Chapter 12
TWELVE
The flight lasted a lifetime. The droning engine hurt her head. The air-conditioning left her eyeballs even drier. The chilled blood in her veins made her stiff and cold. After a hell-on-wheels stopover and yet another long, frozen flight they began the descent, except the lights of London stretched forever. And hard as Roxie tried, she couldn’t stop thinking about Gabe. Surely he’d seen it in her face? In that one moment her heart had been exposed, there for him to take. If he’d asked, she’d have stayed, she’d have literally fallen into his arms. Only he’d told her to go.
So go she did—to all the tourist attractions: Buckingham Palace, The Tower of London, Madame Tussauds... And at the end of her first, miserable week, mad with herself for still feeling wretched, she queued for tickets at Covent Garden to see the Royal Ballet, as she’d dreamed of doing for almost two decades.
The theatre itself was beautiful, the audience was beautiful, the ballerinas beautiful. But Roxie’s heart wasn’t in it. She watched the dancers—the incredibly talented dancers—and hated every second of it. In the interval she walked out through the well-lit foyer, out into the crowded, famous square. And that was when she drew up short, not knowing what the hell she was doing or should do or wanted to do. She was in the middle of a foreign city, utterly alone. Just as she’d thought she’d wanted to be.
Only to find it sucked.
She’d made the most massive mistake.
‘Roxie.’
She turned. No one in this city knew who she was. No one in the world knew where she was. So who was calling out to her?
Okay, now she was seeing ghosts—because there was a guy standing just by the theatre entrance who looked exactly like Gabe. But he couldn’t be a ghost because Gabe wasn’t dead, he was back in New Zealand. So she must be hallucinating. Delayed jet lag was sending her crazy.
It was a pretty good hallucination, though, because now the Gabe-non-ghost was walking, his gaze trained on her. She blinked but he was still there, striding towards her, faster now, until he was almost upon her. And he was in the most gorgeous suit and clutching a glossy red program.
‘You don’t like the ballet,’ she said when he got within earshot, because what else could she say to this unreal creature?
‘Yeah, but you do.’ He stopped a mere ten centimeters away from her, his expression searching. ‘Why have you walked out halfway through?’
‘I didn’t think it was realistic.’ Although it seemed she’d lost her grip on what was real altogether because here she was talking to a hallucination and, incredibly, it was talking back.
His brows nearly hit his hairline. ‘A girl gets let down by a guy so she dies of a broken heart. Then she comes back as a ghost and protects that guy from other supernatural spurned women. Which bit’s not realistic?’ The corner of his mouth rose in the smallest of grins.
Okay, so now she was sure she was dreaming. ‘You hate ballet, so how come you know the story of Giselle? ’
‘Because I’ve sat through three performances already.’ His smile widened to rueful and he stepped just that bit closer.
‘Three?’ Her voice almost failed as she felt the warmth of his breath on her icy skin.
‘I’m sure the woman in the ticket office thinks I’m a stalker. Which I kind of am.’
Roxie stared at him, her mind spinning. He really wasn’t a ghost. He really was here. Oh, Lord, why was he here?
‘So which bit did you think was unrealistic?’ he prompted her.
She was shaking inside, outside, all over.
‘I didn’t like how she died of a broken heart just because that guy let her down,’ she whispered.
‘No, that wasn’t exactly brave of her,’ he agreed softly. ‘What should she have done instead?’
Roxie was still digesting his appearance, so she didn’t answer. She just stared at him some more and tried not to think too closely about why he was here.
‘What would you have done?’ He waited for a while. Then offered an answer himself ‘Should she have packed her bags and gone adventuring instead?’
Roxie shook her head, spurred into a sturdier response at that. ‘No, she should have confronted him and told him what for.’
That was what she should have done. She should have told him what she really wanted—been honest and to be unafraid of the consequences.
‘Fair enough.’ Gabe’s eyes were fathomless inky pools. ‘But you know, I think you’d find the second half better.’
‘Why?’ Her throat had seized so tight again she could barely answer, and the trembles were graduating to shudders.
‘Because in that half she proves her strength,’ he answered, still quiet. Still unfathomable. ‘She does everything in her power to protect that guy because she loves him so much. And to be able to love someone that deeply, that passionately, is beautiful. It’s rare and it’s a gift.’
Her heartbeats boomed like cannons. She refused to believe this might be what she wanted it to be. She wanted it too much—she was still too scared to be honest and to be unafraid of the consequences. So, she tried to joke, just in case. ‘Are you saying you enjoyed the ballet?’
‘Well,’ he answered seriously, ‘I saw some parallels.’
