Chapter 58
R ock was torn.
He couldn’t leave his girl. She was lying in the hospital bed, pale and ill.
Preeclampsia the doctor had said.
It could be deadly.
To the baby and to her.
Rock cared about the baby, of course. But in a choice of Indie or the baby, it would be Indie.
However, he knew she wouldn’t feel that way.
But that wasn’t the reason he was torn. The doctor thought that they could get her through this with the right amount of rest and care.
And she would get both. He would see to that.
Nope, the reason he was torn was because part of him wanted to stay right here with his girl. The other part wanted to hunt that motherfucker St. Clare down and tear him limb from limb.
This was his fault.
He’d started this by scaring Indie. Margo had said she’d frozen when he’d touched her and it had taken a bit to get her out of that state of fear .
Logically, he knew that St. Clare hadn’t actually given her preeclampsia. But the stress St. Clare had put her under had made things worse.
And then there was Quaid.
Rock turned his glare on the other guy. One of his best friends.
For. Now.
“I know you want to kill me, Rock,” Quaid said, turning to look at him. He was sitting on one side of her bed, holding her hand. Spencer was on the other side, researching preeclampsia and what they should do for their girl.
Rock should be doing that as well. But right now he was just too fucking mad.
Slade was the only one out of the room. He was making some calls to get a private nurse for when Indie came home.
The time for messing around was over.
They wanted a nurse who specialized in looking after women with preeclampsia. But who could also keep their mouth shut about their relationship.
Not that he cared who knew. But Indie might care. And he didn’t want her suffering any more stress.
Ever.
Rock cracked his knuckles. Of course, if the nurse talked, he’d make sure she or he lived a long, miserable life.
“But I never meant . . . I never thought . . .” Quaid dropped his head as Slade re-entered the room.
Rock had never seen his friend this defeated. He’d looked almost broken earlier when Indie had said she was going to leave.
And Rock wasn’t sure if he was aware of the tear that had dripped down his cheek.
It was the only reason that Rock wasn’t tearing into him. Or forcing him from the room. Because Quaid never broke.
Not for anyone.
But he had for their girl.
“I’ve found someone,” Slade said. “She can start as soon as Indie is allowed to go home. She’s in the lifestyle, which works for us. But, more importantly, she comes with excellent credentials. And she and her husband are looking for accommodation.”
“The Milford apartment just came up for sale,” Spencer said.
“Yep. I’ve messaged Hamish and told him to purchase it for us,” Slade said.
All right. Good. They could take it in shifts to watch her whenever the nurse had to go home to sleep.
“It’s good you found someone,” Spencer said. “I’m worried about her.”
“The doctor is too,” Slade said. They were now in a private hospital that was focused on maternity, gynaecology and pediatrics. Her new doctor specialized in high-risk maternity patients. “I had another talk with her. Indie is still a bit underweight despite our best efforts and the baby is small.”
Her morning sickness had eased up, so Rock had been hopeful that she would start putting on more weight. Her stomach had grown rounder, but her cheek bones were still too pronounced. So delicate.
“Stress,” he muttered.
“Part of it, I think,” Slade agreed. He looked awful. Rock guessed they all did. But Slade always seemed to take everything on his shoulders. He seemed to think he was responsible for all of them. And for anything that went wrong.
“So we eliminate as much stress as possible,” Spencer said.
They all turned to look at Quaid.
“I’m not going to stress her out anymore,” Quaid said. “I feel like I’m splintering apart. Fucking lost. But I know I need her. I’ll do . . . I’ll do whatever I have to in order to be worthy of her. I fucked up so bad. Twice.”
Slade sighed and walked over to him, patting his back. “That’s what you don’t get, man. You already are worthy of her. And Indie has so much love to give, she’ll forgive you.”
“A second time,” Rock grumbled.
“Although getting out of the vomit clothes would be a good start to being worthy of her,” Spencer said dryly. “Might mean we could all breathe easier too.”
Quaid gave him a startled look, then stared down at himself. “Shit. I forgot.”
“I’ve got some clothes coming,” Slade said, taking care of everyone like usual. “You can shower here. I’m guessing we’re all staying here?”
Where the hell else would they go?
“She’s not as stressed when she’s in Little headspace,” Spencer said. “When she’s Little she lets us take care of her more easily.”
Slade nodded. “Agreed. Rock?”
Rock gave him a nod. He was onboard with whatever would help her.
They all looked to Quaid once more. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on the bed and staring at their girl. “I’m not a Daddy Dom. Never thought I would want that. But my girl is a Little and if she needs that I’ll give her whatever she wants.”
“She won’t want you to force anything that’s not there,” Slade said.
“We don’t all have to be her Daddy,” Spencer added.
“I’m going to take care of her,” Quaid said firmly. “No matter whether she’s Big or Little. And I’ll do whatever she needs.”
“She’ll want you to be happy too.” Slade squeezed Quaid’s shoulder but the other man didn’t show any sign that he felt it.
He kept staring at Indie as though willing her to wake up.
Which is what they all wanted.
Quaid was the only one awake when she opened her eyes. Even Rock had fallen asleep, lying on the window seat. He was sort of bent into it, looking uncomfortable. Spencer was sleeping on the recliner across the bed.
And Slade . . . well, he didn’t actually know where Slade was. He should probably check in with his friend .
Under normal circumstances, he’d be doing that. But he couldn’t leave her side.
“Quaid?” she whispered. “Where am I? Why don’t I feel so good?”
“It’s all right, baby girl,” he said soothingly as she started looking agitated and scared. “You’re fine. You’re safe. I’m here and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
She froze, gaping at him.
“What is it?” he asked.
“You, um, you called me baby girl. You’ve never called me anything but Indie.”
