Chapter Six #3
Never in her life had she imagined that they would bring back his broken body.
Diarmud had been so determined to prove his worth to her family—and now he was dead. Guilt suffocated her with memories of her own past mistakes. It was her fault that he’d died.
Perhaps she should simply accept whatever marital alliance her father wanted. She didn’t deserve love or passion.
And although Balor had given her a taste of that forbidden passion, he and Diarmud were completely different. There was a ruthless air to Balor, a silent confidence in his fighting skills. And when he’d turned that intensity towards her… Her heart thundered at the memory.
Yet, he’d never once spoken of a future for them. Her heart faltered, for he’d said he wasn’t interested in marrying her.
Was that the truth? If so, then why had he touched her so intimately? Was it desire or was he only using her?
Mairead lowered her head and exhaled, afraid of being spurned. Maybe this wasn’t real, and she only wanted it to be.
But did it make her wicked for desiring him, hoping to soothe the loneliness that haunted her?
A knock sounded, and her aunt Genevieve came inside. Her wrinkled face held a warm smile. ‘I thought we would see you below stairs to break your fast, Mairead.’
She was hungry, but she didn’t quite feel ready to face her family. Or especially Balor, after what had just happened between them. ‘I’ll come down in a little while.’
Her aunt paused a moment and then ventured, ‘Are you well, Mairead? You appear troubled.’
She was. And restless. And afraid she was about to make another mistake with her life, giving her heart to someone who didn’t want it.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ she admitted. ‘I don’t know whether to stay here or return to Laochre.’ It was a feeble excuse, and she knew it.
Genevieve drew closer. ‘Either is fine, my dear.’
But she shook her head in disbelief. ‘I don’t really feel safe at home.’ She glanced at her aunt. ‘And I don’t know what to do now.’
‘It seems to me that there are two men who want to keep you safe.’ Genevieve’s voice softened as she sat down on the bed beside her. ‘I know Lord Lowell’s family. He’s one of the most powerful men in England and would be glad to watch over you.’
‘I know. Everyone wants me to wed him.’ Mairead gripped her hands together, trying to keep her voice calm. ‘But I just…don’t think I can.’
Especially after she’d just experienced an awakening at Balor’s hands. Her brain warned her not to place the desires of her body over the rational decision of whom she should marry.
Her aunt reached out to take her hand. ‘Has the earl given you a reason not to consider him?’
Mairead didn’t know how to answer that and could only cast her gaze at the floor. No, there was no reason she shouldn’t wed a man like the earl…except that she wanted Balor instead.
‘Or is there someone else?’ Genevieve asked softly, with a knowing gaze.
She lifted her eyes to her aunt’s, letting her expression speak for itself. The older woman’s face grew solemn. ‘Mairead, be careful. I felt as you did once.’
‘But you married the man you loved,’ she pointed out. Was it so wrong to want a husband who loved her?
‘And Bevan nearly died trying to defend me from the monster I was betrothed to.’ Her tone was solemn, and she reached out to take her hand.
‘Believe me, I do understand what you’re feeling.
But I’m not certain you would…have the life you want with Balor ó Phelan.
’ When her cheeks reddened, her aunt squeezed her palm. ‘I see the way you look at him.’
Mairead turned away, not denying it. But she spoke the words her aunt wanted to hear. ‘It doesn’t matter what I think. My family would never accept him. And I suppose they fear we would have nowhere to live.’
‘Your father would give you a place,’ Genevieve corrected. ‘But what does Balor want? Does he hope to lead the ó Phelan clan?’
He wanted his younger brother to become chieftain—she knew that. But never once had Balor spoken of his own future. It made her wonder what his plans were. And whether he even wanted her to be part of them.
‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘Is he below stairs with the others?’
Her aunt shook her head. ‘He is with his brother, who arrived a little while ago. I suspect Balor will return home with him soon.’
Why had Kenneth ó Phelan traveled here? A sudden uneasiness caught Mairead as she wondered whether the young man had come to find her or Balor.
‘Did his father travel with him?’ She hoped not.
She had witnessed for herself the hatred that Fergus bore for Balor.
The last thing she wanted was for another fight to break out between them.
‘No, he is alone,’ Genevieve answered.
Thank goodness for that. But it still made her question why Kenneth was here.
‘I will join you for the morning meal,’ she told her aunt. It was the best way to get the answers she needed.
