Chapter Thirteen
Jude had laughed more, smiled more that evening than he had since she’d met him.
Maybe it was the setting. Being in his own space and knowing he was secure.
Regardless, she couldn’t get enough of his deep, rumbling laugh.
The way his cheeks lifted when he smiled.
His teasing tone as they’d bantered about a name for Milo.
The way he’d washed the kitten so gently in the sink had resonated deep inside her, making her heart feel fractured and whole all at once.
Every so often she’d glance up to see Jude grappling with some internal struggle.
It hadn’t missed her attention that his apartment was devoid of any personal artifacts.
No pictures on the wall. No books or posters indicating the things he enjoyed.
He poured himself into his work. Trying to find what?
Repentance for surviving what the rest of his family hadn’t?
A semblance of peace from the horrific memories?
“Is it normal for a kitten to sleep so much?” Jude’s brows drew together when he entered the living room and eyed them on the couch. He pursed his lips, the concern for the kitten showing clearly on his face while placing take-out containers on the coffee table.
“I think so. He ate well and he’s warm and safe. Who knows how long he’s been out there on his own.”
“We should take him to the vet as soon as possible.”
The way Jude used the word “we” made her hopeful for things she wasn’t sure he’d be willing to give. Mainly his time and a chance to see where things could go between them.
“Let me put him over here,” he said reaching toward her and tenderly taking the little animal in his strong arms. The kitten looked positively tiny tucked up against him and the sight made lightness fill her stomach and her pulse quicken.
“There,” he said, wrapping another blanket around the kitten so it was in a protective nest of soft padding.
“Now we can eat without disturbing him.” Her throat grew thick at the care he was showing to the abandoned animal.
Jude began to open the bags of food that had been delivered. “What can I do to help?”
“Not a thing. You relax, babe.”
Hearing the small endearment made her heart squeeze. He gave her a white take-out container and a fork, then went into the kitchen and came back holding two bottles of water. He passed one to her and then settled on the couch.
“Ash is going to be jealous. Hibachi noodles are one of his favorites.”
“We’ll take him,” Jude said opening his own container. “Him and Jess, once things are safer.”
She tried to mask her surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. The other night at dinner was…nice. I want more of that—I’m just not sure if I can have it.”
“You can.”
“I’m going to try to push you away.”
“I know that.” She twisted some teriyaki noodles around her fork and gave him a small smile.
“Your muscles are probably still sore from our time in the woods. There’s a hot tub on the balcony. After we eat, would you want to—”
“Yes!”
Jude’s face broke into a wide smile that sucked the air right out of her lungs and a low chuckle shook his broad shoulders.
“I don’t have a bathing suit, but my bra and underwear cover more than you’d probably see at the beach.”
“You can wear whatever you want in there. I can throw your stuff in the dryer after.”
After they finished eating and put the leftovers in the fridge, they went out to the balcony where privacy screens and an abundance of plants created a haven on the back corner of the deck.
Jude turned a dial on the hot tub and the placid water bubbled to life.
Ivy gripped the bottom of her shirt and stripped it off, reminding herself there was nothing that he hadn’t seen.
Nothing that he hadn’t felt when he held her close through the night.
She tossed the shirt to the side and risked a glance at him across the spa.
His eyes were locked on her, his lips slightly parted, his chest rising and falling with quickened breaths.
She met his gaze and hooked her thumbs at the material of her jeans, pushing them off.
Jude gripped the metal banister that led into the tub, his stare never wavering from her.
The steam that rose off the pool reminded her of the color of his eyes, so enchanting they never failed to draw her in deep.
She stepped through the hazy air and came up alongside him to grip the rail.
She gave him a smile and dipped her toe into the churning water.
She went onto the first step and the hot water frothed around her ankles.
“Are you coming in?” She eyed him over her shoulder.
“Yeah.” His voice was hoarse as he stripped off his shirt, revealing the stacked muscles of his chest and arms. She studied the hard planes of his stomach and the V of his hips.
Her nipples tightened under the intensity of his gaze, and she slid deeper into the water.
She sank in until the water lapped around her shoulders and leaned back against the side of the hot tub.
Jude’s hands went to the button of his jeans then moved to pull down the zipper.
The bulge in his boxers left no room to doubt that he liked what he saw when he looked at her.
A liquid pull gathered low in her belly and spread between her hips.
