Chapter Twenty-One
A cool breeze blew gently through the gardens, bowing the heads of the grasses and flowers that surrounded Tanitha. She closed her eyes for a moment, simply enjoying the sensation. The sun had long since set, and she’d meant to go inside, already spent from many hours of practicing, but the simple peace of the garden had lulled her into staying. She’d settled beneath the willow tree nearest the gently trickling waters that flowed through the gardens, watching the stars from between its branches. It was strange to think how much this place had at first felt like a prison to her, with how beautiful it seemed to her now.
Motion caught her eye, a quick flitting shadow of a hawk blotting out the stars for a bare second as it swooped overhead. Tanitha’s heart leapt, and she sat up as she undid her kaftan’s sash. Reluctant as she was to don the blindfold, she’d long since come to look forward to her nightly conversations with her host, to his company and his guidance on her studies. She could tolerate temporary sightlessness as the price of that.
Though she did find herself intensely wishing that she knew his name.
She felt a quick flare of elemental energy as he landed and shifted form some ten feet in front of her, and she froze, keeping her gaze down; she hadn’t yet put the blindfold on.
“It’s all right,” he said to her, though there was something unusually subdued in his voice that put her immediately on alert. “It’s dark enough that isn’t necessary. No, don’t stand,” he said, when she started to rise. He sighed softly. “May I join you?”
“Of course,” she said, surprised, and also rather pleased at the prospect despite her discomfiture at his manner. She sat very still as he approached, still keeping her gaze on the ground.
He sat beside her, close enough that she could have touched him if she reached out. She clasped her hands tightly together on her lap as he settled, still wary of looking at him despite the darkness and her own immense curiosity. In the corner of her vision, she could just make out his outline, the strong set of his muscled shoulders and the sharp lines of his wings, dark even against the night sky behind him. She quickly turned her gaze forward again.
“Is everything all right, my lord?” she asked after a moment of quiet stretched between them. Was something wrong in the city? Or had he perhaps learned something about whatever danger it was that faced her?
“Yes, everything is fine,” he said, though there was still an odd note in his voice, as if he was suppressing some feeling or other. “I’m glad you’re still awake. There’s something I need to discuss with you.”
She sat up a little straighter. “Yes?” she asked.
“I think…” He trailed off for a second, then said, “I think it’s time to send you to Sarthen.”
Tanitha stilled in surprise. “My lord?”
“I’ve been selfish in keeping you here like this for this long,” he said, his cadence slow and reluctant. “I could have sent you already. I should have. But…” He trailed off. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I have your documents for travel. You’ll be able to leave in two days.”
“…Oh.” Slowly, Tanitha settled back. She’d be leaving soon? Shouldn’t she feel… well, something ? Excited, or maybe even elated at the prospect? He’d kept his word, finding a way for her to leave this place. A way for her to be safe, a way that opened opportunities she’d never dreamed of, no less. But she didn’t feel excited. All she felt was a peculiar sort of dull discontent, bordering on melancholy.
“Is something wrong?” he asked. There was a gentle concern in his voice, one that pained her heart. “I promise, I’ll do everything I can to smooth your path. You won’t struggle.”
“I…” Ashen Halls, what was wrong with her? She couldn’t seem to come up with a coherent sentence, or even to assign the right words to what she was feeling. Sadness, regret? At what? There was a life waiting for her where she didn’t have to be afraid, didn’t have to live trapped and isolated. A life where she’d have a measure of control over her own fate, a life that couldn’t simply be torn away from her at the whim of an unknown enemy.
Why, why did she feel so painfully reluctant to pursue that?
She cleared her throat. “My lord… what did you mean a moment ago?” she asked. He didn’t respond immediately, and she elaborated, “When you said that you’d been selfish keeping me here?”
The silence dragged. “I’ve enjoyed watching you learn,” he said at last. “You have such incredible potential, and you take such joy in even small things. It’s…” He cleared his throat. “I’ve enjoyed watching you learn, and… I’ll miss that.”
She waited, but it didn’t seem he meant to continue. Nonetheless, she didn’t think he’d said what he really wanted to. Or maybe, she thought, he just hadn’t said what she so badly wanted to hear.
“Is that all?” she asked softly. “You’ll miss teaching me?”
He gave a short, pained laugh. “What I’ve been doing barely rates being called teaching, Tanitha. You’ve been incredible. You’re so intuitive, and there’s a strength in you that I think is just barely beginning to wake. I might have set you on a path, but I haven’t helped you walk it. You’ve done that yourself.”
He paused, and she heard him shift his weight on the grass beside her, turning to look at her more directly. She kept her own gaze on the ground. The garden was very quiet; even the sounds of night insects and the faint breeze that swayed the drooping limbs of the willow tree seemed loud against the stillness.
“But… no,” he continued finally, a faint roughness of emotion coloring his voice. “Of course not. Of course it’s not the only thing I’ll miss.”