‘I’m not about to die of a broken heart,’ she said, suddenly indignant. She hated him thinking she was weak.
‘I am so aware of that.’ His grin flashed, even his melt-inducing laugh sounded briefly. ‘That wasn’t what I meant.’
Roxie couldn’t take much more without losing it. ‘Well, what did you mean?’
‘That you’re like her in that you have the capacity to love that deeply, that profoundly.’
Oh, now she felt hurt—and so, so vulnerable. ‘What makes you think that?’
His expression softened. ‘You showed it in the way you cared for your grandparents. You did everything and anything you could for them.’
‘Nothing anyone else wouldn’t have done.’ She tried to minimize it; she was no saint.
He shook his head. ‘You give, Roxie. You give everything.’
She didn’t say anything to that. Couldn’t.
He leaned nearer, bending slightly so their faces were almost touching, whispered, ‘Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?’
‘Should I have to ask?’ she basically wailed, her nerves finally shredded. ‘You don’t just want to tell me?’
‘I shouldn’t have let you down.’ He too suddenly sounded rougher round the edges.
‘You’ve never let me down.’ Every cell inside her hurt from the effort of trying to stop trembling. To stay standing. He’d been wonderful to her in all the ways he could.
He closed his eyes. ‘Yes, I have.’
Did he mean that final night when he’d refused her stupidly desperate advances? ‘You were allowed to say no to me.’
‘No.’ His eyes flashed open, his gaze pinning her. ‘I let you down, and myself down, when I let you leave without telling you how I felt. I should have told you, but I was proud. And hurt. Now I’m just so miserable I’m prepared to grovel as much as I have to.’
Roxie’s shaking became uncontrollable. ‘G-g-grovel?’
‘You asked if I’d really had to fight for something. That if I had. I’d know when a fight was worth the effort. Well, I’m fighting now. You know what for?’
She shook her head. The boulder that had just gotten lodged in her throat prevented her answering verbally.
‘I’m fighting for you.’
Gabe watched the color wash out of her face—leaving her paler than when she’d first seen him walking towards her.
‘I didn’t want you to go,’ he said roughly. ‘I should have told you that, but I didn’t want to stop you from going. I didn’t want to stand in your way and I didn’t think you wanted—’ He broke off.
She was still staring at him as if he were an apparition or something. He’d been holding back, not wanting to overwhelm her but it wasn’t working. And he needed to hold her. He put his hands on her waist, about to pull her close, but she put her palms on his chest. Defensively. And, worse, she still looked disbelieving.
‘I know you, Gabe,’ she said, her voice harsh. ‘You’re a healer, not someone who hurts other people. You hate the thought of hurting someone. But I’m strong. I’m not like Diana, I’m not going to crumble.’
‘You know, I bloody wish you would,’ he said, tightening his grip on her and pulling her closer despite her hands blocking him. ‘I wish you’d open up and tell me how you’re feeling. It’s okay to admit to being upset. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need something from someone.’
From him. He wanted her to want everything from him.
But she shook her head. ‘When you were a kid, you looked after the orphan lambs. I don’t want to be another orphan lamb for you.’
‘Roxie, you’re not listening to me. I know how strong you are. The strongest person I’ve ever met. You’re all steel, able to make whatever sacrifice necessary. So, I don’t feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for me having to try and match your courage. I don’t think you’re some orphan lamb who needs rescuing. Quite the opposite.’ He was determined to prove it to her—even if it took him the rest of his life to wear her down enough to accept what he had to give. ‘You’re brave and terrifyingly independent. You learned how to load syringes so you could administer pain relief to the people you loved most. You cared for them, helped them, fought to give them the best chance. You grew that massive garden, filled with wonderful goodness, made all that food with such love. You put your own dreams on hold for so long and I know you did that gladly. And I know you said this was your time now—to have your adventures and fun. And I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want to stop you doing the things you want to do. But I do want a place in your life and I’m going to fight for it, Roxie. I think you’re blocking yourself from the biggest adventure of all, with me, and that’s not true to you. You’re an all giving person.’
He could feel the constant tremors racking through her. Could feel her trying to stop them. To resist.
‘I don’t want to be,’ she whispered.
And he heard the fear.
‘You can’t be any other way, and I want it for me.’ He cupped her cheek and looked into the beautiful blue eyes that were filled with a hurt he ached to ease. If only she would give him the chance. ‘And you deserve someone to give it all back to you too. That would be me.’ He smiled. ‘You’re not meant to be alone. I felt the way you held me, Roxie, I felt that need in you and I hope like hell I’m not delusional on that. You know I never wanted to commit, never wanted to compromise. I thought I had my life plan perfect. But then I met you. And now? I’d do anything for you. So be with me. Lean on me. That’s what people who love each other do.’ He bent his head nearer, his heart hurting for hers. ‘I’m sorry you lost your family. But you can’t protect yourself from loving any more. That’s not living. You, more than anyone, are supposed to love. You need your connections, your history. You need your home and I’m sorry if being with me there spoilt that place for you. Is that what happened?’ He’d had the awful fear that he’d somehow ruined it for her.