He left the boxers on and stepped into the water, moving much faster than she had.
He came to wade directly in front of her.
“You have to know you’re beautiful,” he ground out.
“So are you.”
“I like seeing you here.” He lifted his hand and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
She couldn’t help the way she leaned into his touch.
Jude’s fingers skimmed her jaw as he lowered his hand back to the water.
“In my space. In the hot tub. On the couch. I’ve never shared dinner with someone here before.
I want to kiss you, Ivy, but I’m afraid of getting lost in you, then being consumed by fear that something horrific will rip you away. ”
“I won’t let you get lost. We can take things slow.
I know bad things can happen, and it would be ridiculous to tell you they won’t.
I can promise to always be safe, though.
That I won’t take unnecessary risks that could get me in trouble.
I’m generally a very boring person. It will probably drive you crazy.
I like to be my own boss, so I can spend time hanging out with Ash.
Our idea of a fun night is pizza delivery and a giant puzzle. ”
“Boring is underrated.” He leaned closer, so his breath tickled her face. “I want boring. Since my parents and brother died, it’s all I ever wanted. Normalcy, traditions, routines. It’s the one thing I want and the one thing I’m not sure my mind will ever let me have.”
“I know our situations are incredibly different, but I think growing up with Ash, seeing what a difficult time he had doing activities that are perceived by many as everyday things, made me appreciate ordinary experiences even more. I held on to a lot of guilt growing up. Why did Ash have to struggle in ways I didn’t?
We were twins, so why didn’t we both have autism?
Our challenges, our traumas and fears shape us.
At the end of the day though, we have to choose how we move forward.
You deserve peace, Jude. You need to let yourself grieve for your family and the childhood you lost. To heal. ”
He nodded and she reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing him gently against the wall to sit so she was in front of him.
She straddled the width of his outer thighs and brought her hands up to his face.
Leaning close, she kissed his forehead, then his cheeks.
His chest rose sharply as he inhaled. She let one hand trail down his neck and collarbone to rest over his pounding heart.
His arms tightened around her waist, drawing her close, and he dropped his forehead to hers for one breath, then two.
Soaking in the warmth of the hot tub, holding each other, felt incredibly intimate.
Beyond the balcony, the lights of high-rises twinkled and gleamed.
The city was alive with noise and people, but all that existed in this time and space was them and the connection that flowed between them.
She leaned back and brushed her lips tentatively against his.
Tingles spread through her, driving currents of electricity to her most sensitive places.
She arched into him, memorizing each gentle stroke of his tongue as he explored her mouth.
His hands left her back, wandering up her sides and smoothing over her torso.
He skimmed the sides of her breasts and reached behind her to unclasp her bra.
She leaned back, allowing him to remove each strap and discard the material.
He gripped her hips possessively as his gaze devoured her.
“Perfect, babe.” He caressed her sides, then palmed her breasts and lowered his head.
“So fucking perfect.” The rumble of his voice vibrated against her as he licked and sucked, drawing each hard point into his mouth.
Each movement of his tongue against her skin made her want more.
More pressure, more friction. The result of his attraction was hard between her thighs, and she rocked her hips against him.
He hissed and slipped his fingers beneath the hem of her panties.
He kissed her hard as he dragged his fingers over her slick folds.
She moaned into his mouth as he continued to stroke her.
He slid one thick finger inside her, then another, using his thumb to rub her clit.
The onslaught of sensation had her gasping and bearing into his touch.
Shivers raced over her skin as shudders of pleasure crashed over her in waves.
He eased her down, slowly stroking and drawing out the euphoria.
He kissed her slowly as he withdrew his fingers.
She climbed off his lap and gripped his shoulders nudging him toward the higher ledge.
“Sit here,” she said, nodding her chin toward the step she wanted him on. He braced his hand on the ledge behind him and boosted himself up. As he did, she slid his wet boxers over his hips and lowered her head to his swollen cock, sucking him deeply into her mouth.
“Fuck,” he groaned and fisted his hand into her hair.
She looked up at him beneath her lashes, holding his gaze as she took him deeper, then swirled her tongue around the tip.
Ivy circled her fingers around his length, moving up and down along with her mouth.
His breaths were sawing in and out, and his body was trembling beneath her touch.
It was a heady feeling to have this powerful man shaking with each stroke, groaning her name.