Chapter 11 #2
“I say it to make ye understand how real this is. How sincere I am. How much I love ye, Ella. All of ye.”
“I must…I canna…” Her heart was bursting. Not in sadness, but from fullness. It could not contain all the feelings Calum’s surprising admission, his declaration of love and offer of marriage, made her feel. Her heart would shatter, and she’d die right in front of him. She couldn’t let that happen.
Stymied by her own emotions, unable to speak, she turned and blindly ran from him.
She thought he followed her, but after a few steps, he stopped.
She almost stopped, too, when she reached the garden’s gate, but something drove her on.
She needed to think, to get control of herself.
To make sure the decision she made was the right one for her—and for him.
She would not let herself be forced into anything, not by Iain, and not even by Calum’s heart-rending profession of love for her.
But, oh, how sweet his words had been. She couldn’t doubt his sincerity, nor the depth of his feelings.
They were everything she had hoped for when she wondered if he knew he could lose her forever.
She stumbled up the steps into the keep and found herself at Muireall’s door before she realized where she was going.
Muireall stood as she stormed in. “Ella?”
Somehow, along the way, she found her voice. “Is Euan here?”
“Nay, he went to the training ground to watch the lads.”
“I dinna ken what to do. Yet I do. Calum has my heart, and I have naught to give to any other man.” She stopped talking, breath sawing from her lungs, in and out.
Muireall took her arm and led her to a seat by the hearth.
“What happened, Ella? Ye are upset.”
“Calum. Calum happened. He gave me everything I wanted from him. His words, ach, the things he said. I’ll never forget them. Calum has my heart, nay other.”
“And what did ye say to him in return?”
A knot formed in her throat that she couldn’t swallow. She tried to clear it, shaking her head as she did so, not certain how she could still breathe around it. But she did. She simply couldn’t speak.
Muireall crossed her arms, frowning. “Ye ran, did ye? And ye came here?”
She nodded, unable to do more.
“Ye say Calum has yer heart. Lass, it does ye nay good to tell me. Ye must find yer voice and tell him. Go to him. If ye want yer happiness and the life ye both want together to happen, ye canna stay here. I want ye both to be happy. And seeing ye happy together is the best thing I could hope for.”
Tears flooded Ella’s eyes. She bit back a sob behind her fist and nodded.
She had to leave before she embarrassed herself any further.
She stood, nodding and managed to whisper, “Thank ye,” before she fled from her friend’s concerned gaze.
Where was Calum? Surely not still in the walled garden.
Where would he go after she ran from him.
He must think she’d refused him. She would find him.
And she would make things right between them.
He’d done his part. Now it was her turn.
Calum had watched Ella run from him in disbelief.
He followed her for a few steps, but then stopped.
Chasing her, stopping her when she so clearly wanted to get away from him would do no good.
His belly roiled and he feared he’d lose his last meal on a nearby rose bush, but he swallowed and fought the urge down.
He’d thought his world ended when he woke up blind and lived through weeks more in darkness.
He’d had no idea the depth of devastation he had yet to feel.
How could she repay the hurt he’d done to her so shockingly?
So viciously. And so finally. His words meant nothing to her.
His apology, his love, his offer of marriage were worthless.
Surely now she would accept any betrothal offer Iain offered, and leave Brodie as quickly as could be arranged.
His feet seemed mired in mud. He couldn’t take the next step.
He stood, staring at a pink rose, the shade of Ella’s lips, so perfect in form and color that it brought tears to his eyes.
Perfect and beautiful, like Ella. And like her, laced with thorns that stripped the skin from his body, the flesh from his heart.
He reached out and grabbed the stem, snapping it, and then crushed the rose in his other hand.
When he let the petals fall, he was surprised to see bloody streaks in his palm and bits of thorns embedded at the top of each.
He hadn’t felt a thing except the frozen void in his chest where his heart used to be.
He clenched the hand into a fist, ignoring the sting and forced himself to move.
One foot in front of the other, one after another, until he reached the garden gate.
He stopped there and slammed his hand into the solid oaken door, wanting the pain to mask the shuddering sensation around the frigid hole in his chest.
He should have gone after her. He should have done many things.
But the one thing he should not have done was take out his fury and fear of his injuries on Ella.
He’d destroyed any hope of ever having her love.
Of a life with her. He pounded the gate again and again until his knuckles bled as freely as the thorn punctures in his palm.
Seeing that much blood stopped him. He was a fool.
He’d been about to ruin his hand and risk the one future left to him as a Brodie warrior and scout.
Yet, without Ella, was any of it worth anything?
Disgusted with himself, he made his way to the herbal to get the healer to clean up the mess he’d made. Ella wouldn’t be there. As upset as she’d been, she’d go to her chamber or to Muireall’s. If only Mhairi could also heal broken hearts. He knew of two who could use her help.
Ella intercepted him before he reached the keep’s door. “Calum! I found ye. God’s bones, what happened to yer hand? Ye are bleeding.”
He fought back the answer he’d been tempted to give: “Ye did.” She happened to his hand. But that wasn’t true. He had done this. He lost control. “’Tis naught,” he bit out. “What do ye need now?” He couldn’t help the bitterness of his tone. What was she doing here?
She drew back from it, but after a moment, straightened and a determined light glowed in her eyes.
“Ye, Calum. I need ye. I’m sorry I ran. I…
yer words meant so much to me, I couldna breathe, couldna think.
I could only feel. Too much. I…I feared my heart would burst and I didna want to die in front of ye.
” She pressed her hands to her chest and shook her head as she ran out of words. “That sounds foolish now, I ken it.”
“So ye are saying I hurt ye again?”
“Nay, Calum. Ye misunderstand me. My heart was so full, I didna ken what to do with all the wonderful feelings. Yer words gave me…everything I ever hoped to hear from ye. Everything I hoped we could be again. And more. I shouldna have run as I did.”
Hope was a cruel thing. It bloomed in Calum’s chest like the rose he’d just destroyed.
The perfect, beautiful rose. Thorns and all, like Ella, perfect and flawed, and the one woman in the world he loved.
Her eyes shone with emotion. Her hands reached for him, but she clenched them and held fast before touching him.
He wanted her touch. He wanted to touch her.
More than anything, he wanted her in his arms. But could he trust what he was feeling, much less what she professed to be feeling?
They’d been at cross-purposes before. Did they truly understand each other now?
He hoped so. More than he’d ever hoped for anything else.
Only one thing she could say would convince him the hope blossoming in his chest wouldn’t destroy him.
“If Iain gave ye the chance, would ye accept another betrothal offer?”
Her eyes filled as she gazed up at him. “From ye, aye. Only ye. Ye have my heart, Calum. There will be nay other for me.” She reached out again and this time, she laid her hand over the frozen spot in his chest. Magically, it warmed and eased, and he felt his heart beating again within it.
“If I understood ye, I have yers.” With her other hand, she pressed her own chest. “We are joined in some way. Meant to be together.”
“So ye will marry me?”
“I will. Freely and happily, I will marry ye. And we will make a good life together.”