Chapter 31
L eaning down, Spencer kissed the top of her head. Then he turned, grasping hold of her chin and gently tilting her head back.
For a moment she actually thought he was going to kiss her.
But that was silly.
He simply stared down at her. “Why were you eating ice cream in the middle of the night? A craving? Or were you hungry?”
“I . . . both?” she replied.
“I wish you’d woken me up. I don’t like you wandering around on your own.”
Why? Her temper rose. “Why? Because you think I’d snoop around and steal something?”
She stood and her chair flung back, falling onto the floor.
Indie winced. Shit. She hoped that she hadn’t damaged it.
“Sorry!” she said, reaching down to pick it up. But somehow, Slade got there first. How had he moved so quickly?
And did they all think she was a snoop? Was she not allowed to have free rein of the penthouse?
Go numb .
She pulled that blanket around herself, drawing herself away from them mentally and emotionally.
Spencer picked the chair up, pushing it to one side. When Spencer stood, his face filled with . . . with devastation?
Shit.
She had to resist the urge to comfort him, keeping her face blank.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Spencer told her. “I never once thought you were spying on us. I know that . . . that . . . fucker forced you to let him in here and drugged you while he stole everything.”
Indie held onto her blanket of numbness. But just. Spencer looked so upset that her control was starting to slip.
“I never want you to think that I don’t believe you. That I don’t trust you. Okay? I don’t want you wandering around on your own because you just got out of the hospital. Because that bastard beat you and you’re pregnant. That’s all.”
Shit.
Spencer’s caretaker mode was in overdrive at the moment.
“I’m feeling a lot better,” she told him. “And I wasn’t actually alone. Rock was with me.”
“What?” Spencer turned to Rock and she tensed. Should she have told him that? Maybe he’d get upset with Rock?
Then Spencer’s tension eased out of him. “Good. That’s good. You took care of her?”
Rock nodded slowly.
Spencer grinned. “Well, why didn’t you both say so, huh?”
Seriously. How did his moods switch so easily? It was giving her whiplash.
“Although you did get up and dressed on your own this morning,” Spencer said. “You shouldn’t have done that.” He waggled a finger at her. “You’re supposed to ring the bell or call out for me when you need to get out of bed.”
Good lord. He was taking this a bit far. “I was fine. I’ve gotten up plenty of times on my own. ”
His eyes widened. Uh-oh. She just remembered that he didn’t know that.
“Are you saying you’ve been getting up on your own without me?” he asked in a quiet voice.
“Uh, that is exactly what I’m saying.”
“That’s against the rules.”
Her temper stirred again, pushing aside the last vestiges of numbness. Indie didn’t want to think about the fact that it was getting harder to keep herself apart from them.
“Spencer Hensley, I am not ringing that bell every time I need to pee,” she huffed at him.
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned in. “You’re in big trouble.”
“I am not!”
How could she be in trouble?
“You broke the rules,” Spencer sang.
“No spanking,” Rock said.
No spanking?
That was a bummer.
Um, wait, no it wasn’t. She was against spankings!
“Not now, no,” Slade said. “But we need a naughty notebook.”
What the heck was that?
“Uh, no we don’t,” she said. Because she wanted nothing to do with something called a naughty notebook.
“Breaking the rules has consequences, Boo,” Slade told her, his gaze intense. “And you broke the rules.”
Well, they’d broken her heart.
Urgh. Your heart? Really?
“We know we’ve broken rules too,” Spencer said. “And you can punish us however you like. You should. Although I don’t think you’ll be able to punish us as much as we are punishing ourselves.”
Rock grunted as though in agreement and she could feel their pain. Their self-loathing.
And that’s when the last bit of anger she was holding onto faded away. She had to let it go. It wasn’t healthy for anyone to keep holding onto it.
“I know,” she said. “But I also know that I don’t I need a naughty notebook.”
“Oh, you definitely need a naughty notebook,” Slade said to her with a small grin. “I’m sure this won’t be the first time you misbehave while you’re pregnant.”
