Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
A delaide was becoming a little too settled.
She had thought that no night with Michael could ever be better than when they had conceived Mabel, but she was wrong.
The first night between them here at Mandrake Hall was better than anything she had ever experienced.
He had told her that he loved her, yes, but she hadn’t realized the true depths of what he felt until he had worshipped her entire body. She had felt it in the way he touched her, the way he kissed her, the very way he said her name.
She wished she could say the words in turn, and it truly felt that her body was saying it for her, but she couldn’t put voice to it. If she admitted to him how she truly felt, how could she walk away from him when this was all over?
She did have the option of staying. Of telling him how she felt. Of marrying him, growing a family with him. She had been over this time and again, but it always came back to the fact that she knew she would not be happy as the wife of a nobleman, no matter what she felt for him. She hated society events, but the alternative of staying home behind closed doors when she was the type of person who loved being around others would also be sure to bring her back to her lowest point.
To give everything to him would mean to deny herself, which she couldn’t do in good conscience, for it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.
She knew she shouldn’t have asked him to give her part of himself. It was selfish, as she had admitted to him, but she had felt so lonely, had given in to the part of her that recognized his soul as belonging to hers.
And she had enjoyed being cherished by him.
After their coming together, they had lain in each other’s embrace for a few moments until she had heard Mabel’s cry. She had jumped up to soothe the baby, though she knew this wasn’t the end.
He had followed her into the room, had placed her wrapper around her shoulders, and she had welcomed him to sleep next to her in her bed that night.
His was soiled, after all.
The next few days passed in near-perfect bliss as they had forgotten the outside world and had instead focused on themselves. They’d played with Mabel, taken walks around the grounds, enjoyed meals, and had visited one another’s bedrooms every night.
Adelaide knew that Dot and Edward would soon arrive, and as much as she had been looking forward to it, now she wished they had more time alone.
“What are you thinking about?” Michael asked, looking over at Adelaide. The sunlight struck the hard planes of his face, highlighting its flawlessness. He had told her that she was perfect, but the truth was, he was such a fine specimen of a man that she wasn’t sure how she had gotten so lucky to call him hers – even if it was just for a time.
“I am thinking about how much I have enjoyed myself with you,” she said with a small smile.
“I feel the same,” he said.
“Have you heard from Dot and Edward?”
“No,” he said, his smile faltering momentarily. “I imagine they will just arrive without any warning.”
At his words, the rumbling of wheels against the gravel reached them, and they turned together to see a cloud of dust coming down the road.
“Well, we must have spoken them into existence,” Adelaide said, forcing a smile as though she was pleased about the turn of events.
“I’ve enjoyed our time together, Addi,” Michael said, ignoring the incoming relatives. “I know you would like to go your own way after this, and I understand why. But can we not try to find a way forward – together?”
Her heart leapt at the idea, even as her mind told her to calm herself.
“I have enjoyed this time, too, Michael,” she said, unable to meet his gaze. “I just do not see how we can be true to ourselves and be together. Your life is so different from mine.”
“It is,” he agreed. “But does that mean we cannot find a compromise?”
“I cannot return to your life in London,” she said, her voice just above a whisper as she wrapped her arms around Mabel, who was snug and fast asleep in the carrier in front of her. “It would take my very soul away from me.”
“Then what is it that you want? Your inn?”
She raised her eyes to his, surprised that he remembered. She had mentioned it once but would never have thought he would have recalled it after all this time.
“Well, yes, I suppose,” she said. “But that is in Tunbridge Wells. What kind of life would that be for you?”
“It would be a life with my family,” he said with a shrug.
“You are much more yourself with the people in your own class.”
“I might be different. But I am happier with you,” he countered. “And I can be myself with anyone around me, no matter who they are or where they come from. Besides, what is holding me in London?”
“There is Edward, Dot, and the life you have built for yourself.”
“A life of what?” he scoffed. “Of society events? Gambling? Drinking? That does not appeal to me anymore.”
