Chapter 68
R ock stared intently at Slade as he held Hope against his chest.
He could do this. He had to do this.
She was nearly four weeks old and it was starting to physically hurt that he hadn’t held her like that. Breathing in and out deeply, he stood.
“Rock?” Indie asked, glancing up at him worriedly.
“Are you all right?” She signed the words as she asked him that.
In their free moments together, he was helping her learn sign language.
Sometimes she got a bit frustrated because she didn’t know as much the rest of them.
But they’d all learned some years ago. And it wasn’t always that easy to concentrate here.
I want to hold the baby.
“You want to hold Hope?” Slade asked, watching his hands intently.
Rock nodded. It was time.
“Of course you can,” Indie said gently. “I’ll get a nurse to help.”
Rock stripped off his shirt while Indie got a nurse who helped transfer Hope over to him. And then Hope was lying on his chest.
She seemed so tiny there. But also so perfectly right. He cradled her to him, holding her protectively. Inside him, something fitted into place.
A sense of rightness.
She was so fucking perfect. With her tiny fingers and toes and her small mouth. Her smooth skin.
“Rock, are you all right?” Indie asked quietly. He held up his free hand and she took hold.
He squeezed her hand and smiled up at her.
“Told you that you wouldn’t hurt her,” Indie said. “You would never hurt her.”
No. He wouldn’t. He would never hurt her mama again, either.
Slade wrapped his arm around Indie’s waist. She leaned back against him, looking tired but magnificent.
A fierce mama bear.
A darling Little.
The best thing to ever happen to him.
Indie wanted to cry.
Twenty minutes of pumping and there was next to nothing in the bottle. A sob escaped and she fought to calm down. Slade was in their private bathroom and the last thing she wanted was to let him know how upset she was.
The guys had been falling over themselves to take care of her and Hope. And they were amazing. But they couldn’t help her with this.
They’d told her plenty of times that she wasn’t a failure. However, she just couldn’t seem to get that word out of her head.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Slade rushed into the room and crouched in front of her.
The first few times she’d had to do this in front of them, she’d been embarrassed. But now she seemed to be beyond that.
“It’s not working,” she said, frustrated. “The milk isn’t coming. I’m never going to be able to breastfeed Hope. ”
“What did I tell you the other day? This isn’t about failing or succeeding. You have been through a lot. You have to cut yourself a break.”
She knew all that. But this just felt like something she had to do.
“Poor Boo. You’re exhausted, aren’t you, Little one?” he said.
She really was.
“I think you need some Little time, but it’s not easy in this environment, is it?”
“No. It doesn’t quite feel safe enough.”
“I understand why you feel that way even though my Daddy instincts are screaming at me to take over.” He brushed her hair off her face. “I have been doing some research, though. I want to try something if it’s okay with you?”
She nodded. She’d try anything at this stage.
“Good girl. Keep pumping.”
She put the pump back over her nipple, wondering what he was doing as he moved behind her. Then he reached around and started to lightly massage her breast.
Shock filled her.
That wasn’t what she’d expected him to do. These past five weeks, they’d helped her with so much. From getting out of bed after she’d first had Hope, to showering and dressing. But they hadn’t touched her sexually.
However, she quickly realized he wasn’t touching her breasts for pleasure.
“I read that massage can help with bringing on your milk,” he murmured. “Not sure if it will, but it’s worth a shot, right?”
“Right,” she said as she finished with her right breast and moved the pump over to the left.
“We need to keep you hydrated and fed. And see that you get enough rest.”
That was a tough one. But there was no hint of reprimand in his voice.
Thank God .
If there had been, she might have burst into tears. Instead, he continued to massage her breast. When she finished, she hadn’t managed to pump any more milk that usual. But for some reason, she felt better.
As though she wasn’t in this alone.
Slade helped her rearrange her clothes. “There. It might not have done much this time, but we can keep trying.”
“Not very sexy, though, is it?” she said with a grimace.
He cupped her chin. “Eyes on me.”
His voice was so firm that it demanded instant obedience. She raised her eyes to his.
“You are so damn sexy that you take my breath away,” he told her.
“And it doesn’t matter what you do or say.
That isn’t going to change. I know that having a baby is a big change and I’m going to let some of these comments go for now.
But just know that if you keep saying bad things about my baby girl. I am going to take action.”
Why did that make her shiver with pleasure?
Slade cupped Indie’s cheek. Why couldn’t she see how fucking amazing she was?
She was a warrior.
A queen.
She was taking everything in her stride. This was an extremely stressful situation, yet she was there every moment for Hope.
His protective instincts were riding him hard. The need to wrap Indie and Hope up in bubble wrap was eating away at him. He wanted to lock them away and keep them safe.
Maybe he couldn’t do that. But he had been researching other ways he could help.
Grabbing the bottle of water, he held it out to her before rising to get a few snacks for her. When he turned back, he saw that she’d placed the water back down.
Hmm .
“You need to drink some water, Boo,” he told her.
She wrinkled her nose. “I’m fine.”
Fine? Yeah, she didn’t look fine and he frowned. “What would you like for dinner?”
“Umm.” She rubbed at her forehead.
