ever need.
For so long I have worried if that darkness lived inside me, but now I realize it's all around me, and I need it as much as it needs me.
There is no denying that when I see what a simple touch from me can do to Eros.
I reach up now and cup his cheek. He leans into it.
He always does, like a moth to the flame.
Only I can ever burn him, but I never will.
“I think now that we all know where everyone stands, it might be time for my punishment.” I smirk, more than ready for my spanking, because I too need Eros's touch.