“You don’t like baby girl?” he asked.
Maybe she didn’t want that with him? Maybe she wanted to be just friends. Perhaps he’d ruined everything between them before it had even really begun.
“I like baby girl. I just thought . . .” She frowned, trying to think. “That you didn’t want me. Like that. Unless . . . maybe you don’t. Maybe I’m reading into things.” She was starting to get agitated again and he leaned over to cup her face with his hand.
“Hey, hush. Listen to me. Listen well, baby girl,” he told her firmly. “I want you. I have never not wanted you. Fuck, you’re the most amazing, precious, wonderful person I’ve met in my life. It would be impossible to not want you.”
Her mouth parted. “Then why . . . why have you been avoiding me? I thought you were still upset with me. That maybe you didn’t want me and resented that I was coming between you and the guys.”
“The only person who was coming between me and the guys was me,” he told her firmly.
“And my own stupid hang-ups. This isn’t the time to go into everything that is wrong with me.
But you did nothing wrong. You are perfection.
I kept myself away from you because I was so fucking ashamed of the way I treated you. ”
“What are you talking about? You’ve always taken care of me. I know who was behind the stuff that happened to people that were mean to me.” She gave him a knowing look .
“You did? I always figured you thought it was Rock,” he said.
The other man stirred as though sensing that they were talking about him. It wouldn’t surprise him if Rock was awake. He didn’t sleep much.
Unlike Spencer who could probably sleep though a hurricane.
“I knew it was you.”
“That was only a small thing, I should have been taking much better care of you. And I never should have kicked you out of the penthouse the way I did. I never gave you a chance to say your side. And I can never forgive myself for that. So if I can’t forgive myself then how can I expect you to?”
“Silly Quaid, I already have.”
He clasped hold of her hand, drawing it to his mouth to kiss the top. “You’re being too kind, you should make me work for your forgiveness.”
“You really should,” Spencer said. “You could probably get all the ice cream your little heart desires.”
Quaid shot him a look.
“With toppings?” she asked tiredly.
God, she sounded exhausted. His poor girl had been through so much and it sounded like the rest of her pregnancy was going to be difficult and scary. If he could take this from her, he would.
“Hmm, maybe,” Spencer teased. “I’ll probably have to put my foot down or you’ll eat too much and get a tummy ache.”
“Get anything you want,” Rock whispered.
Indie’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Everyone is worried that you haven’t gained weight, baby girl,” Quaid told her. “We just want you healthy.”
“I’m fine,” she said as Slade stepped into the room.
Fuck. He looked rough. More guilt filled him. He might have been chasing down Billy and dealing with Sylvia, but he hadn’t been pulling his weight at home.
“Unfortunately, you’re not, Boo,” Slade told her.
She tried to focus in on him. “What’s going on? Why did I faint? Why do I feel so tired and yucky? And I’m in hospital, aren’t I? Although this isn’t like the other one.”
“This is the private hospital where we brought you for your scan,” Slade told her, stepping forward. “Do you remember collapsing?”
“No, I don’t.”
Quaid blamed himself. He’d caused her so much stress that she’d vomited and collapsed.
“If you give me a chance, I will spend my life making this up to you,” he told her.
Indie gave him a confused look. “But I already forgave you. I don’t understand what’s going on? I collapsed?”
“You don’t remember throwing up?” Quaid asked. “I shouldn’t have left to get your gift. Yu didn’t know that I was coming back. I should have stayed.” Maybe if he’d stayed she wouldn’t have collapsed.
Fuck.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she told him.
“I got you all stressed out and you threw up then fainted. I’m so fucking sorry for that.”
“I haven’t felt right for a few days now.” She rubbed at her forehead.
“And you didn’t tell us?” Slade demanded.
“Slade,” Quaid warned.
“She needs to tell us everything. Everything, Indie,” Slade ordered. “You don’t leave anything out. If you’re ill, if you have a headache, feel nauseous. If you’re hungry, hot, cold, sad, happy, angry, we need to know it all. Otherwise, how else are we going to take care of you?”
“Slade, take a walk, man,” Spencer said, standing.
Slade was practically shaking and Indie was staring up at him with a mix of shock and sadness.
Finally, Slade seemed to deflate. “Shit. Fuck. Sorry. Sorry, Boo.”
“It’s okay.”
Slade shook his head and walked to the bathroom. “I can’t go for a walk. Got told off by the head nurse and warned I’d get kicked out if I woke anyone up by moving around.” He shut the door and they heard the water run.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell any of you,” she said. “I thought it would pass. That it was just some pregnancy sickness or something. I never thought . . . what is it? Is the baby okay? What’s going on?”
God. Quaid fucking hated the fear in her voice. It was eating at him. He wanted to fix this for her. To take away everything that hurt or scared her.
Unfortunately, the only cure for this was to have the baby.
The water stopped and a few minutes later, Slade walked back out wearing just his pants.
“Princess, have you heard of preeclampsia?” Spencer asked her.
She frowned. “I’ve heard of it, I think. It’s something to do with high blood pressure. Wait. Isn’t it . . . it’s dangerous, right?”
“Yes, it can be,” Quaid said. “Which is why you’re in the hospital, baby girl. You collapsed and we called an ambulance.”
“Quaid rode with you,” Spencer told her. “He wouldn’t let you go.”
Yeah. But that felt like too little too late.
“You’re sick, darling girl,” Slade told her gently, coming over to brush her pale blonde hair off her face. “And you’re going to need a lot of care. But that’s why you have us. We’re going to take care of you.”
Rock moved over to stand at the end of the bed, staring down at her. As though he was trying to give her all of his strength.
The four of them were broken in various ways, but they needed to really come together now.
And keep their girl safe.