‘Oh, no,’ she breathed, her eyes full of distress. ‘I just couldn’t bear it any more—everyone I loved I lost in that house.’ She bit on her lip, then whispered, ‘Including you.’
‘You never lost me.’ He lifted her face with gentle fingers. ‘But don’t leave me in the wilderness now, Roxie. I want you. I want everything with you.’
He swore he could see her heart reflected in those pure blue eyes—glistening, vulnerable, beautiful. And as he watched the smallest curve to her lips grew and she blinked—her gaze suddenly stronger, direct, true.
‘Everything?’
That hint of undaunted tease, of Foxy Roxie, made his bones liquefy.
‘The works,’ he promised.
She moved closer, snuggling right against him. Gabe’s blood fizzed as her fingers curled into his shirt. Holding him close now—she clutched as if she was never going to let him go. She rose on tiptoe, her heart bursting, and whispered, ‘But you know I’ve got quite an imagination, right?’
‘I can’t wait to see what you’re going to add to my list,’ he breathed, bending to brush her lips.
‘ You have a list?’ Her lips curved against his.
‘Come with me now and I’ll show you it,’ he invited, then swooped.
Roxie’s spirit soared to the heavens like a cork fired from a bottle of champagne. She lifted her hand, feeling his warm jaw with her cold fingers, holding his head to hers. Deep, yearning, passionate. Her tired eyes closed as he filled her senses, pouring warmth and love into her cold bones. She did as he’d invited—leaned on him, drawing on his heat and strength and heart. His arms tightened all the more around her, pulling her closer and closer.
‘Please don’t ever let me go again,’ she muttered.
‘Never.’ He kissed her fear away. ‘Come on, let’s get some place else before we get arrested.’
He kept her close, tucked in right beside him as they walked to flag a cab. She wasn’t letting him go either, one hand still curled into his shirt.
‘Shouldn’t you be helping the team prep for the next game?’ she asked, once they’d gotten in the back of a taxi. Suddenly she was nervous of the future that only seconds ago had seemed easy and perfect. ‘It’s only early in the season.’
‘I’ve got this one covered but, you’re right, I can only stay a few days unless I resign.’ His arm tightened around her shoulder as she tensed in rejection of that idea. ‘I know you want to travel and I don’t want to stop you doing that. So maybe I could come over every couple of weeks. Even for just a few nights. I can meet you wherever.’
Every couple of weeks? She vehemently shook her head. ‘You can’t fly all this way and back again all that often. You’ll get too tired and it costs too much.’
He opened his mouth to argue but she pressed the backs of her fingers against it. Because no way was she being apart from him for that long.
‘Maybe we could travel together for a while when the season ends.’ She smiled when she saw his frown, pushed her fingers more firmly against his lips when she felt them move. ‘I could come back and dance for the rest of the season. Even as just the substitute. I feel bad for running out on Chelsea.’
His eyes widened and the rest of him went very still.
‘I want to come back with you,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t want to do this trip on my own. I want to go to all the fun places, but I want to do that with you. I’m not letting you go either.’
He pulled her back into a tight embrace. She felt his face, hot and hard pressed against her neck. He said nothing for a while. Didn’t kiss her. Just held her close. The way she needed to be held. His muscles bunched. What she’d just said meant something to him. As she began to understand that he really meant it. That he loved her and wanted her. And, scared though she was, the beauty and magic of it overruled that fear.
He pulled back and looked in her eyes. ‘You know I’m going to buy the Treehouse.’
‘Oh, Gabe, I can’t let you do that. It’s not worth it.’ Her lawyer had been in touch, the offers from developers had started —an insane amount of money was on the table because of the location.
‘Then you’d better take it off the market and let me use the money I would have spent buying it, fixing it. It can be fixed. I love it and so do you. We’re not letting it go.’
The emotion bursting within her rendered her immobile—so far beyond happy, she was speechless.
His smile just broadened. ‘We’ll get the tree fixed, we can replant the garden and let the hedge grow back.’
She inhaled deeply and managed a nod. He cupped her face with both his hands and drew closer to kiss her. Kiss her and kiss her and kiss her.
