Chapter 23
H is phone buzzed and Quaid quickly put the weights down before swiping it up.
Fuck.
He closed his eyes. Thank fuck he was alone because if Slade or Rock had just seen how quickly he’d grabbed his phone, they’d know he was full of bullshit.
That he couldn’t stand not knowing everything about their girl.
She must hate you.
He’d been so fucking cruel to her. That was who he was, though, right?
He’d been raised to be this way.
Unfeeling and cold.
To do whatever was necessary to protect his family.
But Indie was the heart of that family, she always had been. And he’d torn the heart out and stomped on it.
So now he had to ensure that the others got their heart back. Even if he had to live without it .
Spencer: The doctor is due in an hour. Indie seems to think she’ll get to go home today. She’s still so fucking pale and fragile. I don’t know if she should be allowed to leave.
Quaid sat on the weights bench. He was in their private gym, trying to exorcise some of his demons. He hadn’t slept at all last night.
Quaid: Wait and hear what the doctor says.
Shit.
Why did he answer so quickly? He blamed it on his lack of sleep.
Slade: Let us know what he says immediately and we’ll start making arrangements in case she needs to stay.
Rock: How is she?
Spencer: Physically? Like I said, she looks worn and fragile. Emotionally? Breakable. Totally fucking breakable and I hate it. I want her home with us, she doesn’t rest well here. She has nightmares. I’m not sure if she’s even aware of them.
Quaid put his phone down carefully before turning to the punching bag.
He smacked his fist straight into it without bothering with a glove or tape.
The pain slammed into his knuckles and up his arm. But he didn’t give a fuck.
She. Had. Nightmares.
Smack. Smack. Smack .
“Jesus! Fuck! Stop!”
He was barely aware of Slade grabbing hold of him, tearing him away from the bag. Of the other man pushing him up against the wall.
Quaid breathed in deeply. The pain in his hand was immense, but he deserved it.
That and much, much more.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Slade roared. “Are you trying to break your hand?”
“Let me go,” Quaid seethed. “Now.” He slammed his hands against the other man’s shoulders, shoving him back.
Slade can’t have been expecting it since he actually went back a few steps. That gave him all that he needed. He stepped forward and drew his fist back.
It didn’t register that this was his best friend and not a threat. Not his father.
He was lost in a red haze. Sent back into a dark place by being pushed against the wall and pinned.
No one was ever going to pin him again.
“Wait, Quaid, I’m not fighting you!”
But he was too far gone to register who was talking. It could be a trick. His hand smacked into his attacker’s face. Pain shot through him and he nearly gasped.
However, he knew better than to make any noise. Making noise while being hurt was weak.
So he drew back his fist again. He couldn’t allow this person to get away with thinking they could throw him around.
Never again.
Suddenly, someone slammed into him, taking him to the ground with a groan.
What the fuck?
“Rock! He didn’t mean it! I triggered him!” Slade said urgently.
Quaid pushed at the heavy weight on top of him. Fuck. Where was his knife? He knew better than to be without his knife.
Why didn’t he have it ?
Wait . . . he didn’t have it because he didn’t need it.
The haze began to dissipate and his thoughts became clearer. He didn’t need it because he was safe. In his home. With his two best friends.
One of whom he’d just fucking punched in the face.
Quaid forced himself to go limp even though his heart was still racing, his body ready to fight.
To conquer.
To win.
“I’m back now. You can get off me,” he told Rock.
The other man hesitated, which Quaid understood, then he rolled off him.
Quaid got to his feet, staring over at Slade who must have gotten one of the ice packs from the small freezer they had down here in the gym.
He should probably apologize for that. “Sorry.”
Slade shook his head. Probably because of that lame apology.
“No, you shouldn’t be sorry. I’m the one who should apologize to you,” Slade said to him. “I triggered you.”
That was no excuse. He was no longer a boy at the mercy of his abusive father. He was a grown man.
This is why you’re better off living alone.
What if this had happened while Indie was around?
“I’ll pack my bags.” He moved toward the door.
“Rock!” Slade barked and Rock stepped in front of the door.
But Rock almost seemed torn as he looked from him to Slade.
“Get out of my way,” Quaid said coolly. He couldn’t believe that he’d lost himself like that.
That hadn’t happened in years.
It had to be due to everything that had happened with Indie. It had stirred up old memories.
And fears.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Slade said. “Not if you’re going to use this as an excuse to leave. ”
Rock crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Quaid.
Do not get angry.
You are an iceberg. Cold. Impenetrable.
“I am not a prisoner here. And you can’t force me to stay.”
“Still going to be a coward, huh?” Slade said.
He swung around to his best friend. “I told you, I’m thinking of her!”
“Right. Because this affects Indie . . . how?” Slade asked.
“What if that happened around her?”
“Well, since it only happens if you’re threatened and physically pinned down, and Indie is a good foot shorter and at least a hundred pounds lighter than you, I think she’s safe. Also, that’s the first time that’s happened in years. And it was my fault.”
Quaid glared at him. “Your fault that I punched you in the face? What an idiotic thing to say. It shows a clearly unbalanced mind and lack of control. Two things that you shouldn’t want around your girl. You cannot trust me with her.”
“There is no one that I would trust more with our girl than you, Quaid.”
Quaid made a scoffing noise. What fucking lies. Spencer was the safest out of all of them.
However, Slade just gave him a firm look. “The reason I trust you the most is that I know with you around nothing will touch her. And that once you decide she’s yours, you’ll guard her with everything in you.”
So would the others.
And look what had happened . . . he hadn’t guarded her from Billy, had he?
“I also know the reason you were so harsh with her is because you were hurt. Because you don’t trust easily and you trusted Indie. This time, we all show her that no matter what we will listen to her and believe her. No. Matter. What.”
Quaid breathed in and out. Long breaths. In and out. They were nice words but he still didn’t believe in them. Or himself .
“You can keep your distance but when Indie’s back in fighting form, I’m pretty sure that she won’t stand for that. Let’s all go get dressed. We have to be on the same page when it comes to convincing our girl to come home with us. And she is our girl. All of ours.”