16. James
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James
Fucking hell.
All I wanted to do was pull her close and kiss her.
The doctor had come out an hour ago and confirmed that Lily was doing better. The fever was responding to treatment, her vitals were stable, she’d probably be able to go home tomorrow.
Haley had let out a breath that seemed to empty her entire body, and then minutes later she’d crashed against my shoulder like someone had cut the strings holding her upright.
Now her head was resting in the curve of my neck and I could smell her shampoo, and it made me want to bury my face in her hair.
Her breathing was even, her body warm against my side, and every instinct I had was screaming at me to pull her closer, to wrap my arms around her, to breathe her in until she was all I could smell.
Fucking hell. What kind of pervert was I?
My niece was sick in a hospital bed three feet away and I was sitting here thinking about how good her mother smelled.
I was a dick. An absolute dick.
I forced myself to stay still. To not move. To let her sleep without making it weird.
When Daniel had called earlier, I’d dropped everything. Literally. The mug I’d been holding had shattered on the kitchen floor, coffee spreading across the tiles, and I hadn’t even stopped to clean it up.
“Lily’s sick,” he’d said. “Haley’s taking her to the hospital. She’s alone.”
I was already grabbing my keys before he finished the sentence.
“Look, come on, James.” His voice had been careful, the way it always got when he was trying to talk sense into me. “You can’t just go there.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ve kept your distance for three years for a reason. Showing up at a hospital in the middle of the night is a lot. Because-”
“I listened to you.” I’d cut him off, already heading for the door. “I’ve kept my distance. But this is Lily. What if she’s actually sick sick and Haley needs someone?”
“Megan’s already on the phone with her.”
“That’s not good enough for me.”
And then I was driving. Two hours of dark highway with nothing but my thoughts and the speedometer creeping higher than it should have been.
Three years. It had been three years since I’d seen her in person.
After Lily was born, I’d tried to reach out. But then she’d moved out of Megan’s apartment practically overnight, relocated to a city two hours away, and suddenly every attempt at contact felt imposing.
So I’d kept my distance. I’d told myself she needed space to build her new life without the Sinclair family drama hanging over her head.
I checked in through texts. She sent me pictures of Lily, and I responded with heart emojis and exclamation points like some kind of lovesick teenager.
But she never invited me to visit. Never suggested we meet up.
Never gave me any indication that she wanted more than the careful, distant friendship we’d settled into.
Well, I knew where they lived. I owned the apartment, after all. But I wasn’t going to barge in uninvited. That wasn’t who I wanted to be.
Yeah, about that apartment.
The rent she paid every month was deposited religiously into an account I’d set up in her name.
She didn’t know about it. The statements went to my address, the account was managed by my financial advisor, and every dollar she thought she was paying in rent was actually going into an investment portfolio that was earning better interest than most retirement funds.
By the time she found out about it, she’d have enough money to retire comfortably. Or to send Lily to any college she wanted. Or to do whatever the hell she wanted with her life without worrying about money ever again.
Not that Lily would need the money for college. Because I’d taken care of that too.
A trust fund set up the week after she was born, funded quietly, growing steadily.
My accountant thought I was insane. My financial advisor had questions I refused to answer.
But Lily was going to have options. She was going to have choices.
She was never going to feel trapped the way her mother had been trapped.
That was the least I could do. The absolute least.
Haley shifted against my shoulder, murmuring in her sleep, and I held my breath until she settled again. Her hand had found its way to my chest at some point, her fingers curled loosely against my shirt, and I could feel the warmth of her palm through the fabric.
Three years of telling myself I was over her. I had dated other women. Well, at least tried to go on dates. But eventually I’d stopped pretending.
I was so fucked.
A nurse appeared in the doorway, clipboard in hand, and I straightened up as much as I could without disturbing Haley.
“We need to get the little one more fever reducer,” she said quietly, glancing at the sleeping woman beside me. “Can you wake her up?”
“It’s all right.” I carefully shifted, trying to support Haley’s head with one hand while I reached for the prescription. “I can go. Just tell me what you need.”
The nurse looked between us, probably trying to figure out what the relationship was. I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t sure I could explain it myself.
“The pharmacy is on the second floor.” She handed me the prescription. “They should be able to fill it quickly. Just bring it back here and we’ll administer it.”
“Got it.”
I gently eased Haley’s head down onto the back of the chair, moving slowly so I wouldn’t wake her. She murmured again, her brow furrowing slightly, and I held my breath until her face smoothed out and her breathing evened.
She looked exhausted.
I shrugged off my jacket and draped it over her shoulders, tucking it around her carefully. She sighed and pulled it closer, burying her face in the collar, and I stood there watching her for a moment longer than I should have.
Fucking hell.
I was in so much trouble.
I walked out of the room and down the corridor toward the elevator, my mind spinning with everything I was feeling and everything I couldn’t say. The hospital was quiet at this hour, just the hum of machines and the occasional murmur of voices from behind closed doors.
I pulled out my phone and called Daniel.
He answered on the second ring. “You made it.”
“Yeah.” I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the second floor. “I’m at the hospital. Lily’s doing better. The fever’s coming down.”
“Good. That’s good.” I could hear him moving around, probably getting out of bed to talk without waking Megan. “How’s Haley?”
“Exhausted. She fell asleep on my shoulder about an hour ago.”
“On your shoulder?”
“Don’t start.”
“I’m not starting anything.” But I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Daniel.”
“What?”
I stepped off the elevator and walked toward the pharmacy, the fluorescent lights harsh after the dimness of Lily’s room.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” His voice shifted, going more serious. “I’m listening.”
I stopped in the middle of the empty hallway, staring at a poster about hand hygiene without really seeing it.
“I’m in love with her.”
“I know,” Daniel said. “I’ve known for years, James. You’re not exactly subtle about it.”
“I’ve tried not to be.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do when you’re in love with someone you can’t have.”
“And?”
“And none of it worked.” I laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“I sat there tonight watching her sleep and all I could think about was how much I wanted to hold her. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to be the person she calls when her daughter is sick instead of just the guy who shows up after someone else calls me.”
“Have you told her any of this?”
“Of course not.”
“Why not?”
“Daniel-”
“I’m serious, James.” His voice was firm now.
“She hasn’t given me any sign that she wants more than friendship.”
“Have you given her any sign that you’re interested in more?”
I didn’t have an answer for that.
“Look,” Daniel said, his voice softening. “I’m not saying you should walk back into that hospital room and declare your undying love. That would be insane. But maybe stop assuming you know what she wants. Maybe give her the chance to tell you herself.”
I stood there in the empty hallway, the prescription crumpled slightly in my hand, thinking about everything he was saying.
“When did you get so wise?”
“I married Megan. Wisdom was a survival requirement.” I could hear him smiling again. “Take care of Lily. And when the time is right, talk to Haley. Actually talk to her. About how you feel.”
I hung up and walked the rest of the way to the pharmacy, turning his words over in my head.
I was in love with her. I’d been in love with her for years, probably since the first time I saw her at that Christmas party, definitely since the night I held her hand before her C-section.
And maybe Daniel was right. Maybe keeping my distance wasn’t protecting anyone. It was just a different kind of cowardice, dressed up as respect.
Haley was still asleep when I got back. Lily was sleeping too, her tiny chest rising and falling steadily, her fever-flushed cheeks already looking better than they had a few hours ago.
I stood in the doorway for a moment, looking at them. The two people in this world who mattered most to me, both of them peaceful, both of them safe.
I was in love with Haley Shaw.
And sooner or later, I was going to have to do something about it.