Tanitha dearly wished that she could see his face, see what emotion was shining in his eyes, but even if she’d dared to look at him directly, the darkness of the night was deep and impenetrable to that sort of detail. He laid a hand on hers. The touch sent warmth radiating out through her body, and she wrapped her fingers around his.
“It will be two more days,” he said. She swallowed, knowing there was something she wanted to say, needed to say, but her mind was frustratingly blank of words. “I’ve arranged passage for you already,” he continued. “You’ll be in Sarthen soon, and after that… after that you’ll be safe, and able to do as you will.”
“Will I see you again?” she asked. The words came almost of their own volition— she hadn’t consciously decided to ask that, but the moment she had, her whole body was tense with the need to hear the answer. “In Sarthen,” she said, her heart pounding, though she fought to keep her voice calm. “Is there a way you could visit me?”
There was a long silence. “I don’t know,” he said at last. “I wouldn’t be able to do that without you seeing my face and learning my name. And that isn’t safe for either of us.”
Her heart, already aching, felt even heavier. “You saved my life,” she said softly. “And I can never see you again?”
He was silent for a long moment. “I think it’s likely that we’ll meet again,” he said. “You’re going to be remarkable. Your destiny will bring you back to the Shadowborn City one day. I’m sure of it.” He let out a soft sigh, then gave her hand a squeeze that felt all too much like a farewell. “Let’s go back inside,” he said quietly. “You’ll need to rest well before your journey.” He started to pull away.
Tanitha caught his hand tight in hers, and he went still, probably in surprise. “I…” Her heart was pounding so hard that it hurt to breathe. “I don’t want to wait for someday ,” she said past the lump in her throat. She took a stiff breath. “I don’t want to leave like this,” she managed. “As if we’re just strangers who mean nothing to each other. That hasn’t been true since the very beginning, even if I didn’t know it. You’ve told me enough for me to understand that you took a risk in saving me. You didn’t have to. You didn’t have any reason to do that except that you looked at me and you thought that my life meant something. ”
He reached over, taking her other hand. There was a tension in his grip that startled her, and for the first time, she wondered if he had been battling the same desires that she had been trying to resist since coming here.
Tears pricked at her eyes, and she fought to keep the emotion from her voice, but failed. “Please,” she whispered. “Being here… it’s meant something, too. Don’t send me away with no promise that we’ll be able to meet again.”
“Tanitha…” The sound of her name in his voice made her blood quicken. “Our fates are connected. I can’t tell you why I’m so certain of that, but I am. We will meet again.”
She almost pulled away in frustration, but couldn’t make herself separate their hands, not when it seemed that if she did, it might be final.
“When?” she asked. “What if…” She trailed off, unable to continue. What if the next time they met, he’d found someone else? One of his own kind, someone who was far better suited to him?
What if, between now and someday, she accepted how impossible it was for them to be together?
She couldn’t stand the thought, but neither could she put it into words. Instead, she ran her right hand up his arm, to his shoulder. Her fingertips grazed the base of his right wing, and a small shiver darted through his muscles. Her heart pounding, she lightly ran her hand along his neck, and then to the side of his face. He’d gone almost impossibly still, though his grip on her left hand tightened. She rested her hand there, her fingertips light against his chiseled cheekbones, the heel of her palm resting against his strong jaw. His left hand was tense, almost painful in how tightly he gripped hers.
“Please,” she said softly. “Please don’t just send me away like this.”
With a strength and suddenness that startled a cry out of her, he released her left hand and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her toward him in a single fluid motion. His lips pressed against hers, their softness belied by the force with which he held her and the hunger in the kiss. She surged forward as well, getting up on her knees and throwing a hand around his neck to pull him in even closer. The muscles of his back rippled beneath her arm as he tightened his grip on her, his right hand twining through her hair. His tongue traced her lips, and she ran her hands through the soft waves of his hair, reveling in the sensation.
He dropped his right hand to her knee, sliding upward along her thigh beneath the silk fabric of her kaftan. Her back arched in anticipation, the movement momentarily breaking the kiss as a gasp broke from her.
Abruptly, he pulled back, though she could still feel the heaviness of his breathing in the flex of muscles beneath the hand on his shoulder, could still feel the heat of desire radiating off of him.
“Tanitha,” he said, his voice rough with need and desire. “Talk to me,” he said. His breathing was deep but quick. “Tell me— tell me that you want this.”
If she hadn’t been so desperate for him to keep touching her, she might have laughed— she thought she’d been abundantly clear. Still, she forced herself to take a shivering breath, trying desperately to order her thoughts despite how badly she wanted to abandon logic and reason.
“Do you truly mean to send me away?” she asked, a hitch in her voice. For as badly as she wanted this, wanted him, she knew how much worse the pain would be if she gave in now only to leave him.
He made a quiet noise of frustration. “I don’t… I don’t want to,” he said. Her heart, still aching, lifted at that. “I want you to stay. I want to be with you.”