The older woman led the way, and when they arrived in the Great Chamber, Lord Lowell rose at the sight of her. ‘Good morn to you, Lady Mairead.’ There was relief in his expression, as if he’d half expected her to flee last night.
There was no sign of Balor anywhere, which bothered her. As she walked closer to the dais, she asked her aunt in a low voice, ‘Will you invite Balor and his younger brother to join us?’
‘I will. But you should sit beside the earl,’ her aunt countered in a whisper, ‘and have a conversation with him. Then make your own decision about whether to consider him as a potential husband.’
Mairead gritted her teeth. ‘Fine.’
She would do what was necessary if it meant Balor would gain her family’s hospitality. But she feared her impulsive visit to Balor’s chamber might result in his sudden departure. And she didn’t want that at all.
She raised her chin and climbed the steps of the dais to where the earl waited. Lord Lowell offered her the chair beside him, and her cousin Alanna sat on the opposite side.
‘I hope you are well.’ The earl offered a warm smile.
‘And you.’ She returned it and greeted her cousin. ‘Hello, Alanna.’
Her cousin answered the greeting but there was a speculative look in her eyes. Mairead prayed Alanna wouldn’t speak of betrothals or love charms, and thankfully, her cousin made only ordinary conversation.
The earl offered Mairead pottage, bread, cheese, and summer berries. She took some of each, but even as she spoke to him with politeness, her attention was shifting, searching for Balor. Please let him not be gone.
‘Do you have children from your first marriage, Lord Lowell?’ Alanna was asking.
At that, the earl brightened. ‘I have three sons, yes. The oldest, Peter, is fifteen. Samuel is twelve, and my youngest is Mark.’
Mairead was startled to realize that the earl had no need of heirs. It meant that he didn’t truly have to marry anyone.
Then the earl added, ‘King Patrick offered to allow my sons to train at Laochre. It would be a good opportunity for them.’
She didn’t quite know what to say but managed, ‘They would all be welcome, of course.’
‘And what of me?’ the earl asked quietly. ‘Would I be welcome?’
‘I—I suppose so.’ She distracted herself with food, feeling like a terrible person. Her aunt was right—Lord Lowell did seem like a good man. Just as Diarmud had been kind. The only problem was that her heart was falling for Balor.
She couldn’t think of what to say and so ate in silence. The earl grew solemn, and for a long while, he didn’t speak, either.
Thankfully, Alanna intervened. ‘My lord, I would enjoy hearing about your home.’ The earl turned to speak with her, and it was then that Mairead spied Balor standing on the opposite side of the Great Chamber.
Her cousin’s conversation was a good distraction, and Mairead murmured an excuse as she left the table.
Slowly, she crossed through the rows of tables until she reached the opposite wall.
Balor’s gaze was fierce and filled with heat as he regarded her. It evoked all the memories of what they’d done only a little while ago, and her face flushed.
He leaned in and murmured, ‘Your father has just arrived at Rionallís.’
She held back a curse. Of course he had come. She had no doubt that her uncle Bevan had sent word immediately. And undoubtedly, Patrick would blame Balor for her disappearance, no matter that it had been her own idea to leave Laochre.
Despite her desire to keep him here, she understood that it would only incite her father’s anger.
‘You have to leave,’ she urged. ‘It’s not safe for you here anymore.’
‘I can take care of myself.’ He continued holding her hand and asked, ‘What do you want to do now?’
She squeezed his palm. ‘I don’t have a choice. My father won’t allow me to stay here.’ Mairead closed her eyes and took a breath. ‘His men will force me to go back home.’
But her mind sharpened at another idea. If she played the role expected of her, if she pretended to be frightened, her father might believe it.
‘I think you should go back to Dunmalus with your brother.’ She let out a heavy sigh. ‘If I beg my father’s forgiveness—and if you’re already gone—he won’t harm you.’
‘Is that what you want? For me to leave?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t, no. But—’
‘Good.’ Without another word, he took her hand in his and led her towards the entrance to the Great Chamber.
What was he doing? This wasn’t part of her plan. ‘Wait, Balor. I can’t just leave with you. Not with everyone watching.’
‘Do you want to find your brother or not?’
She stared at him, not understanding. ‘What do you mean?’
He kept her in the shadows as he led her outside. ‘I mean that I think Kenneth knows something that will help us find Liam. Come with me.’