“A life running an inn is not at all what a man raised in the noble set would be used to,” she argued. “There would not be servants seeing to your every need. You would not have anyone doing the more menial tasks you have never considered. It might sound fine in theory, but in practicality, would you be able to handle that? I am sure after a time it would become as boring to you as your drinking and gambling have.”
His face hardened at her words. “Do you truly think so little of me?”
“I do not think little of you, Michael,” she said, her stomach turning that he would think that she didn’t respect him. “I am only being sensible. It would be better for us to break things off early, before we fall too far.”
“It’s too late for that,” he said grimly, as they turned the bend and the manor came towering up before them. “I should go greet Edward and Dot,” he said, the harmony between them vanished.
“Would you like me to come with you?” she asked.
He turned to face her, his lips set in a line, and when he answered, she knew that he was responding to far more than her simple question about this moment in time.
“You can do whatever you’d like, Adelaide,” he said. “As is always the case.”
She swallowed hard, taking a step back at the pain in his eyes, knowing that she had put it there.
“I might take another loop around with Mabel,” she said. “To keep her sleeping.”
“Of course,” he said with a curt nod, and before she could say anything else, he disappeared toward the house, his steps hard and unrelenting, his body tightly coiled in the anger she knew he would never release upon her but that she felt all the same.
She stepped backward frantically, nearly tripping over her feet before she rushed away as fast as she could, unable to watch him any longer, knowing that he took her heart with him as he walked away.
She fought back the tears that threatened to blind her as she retraced their steps. She had been enjoying her time with him so much that she had foolishly thought she could forget the world around them and focus on these few days together. She had, of course, been wrong. No matter how much she tried to run, she had to face her problems head-on, or they would continue to shadow her every move.
Did that mean she should return to London, tell the authorities what she knew, and turn Jack in? She had tried to handle this herself, but she had managed to run away from him and the truth. Maybe it was time to do what she should have done from the start – ask for help from those who could put him away for good, even if it meant she was putting herself at risk.
She sighed, kicking a rock as she rounded the bend in the path toward the lake in the corner of the property. It was at the bottom of a valley, and she turned her gaze skyward, wondering if she should venture up to explore the hill. Maybe it would offer the most beautiful view, she determined. Maybe it could tell her what direction she should take in her own life.
She turned, about to rise, startled when a strange shadow from the treeline beyond caught her attention.
“Is someone there?” she asked, loud enough to be heard but not so loud that she would wake the sleeping baby.
When the man stepped out into the path, her stomach dropped at his appearance.
“Adelaide,” he said with a growl, his dark eyes threatening. “You can run for a time, but you cannot run forever.”
She squared her shoulders, refusing to allow him to see her fear.
“Jack,” she said. “This is unexpected.”
Michael knew he had bungled that exchange.
In the recesses of his mind, he was aware that this was a brief reprieve from the rest of their lives, but the present had returned so suddenly that he had been taken by surprise and he had lashed out. But what was he supposed to do? He wanted Adelaide to remain in his life with such desperation that it was hard not to allow that emotion any space.
Even walking away from her to return to the house was difficult for him. How was he supposed to walk out of her life forever? Or even for months at a time?
He had been considering coming with her to run the inn for so long that it had hurt more than he’d like to admit just how dismissive she was of the idea, though she was right. He was not used to looking after himself. Even when he had lived alone in his apartment, he had a valet who saw to his needs and a maid who cleaned daily.
But he could learn, in the same way he was learning to be a father.
Adelaide was pushing him away for deeper reasons. He simply didn’t know what they were just yet.
He entered the manor through the library doors, walking through the house to the front entrance.
“Edward?” he called out. “Dot?”
When he reached the grand front foyer, he saw a man standing at the door, though his identity was blocked by the butler.
When the servant stepped to the side, all the blood drained from Michael’s face.
“My lord, I was just coming to find you, to announce your visitor,” he said, holding out the unnecessary calling card to Michael. “Lord Gregory has arrived.”