Thanks heavens his hotel was a mere five-minute drive from Covent Garden because in those few magic minutes the cab’s windows were fogged and she was frantic to be alone with him.
‘This is a bit flasher than my hostel,’ she said vaguely, blinking as they walked through the gleaming, posh lobby.
‘Wait ’til you see my suite,’ he murmured, guiding her to the lift.
Anticipation shimmied through her veins.
He caught her eye; a wild look entered his. ‘Just give me a chance to unlock the door, okay?’
She skipped alongside him, but once in the room he didn’t stop by the massive bed—instead he led her the twenty steps further into the enormous ensuite. And in the doorway, Roxie stopped—stunned.
The bath was huge, full of steaming water and billions of white, sparkling bubbles. There were soft scented candles lit, there was all indulgence to be had.
He caught her jaw-to-the-floor moment and winked. ‘Know you like your bubbles.’
Indeed there were two champagne flutes on a tray, but Roxie’s eyes were glued to the thing standing beside them. ‘That’s not a bottle, that’s practically a keg.’ She walked over to it, touching the dewy glass, the coldness assuring her this was all real—not her mind presenting the most incredible fantasy ever.
‘You get kegs of beer,’ he jeered lightly. ‘That’s a Jeroboam. There are more in the fridge. For my list.’
His teasing talk kindled her own, easing her through the emotion of seeing the effort he’d gone to for her. ‘Must be a massive fridge.’ She’d never seen such a giant bottle of champagne.
He chuckled. ‘I thought this was a better size for sharing.’
‘Because you’ve invited the whole rugby team here?’ She pretended to look around the room for the crowds. But less than a second later she sobered, because she truly couldn’t believe he’d done all this. For her.
‘How did you get this organized so quickly?’ They’d only been in the hotel a minute.
Gabe reached into his pocket. ‘I don’t know if you’ve come across these things much, Roxie. They’re called mobile phones.’ He pulled out two of them—his and her silver-clad one.
Horrified, she stared at the two gadgets. And then she couldn’t see them any more because her eyes flooded with tears denied too long. Rivers and rivers of tears.
The phones hit the floor with a clatter and in a second she was pressed tight against his hard strength.
‘You’re going to cry now? ’ he asked, aghast. ‘Over a stupid phone?’
‘Not the phone,’ she sobbed. ‘Because I was stupid. And scared. And I nearly lost my future as well as my past.’
His arms tightened more.
She cried more. ‘You came after me. You found me. You love me.’
Oh, she believed it now. Needed it now. Was so happy she couldn’t possibly hope to express it.
He thrust his fingers through her hair, massaging the base of her skull and tilting her head back to meet his kiss. Her whole body was one big shiver. He peeled the clothes from her, then pretty much ripped his own off. A haze of husky words, whispers of love and trust, promises, and touches that led to absolute ecstasy.
And many, many minutes later, even though her skin had been thoroughly warmed, it still tingled when she stepped into the bath. She stretched out and smiled at the sight of him opposite her, his glorious body half hidden in the mass of pearlescent froth.
‘What if you hadn’t found me at the ballet?’ she asked, unable to bear the thought that he mightn’t have found her. ‘How many nights were you going to go there?’
‘A few more, then I was going to bribe your lawyer into giving me your address, or contact the embassy or something. Anything.’
‘And what would you have done if I’d been fine? If I’d been off at a nightclub pulling some random guy?’
Gabe’s dark eyes sharpened. ‘I’d have punched his lights out.’ But then his grin flashed. ‘I told you I’d do anything, was totally up for a fight. But I never thought for a second you’d be off with someone else.’
‘I was never going near another man,’ she admitted. ‘Too busy breaking my heart over you.’ She’d been so stupid and scared. ‘I should have said something to you.’
‘You had to go,’ he said softly. ‘You’d been dreaming of it for so long, you had to go and see what if it was really what you wanted. I didn’t want to try and stand in your way.’
Roxie’s blood chilled, despite the warmth of the water. ‘I knew I didn’t want to go at the airport,’ she admitted sadly. ‘I couldn’t turn away from you. But I didn’t think?—’
He stopped her rising distress by pulling her to him and planting a kiss so passionate and perfect that she knew there was such a thing as paradise on earth.
‘Worst moment of my life,’ he muttered against her skin. ‘I really believed you wanted to go. But I knew right away I’d made an awful mistake. I should have gone with you then and there. Instead it took me four hours to get everything organized so I could follow you.’
She gave a watery chuckle and wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders, embracing him. In return he held her, caressed her, fulfilled her. She rested her head on his shoulder, at home.
‘I love you, Gabe,’ Roxie finally admitted. And in that instant, she’d never felt so free.