Fuck. What was he doing? She had enough decisions to make, things to think about. He needed to start finding more ways to lighten her load. They were all doing what they could.
But he was certain that they could do better.
“Don’t worry, Boo. I’ll sort it.”
Relief filled her face and he realized that he was right. They had to make the small decisions for her. So she didn’t burn out.
That was something he could do.
Happily.
He took the water after putting a tray of snacks on the table next to her. She eyed the food with disinterest. He knew her appetite was gone, but she also needed to eat.
He cupped her chin, tilting her head back.
“I know that this environment doesn’t feel safe enough for your Little to come out.
But perhaps she still needs some Daddy time.
And maybe we can help in smaller ways than full blown Daddy-Little girl time.
I know there are a lot of decisions to make, what about if we decide some of the more basic things?
Like bedtime. When you eat. What you wear. What you drink.”
Indie eyed him. “You guys mostly do that anyway, right?”
“We’ll take it up a notch. And you’ll need to behave. Because I have the naughty girl notebook with me. And when you’re feeling up to it, we’ll start going through it.”
She gulped. Something to look forward to. She thought over what he’d said. Would that help? Maybe. Would it be easy for her to lean on them like that? She wasn’t sure.
“Are you sure you want to do that? Don’t you have enough on your plate juggling everything else? Shouldn’t you be back at work by now?” she asked.
Slade narrowed his gaze. “No, I shouldn’t be. Because I’m exactly where I should be. Taking care of my two girls. Work can wait. The two of you can’t. As for having too much on my plate? Little one, you should know by now that there is nothing more I like than having full control.”
Well. That was true.
“All right,” she said. “I’m willing to try.”
“That’s my brave girl.”
He lifted her off the chair, sitting back down with with her on his lap, placing her sideways so she leaned back against his arm.
Grabbing the bottle of water, he held it to her lips.
“Slade,” she whispered.
“Shh. Daddy is taking care of you now. All you have to do is let me.”
He waited a few moments for her to think that through. Then she suddenly opened her mouth. He took that for acceptance. She sucked down several mouthfuls of water.
“That’s a good girl. I have you,” he said as he placed the bottle to one side and sat her up slightly, rubbing her back.
Then he reached over for a biscuit.
“What is this?” she asked.
“A lactation biscuit. To help. Not sure if it will work. But it can’t hurt, right?”
She stared at him before suddenly wrapping her arms around him. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“For what, Little one?”
“Everything. Thanks for everything.”
“Who is ready for bed?” Spencer sang as he strode into the bedroom
Indie startled sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Oh, you startled me.”
Damn it. Rock frowned. She’d been so close. They’d spent about an hour learning some sign language together before he’d turned on a movie and they’d snuggled up together on the bed to watch it.
Spencer grimaced, obviously realizing that he’d just startled her awake.
Earlier, Slade had messaged to tell them that they needed to make more of the small decisions for Indie. To help with decision fatigue so she had more energy to put into everything else.
Which he completely agreed with.
His Daddy instincts were screaming at him to take over. To do everything for her. To coddle her, protect her. To ensure her needs any way that he had to.
“Sorry,” Spencer said.
Did you get kicked out? Rock signed.
Spencer grimaced. “Kicked out? Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
Rock turned off the television as he sat as well.
“Yeah,” Spencer grumbled. “Don’t know why. I wasn’t doing anything but sitting in the chair and watching Hope sleep. I tried to explain that to the nurse, but she said I had to go get some sleep.”
Someone who hadn’t fallen for Spencer’s charm?
Practically unheard of.
“I should go in and check on her, then,” Indie said.
Rock looked over at the clock. It was after ten. No way was she doing that.
“I might stay the night in the chair,” she said.
“Or, you could stay here and get some real sleep,” Spencer said.
Rock nodded.
“I’ll be fine.”
But as she stood, she swayed.
Rock quickly moved, picking her up.
“I’m okay,” she protested.
“You were dizzy,” Spencer said as Rock cradled her against his chest.
“Just a small bit.”
“Sleep,” Rock said firmly. Then he nodded to the blanket at the end of the bed. Shit. He couldn’t sign with his hands busy. “Blanket. Spread. Bed.”
Spencer laid the blanket out and Rock placed her in the middle. Taking hold of her hand, he lifted it to her mouth. “Suck.”
Surprise filled her face, then some trepidation.
“No one will see you,” Spencer soothed. “We promise.”
Indie placed her thumb in her mouth with a small sigh.
Poor baby.
He wrapped her up tight and then picked her up to hold her against his chest once more.
Then he started to rock her slowly back and forth. For a moment, she fought him. Then it was like her body just gave in and she slumped against him.
Spencer glanced over at him, his eyebrows raised. Rock just nodded to him and continued to move her around until her soft snores filled the room.
Spencer saluted him and drew back the blankets on the bed so Rock could lie her down. They carefully unwrapped her and then climbed in next to her.
“Nice going, man,” Spencer whispered. “Next time I can’t go to sleep, I’m just going to come to you for a cuddle.”
Yeah. Not happening.
There were only two people in this world he’d rock to sleep like that. One he was holding in his arms and the other one was just down the hall.
His entire world.