Chapter 16 #2
“I’m so proud of you for leaving him, Boo,” Slade said to her. “I just wish I’d fucking been there for you that day. I can’t stand the thought that he was hurting you all that time and I didn’t even fucking know. I didn’t protect you from that. I never protected you.”
There was such pain in his voice that it actually hurt her.
“It wasn’t bad the entire time I was with him.
When we were dating, he was kind. He treated me well.
I never saw any sign that he could be violent.
It wasn’t until after I’d been living with him around a month that he cracked.
At first, it was verbal. He’d tear me down.
Tell me everything I’d done wrong. Any failure of his was mine.
Then it moved on to him pinning me down or shoving me around.
And he was always so apologetic after. I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did.
I thought I was tougher. I thought I was smarter. ”
“You are tough and smart,” Spencer told her.
“Yeah? Then why did it take me so long to leave him?”
“You left him eventually,” Spencer said to her.
“And we should have helped you,” Slade said. “I told you that I would always be there for you. That you were mine. And I turned you away, leaving you unprotected and he found you.”
Slade gazed down at her, heartache in his eyes. The intense look in his eyes stole her breath. It stole her words.
Shit.
“Indie?” Spencer said, sounding alarmed. “Guys, she’s not breathing. She looks scared.”
This time even Rock looked at her. But she was spiraling too much to take him in.
“Indie, take a breath, love,” Spencer urged.
“Indie! Boo, it’s all right. We won’t fuck up again like that. I promise,” Slade told her.
You can’t afford to believe him.
“Breathe, Indie,” Quaid said in a stern voice. “Take a breath in. Let it out. Slowly. And again.”
Fuck.
Why did that work? Why did her body listen to him ?
“That’s a good girl,” he added as she took a shaky breath.
A shiver ran through her. Why did she like having his approval so much? His praise?
She shouldn’t want it.
Spencer was standing again, hovering over her while Slade had moved closer, taking her hand in his. She didn’t try to pull her hand away. She let him comfort her.
Just for a moment.
Her emotions were a mess.
And she was so freaking tired. Exhausted.
“I’m so sorry, Indie,” Slade told her, sounding broken. “So fucking sorry.”
She nodded. She guessed he was. But it felt like too little too late. Still, she didn’t want any more conflict right now.
“It’s all right,” she said even though it wasn’t.
Urgh. Why was she always trying to make other people better? This was part of the reason she’d gotten into this mess with Billy. She’d never wanted to upset or anger him. So she’d always given in to him.
“Don’t do that,” Slade growled at her, making her stare at him in surprise.
“Do not lie to us. Do not say something is okay when it’s not.
What we did, throwing you out like that, it’s not okay.
And it never will be. And you’re not fine.
I know you say shit like that so people won’t feel sorry for you.
So that you won’t be an inconvenience. But screw that shit.
I’m not taking it any longer. You’re not fine.
You were beaten. I don’t know the extent of your injuries but from the way you’re moving I’m guessing you’ve got at least one cracked rib.
You’re probably covered in bruises. Some of them more easy to see than others.
” His gaze went straight to her neck where she knew there were marks from Billy trying to choke her.
Slade swallowed and the tattoo that went up the side of his neck moved. That tattoo was a new one. He’d started getting them as soon as he’d turned eighteen. But, at first, it had only been on his chest and back. Over the years it had moved to his arms and now it was on his neck .
“You are not an inconvenience,” Spencer told her. “And you do not need to try and make us feel better. This is our penance. And I will never forget any of this.”
“Take a piece of us, Indie,” Quaid said. “Take your blood. Revenge.”
Revenge?
If she was going to get revenge it would be on Billy. But she didn’t have the energy for any of this.
“I’m too broken for this. I don’t have the strength. I’m out of energy. Do you get that? I’ve been beaten down. Over and over by Billy. And I’m not just talking physically. Getting knocked around was actually the easier part to handle.”
Spencer made another of those pain-filled noises that she really couldn’t stand.
“No, don’t stop,” Slade told her in a tight voice. “Don’t stop because this hurts us. How we feel does not fucking matter. This is all about you, Boo.”
To her shock, Slade’s eyes were glassy. She didn’t think she’d ever actually seen him cry.
Her own eyes filled with tears. “I can’t do this. I can’t. I don’t know how. I’m so scared. I’m so fucking scared.”
She wasn’t entirely sure what scared her more. The idea of Billy finding her again . . .
Or of trusting these men and having them fail her once more. Reject and hurt her.
Although she knew what her top fear was. And it was the thing she had to focus on now.
Her baby.
The baby might be Billy’s, but he’d never have anything to do with it. This was her baby. And it was innocent of any wrongdoing. So she was going to protect it with everything she had. Slade sat on the side of the bed slowly, leaning forward to cup her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Boo. I will never forgive myself. But I will do whatever it takes to protect you from now on.”
“I wish I could believe you, but I can’t. I just can’t. ”
Stay calm.
She attempted to numb herself as Slade drew closer, hugging her lightly.
The only way she could get through this was if she protected herself.
“I think you better all leave,” she said, glancing out the window. It was getting dark, it would be dinner time soon. “I need to get some rest.”
To her shock, Slade just nodded. “You look exhausted, Boo. Like you could sleep for a week.”
More like a year. But a week would be a good start.
A funny feeling developed in her stomach as they all started to move.
God.
She was being ridiculous.
Indie wanted them to go. Heck, she’d been the one to tell them to go. Yet the fact that they were leaving without even a protest . . . yeah, it upset her.
I don’t want to be alone.
Well, you won’t have to be if you go to Escana.
Sure, Maggie made it sound like her guys would be happy to move here if needed. But that wasn’t fair if they had jobs and lives in Escana.
What was she going to do?
A small whimper left her mouth and immediately she pressed her lips together.
That was freaking embarrassing.
They all froze and turned to look at her.
Shit.