CHAPTER ELEVEN
Outside the church, the day was warm and sunny.
Perfect for what she needed. After a stop at a gas station to get directions to a nearby lake that had a park surrounding it, Amy ran into Walmart and picked up a few things for lunch.
Normally she would have just gone through the drive-thru somewhere, but fast food places didn’t have her favorite cookies and right now she wanted a bag of them.
It didn’t take long to find the park the attendant had given her directions to.
She parked Jessa’s car and gathered up her purse and the food she’d bought.
There were others there, but after walking for a bit she managed to find an empty picnic table under a big tree near the water.
She settled onto the seat facing the lake and let out a long breath.
For a while, she just sat there absorbing the sights and sounds of nature.
Summer in Minnesota was lovely, but right then she was really missing her folks and her life in Dallas.
She wanted to hunker down for a long chat with Sammi.
She wanted to go for a walk with her mom.
She wanted to help her dad in the garden.
The Collingsworths had all been so welcoming to her, but the people she connected with more deeply were all so very far away.
And the one person she wanted to connect with saw her as nothing more than another sister to add to the five he already had.
Amy reached into her purse and found her notebook and pen.
She set them on the picnic table and then pulled out some of the food she’d bought, along with a bottle of water.
After a brief hesitation, she turned off her phone.
She didn’t expect anyone to try to get hold of her, but the longer she sat there, the more Amy knew she just needed some time to think through everything without distractions.
She found a blank page in her notebook and picked up her pen.
Before she began to write, she bowed her head and asked God for peace and wisdom as she tried to figure out what to do.
Though she still wasn’t happy with what God had allowed to happen, Amy knew that she did need to trust Him.
She said the words in hopes that her heart would truly fall in line with that desire.
Back in high school, the Bible class teacher at her Christian school had challenged them to memorize verses.
As part of an extra credit project, they were to pick a word from a list the teach had and then memorize as many verses at they could with that word in it.
Since she was in the midst of her “trusting God about Will” phase, she’d chosen the word trust.
As she sat there, she reached back into her memory to find those verses.
They had given her hope back then, but that had been before everything had gone wrong.
Now she needed the reminder to continue to trust God when things weren’t going as she had planned.
As a teenager, she’d been confused about how to continue to trust God when it seemed like what He’d let her feel had been wrong.
She had a bit more maturity now though, but still she struggled with trusting Him.
She let out a long breath and picked up her pen. Slowly she began to write on the lined paper.
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 27:5
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3
In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11
Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuse for us. Psalm 62:8.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8
Amy paused, surprised that she had remembered that many. Even with their references. She stared out at the water, watching as birds swooped down and then soared again. There was still one more verse in her mind. One that she knew should be the verse she clung to, but it was hard.
Bending over her notebook again, she wrote Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6.
That had been a verse she’d been required to memorize several times throughout her years in Christian school and Sunday school at church. So recalling it came easily, but putting it into practice was much more difficult.
She rested her hands on her notebook, running her fingers up and down the smoothness of her pen.
Trust God. It was something she’d heard her whole life.
It was so easy to say. Clearly she was guilty of spouting the words without putting it into practice.
And now she was faced with the reality of having to do it, even though it was a struggle.
How could she trust God when she still felt that sting of hurt from all those years ago?
Bottom line was she was scared. Scared of what her future held now that she didn’t have a clear view of what lay ahead. Scared of the feelings in her heart. Scared to trust God to lead her down the path He wanted her to go. She was scared of the heartache that might lay that way once again.
Amy swallowed hard, wishing it was just as easy as saying the words. And she realized how easy it was to say she trusted God when things were going well. Now faced with stuff falling apart or happening beyond her control, that trust was hard to come by.
But she knew that even though she should be trusting God, she still needed to do her part. It wasn’t likely He was going to just drop another job into her lap. Amy had to do her part.
She flipped a page in her notebook and began to write a new list.
1. Search for other schools in Dallas
2. Call and ask if they have openings for teachers or subs
As she continued to write, for the first time since hearing the news of the fire, Amy felt a sense of control returning. And a teeny, tiny bit of peace. Not a lot, but enough to give her a bit of hope and a sense of direction.
~*~*~
“Why are we going home, Daddy?” Isabella asked as they headed back to the apartment after church. “I wanted to go to Julia’s.”
Will sighed. “We’re going. We just need to swing by the apartment to change and pick up a few things.”
Amy hadn’t called or texted to tell him the plans for the afternoon had been cancelled, so Will was going to assume they were still on. Once at the apartment, Isabella changed quickly and urged him to get a move on.
“C’mon, Daddy. They’re going to eat without us,” Isabella said as she danced from one foot to the other.
He finished stuffing the requested newspapers into a bag and grabbed his keys from the counter.
They were taking the truck this time because if he was going to get messy, he wasn’t going to drive the SUV in that condition.
He had brought another clean t-shirt just in case it was worse than he was anticipating.
“Okay, let’s go.”
Isabella skipped to the elevator and then out to the truck once they left the building. He loaded up the playlist he had of Isabella’s favorite songs in hopes that she’d sing on the way out to the manor instead of asking him a bunch of questions.
They only had time for three songs before they arrived. He helped Isabella out and then reached in for the bag of newspapers. He turned in time to see Isabella open the front door of the manor and dart inside. Following more slowly, he stepped into the foyer and closed it behind him.
“Hey, Will,” Violet said when he walked into the kitchen. “Can you bring that?”
Will picked up the bowl of potato salad she’d motioned to and headed out the back door.
A breeze greeted him as he stepped onto the porch.
It was rare for them to eat indoors during the summer.
The kids loved to play, and Will always enjoyed the lazy Sunday afternoons spent with the family.
Being raised in California had meant an adjustment to the northern winters, and there were some days he tolerated it better than others, but right then, he was glad to call Collingsworth home.
Seven years ago, however, he had come to accept that Collingsworth was not to be his home.
The winter before Isabella was born had been brutal, and Delia had been beyond despondent.
Finally, a month before Delia’s death they had made the decision to move.
Will knew that as long as they lived in Collingsworth, Delia would not be happy.
So he had agreed to move once the baby was born.
And in the midst of one of her more miserable bouts with morning sickness, Will had agreed to Delia’s request that they have no more children.
It had been particularly difficult for Will to accept both decisions. He’d put roots down in Collingsworth with his birth family, but he knew his adopted family would be happy to have them come live in California. Since her parents were still overseas, it made sense to settle close to his family.
With those two concessions in place, Delia had been happier than she’d been in a very long time.
Realization had dawned on Will that it hadn’t just been the difficult pregnancy that had depressed her.
He was glad now that the final month they had together had more happy moments than sad ones.
They’d spent time preparing for their move along with the birth of the baby.
He had agreed without argument to Delia’s choice for a name for their baby girl.
After all, she’d suffered the most during the pregnancy.
It seemed only right that she should get to pick the name.
“Earth to Will.”
Will glanced over to see Violet standing next to him. “Hey. Here’s the potato salad.”
“You were deep in thought,” Violet said as she took the bowl. “Something going on?”
If only she knew. “Just thinking how nice the summers are, and how much I enjoy hanging out here.”