“Then find a way,” she said, her heart pounding. “Find a way we can be together.” She caught his left hand, wrapping it briefly in her own before placing it firmly on her thigh, on the place that had gone cool when he’d pulled back. It warmed again quickly, her skin tingling at the touch. She laid her hand on his chest, the feeling of his muscles under her palm stoking her desire yet higher.
“Because I want you as well,” she said, her throat so tight that she could barely manage the words. “More than anything.”
He laid one hand against her cheek, then pressed his forehead to hers, the motion so gentle and yet so devastatingly full of intimacy and desire that tears came to her eyes. And then, suddenly, he surged forward, his hand on her thigh sliding up to her waist. He drew her forcefully close, kissing her again, deeper this time. His tongue slid over hers, and a noise of pleasure escaped her.
The hand at her waist supporting her, he bore her quickly down to the ground. She could feel the tension of the muscles of his calves and thighs on either side of her hips as he straddled her. Desperate not to miss an instant of the feeling of his lips on hers, she propped herself up on her elbows. The cool grass swept over the bare skin of her back. Crouching over her, he caressed the side of her face again, then kissed her fiercely. His hand slid back, tangling in her hair. Slowly, still kissing her, he undid the clasp of the broach holding the fabric of the dress in place, and a shiver ran over her as the silken garment slid over her breasts, pooling at her waist. Cool air rushed over her bare skin, but an instant later, she felt his hand cupping her breast, his thumb gently circling her nipple. A moan escaped her, and he kissed her deeper. She arched her back, torn between reveling in the heat rolling through her in waves and desperately wanting, needing, him to do more.
He suddenly caught her hands in his, pulling them forward so that she lost the support of her elbows, and she let out a startled gasp as she fell back. He changed position, his weight bearing her down, his muscular chest pressed against her breasts. She pulled her wrists free from his hands and ran one through his hair while simultaneously pulling him closer to deepen their kiss. With her other, she found the base of his right wing near his shoulder blade. Slowly, she ran a caressing hand over it, the feathers smooth and soft beneath her fingertips. A shiver ran through him at her touch, and he shifted his weight slightly, now fully atop her. His shaft was hard and heavy against her thigh, even through the cloth of her dress. The obvious proof of his arousal sent hers even higher, her chest rising and falling quickly with each breath. He continued to kiss her, twining her hair through his fingers.
Suddenly, he rolled off of her, and before she could protest his withdrawal, he caught her waist, pulling her onto her side. He tore the remaining fabric of the dress away from her, and somehow he must have removed his own clothing as well, because the next moment she could feel his bare thigh against hers. She flung her leg over his, twining their bodies together as his hand slid between her legs. A gasp escaped her as he began to explore her most intimate parts, his touch strong and yet incredibly gentle in its persistence. Her back arched again with the pleasure of it as he slowly began to increase the speed of his attentions, kissing her all the while. He wrapped his other arm tight around her body, holding them so close together that she could feel his heartbeat against hers. His hand slid deeper between her legs, and she began to buck, whimpers of pleasure escaping her. He stifled them with another kiss, his grip around her still powerful and firm despite the unbridled pleasure that sent her writhing against him. Abruptly it was too much, the tension in every muscle in her body reaching a breaking point, and she threw herself back, a strangled cry of exultation tearing from her throat. She gasped, tears of joy and release dampening her cheeks.
He slowed the motion of his hand, and with his other, he cradled the back of her head. The night was dark, too dark to make anything out beyond his outline, but the light of the stars still shone behind him. She reached up to place a hand against the side of his face, feeling his high, noble cheekbones and his strong jawline. He leaned in to kiss her once more, still cradling her head in one hand. She wound her hands through his hair, holding him there, and without breaking the kiss, he swung his leg over hers to straddle her once more. His wings draped to either side of her, forming a shelter between them and the world.
Desperate for more, she let go of his hair to seize his hips, but he preempted her, and she let out a cry as he thrust himself inside her, the sudden rush sending such a surge of sensation through her that she fell back, sparks dancing across her vision. He began to move his hips, the motion sending wave after wave of almost unbearable heat through her blood. She moved her hips in tandem with his, tears streaming from the sensation of finally, finally joining with him. Slowly, he increased his speed, holding her shoulders tightly, each thrust sending passion coursing through her. Her cries of pleasure rang out through the night, and he increased his speed further until she thought she couldn’t bear the tension rising in her body one second longer. Her back arched as a choked cry forced itself from her, and he let out a shout of pleasure and release at the moment that she finally fell back against the cool grass, her whole body trembling.
He moved off of her, the feathers of one wingtip trailing across her body with the motion, the sensation sending another shudder of pleasure over her. She could barely even respond as he gathered her in his arms, kissing her forehead as he lay beside her, running his free hand over the length of her body in near-worshipful admiration. She curled against the hard muscles of his chest, residual trembles of pleasure running through her as she trailed her fingertips across his skin. Still breathless from pleasure himself, he kissed her again and again, holding her firmly against him deep into the night.