Chapter 15
Yalina
As soon as I enter my rooms, I look around, hopeful my visitor from earlier has returned. But if he is here, he is hiding from sight.
I do not know how to feel about my interaction with Aurelion. Have I given him too much encouragement? Or not enough? Perhaps I should have let him kiss me. Is it bad that I am curious about how it would feel to kiss another man?
A gentle play of air around my ankles alerts me to his presence before he speaks.
I spin, and the tall, handsome creature is once again standing in my rooms, dressed only in tight leather trousers.
His skin is an unearthly pale blue, his features chiseled as if carved from stone.
But there’s a lively, winsome quality to his movements that makes him seem unpredictable.
“You came.”
“I said that I would.” He says this as if that makes it so. Perhaps it does. The thought of a male who keeps strictly to his word has appeal.
I smile. “Thank you. What shall I call you?”
Something passes across his serious expression—surprise? Unease? It is gone in a moment. “You may call me Jah’ruud, Light of the Sun. That is how you are addressed, is it not?”
“It is.” I am a little disappointed he will not use my real name. But it is for the best. Perhaps I should be wary of him until I understand his motives a little better. “Can we talk?”
He inclines his head. “I may be limited in what I can say.”
“Because you serve Noreth?”
“Yes.” His tone is cold. I wonder if he has much love for the prince he serves.
“I understand. Your loyalty is to be commended. Would you sit with me a little while, though?”
He glances at the twin seats arranged by the window where I sometimes take tea.
I’ve never had a visitor to share my tea with, but the flask is in the usual place, resting in a bowl of cool water.
I pour a cup and offer it to Jah’ruud, who declines.
He sits, though awkwardly, as if he was not expecting to be asked. “What would you have me tell you?”
“What kind of creature are you? How can you turn yourself into the very air?”
“I am a wind spirit.”
“How did you come to serve Prince Noreth?”
His expression darkens. “He is not the first I’ve served. I was bound many rotations ago and forced to serve.”
I gasp. “Then you are his slave?”
“I am.”
“But you were not always a slave.”
He sighs. “Once I was free. So long ago that I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like.”
“That is terrible. And here I am complaining because I must choose a man to marry.”
“You do not wish to marry?”
I laugh. “I do not wish to be bound to someone who will control me.”
“Hmm. It is a situation you should avoid at all costs. Would you have my advice?”
“Gladly.”
“Then I would tell you to choose the one with whom you can be most free. Or better yet, do not choose at all.” He stands, pacing the room as if he is unable to keep still.
I smile ruefully. “If only that was an option.”
“Why must you marry? Why choose a male who does not deserve you, who would not serve you loyally—” He breaks off as he draws close to my chair. His expression is intense, but in a moment he covers it up and turns away again.
“Can you ever be free again?” I ask him softly.
He spins. When he answers, his voice is choked. “I—” He sighs. “I cannot speak of that. Not with you.”
“With Noreth?”
He nods.
“Then I will ask him.”
“No! Please do not mention to him that we have spoken.”
“Would he be angry?”
“Perhaps.” He shrugs. “Perhaps I wish to keep my secrets. They are the only thing I truly own.”
It’s like this wind spirit has seen straight into my heart. I blink back tears, sudden, unexpected. “Can we talk again?”
“I would like that.”
There’s a pause then. I wish I could ask him more, but I do not wish to distress him. Finally I sigh. “If only I knew what to do.”
“You will know. Your heart will tell you.”
“Will it? Why can’t I hear it?”
He smiles. “You need more time?”
“I do, but both Noreth and Aurelion will not be kept waiting long. I sense that much. How long before it comes to blows with the two of them here both courting me at once?”
Jah’ruud gives me a thoughtful look. “Perhaps you can use that rivalry to your advantage. Why not have them both compete to impress you and choose the one who pleases you most?”
“Can I do that?” I whisper, smiling to myself at the thought.
“Are you not a queen?”
“Solhara? Not until I am married. For now I am only solha.”
“Then you should do whatever you wish. And let them grow used to it now.”
I grin. “Yes. I should, shouldn’t I? I shall have a husband competition and teach them both how to please me.” I’m so excited I jump out of my chair and rush to find the little notebook and quill pen I keep handy so I can begin making a list. “What shall I have them do?”
There’s a rush of air and Jah’ruud appears behind me, looking over my shoulder.
“They could write me love poems or bring me gifts, I suppose. They could duel to see who is stronger.”
His breath tickles my neck as he replies. “But will those things make you happy?”
I sigh. “No.”
“What do you want your husband to do to make you happy?”
I flush, thinking of the intimacies I shared with Kaelun in his tower room. If Noreth truly is Kaelun then I know he has that covered, but he is the only man I’ve ever been with. Perhaps I would enjoy such things with Aurelion as well.
Jah’ruud’s low chuckle sends a shiver down my spine. “You should make sure to test them thoroughly before you commit yourself.”
I inhale sharply. “Can wind spirits read minds?”
“We cannot. But in my experience, hearts are easier. Hearts spill themselves into the air around. They are too great to be contained.”
It’s wild and stupid. But there is no one else I can talk to about this. “Do you… take wives and husbands? Do you…” I trail off, unable to find a word I’m happy with.
“Share pleasure? Fall in love?”
I turn and find him much closer to me than I had thought.
I have to tilt my head back to look up into his imposing face.
His skin is not hot like Aurelion’s, but mine is more than hot enough to make up for that.
There’s a tingle at the back of my neck and one low in my belly which I can’t fathom.
“We can. Or some of us can. Though I may give pleasure now, I cannot fall in love. Not until I am free.”
So mournful and so wise. There’s a large helping of anger I hear in his voice as well, but beneath the anger, do I hear hope?
It makes me so sad that this beautiful creature is trapped by whatever curse bound him to Noreth.
If Noreth really is the man I remember, I find it hard to reconcile this information with what I thought he was.
But perhaps we never truly know another person.
“Then we must find a way to make you free. Everyone should know love.”
He reaches up, and there’s the softest brush of cool against my cheek as he cups my face. “No, Solha, you worry about your own freedom and let me worry about mine. In the end I have learned you cannot rely on anyone else. Least of all me.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
He steps back, and I reach up too late to place my hand over his, touching only my own cheek instead.
“I must go.”
“Do not go.”
“I cannot stay.” He is already fading into mist.
“Please. Will you come back tomorrow?”
“I should not.”
It’s not an answer. I watch in despair as he fades completely, and the rush of air against my legs tells me he has left.
The tears well up stronger than before he found me crying earlier, and I throw myself onto the bed. I’m so lonely. I cannot talk to anyone in the palace.
Perhaps this is why the law says a solhara must have her solharan and vice versa. To rule alone is too awful. I only hope I can choose a man I can trust, who will support me in my duties and be an ear to listen without taking over.
Not for the first time, I miss my father and distantly my mother too, though her memory has faded to a face and a smile and not much more. I wish I had arms to hold me and someone who could look into my face and see me for who I truly am.
When the tears have cried themselves out, I get up and wipe my face and get out my notebook. Then I start making a list of all the things a husband should be and do. I will find a way to test Noreth and Aurelion until I am sure who I should choose.