She should protest, but she was too busy trying to hide how their words were affecting her.
Because she was certain they’d take one look at her face and see how turned on she was by all this talk of rules and punishments.
Urgh. Sometimes she wondered if there was actually something wrong with her.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m a good girl.”
They all snorted.
Rude.
“Well, this porridge is cold. I’ll go get you some more and you can have it in bed,” Spencer said.
“No. I’m not going back to bed.” She was putting her foot down. “I need to go and see Benito. My old boss.”
“Why do you need to do that?” Slade asked.
The smooth tone should have warned her to be careful how she answered, but she wasn’t paying enough attention.
“He really wants to talk to me about my job and I’d rather speak to him in person.”
“Your job?” Spencer asked. “Why would you need to discuss your job?”
“I need to talk to him about whether he can hold it open for me for another week or two until I’m moving around more freely.”
“That would only matter if you were going back to that job,” Slade told her. “Which you are not.”
She stared around at the three of them. “I need a job.”
“Why?” Spencer said.
“Uh, for the obvious reason,” she told him. “I need money. Do you know how expensive a baby is? I need diapers and clothes and a cot and a pram and I’ll need money to live once the baby comes.” Thinking about everything she had to do was overwhelming and she rubbed at her forehead. “There’s a lot.”
Spencer sat on her chair. To her surprise, he gently lifted her onto his lap.
Indie sat there stiffly, in shock. “What are you doing?”
“Holding you.”
But why?
Slade drew her attention by crouching in front of her. “Boo, you don’t need any money.”
She frowned. “Um, yeah, I do. Didn’t you just listen to me?”
“Yeah, and anything you need we’ll provide for you,” Slade told her.
“You guys can’t do that,” she said.
“Why not?” Spencer asked. “It’s the very least we can do.”
Ahh. They were doing it out of guilt. That made sense.
“I never wanted your money. I’ve only ever wanted you guys. I mean . . . as friends.”
Wow. Awkward, much?
“If you could have anything you wanted right now, what would it be?” Slade asked.
“To stop worrying,” she said immediately, without thought.
“That’s impossible, though, right? There’s no way to stop worrying.
To stop everything going over and over in my head until it makes me feel ill.
Thinking about Billy and whether he’s still out there looking for me, worrying about Button and if she or he is all right and growing properly and that they’re not being affected by all the stress I’ve been under.
Thinking about the future and where I’ll live and how I’ll afford anything. And . . . ” she trailed off.
Okay. She really needed to stop talking because the guys looked like they might snap at any moment.
“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Slade told her. “We will take away all of your worries.”
“That’s impossible. ”
“Is it?” Slade replied. “I bet you wouldn’t worry about any of those things if you were in Little headspace.”
And now she was bright red.
Holy. Heck.
Where was the freaking numb when she needed it, huh? It had deserted her. Leaving her wide open to embarrassment.
“What makes you think I’m a Little?”
“Lots of things,” Spencer said. “But mostly because you are.”
Right. Made total sense.
“We all saw the longing and interest on your face when Maggie used to visit the Littles room. How you’d peek in. And we’ve seen glimpses of your Little,” Slade told her.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Spencer added.
No. She wasn’t ashamed. Maybe slightly concerned she hadn’t hidden her desires as well as she’d thought.
But could she trust them with her Little? What if they hurt her? She bit her lip.
“It’s all right if you’re not ready.” Spencer told her. “Just know when you’re ready, we’re here for you.”
“And anything you need we’ll get you,” Slade added firmly. “Including moving into a new place if this one makes you uncomfortable.”
“Please don’t. I think moving would be more stress than I need right now.”
They all nodded.
Surprise filled her at their easy agreement.
“But you will let us provide what you need,” Slade told her.
Part of her wanted to agree because she really wasn’t sure how to do it all on her own. But another part didn’t want to rely on them that much.
“Stop worrying. We just want to look after our girl,” Slade told her.
Their girl.
That was something she wished she was, but knew she never truly would be.
Not in the way she wanted anyway.